Last month I wrote, I didn’t know how to perform oral sex properly until one of my exes — a bisexual man with many many years of delicious dick slurping experience — showed me how. Several of you emailed me (and a few friends directly asked) about that comment. Yes, I’ve dated bisexual men. A few. My first was a boyfriend from university days. He asked me out. I told him I thought he was gay. He responded, “Everyone thinks that.” So, of course, I asked, “Are you?” He said no. When I asked, “But, how many men have slept with?” His response was “four.” That’s when I learned people typically only answer the questions you ask them. If you ask a man, “Are you gay?” or “Are you on the down low?” the answer might be “no” if he doesn’t want to believe he is. So, now, I ask dudes, “If you could harmlessly fantasize about having sex with a man, what would that look like?” The answers are often very very juicy. It’s a conversation starter that leads to more intimate discussions about what same-sex experiences they’ve already had and/or which one’s they’re open to experiencing.
I don’t solely believe in strictly gay, straight and bisexual men. By that, I mean I don’t think guys are all 100% exclusively attracted to other guys OR 100% exclusively attracted to women OR exactly 50% into dudes / 50% into the ladies. Another one of my exes — though he’d never slept with a man (at that time) — said he wouldn’t feel his life was complete if he left the earth without being anally penetrated by another dude. To be clear, each of my bisexual guys probably wouldn’t have told me ANY of this stuff if: (1) I hadn’t asked them and (2) I didn’t communicate I would not — under absolutely any circumstance — judge them based on what they told me. So, when other women tell me they’ve never dated a bisexual guy, I usually respond, “At least not to your knowledge.”
At home, I have an original, green cloth copy of Kinsey, Pomeroy & Martin‘s 1948 edition of “Sexual Behavior in the Human Male.” (Amazing what retiring sociology professors give away to their students.) The book is actually a really good read. You can buy a copy on Amazon or read it online at Google Books. In writing about his Heterosexual-Homosexual Rating Scale, Kinsey said, “Males do not represent two discrete populations, heterosexual and homosexual [...] The world is not to be divided into sheep and goats [...] The living world is a continuum in each and every one of its aspects.” When Kinsey asked men about their sexual orientation, answers ranged from:
- Exclusively heterosexual with no homosexual
- Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual
- Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
- Equally heterosexual and homosexual
- Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
- Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual
- Exclusively homosexual
Fifty-two years after that study, it’s really hard for some men to admit they’re bisexual. For the most part, straight women (and many gay men) assume bi guys are really GAY … but they just haven’t, you know, totally come out of the closet yet. In fact, the first bisexual/ bi curious dude I dated mentioned this bias. Years after we broke up, he said he’d gone back to dating men exclusively because it was easier; no one challenged his sexual identity when he neatly fit within the gay box. He actually told me, “After you, Twanna, I never dated another woman again.” Wasn’t quite sure how to interpret that — i.e. either I was so much woman that he didn’t need to experience others anymore or I was so neurotic that he decided to give up vaginas for good. I’m okay with either :) Anyway. Pity he’s not into boobs anymore. Saw his pictures on Facebook and he’s fucking HOT now. Six pack abs. Sexy smile. Looks even better than he did when he only dated women.
If you’re a straight woman and you’ve had experience — either positive or negative — with discovering your lover (married or single) was bisexual, please use the comment section below to tell us about it. If you’re a gay, straight or bi dude, I’d love to hear your thoughts as well. As a guy, do you think it’s still much easy for women to be bisexual than men? And, if so, why is that STILL the case in 2010? Feel free to share your dudely or womanly thoughts on bisexuality.
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Image by Caitlin Childs
{ 58 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m so happy to see some one shedding the light on this topic. As a GAY man–I dated a guy last year who declared “bisexuality” and I thought–good grief, he just hasn’t come to terms with who he is. Then he went on to describe how he loves “going down” on a woman and as he began to describe the process with eagerness, excitement and a tenderness (which grossed me out—sorry….) I was like, “Oh, you ARE bisexual.”
After that I learned that sexuality is fluid and just like you–I wouldn’t have learned it without asking the right questions.
Thanks Funky Brown Chick, I dig this post!
Hi Twanna!
I have been a reader of your for a while, and I love the questions you raise! This hits particularly close to home as I used to see bisexuality as being “greedy” and just too horny to choose only one sex, or as a transition into being gay.
After a friend of my bf’s finally came out to him (I had known for ages, my bf didn’t though) he came “out” as bisexual. I was very skeptical but he explained it to me that yea, he is more into guys but he’ll “go straight” for some women.
I tend to see it as a spectrum, and for everyone, sexuality is different. Love this post! Thank you!
I am buysexual – I can only get it when I pay for it.
Totally agree with the post and the posters above and from my experience.
