I think I’m going through something. Is there a name for the period between the quarterlife crisis and a midlife crises? Maybe 33 and 1/3 or something like that? Over the past month or so, I’ve put more thought into adulthood, my career, how I spend my days, friendship, my love life and etc. I’ve even started listening to Tara Brach‘s Buddhist meditation podcasts. I think I’m searching. For what, I don’t know. I’m not sure what triggered my recent bout of introspection. Could be the weather. When the sky turns grey and the temperature drops, I tend to hibernate. I don’t own a television because I read, catch up with friends and family on the phone and organize my life more without a timesuckage box in front of me. (Granted my computer screen has become the new I.V. drip, but that’s conversation for a completely different post.) As I was saying … More time at home = more thinking.
If the weather isn’t affecting me, it could be something else. Maybe the book. I’ve said: “After it’s finished, everything is up in the air.” Will I stay in New York or move to a different city? If I move, will I stay in the U.S. or go back to Europe? I’ll likely always be online; however, will I keep writing for magazines and newspapers (a dying, underpaid art form) or will I switch to film and television writing (growing, higher paid). Speaking of money, maybe the economy is kicking my ass toward more self reflection? There’s nothing like a good ol’ fashion recession to shake everything up and make you wonder: Is what I’m doing at this very moment worthwhile, important and true to my dreams? Currently, thankfully, the answer is yes. I want to write a book. I want to live in New York. Still, I’m kind of of turning a lot of different “longterm” ideas around in my head.
I find life transitions exciting, fun, scary, interesting and challenging. I’m not risk averse; I’ve moved around a lot and worked in different fields. I was a bartender in London, taught in Florida, managed film courses in Chicago, led a theater program in New York and dabbled in a bunch of other things in between. The most interesting part about making a “life change” is the period right before I make the jump. It’s that “what if” part. What if I do ___? What if I stay right where I am? I’m never 100% certain of the outcome. Ah, Uncertainty.
Do you mind a tangent? No? Okay, good. Have you seen the movie Sliding Doors? I thought it was really good, though I often wonder if it’s because I overidentified with the film’s “what if” theme. The plot developed as Gwynnie Paltrow ran to catch a train. Semi spoiler: In one scenario, she arrived home in time to catch her boyfriend cheating on her. In the other scenario, she arrived late and didn’t find out he was screwing around. It gets interesting because you see how her life radically changes based on such an insignificant act: catching a train. It’s worth mentioning, when I saw the movie, I was living in London and I hadn’t yet decided if I would return to the U.S. or stay in England. In the end, I left.
Fast forward 11 years. I’m in New York now. There’s a new movie, Uncertainty. Go look at its Tumblr, Facebook and Twitter. Pssst! If you’re a fellow New Yorker, see Joseph Gordon-Levitt (who, by the way, looks A LOT like that Terminator kid, a young Edward Furlong) in person along with directors David Siegel and Scott McGehee at the Friday evening shows. See IFC Center for details. The timing of the film’s opening is quite serendipitous. Description: “What if? A couple at a crossroads in their relationship, facing, one fateful July 4, the seemingly simple decision between a family barbecue or dim sum in Chinatown. Splitting the tale in two, exploring what happens as the couple follow both options and the consequences of making a choice–or not.” Should be interesting. That’s all. I don’t really have much else to say. Just, you know, thinking about being an adult and living everyday life.
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Credit paid: Image above appears courtesy of IFC Films.
