Well, I’ll be damned. This site, FUNKY BROWN CHICK®, is now FIVE years old. Since summer 2005, I’ve posted 1,004 updates. You lovely people have left 18,278 comments and more than 2.1 million unique visitors’ eyes have glanced over these pages. I’m RIDICULOUSLY grateful for the support. I started out as an anonymous blogger known only by Stolie (short for Stolichnaya) the Funky Brown Chick after landing in Manhattan with a job but no apartment nor plans to remain put for more than a year or two.
Backing up a bit. No stranger to the internet, in the 90s in Los Angeles I did tech support and taught people how to build webpages — coding from <html> to </html> using Notepad. I maintained a personal homepage until I upgraded to a web journal on Angelfire. So, when I arrived in New York with a carry on bag, checked luggage and a ton of uncertainty, once again I jumped online to use words and images to describe my life. This time, I wanted a domain that could be a permanent online home. I’ve lived in 16Â cities sprinkled throughout 3 countries, used to dream in Dutch and once believed I’d get married and have two children. But, I’ve always been quirky (“funky”). My skin is forever brown. And, I’m a chick. More than 1,000+ updates later, the site I named Funky Brown Chick is still here. So, raise your glasses! Below are a few hard lessons I’ve learned from the past five years.
New York Is A Very Difficult City
I don’t have a romantic partner, and my sibling — the only remaining blood relative on which I can rely — is more than 700 miles away in Illinois. At times, I’ve felt completely alienated and incredibly lonely in this city of 8 million. I often miss the Midwestern style of bonding by doing things like cook meals at each others homes. In New York, my friends and I quickly catch up over brunch, cupcakes, drinks or coffee. Then we zip away to our respective events and activities. Oh, and don’t even get me started on the fucked up dating scene, high cost of living and other difficulties of being a NYC resident. I joke, I don’t live in New York, I survive it. Every day. I still remember my first year here and the days when I wasn’t sure how I’d pay the landlord who came looking for me. There’s a reason the saying “If you can make it here you’ll make it anywhere” is trite.
Some Individuals Are Cowardly, Juvenile and Hateful
My friend Bro often says, “I hate people. Most of them are stupid, rude or both. Find people who aren’t stupid or rude and be with them.” I don’t necessarily agree “most” people are, but putting my private life in public has taught me a greater percentage of people than I originally thought are, indeed, rude. When I wrote a column for an online magazine, an anonymous commenter expressed regret I wasn’t raped on one of my dates. Last week on Twitter, someone who doesn’t know me said I was “the biggest dipshit of the year.” When I opened a free Formspring account and told everyone: Ask me anything! One person (semi)anonymously asked whether I could afford plastic surgery for my “ugly ass face.” That, of course, made me laugh. Seriously, my thoughts about all of this? I consider it a compliment when others devote their personal time to thinking, talking or writing about me. But, really? Fuck ‘em. Couldn’t care less about those who spew such juvenile hatred. I have better things to do with my time.
Humanity Can Be Unbelievably Compassionate, Kind and Loving
Of the 18,278 comments on this site, the vast majority are civil, supportive, funny, encouraging and kind — even when you don’t agree on a particular issue. I repeatedly say “I have the best readers on the internet.” A Dutch woman who goes by “A” sent me a holiday card because she knows I celebrate Christmas with friends and family. When I fell on really hard times many years ago, a collection of readers forwarded me cash via PayPal to help pay rent. (At the time, it was embarrassing to accept the money — even though I needed it.) When longtime reader Amy D from Michigan got married, she burned a copy of her wedding CD tracks and shared it with me. Here in New York, readers have stopped me in public just to tell me they like my writing. When a job took me to the UK in 2007 and I visited Belfast, Funky Brown Chick reader Nics cleared her schedule for the day to show me around her beautiful city. I’m not used to people being kind to me for no reason at all without expecting anything in return. (In that way, I fit into this city quite well.) Hard lesson: It’s okay to be vulnerable. This cycles back to my point about New York being a hard place to live. I’m humbled, grateful and absolutely amazed by the compassion shown by friends I’ve made here as well as those of you (old and new) who follow me online. Here’s hoping the next five — days, months, decades or however long I decide to stay in New York — are as meaningful as the past have been.