I can indentify as bisexual but in my teens I lacked experience but was also sexually repressed. I felt more asexual and was confused because of societal pressure to be ONE thing but realized I didn’t fit into a box. As I lived more and became less sexually repressed I began to know myself thing got easier. I’m not surprised many people share similar experinces but especially guys they totally get more pressure to be straight or gay then girls when it comes to sexually.
you are sooo on point with this!!! i actually believe in the fluidity of sexuality…and think that all humans, regardless of how we identify, live into rigid constructs that do more harm than good, though, they make life supposedly “easier” for us to navigate.
in any event, this post rocks and so do you!!!!
d.
I’d really be hesitant to ask the questions that you did…brave gurl! :) You rock! Really, I don’t know if I would be into a dude who has slept or even fantasied about another dude. By no means, am I homophobic no, certainly not. Guess, I’m just a little bit selfish. It already grueling enough that we have women to compete with, adding men to the equation is daunting. :) Great post.
I don’t think that sexuality is that cut and dried either. I think that there are more straight people who are attracted to the same sex than they would want to admit.I consider myself straight, but with Bi tendencies. I love women, I think that they are beautiful and I enjoy friendships with them, but I could not see myself in a relationship with a woman. I think that it would be cool to date a bisexual man if I were single. There is a lot to learn from people who are free to express their sexuality without restrictions.
Twanna,
You know I love you for doing this post!
I’m really excited that your readers appreciate your experience and thank you for keeping it 100% real when it comes to sexuality. I definitely agree that sexuality is fluid and certainly not pristine. The more we talk about the unique sexualities that can inhabit a heterosexual relationship, the more partners will begin to understand each other.
I can’t wait to contribute to this discourse through film. The Bi-deology Project awaits… :-)
Arielle
I’ve had bisexual partners in the past. They established their sexual preferences in the beginning. I had good experiences. Bisexual men seem to be less inhibited, fun.
I socialize heavily in the LGBTSTGNC community (www.alp.org) and learned to always ask questions. Even men who claim to be straight will answer questions about their experiences with other men. This, to me, means that attraction and sexuality is fluid. Our lives become rigid socially and emotionally when we try to live within the confines of heteronormativity.
You know this conversation is getting more interesting by the minute! I’m not in the single game anymore, goodness I’ve been married for almost ten years. So I’m not sure how honest black men would be if asked about sexual fantasies or other with men….??? umm, would you get cussed (the blank) out if you asked a black man has he ever had sex with another man? hehe that would be funny!
Interesting post. Seems like a few people have been thinking about it on the blogosphere.
In terms of the physical, I feel receiving or giving pleasure honestly has no gender. For example, a man will receive the same pleasure from oral sex blindfolded be it from another man or a woman. The same can be said for women. The same gender may actually do it better since we know ourlseves better of course lol
I must admit I KNOW sexuality is fluid, but I do find it difficult to understand…especially in the case of men. I have a few theories on it:
1. Societal norms and porn, etc having told us two girls kissing is cute and a turn on for men. (btw, actual lesbians are offended by the Katy Perrys of the world I’ve been told)
2.Intercourse! Specifically, when you think of gay sex between men more often than not involves the anus and thats still a frontier not so readily explored in heterosexual relationships. So I believe people and myself included could be a little freaked out about anal sex between man and woman let alone man and man.
3. Gays have a bad rap. The idea of gay sex and AIDS (leftover from the 80′s). Gay sex and recklessness in general. I know of a few gay men and some are my close friends and hear the stories of the orgies and parties where absolute hedonism is involved and often times than not NO PROTECTION. <—This. Is scary. The idea surrounding the lifestyle in a lot of heterosexual minds is that they are promiscuous, not all are like this of course, but you know it holds some truth.
The men who can not cop to their bisexuality or homosexuality and thinking putting on a condom makes their sexual preference “all too real” puts ALL their partners at risk. So many women, mysel included, would just rather have a man to be one way or another.
I have never knowingly dated a bisexual man, BUT like you Twanna I do ask the questions lol All my male friends have gotten the, “How do you feel about men?” LOL, most guys are taken a back, but no one has yet to tell me any stories about casual encounters. Maybe its our age, so they’re just not that comfortable yet within whatever category of sexuality they may happen to fall in.
I compare my boobs and ass all the time with the next woman. I can appreciate a great pair lol, but I for one can not date a woman. Nope, I can barely befriend them let alone be in a relationship with one. 0_0
Sheesh! I wrote a dissertation. Sorry!
Well Twanna
“there was this time in band camp…..”
Please!! no skin flute jokes!
J/k I’ve had people question my sexuality, based solely on my looks and attitude. I’m pretty non-judgemental. So if a gay man walks up to me and starts a conversation, I don’t run for the hills. If he hits on me, like I’m wearing a sailor suit in the village…..I don’t get indignant. I just tell them politely that I’m straight. Even after the second….” are you sure you don’t want to try it…I can make you feel soooo good” comment comes, they realize that i am straight and respect that.
here’s my thing. Why do people get pissed off because someone finds them attractive? Just because they aren’t in your ”target demographic” is no reason to react so horridly.
