I don’t get nearly as much action as men often think I do. Apparently, if you write about (shh, whisper it!) S-E-X — or condoms, dating, relationships and stuff related to getting it on — the assumption seems to be: you must screw around a lot! Seriously? Have we, as a culture, become THAT repressed? I’m human. I’m an adult. Sex happens. Does that mean it occurs every day? Nope. Does it happen with every guy I meet? Absolutely not. Not that it’s anyone’s business, but I’m much more exacting than that. Even if I wasn’t, who the hell cares?
I’m single. Using only one hand, I can count the number of times I’ve had sex in 2009 — I mean, you know, with someone besides myself. I don’t keep track of my trysts any more than I keep track of how many times I exercise in a month; The number on its own is meaningless. That said, if I had to guess, I’d say I had sex 4 or 5 times this year. Granted, I have a high sex drive and each “time” included multiple sessions throughout the night and next morning. But, the point is: My bedroom HARDLY has an open door policy. There’s no velvet rope, but I will say this: Very few guys have seen my apartment, fewer know what my bed looks like and even fewer can say they’ve been between my legs — or pumped away inside my vagina while hunched over my back — on my mattress. Or my floor. Or my shower. Or anywhere else in my home.
I know plenty of friends and acquaintances in dead relationships and marriages. I don’t want to date someone for the sake of dating, and I’d rather be on my own than with the wrong guy. That doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes feel lonely, wish I had a boyfriend or grow bored of sleeping solo. Nor, for the record, does that mean I haven’t nakedly thumped away with a younger guy or foreign dude (or both!) warmly squeezed between my inner thighs at 2:00a.m., noisily waking the neighbors. [Whistles innocently. Looks at sky. Avoids direct eye contact.] Um, right, so, where was I? Yes … For now, it simply means, I’m not making my dating life a high priority. Sex life? If I get an itch, I’ll scratch it myself or occasionally accept one of my guy friends / acquaintances’ happy offers.
To be clear, sure, I would still like to fall feet first into a healthy, stable, longterm relationship with a handsome, witty and funny man. But, I’m kind of “over” making efforts to “make it happen.” No more online dating sites. No matchmakers. I’m done. Tired. Finished for the moment. Oddly, now that I’ve pulled away, I’ve met more interesting men in the past few months than I have all year. But, that’s neither here nor there. For now, I’m focused on other things. Writing. The Holidays. Spending great times with good friends. Getting ready to see my family in Illinois. That’s the stuff that occupies my time. Everything else is secondary for now.
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Credit paid: Photo by Mo Riza
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
Uhhh, when I read the start of the paragraph
“I’m single. Using only one hand…”
I totally guessed wrong about where you were going with that.
Right on!
It usually when your not looking and just enjoying life that you meet people you mesh with.
Loved this post and totally relate, as I’m currently a ‘sexually dormant’ dating and sex blogger. *sigh*
Perhaps 2010 is the year we’ll both ‘fall feet first into a healthy, stable, longterm relationship with a handsome, witty and funny man.’
I dont find that hard to belive twanna, and i respect that about you, its all good, being selective and focusing on yourself is always a good thing, when u stop looking you never know who might find you.
I have not had sex at all this year…so I’m feeling you…
but i would like to add my name to the list of men who would like to …….
smile
That is one sexy bed!
The moment I ” truly” felt liberated was when I figured out that I could go to dinner at a restaurant. Not a quick meal at the bar, but an actual sit down at a table , by myself. At that moment, I didn’t care what people were looking at. The only thing I was concerned with was my steak. I dressed up like it was a date, but just ate alone. I looked up eventually and realized that several women were looking at me…… =O.
Turns out I actually pulled off ” The man of mystery”. I wasn’t some guy at the bar swilling beer in a football jersey hittin on the chicks. I was a guy who was comfortable in himself enough to eat his meal in peace by himself, savoring a drink on the rocks.
It also freed me to go to the movies ” by myself”. Now I must preface this with, I really like to go to the movies and see alot of movies ” on the big screen” that most people would gladly wait for on dvd. But going to the movies on a week day by yourself for a matinee is a wonderful thing. the only thing directing you is your own whim of what you, in fact, find entertaining. There’s no whinning from somebody else that they don’t feel like going to see “that”.
the reality of it is that there is enough of ” me” to fill the empty void that other people call a ” significant other” It stopped being a need at that point and became a luxury that I could totally decide to spend my time on or not.
get it girl!
RIGHT ON Funky Brown! There is so much of what you are saying that echos how I feel right now. I am done with dating just to be dating. And I find myself holding out for a deeper connection and a more meaningful relationship. However to the point of scratching the itch…are there guidelines to what is normal? When does scratching the itch go from being a healthy and safe way to satisfy a craving to some crazed obsession or psychological disorder? Just wondering…
Baba Doodlius: I almost went there. Seriously, I sooo thought about making a joke at that very moment :)
Nelle: Everyone says that’s true.
Skye Blue: You never know how life’s going to turn out :)
bwillz: Yeah, I hear that from a lot of people. But, honestly, right now I’m not even sure if I’m in the right “place” for a relationship. I expect a lot of changes in 2010. Lot’s of new things coming up. By the way, glad to hear you’d like to be on the list :) I’ll take that as a compliment.
Alex: You’re certainly not alone. I know several people in the same boat.
Horton: It’s not mine, but I LOVE that bed.
dkzone: I do that often, and I soooooo get turned on by men sitting alone at cafes, bookstores and restaurants quietly reading. I probably read more into it that what’s actually there, but those guys always seem so confident and at peace with themselves.
Teresa: I’m getting it! :)
indigodiamond: I think sex is natural, and there’s no such thing as a “normal” amount of it. Everyone’s individual sex drives are different. I don’t think the desire to have sex is a “crazed obsession” or “psychological disorder.” I mean, yeah, sure, if you’re having it so much that it impedes with your ability to have a healthy, functioning life — i.e. not ever sleeping, eating, seeing friends or going to work — that’s probably a problem. But, if you’re just having sex … just, you know, sex like human beings are programmed to do … I don’t see how that’s not a good thing. :)
just got back from Holland….. had a big problem being alone…. I was’nt…. but I was cool….
did a film gig and played some clubs…. was bought a few brandys … and a few dinners…
and just enjoyed my company rather well…. no mambo…. just good times… and great fooling around….
lamesabassman…. and going all the way never entered my mind…. is it April yet… smile..
lamesabassman: Hope you had a good time in Holland!!
I’m sharing this post with everyone I know! Thanks for posting and not being afraid to be you! :)
And thank YOU for sharing it! :)