I’ve gotta hand it to Marty Beckerman and Shawn Hollenbach. Last month, at my friend Rachel‘s In the Flesh Erotic Reading Series, they told a room stuffed with strangers & friends how they learned to masturbate. Separately. I know them; although they’re equally sexy & hilarious, they’re not together. Marty digs chicks. Shawn likes dick. In any case, I love “How I Learned to Masturbate” stories. If you want to read about my first time using a vibrator, it’s on New York Press’ sex column Flavor of the Week. For two guys’ perspectives, here ya go:
SYNOPSIS: Shawn is a comedian who co-produces The Back Room — “a provocative gay stand-up show featuring NYC’s best working and up and coming gay, lesbian and sexy comics” — at Ochi’s Lounge every Friday night at 9pm. Funny excerpt from the clip below: “As I’m doing this, I’m exfoliating my penis [...] It was the most horrific feeling in the world … with my raw penis.”
SYNOPSIS: Marty Beckerman wrote Dumbocracy, Generation S.L.U.T. and Death to All Cheerleaders. Funny excerpt from the clip below: “Suuurpriiiise … Your dick is fucked!” and “No more floor fucking tonight. Weeeell, maybe after the reading.”
If you like the videos above and you live in New York, drop by Kettle of Fish tonight to see Marty, go to Ochi’s on Friday to see Shawn or come to Rachel’s erotic reading series tomorrow. If you don’t live in New York, and you’d like info on male masturbation, Babeland can hook you up with sex toys for men.
I did not watch the videos, but I do remember my first time…..it was strange.  I must have been 12 or 13 or so….I was rubbing myself in bed, kinda felt good, really did not know what was happening…oblivious, naive, I guess. got a little more into it, exhaled a few times, really felt good and then BAM!; I am covered in a white gooey mess and having trouble catching my breathe.  life was never the same afterwards.
fast forward 20+ years and although I am happily married and have a GREAT, cretaive, great frequency sex life with the woman of my dreams, it still feels good to go solo every now and again. It still has the same buildup, the same release and brings the same sense of calm, peaceful relaxation afterwards.
Frickin’ HI-LARIOUS!
LOL
My first night out on the town in good ol’ Tally as a freshman led me into Rick’s…aaah good times. =)
Thinking back…..I don’t really remember that magical moment exactly.
But I do remember going through an experimental stage with vegetable oil
=P
my first time was interesting, had never done it but heard so many things about it, didnt expect it to come so quick, lol…..it was amazing tho….the power of an orgasm
Totally OT, but I can’t get over how cute Marty is even if I suspect he may be a moderate Republican. Twanna, have you ever met him?? If so, is he as good-looking in person??
Horton: Yep, it’s possible to have great sex (with someone else) and enjoy masturbation. Nothing wrong with going solo :)
Skye Blue: Aren’t they?!?! :)
Berriblk: Ah, yes, Tallyho. Lived there almost three looooong years!
dkzone: Vegetable oil? Most guys have told me they used baby oil or lotion. You’re more creative :)
bwillz: Learning to orgasm is like having your site restored after being blind. So THIS is what I was missing?!?!?!
puma73: Yeah, I know Marty. And, yes, he’s a cutie. What’s even more interesting is how intelligent he is. Great conversationalist.
Funky Brown Chick, you’re one hot mama and I love how RAW your posts are and how “real” you get.
Sister, you’re an inspiration to dating bloggers EVERYWHERE! Rock on!
To Twanna: He’s short isn’t he?? I wouldn’t mind though, if I were single. I think he mentioned a girlfriend–oh well…
nandoism:Â Thanks! :)
puma73: He’s about an inch or two taller than I am. And, yes, he’s committed and has a girlfriend.
lotion had a numbing effect
and i liked to cook at that age so …..blowing through vegetable oil wasn’t suspicious. LOL
had a little help….
lamesabassman….. from my baby-sitter … I was 9 and built for it 2… shazam..
dkzone: Yeah, lots of guys say that stuff numbs but doesn’t really “help” anything. Plus, typically, they aren’t the most most organic / healthy / safe things to rub on your privates.
lamesabassman: With your babysitter when you were 9? Disturbing.
I was 10 years old. I knew nothing of sex and was raised by prudes. I straddled a rolled up carpet on a bed in my underpants. It felt good, but I was scared. I didn’t understand what the orgasm was. I thought I might be taking years off my life every time i did it and felt guilty about the good feelings. A neighboring girl saw me through the window humping in my underpants and was later merciless teasing me. I associated being seen in my underpants ant the feeling as I humped my pillow growing up. My mother spanked me almost every night with a hairbrush growing up but hugged and kissed me afterwards. My dad just yelled when he used his belt. I also wound up getting turned on by women spanking  me. I was ashamed of my maleness and wanted to dress like a girl. Eventually I graduated to ladies panties. Now I’m attracted to  women who get turned on humiliating and spanking me in my panties. I still masturbated by humping a pillow, but now I hump my pillow in my ladies full brief nylon panties three to five times a day. It just feels sooo good.