With all of that said, my wife is Bi and yes I benefit from the occasional 3some as well as being dragged out to strip clubs about every other week…..It’s a really good life.
I will admit to experimenting, by myself, with the odd insertion as a lad. But it never led me to say ” hey!! I think I’d like to try gargyling man chowder!!” It was just not something i’m interested in.
I don’t knock other people for what they’re into. I don’t get pissed at the temp guy who intently watches every move I make.
Sooo in retrospect i will probably never go to Brazil and makeout with a chick in a club…..because you never know if said chick…..has a dick
I’m in that “Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual” category, which I sum up as ‘bi’. I don’t make a secret about this, so I have a hard time imagining that a man wouldn’t be able to tell me if he was bi, and yet I’ve only ever met men who said they were hetero, gay, or–just once–bi-curious. Either female sexuality is more fluid than male sexuality, or there’s still societal pressure for men to pick one end of the spectrum.
Hey Twanna, I recently discovered your blog when i was researching interracial dating for my own benefit. You shared some really interesting insight with your readers.
Anyway, I am a female dating an effeminate bisexual male, and let me tell you, it was difficult to get used to his ways. My fella loves Lady Gaga, posing in front of the mirror, designer clothing, getting manicures, man-scaping- all of it. It’s very easy to mistake him for a straight-up gay man. He has never had a sexual experience with a man so far (he’s only twenty), but he has a huge thing for Adam Lambert- that’s his aesthetic when it comes to male-identified people. For him, sexual attraction is not based upon one’s genitals. He likes my tits and cunt a whole lot (my ass the most, though), but he’d willingly suck a dick, if the the person was what he’d consider worthy.
His bisexuality and overall effeminate nature was something that I really struggled with. However, I love him, and I’m learning more and more just how fluid sexuality can really be, so I’ve come to accept him for the person he is. He has forced me to see that the gender binary is so constraining for people who don’t necessarily fit within the role they have been given, based upon their genitalia. So we have this interesting dynamic within our relationship. Sometimes I’m the more masculine one, sometimes he is. Sometimes we’re both fem. It changes naturally, depending on our moods.
I love him, and he loves me, and that’s what matters.
I am a straight male, so I guess I don’t really have any direct experience with this. So my opinion is totally just that. I might be talking out my ass, so to speak. But anyway…
I’m not sure that it is true that when it comes to men, women think bi actually equals “gay but in denial.” I think women are just as likely to accept the concept of bisexuality in men as men are in women. I think the difference in dating patterns comes down to concepts of fidelity and self-confidence.
If a woman is dating a man who admits he’s bi, she is likely to ask herself, “Will he leave me for another man? I know he likes women, but can I really fully satisfy him if he likes guys also? I don’t have a penis — I can’t fulfill his needs in that department.” She is more likely to see dating a bi guy as a negative: Now she has to compete against not only other chicks but guys too.
If a man is dating a woman who admits she’s bi, he is likely to say to himself, “Awesome! Maybe I’ll get to bang two chicks at once!” He isn’t likely to even contemplate the possibility that she might leave him for a chick. Who’d prefer another chick to a studly guy? I mean come on!
So are women insecure or men egotists? Or some combination of the two? I dunno. But personally, I think this accounts for why straight guys think bi is hot, but most straight girls aren’t too keen on it.
Great hammer of Thor, that is peorwfluly helpful!
As an identified gay man in this yes or no culture – I’m quite bisexual. (Kinsey 4)
My mom asked me this question actually, when I had “come out” to her when my lover (unbeknownst to her) and I “stopped talking to each other”. When she came to the realization that I may have been romantically and sexually involved with another man, she questioned my sexuality, as she’s known me to have girlfriends. When she asked me, while driving in the car (mind you, I was in college), I described to her that I my plumbing works with either a guy or a girl; it just depends on if I find that person attractive.
I can objectify a man more easily than I can a woman, but if I’m attracted to either, I can certainly visualize dirty things about them. With regards to what nandoism wrote; I do love to pleasure a woman orally – it’s a WONDERFUL thing :)
As a straight male, I have a mixed opinion on your terms of “no such idea as someone being 100% straight” because I just find absolutely no attraction towards a person of the same sex for me. I would never wanna ever be touched in any way sensual by another man. Yes, there are attractive men that, I may look and think “he can get any woman he wants” but while that passes over me, I just feel creeped out if the thoughts of homosexuality with me and another person comes to my mind. Maybe, it’s agreeable if you stated that a man can find another man attractive as of anything, pet, cartoon character, inanimate objects but the idea of me being intimate doesn’t cross my mind for a split second and I’ve been over-attracted to women since birth. In fact growing up, I was always under the females in my family (not in a sexual way) and I’ve always been fascinated in women before it was even explained to me. I’m a little bit reserved but that fascination has always stuck to me. I believe that; yes, there are alot people that are attracted to a person of the same sex and the thoughts of being intimate with the same sex whether big or small does exist and there are different categories in the LBGT community but not everyone has the same concept on sexual preference. I’m not stating this to brag and be a macho man or anything and I have absolutely nothing against gay people, in fact, I support them in everything they do and respect their strength, courage and loyalty to their beliefs despite anyone’s opinion but everyone is different and can’t be measured by the same stick. There are some things in this world that even scientist or surveys can’t prove.
nandoism: You’re soooo not alone with the “a guy last year who declared “bisexuality” [...] just hasn’t come to terms with who he is” stuff. I have guy friends, straight and gay, who’d totally say the same thing.
