From the monthly archives:

December 2009

Women are dirty whores who can’t be trusted!!

The Washingtonienne gave me gonorrhea – figuratively, not technically speaking. Here’s now it happened. Last night, I bumped into Nichelle at the 5th Anniversary Cupcake Takes the Cake Party. In passing, she mentioned recently hanging out with Jessica, author of The Washingtonienne, in New York. I forgot she lived here. So, today, I looked up her book again to see what she’s been up to. In an odd chain of ADHD point and clicking, I traveled from Cutler’s wikipedia page to The Smoking Gun to TSG’ videos. There’s where I got the idea to write about “gonorrhea.” Why? Well, one of TSG’s most frequently viewed clips is a vintage United States War Department Army Service Forces short film about sexual health called Easy To Get. Of course I watched it! Who doesn’t love a dirty girl?

v2.312 and 6/366: January 6th (Getting Dirty)

Easy To Get contains so much WIN that I don’t even know where to start. Hmmm, maybe my favorite part is the section where the narrator reminds us it’s better for a baby to DIE than be born with syphilis. Or, maybe this part was the best:

ARMY DUDE: “You got gonorrhea , Baker.”
CORPORAL BAKER: “Gonorrhea?!?! I don’t know how I …”

ARMY DUDE: “I do. You had a dirty woman!”
CORPORAL BAKER: “No sir [...] She wasn’t a prostitute!”

ARMY DUDE: “You known her long?”
CORPORAL BAKER: “I met her the day I got home!”

ARMY DUDE: “On the street or in a bar?”
CORPORAL BAKER: “I don’t mess around with street walkers [...]“

Yes, my friends, street walkers are living gonorrhea vessels. Easy To Get is Made Of Win :) And ooh, ooh, ooh … how could I NOT love the part where the music turns sinister and Mr. Announcer says the girl seemed nice enough but SHE WAS DIRTY ON THE INSIDE!! :) Easy To Get = Easy To Love. Tons of great messages about health, clearing up STDs / STIs misconceptions about “the strain,” women’s roles in spreading disease and other fun stuff. See how the internet works? It goes from Jessica Cutler to The Smoking Gun to The Army … somehow gonorrhea gets mixed in … and then it goes to YOU via Funky Brown Chick. C’est tout! That’s all I’ve got for you today. Just a quick and “dirty” (ha, ha) post because I’m rolling toward Philadelphia as I type this. By the way, THANK YOU to the lovely folks at Bolt Bus. Their ridiculously inexpensive pricing — coupled with a great Priceline deal for a nice 4-star waterfront hotel — delivered quick and wonderful 3 day / 2 night weekend trip to see a friend. (Will tweet and post Philly pictures on my Flickr.)

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Credit paid: Dirty girl image is a self portrait by Phoney Nickle

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Wanna Hear a Good Story?

A few years ago, I met Ethan Hawke at an event where he promoted his book, Ash Wednesday. During the Q&A, I asked him: “So, you’re an actor, director and writer. Which role do you prefer and/or find most fulfilling?” I remember he said something like: They’re all the same thing. It’s all different versions of storytelling. Wise, right? His comment stuck with me because it was a different way of thinking. I enjoy documentary film, listen to This American Life, laugh at comedians and read memoirs. I like that stuff. A lot. Especially non-fiction. Though I hadn’t considered it until he said it, all collectively create the craft of storytelling – evoking meaning, conveying messages and sharing lives whether through comedians, writers, bloggers, journalists, actors or others. I mean, who doesn’t answer “SURE!” when asked, “Wanna hear a great story?”

Broken dreams

Hosted by the lovely George Bodarky‘s Cityscape explores “the people, places and spirit of New York City and its surroundings.” I’m honored he had me as a guest to share my story about being a solo woman in New York. “According to the Census,” WFUV reminds us, “more than half of all Manhattan residents live alone, and the number of singles in New York City is rising to historic levels.” If you’d like to hear what I — and a few other fun-spirited New Yorkers — had to say about being Single in the City, listen to the show. I missed the 7:30am Saturday broadcast because I was in Illinois en route to Chicago O’Hare for my return flight to New York. Luckily, thanks to listener contributions, the audio clip is available online. Listen to it. (Yay! Support public radio.) Also, if you like Cityscape, be sure to head over to another one of my favorites, Nora Young’s CBC Spark. For a recent show, Daemon Fairless and I briefly chatted about relationships & texting — or, to use Daemon’s words, “romancing the phone.” Clever, huh? We had great fun! Listen to it.

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Credit paid: Image is by Atilla Kefeli

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Condoms for Big and Small Men

NYC condomIf I’m going to have sex with a guy, I’ll ask him to slip a balloon on his dick. I use condoms. Almost always. It’s not the men, it’s me. I don’t want a baby. Or AIDS. Or crabs. Or random green shit oozing out my hooha. Once we’ve been together exclusively for a while, we’ll talk about going raw. Until then, I’m uber protective about my sexual health. I think men who care about their safety, too, are SEXY. (Sidenote: If I don’t know a guy really well and he wants to nail me without protection, I’m going to assume he generally sticks his lollipop in women wrapper free every time. Or at least very often. That scares me.)

Okay, so, I was inspired to write about condoms because it’s World AIDS Day. According to the CDC, 1 in 5 of the more than one million people in the U.S. living with HIV don’t know even they have it. Earlier, I tweeted the list of NYC free clinics for anonymous HIV testing available in all 5 boroughs. It’s important to get tested and know your status. Check and check; I’m negative. I guess that ends the Public Service Announcement section of today’s blog post. Now, for a related topic, small condoms and large condoms.

One of my exboyfriends from ages ago (in Florida) had a slightly small penis. The condom often slipped off when we had sex. On the other end of the spectrum, I’ve also been with a guy whose member was so large it was kind of hard to stuff it into a standard sized condom. That said, although men often obsess about how they measure up, the truth is: all guys are pretty similar in length and girth. I mean, you know, few men are a thin as a pencil and short as a clitoris. Even fewer are a thick as a baby’s arm and long as a baseball bat from scrotum to tip. Size differences are relatively subtle. That said, if any of you have interesting stories about anecdotes about penis size, feel free to leave them in the comments section below. I’m especially curious to hear a guys’ perspectives about the topic, but women are encouraged to weigh in as well.

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Credit paid: Image of NYC condoms is by Victoria Peckham.

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