Congrats, Twanna! You’ve worked hard to get here. Such an inspiration! Here’s an e-toast to five more years (or more) of Funky Brown Chick musings! xoxoxo
Thanks!
Congrats my dear lady. It’s an honor to live vicariously through your blog.
Oh, vicariously living, huh? Well, then I simply MUST write more about sex :)
Congratulations on five years of blogging, connecting, opening up your life and making people feel more comfortable talking about dating and sex.
That is TOTALLY my goal; so, thanks for recognizing that. If I’ve made anyone more comfortable talking about dating and sex, what I’m doing is worthwhile.
**throws confetti**
Congrats, Twanna! I have to say, I’m always excited when viewing my Google Reader and I see there is a new post on FBC. You literally brighten my day on so many occasions. Here’s to another Fabulous Five!
Re: Anonymous Haters. You already acknowledged this, but the Haterade flows freely on the internet and any anonymous response filled with hate is always posted by a coward with such low self-esteem they want to bring you down too.
Finally, thank you for being a Funky Brown Chick. I think you set a great example for all us ethnic women online, who are more often than not rendered even more invisible in the internet ether.
xoxo
**picks last night’s confetti out of hair**
I LOVE celebrations. Here’s to making the invisible visible.
Congratulations! Thanks for sharing your story with us. Here is to five more years (plus more) of following your dreams and many more great achievements.
Great seeing you the other day, woman! Good luck with everything you’re doing, too.
Everybody!
“Happy birthday to yoooooou!
Happy birthday to yoooooou!
Happy BIRTH-day dear FunkyBrownChick.com!
Happy birthday toooooo yoooooooooooou!”
WOOHOO!
P.S. And many moooooooore!
Time flies; I can’t believe it’s been half a decade. These fingers have been keystroking away!
Wait, *what* have your fingers been stroking?
Â
Excuse me, I have to be alone with this keyboard for 2 minutes.
Only two minutes? That’s fast! :)
Yay! Congrats on turning 5. I am very proud of what FBC has become — here’s to many more years to come! <clink>
Cheers right back at ‘ya.
congrats on 5 wonderful years and to many, many, many more years to come!
cheers!
THANKS!! :)
Happy fifth! I only discovered you recently, but I’m now a regular reader.
Here’s to another five, and then some!
Ooooh, I LOVE new readers. Thanks for commenting & welcome to the Funky Brown.
Congrats on making it to 5 years!
tequila shots all around!! oh wait that’s cinco de mayo….
tequila shots all around anyways!!
Good idea! Going to a couple parties tonight; if there’s tequila, I’ll try to get others to do a shot with me.
Congrats on both fronts, Twanna!
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I love your post b/c it speaks to my very soul about this city. Â I wish the highest good for you in your journey in health, wealth and love.
Thank you! I appreciate that. And, you’re right: it is a journey. In some way or another, everything is.
Congrats and Happy Anniversary! My first domain is making 10 years! It’s exciting!
By the way, yes it’s good to be vulnerable sometimes, there are nice people in the world. Also hi neighbor, I’m a fellow NYer and ex-immigrant! I will be following your 1000+ posts from now on, great site!
Oooooh, you’re a New Yorker too? Nice!!
Congrats on 5 wonderful years and thank you for sharing this part of your life with us. Your site is interesting and beautiful, it has made me laugh, cry and help inspire me on my journey of passion and self discovery. I’m super excited for the next 5 years.
THANK YOU for the kind words.
Congratulations. I must admit that you have occasionally made me think twice about some things (and I hope that I have returned that favor). I hope that you have another twenty or more successful years.
Indeed. I’ve really appreciated the feedback, ideas and opinions you’ve all shared. I too have read comments on stuff that made me think about things differently. In other case, I’ve been more sure / re-affirmed of original beliefs. Growing. Changing. We all are. Well, at least anyone who is actually maturing is, no?
Congratulations!! I’ve been down with the brown for a while. Keep up the great work. You’re wonderful!!!
THANK YOU, LexiB :) I love my longtime readers!