Rachel: THANK YOU for reading my site! :) I think it’s all a spectrum, too!
Baba Doodlius: LOVE it!
Janelle: I think tons of people are sexually repressed during their teens. I certainly was!
Darnell: Very well said (re: “all humans, regardless of how we identify, live into rigid constructs that do more harm than good, though, they make life supposedly “easier” for us to navigate).
Miko Holt: Everyone has boundaries around who is and isn’t an acceptable partner. I wouldn’t rule a bisexual dude out, but I have a tons of other boundaries.
Puma73: You said, “There is a lot to learn from people who are free to express their sexuality without restrictions.” Oh, how I love uninhibited men :)
Arielle Loren: Soooo can’t wait to see your film! Please keep me posted on the developments.
Pamela: Yeah, there’s something really hot about dudes who live uninhibitedly.
Miko Holt: “I’m not sure how honest black men would be if asked about sexual fantasies or other with men….???” I’ve gotten LOTS of dudes (including black men) to open up about stuff. Secrets die with me.
Lady M: I totally agree w/ #1. Not sure about #2. Lots of gay male couple blow each other and lots of heterosexual people have anal sex. About #3, I would’ve disagreed with you about gay men getting a bad rap, but recent comments and emails about AIDS lead me to think we as a society haven’t come as far as I thought we had.
dkzone: I’ve been hit on by quite a few women. (Dancing like a wild woman at gay bars attacts that attention. Go figure?) I agree with you; it’s flattering.
A: Yeah, I think there’s still societal pressure for men to pick one end of the spectrum. And, that pressure likely comes from straight and gay men alike.
Christian: Thanks! :) Glad you like the site and couldn’t agree more with the “I love him, and he loves me, and that’s what matters.”At the end of the day, that’s really one of the most important basic principles in all healthy relationships, no?
Tom: You mention, “I think women are just as likely to accept the concept of bisexuality in men as men are in women.” I disagree. But, that’s okay :) The world is more interesting because we don’t all think alike. And, to play Devil’s Advocate for a bit … You mention, for women dating bi guys, “Now she has to compete against not only other chicks but guys too.” Ditto for dudes who are open to dating: younger and older women; black, white, asian and latina women, no? There’s always someone else / competition — whether or not it’s a guy. And, if competion is any woman’s main worry (i.e. he’s going to leave me for someone else), there’s probably more going on in that relationship that should likely be examined. So, you ask: “Are women insecure or men egotists? Or some combination of the two?” I like your questions :)
Matthew: I often fantasize about naughtiness that I’ll never indulge. For example, I’ve TOTALLY visualized dirty things about gay men. Obviously nothing would ever come of it given they don’t like vagina — but it’s still fun to have pleasurable thoughts nontheless.
Anonymous dude: Good point. I was including “find another man attractive” and other stuff that’s not strictly “sex” in that comment too. Probably could’ve stated that more explicitly. And, I know what you mean when you say “I’ve always been fascinated in women before it was even explained to me.” I’ve felt the same about men :) And I agree that: “There are some things in this world that even scientist or surveys can’t prove.”
Sexuality is fluid. However humanity is trapped between our social constructs and how the world really works. Thus you get all of this frustration and confusion. I am a hetero male and I just don’t find men in the slightest bit attractive. I hate the fact society uses sexuality to control people. This life should be a little more geared toward happiness for the end user LOL
Twanna, you have the best blog ever.
And what a great post. I am one of those guys who is truly bisexual. I get equally turned on by a hot girl or a hot guy. I have only ever dated girls, but I have often fantasized about being with another guy – sucking him off and getting fucked. Yet, if I see a hot babe, then I can’t think of anything more exciting than going down on her and fucking her brains out. So, I definitely agree that there is a spectrum and that being bi is not just a cover for being gay. It was always a bit hard trying to figure this out growing up (now in my 30s). I thought you had to be one or the other. Imagine my confusion when I would get a hard on when seeing a guy and then get a hard one for seeing a woman. (Either or, but never both was my confusion.)
Recently my gf and I had a discussion about threesomes and I told her that my fantasy was to be with another guy. she seemed surprised but was totally ok with it. she asked me about my fantasies and I told her that I wanted to be the one to be fucked in a guy on guy relationship. I am not a cheater, so this may never happen. But if she agreed to a MMF threesome, I would jump at it in a heartbeat!
So for me, being bi is who I am. And I love it. Basically I get to appreciate both sexes (which can be extremely sexually frustrating sometimes). Plus, it lets me be more open and be who I want to be. Nothing wrong with that. Plus it is fun to be able to fawn over a hot guy with my gf and compare guys that we think are hot!
Great post!
I dated a man in whom I thought was the love of my life. Later I discovered that he was Bi. I think it’s very sad to see so many guys giving into this lie that homosexuality or Bisexuality is ok. Now a days it seems that staight folks like myself, are made to seem politically incorrect for asserting that it is ok to long for a healthy straight man or women in our lives. I’m sorry if this offends anyone here but I must speak my mind. My heart was truly broken to discover that my ex was confused about his sexuality. I believe he vetured into this type of life by first “exploring” with various types of sexuality after his divorce from a women who totally abused him for many years. I don’t belive that sexuality naturally varies from person to person, this is a bunch of crap as far as I’m concerned. I want to see men being real men again. I love men however, I’m not open to any bi guy. I’m so sad that I will only be able to be friends with my ex as we still have a great plutonic relationship and would have made one heck of a couple.
Still looking for mr goodbar! lol
I’m a bi male. Definitely feel a more elated feeling, happier when I’m dating a woman who I love having sex with and who I could see myself with, intellectually and all else. Yet, the knowledge that I’m in a new relationship with another bisexual, gay or straight male that I’m very attracted to is exhiliarating and powerful on its own terms. So, all my life I’ve switch hit, I’ve been extremely promiscuous and never had an STD; 4:1 women to men. Since I’ve reached my 30′s, gained confidence in this bisexual persona and also due to the Internet and my powerful career, I’ve found it super easy to pick up hot, young guys and hot young girls, whereas I could never find guys when I was young. I’ve been fortunate in having an exciting life, deep connections and intense relationships. But, I don’t have a family due to these circumstances, most likely. In addition, I believe there is a link between my occasional substance abuse and the subversive element of my personality (the gay side if you will), although I don’t really feel gay when I’m having sex with guys…I feel like I’m in an intimate relationship with an awesome person, actually. I still prefer having sex with women and the way it makes me feel. When I’m overwhelmed by sex with a sexy girl, I won’t answer any guys calls. And, when I’m hooking up with a hot, young straight guy, I tend not to seek out sex with women. My conscience sometimes tells me to move on with life and grow up while its not too late, have a family, be in a monogamous relationship with a woman and grow old together. And, that’s a hope for sure. I just don’t know for sure….
One more thing: FOR ME (not speaking for anyone else), it is a matter of choice, every bit of my sexuality is or has been controlled by me. I see it as an age of accountability, around 12, when I made that decision and I’ve been in control of it ever since. And in my mind, there are so many inconsistencies and superstitions with religion that I don’t feel guilty for my choices in that regard, I do understand that there is a powerful wavelength of disapproval and hate toward same-sex attraction, in all directions…..but I think its more a traditional and learned response similar to racism that can be overcome by free thinking and highly intelligent individuals.
I feel like I’m a little bit of each one of the guys that posted. I’m straight. Yet, I’ve had homosexual thoughts in the past. Usually when I’m under the influence of something I get more promiscuous. But sober, I still feel the same attraction I just don’t want anything physical. I was with a guy for a month when I was on vacation. WIthout getting into details, it was monogomous because we went to the same school and spent every single day together. It was great. I just can not see myself engaging in those activities because I know I want a family. I relate to Colton, and I do not want to be that 30 year old who still can not choose. I’ve also known from a young age that I can choose. So I choose women. I’ve had opportunities with other really hot guys but I opted for the friendship rather than get physical. I like women more than men so its a easy choice. Even when I’m single I still do not date men. I can see the hurt on womens faces when I tell them I’m bi. I don’t want to complicate matters further by having all these intimate encounters with men. I feel for the happy hetero who got her feelings hurt by a man she loved. I don’t want to be THAT bisexual. So while I acknowledge my sexual attraction and I do not hide it, I choose only to engage in heterosexual sex.
My guy is bi. I have been with him a year. He has only been with girls, and explained that he feels attracted to both men and women but can only see himself being in a serious relationship with females.
Many people think my boyfriend is gay because of his appearance/voice/mannerisms. He’s somewhat feminine, but I don’t find him too flamboyant. But in this smalltown you have to be a MAN man to not be gay.
I have struggled with being insecure, but inside I know he loves me for who I am. He has been in love with girls before, and has only had small crushes on maybe 2 guys and a lot of girls.
He is very needy and dependant of me. He says he loves me more than anything, and honestly I believe it with the way he acts. I can tell he’s attracted to me whenever he stares at me, and I know he has a thing for a woman in costumes (lol!). We have had sex and he loves going down on me.
So I guess it just shows you don’t have to be a straight guy to be in love with a girl. And you can like both guys and girls. It took me awhile to accept, but when I think of it logically I know what my guy likes.
I came to understand that we are what we are, as adults…that our DNA expression was influenced by our environment during the formative years, our sexuality was hard-wired at some point and we can’t really change it. Some ended up purely straight and some totally gay and the rest somewhere in between. My ex-wife (I’m male) is bi as am I and that’s part of the reason we worked for a while. But, sexuality and monogamy, intelligence, self-worth, maturity and appeal are independent realities if and when we choose to take responsibility for ourselves. In other words, I can totally dominate a willing guy and fuck his brains out and get a huge satisfaction out of it or live with a woman in a traditional, committed relationship and such is life, attitude is everything. I’m a big believer in fairness and equality for all peaceful people. If the Greeks had written the Bible, it would have guided men to have a young male as a sex object as well as a wife. All the argument of a sanctified union only between man and woman is fun if we realize it is purely theater and quit trying to enforce our fears on each other. Mike Huckabee is no different than Hitler. Two guys can’t reproduce yet, but there are plenty of unwanted children who need a home from the sanctimonious heterosexual relationships that blew up. So, hurt ladies, open your minds, it is your own fears consuming you. Anyone who espouses the judgmental and popular cover of “well, anyone who’s had a same sex encounter is GAY, period” is both a simpleton and guaranteed to have undeclared homosexual urges. Two people can become a union or partners regardless of their sex but true love is fleeting and damn hard to find….
hi
i love the bisexual
thanks
I am currently dating a bisexual guy, and I am the first woman that he’s dated. I find the experience to be very freeing, as my most recent ex dumped me for being “too much of a freak in bed”. My current guy does not have these problems, and is very open minded about sexuality. So overall, I’m really enjoying myself, and so is he.
i am a straight girl and my bf is a bisexual. His was hurt with his first gf that’s why he turned into a bisexual. After that, he had many relationships with bi men. He experienced alot of hurt with the guys again and was really disappointed. He told me that his attraction for girls was always in him. He likes it when women compliments him. I understand him too much and we never fight in the 4 months duration of our relationship. He told me that he misses being a bisexual but it doesn’t matter because he is happy with me. There’s too much risk in our relationship and i hope that all of our risk will turn up well.
This is a very interesting topic, and I think it’s great that it’s being talked about. I am a bi-sexual female, married to a heterosexual male. I absolutely think it’s ingrained in our society that a female bisexual is okay, and a male bisexual is bad, or even nonexistent. I had a good friend who struggled with his sexuality for awhile and eventually came out as bi. I originally thought he was gay, and it took me awhile to comprehend, which seems silly now. I mean, being bi myself, I understand the fluidity and the wide spectrum of sexuality. No two people will be completely alike, even if they fall within the same “category” (even if you look at guys who are only attracted to girls, some will like round curvy girls, some thin girls, girls of different shapes and sizes and ethnicities, etc etc etc…). For me, I tend to be more physically attracted to girls, but see myself easier in long term relationships with guys. It’s definitely not a 50/50 sort of thing, it’s much more complicated than any kind of percentage could convey. Of course, it all depends on the right person and you love who you love. Personally, I would have no problem dating a bisexual man (I even think it might be fun), but I am also much more open to sexuality and gender identities that fall outside the binaries. Oh, and by the way, I just stumbled on FBC thanks to feministing. :)
This post has gotten you another reader!
I’ve always seen sexuality as something that just sort of is; I’ve never worried about trying to assign it to a box or spectrum. I’ve got the internet to thank for that; I had a good idea about transsexuals, transgenders, asexuals, homosexuals, pangenders, etc. from a pretty young age, and learned soon after that there are people who’s sexuality doesn’t fit into any of the many labels out there.
Far as I know, I’ve dated only one bisexual guy. We had the same circle of friends, and one of those friends was pangender while another was straight, but very sexual (think: she saw the world through sex-tinted glasses. Pretend that makes sense). So sexuality came up a lot in our conversations, and he just mentioned once (before we started dating) that he was bisexual. All there was to it.
well im straight and i’ve been with a bisexual guy and i can tell you its been alot of heartache and pain..especaillly if you been with them for so long and stuck by they side and never left them…it took a long time for him too tell me.
it took him a long time for him too tell me even though before that when people was telling me i didn’t want too believe it but one i just started sensing it and thats when you know i basically put 2 and 2 together and i basically kept asking him and he didnt never give a definte yes it was always a beat around the bush..finally i found out..and it put me through alot .i was so hurt..but the thing i forgave him and kept on being with him..but after that night everything just went downship it changed us.and thats all we ever did was argue and everything..i guess at the time he couldnt handle me..like im just too much woman for him.and even though he did me through alot and hurted me left me and then came back i still had a big heart.thats how much i loved him.no matter what i was gonna stay..but now its been about 3 months and we’re together nomore after 3 years he’s with a guy now and yes i still love him and want too be with him and if there was a time that he would come back i would accept it and let come back in my lif.e.but we still see eachother from time too time well at least he pops out of no where too see me lol
but i can say its has been its best and its been its worste but still learned too cope with it..we had alot of good and bad times together..
I had a 3 year long crush on a girl and ended up being heartbroken. I’m attracked to girls but I’m shy with them and don’t feel that confident. Guys tend to understand me better and sometimes we understand how to deal with our lust. I will get married and have family & kids, I just don’t know who that person will be. Straight / bi / gay IMHO are overrated buzz words, labels you get from others. There is simply sexual history and current people you fancy. MSM is a good term as well. I just hope my future girlfirends would not get freaked out to find out that i’ve slept with guys before.
I am a girl fatally attracted to a bisexual guy… I met him when I was 16 playing bass in a band. He was the guitarist and at the time he was dating a girl….. We ended up messing around a little and then we ended it because we both knew it was wrong. I always had this fire burning for him, we lost contact after everything. Then I heard from my friend that he had gotten in touch. I also found out since then that I am a strait girl passionately attracted to bisexual guys. I love how comfortable they are with themselves and from what I have seen they carry themselves so differently. Never dated one though.. They are very open to new concepts and never seem to judge. I got back in touch with him as soon as I could and then I found out he was bi and dating a guy….. I confessed everything I felt before he had a chance to tell me he wasnt single, he couldnt be with how hot he is!!!! Then we stopped talking even though after 7 or 8 years (from when I was 16) we turned out the same which is very strange. I have been single for 4 years because nobody feels right, this guy does….. I think he might be ending his relationship, he is now slowly getting to know me again. I feel such a deep spiritual connection now it drives me crazy. I feel that he is the other piece of the puzzle I have been looking for…. I dont know how relationships with two men go but from what I have seen (at a distance) they seem to lack the emotional connection some men need…. If that is the case then he will need a women to complete him…. I just wanted to tell my story, I dont feel comfortable talking to him again about it. He knows how I feel. I just wish I knew what was going on in his head!! He reminds me of myself sometimes with how he is so patient. I know that if we dated I wouldnt mind having an open relationship, I couldnt see myself getting jealous of a guy. They provide a completely different package than a woman and it would actually turn me on after a while to get in on the fun :-)) I am a shy girl and it takes me time to warm up to that. That meaning a guy I dont love being able to see me naked haha anyways I have felt so strange because of this attraction. If I dont get him I will be single for many years to come…. Hopefully not because I am hot as hell too lol great stories guys!!! Helps a lot….
was wondering how to turn a strait chic who didnt say no to things…bi
Im a bisexual male, but get so nervous about sex that I can’t perform for either women or men. I don’t know what to do. I really want to have sex with a girl but am afraid of not being able to perform when it comes time.
I love this article and I definitely have some feedback. My experience is that a guy even mentioning potential bicuriousity is a complete turn off to 99% of women. Any time I would begin to hint at having bicurious fantasies, girls would get completely turned off and try and change the subject. Ironically, most of those same girls had bi fantasies of their own which we/they explored quite often. I have been seeing this strange phenomenon of girls I know or have dated hating performing oral sex on guys, refusing to do rimming on a guy, refusing to do anal, but having no problem going down on a girl, rimming a girl or letting a girl use a strap on anally. Based on my past, I have come to the following conclusions:
1. Men love women and seeing 2 girls together is double the pleasure.
2. Women are not as attracted to guys (Most women I know prefer a woman’s body to a guy’s) and see bicurious guys as a threat to their sexual dominance.
3. Men are finally learning to focus on women’s pleasure and would pretty much do anything to get a girl off. In fact, as women no longer need men financially or even to have a baby, men are becoming more desparate to keep a woman’t attention and keep her happy.
4. Women see this desparation and are becoming less attracted to men and more attracted to their own kind (part of this driven by society’s portrayal of women as the ideal beauty).
5. Thus–bicurious guys are gross, bicurious women are hot in the eyes of most women and men.
I’m a straight woman who is dating a bisexual man and have been having a hard time with it… partially because of my own childhood issues (my dad left my mom for a man). Normally I would have gotten out of this relationship before it began, but because I’m now in my thirties and have more experience, I understand that emotional intelligence and communication are most important to me, and I believe that my partner truly loves me and has done an incredible job of showing it. At times I still have my doubts,(hence the internet search) but I have to say this blog has really helped me see how prevalent the situation is and how most of my hangups are in fact related to my past as well as social constructs. I thank you Twanna for this post and I encourage more people to share their stories to help break down the stigma of bisexuality (especially male) in this culture.
hi,
I randomly came across this, started readin now I feel I should say something.
It was actually pretty good.
To the end part
I can’t say it is easier, but I can say that it does seem it is more accepted for women to be bi then men. Atleast in this area, straight guys think it is hott for women to go both ways but to even hear of a guy it is wrong and immoral.
I am a bisexual male by the way.(probably should have started w/ that)
This WAS a decent blog on the subject with many competing views and much worthwhile information UNTIL cizzy and Blinny began using it as their personal email account ~ geesh ladies, get a room!
Dex hehehee that was funny! But you know what this is where it happens- in a forum like this folks exchange ideas, light conversation fires and add to life! I follwed their entire conversation (cizzy and binny) at first I was like they should exchange emails then I thought naaa I’m enjoying this! Great stuff!
Cizzy & Blinny: Thanks for sharing your experiences! :) And, I actually think Dex’s idea that you swap personal email addresses was a good one because you’d be able to share more details about your specific experiences without making the rest of the group feel like they’re spying on your 1-on-1 conversation. I’ll shoot you both emails to see if you’d like me to forward your info. If that works for you, great! Otherwise, feel free to continue on.
i had bad experiance with a guy who was bisexual. actually i was jealous that he is dating some girl apart from me, but in the end i found out i was the only one whom he was dating plus whenever we use to have sex he was like really hungry for my d**K and my hole (LOL) haha…but i donno he was 21 i am 20 but we use to like each other very much he said to me when i first went out that i am the first guy he went out with actually and also he never dated a women but just had some flings… you know. but then i got jealous alot that he was dating some girl apart from me, its was just because of my jealousy i lost him. i myself is little but bicurious and i get turned on when i see a guy going down on girl LOL …in str8 porn..i donno so i guess i am bi…and also i never had sex with a women only with men. so if anybody wanna comment on this matter and are girls easy to date i mean sometimes i feel alone and i am emotionally and sexually attracted to men like very much and i am sexually attracted to women very much so its me i donno may be i havent found a caring women…i always want just one person but nowadays i see that girls are cheating on their bf’s so it makes me think may be they will cheat on me..i donno its just what i see….so if anybody can help me out.
and also i am body builder LOL so when i came out no one actually believed…as i am buffy with 6-pack and biceps…LOL
I’m married now, have been for 5 years; however, you never lose your sexual orientation and that seems to be a huge problem because I’m still Bi-Sexual. I chose to be with her (my wife)because she is a sweet loving woman who cares deeply for me but is scared I’ll go back to dating men again. I keep lying to myself saying I’m straight because when you say,”I’m Bi” a lot of people automatically think “Gay” or just confused. I’m a black man so saying I’m Bi would make me the Gay boy of the family and Danny don’t want that. I appreciate you taking the time to read this. Thank you Twanna for the wonderful article!!!
Glad you like it. Your comment reminds me of a New York magazine article, “Married Man Seeks Same” from a few years ago:
http://nymag.com/news/features/34985/
Well, i read some of the comments and i enjoyed it. I am female who has gay males and some bi friends. They tell me everything with details. It’s because of them, why i have became non- jugdemental. I to know that i am bi-courious. I am attacted to females and pretty boys. I that we all should express our selves if courious because how would you know. Also i think that we as people has made it hard for gay and bisexual men to come out and be open. Its either gay or not there’s no middle. I THINK SEXULITY WILL ALWAYS BE A PROBLEM!
(it’s good having someone to relate to even if the are of a different sex)
Addie – I am 54 years old, male, married since 1986, but due to changes in my relationship with the wife now I’m active again. I’ve tried a guy or two on an anoynomus basis. I also have a girlfriend, 21 years old, African-American, and hot as a firecracker. I was explaining to her last time we were together I had been with guys back in my early twenties. One time I had had a big fight with my then girlfriend so I went out with gay friends to a club. Iwas an obvious 5th wheel so I stuck to myself a while and picked up a guy – a real hot number – and we had sex – 3 times each. I had his number but never called him again and got back with the then girlfriend.
Sexuality is surely a spectrum but where I think we have decided preferences. Since you express an interest in women I think you need more time and experiences with them to know more surely where you stand in the long run. I’d say you’re probably straight, but like me, you like everyone!
hi i’m really confused at the moment and i need some in sight on a discion i have to make about a man that says to me that he is bi-sexual and he wants to marry me but i’m starting to wonder if i’m making the right choice now i haven’t got anything against him being bi or anyone else’s sexuallity but its the fact that he is in another part of the world and his sister is here and i got incontact with him through his sister and now he wants to marry me i was all for it but in the last 6mths i have had negative thoughts about it because how do i know when he comes here to australia and we do get married that he is not going to leave me for a man now he says he has only ever been with one other women and i will be the second one and that he does still get attracted to men but would not act on it anymore but how can i trust that he wont when he seems to have only ever been with one women we have not met yet only spoke on the internet and i’m really starting to question our relationship for the future
PLEASE HELP ME I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT THIS
CONFUSSED