Still fatigued from a very stuffed weekend. I spoke at the Blogher 2010 conference, moderating Bringing Sex out of the Closet, about getting laid and getting smart about sexuality. The room was packed, and I was really pleased with the turn out! Genia Stevens told the audience about being an out, black lesbian in a small town. When someone asked, “How do you balance relationships without losing (friendships and partners you’re writing about)?” Mominatrix Kristen Chase spoke honestly about how she thinks long and hard before writing about having sex with her husband. Tess — a wife and mother of a teenage daughter — took a question about young adult resources like Scarleteen. AV Flox described discovering BDSM ages ago when she was surprised to find kinky communities online. I covered black women, sex politics and other ground regarding getting sex “out there.”
If you couldn’t make it to the session, I still want to get the information to you. Full audio will be available on iTunes later. Also, I’ve got FIVE (5!!!) free EdenFantasys canvas swag bags to give away to FUNKY BROWN CHICK® readers. Eden’s “Play Safe, Shop Safe” pamphlet tells you what’s what when it comes to sex toy materials. It’s in the bag. Great for men or women, the tote also includes lube, a glass sex toy other goodies as well as copies of Sexis and BUST magazines — the latter has a sneak peek at Kristen Schaal’s The Sexy Book of Sexy Sex.
Here’s how to get the free swag …. At the conference, someone asked me something along the lines of: “How do you think your site has broken stereotypes about sexuality and African-American women?” All kinds of people get down with the Funky Brown — white men, Latino women, Asian couples, black men & women, gays & lesbians who like vanilla sex, straight people, mommies, single people, hot gay men, lesbians, combinations thereof and a bunch of really other lovely people. To enter to win the free gift bag, please use the comment section to let me know how you found my site and what, if anything, you’ve taken away from it regarding black women, sexuality, living as a freelance writer, dating in New York or anything else. In short, why do YOU get down with the Funky Brown? I’ll select 5 random people — in New York or elsewhere, doesn’t matter — who will each receive the EdenFantasys-provided gift bag, and I’ll announce winners FRIDAY.
{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
I found your blog via @Urban_Gypsy on twitter. I’m in the process of learning more about sex, especially since I found out my sister is into a whole other world of sex I was not completely up to date on.
Upon finding your blog I immediately subscribed. Why? You’re confident, obviously experienced (but not ONLY in sex), well educated and well informed. I could tell that I could both learn much and trust the information you share with your readers.
I’m fairly new, but I hope you don’t mind my “getting down” with ya. ; )
I certainly don’t mind you getting down with the Funky Brown, whether this is your first time or 100th time!! :-)
I probably should’ve said it in the original post, but ALL are welcome to enter the giveaway — not just longterm readers.
By the way, thanks for subscribing, too!
This is my first time reading your blog. I was looking for sex shops that catered towards african american women and typed in african american sex toys into google and came across this link and clicked it. I ‘m very happy I did! It is very nice to see that there are women talking about sex with sense and sharing with others (especially african american females ). I really feel that I can gain alot from your site simply because women in family’s tend not too share their stories about sex for fear of being known as the “woman in the family who did that such and such sexual act with someone “. It’s really hard t o get information from people that is honest and concise were someone is not trying to get information from you too embarass and have something on you. I like that you are providing a platform for and correct terminology for things and not trying to dumb it down.
Thank You
My name is Carrie, I found your website from janie blooms. I’m a black woman from Texas but living in England with my husband. I honestly have never heard a black woman talking about sex before. Especially one who isn’t married, but really married or not, its not talked about. But its so refreshing to see this because it makes it normal and pushing towards getting out of that stigma.
My parents never really talked to me about sex because they weren’t forced to. I wasn’t a wild child or anything but I did think about it a lot. Luckily I didn’t do anything about it, then I met my husband and that was it.My parents were still upset though, we didn’t wait until we were married. But I never dated or had sex before him and I was 25….you can’t win.
The black community has a lot of issues in the closet, like being gay or having sex with people you are dating. If you do or are either of those 2, then you are kind of shunned or prayed over. You are a beautiful and well spoken and educated woman that also happens to like to talk about sex. The world needs to see more of it going on, not just in the black community but all the others that are shy about it!
I lived in England for a while ages ago — first in Canterbury, then London. I had a good times in both places, though I preferred London over Canterbury. (I like big cities.) I think a lot of people can relate to the “my parents never really talked to me about sex” stuff. I certainly can.
I live in Brighton..well technically its Hove but its the same thing! I thought that I would love it here but I really don’t. I lived in Vienna for 3 months then in Bucharest where my husband is from for another 3 months. I need to get back to the continent lol, I LOVED Vienna! I like big cities too, Brighton is small. Do you think British people are friendly or a bit cold? They are a bit cold to me, but maybe I’m used to America.
I wish I could have been at the panel you moderated. I think it’s important for women of all ages to embrace their sexuality and to realize what a joy it can be. Young, old, single, involved…no one should ignore such an important piece of themselves!
xo Susie
Right?! And the sad thing is that MANY people ignore that part of themselves — whether single or in a relationship.
AV said an interesting thing on the panel. She was talking about going through a divorce, and she mentioned “sex” was one of the reason the relationship didn’t work out. She said her mom blew her off like, “it’s just sex.” But, really, “sex” matters.
Ditto for Kristen. She has a great stat comparing women who complained about problems in the bedroom vis-a-vis women who actually DID something about it. It was something like 17%. Not good :-(
I also found you blog via @Urban_Gypsy on twitter. I have to say it so refreshing to come across someone who thinks exactly like i do. I know too many people that are not only afraid to talk about sex (as its not the english thing to do!) but to even ask for what they really want in the bedroom! Giving people bad impressions/experiences of sex. I even have a few black friends that have said to me that they do not discuss it incase people think that they are freaks because they like different things than most… I feel that sex is a natural act and there is nothing taboo about discussing it as a topic when people ask me why i am so open about my lovelife i reply “its like discussing your religion everybody believes in different religions, they interpret the story of god in different ways giving him different names yet nobody tells them they are wrong or that its a subject that shouldn’t be discussed incase you offend someone….Sex is the same i completely understand that some people are not comfortable talking about it in a liberal way and i would never force them to but dont look down on those of us that are prepared to say how we feel and what we think ….I totally respect you for being open and honest in your blog i think that you come across as a strong woman with a good knowledge and understanding of different peoples ideals and that more black women should come out and show their true feelings……All my love and support zoe x
Hi Twanna! I found your site a little over a year ago through either the blogs of Rachel Sarah or Violet Blue. I get down with the Funky Brown because I find that I have so much in common with you, such as our backgrounds in writing, sociology, and growing up in suburbia. A lot of the topics you write about are so relevant for me, especially when it comes to my sexuality as a Black woman. You’ve made me feel more comfortable in my own skin. Since I started reading your blog, I am proud to say that I am a Black woman who prefers to date DDEs (dudes of different ethnicities – love that acronym you created) and that I am into watching porn and using sex toys. Sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of…it should be embraced!
i don’t remember how i discovered your blog, but i’ve been a reader for abt four years or so. i remember being very impressed with you as i had never seen a reputable sex/relationship blog by a bw. as i searched your site and read your archived postings, i was absolutely blown away by your openness, your intelligence and your realistic view on life situations and how much your thoughts mirrored my own. your being from illinois as well didn’t hurt either lol. i have been following you ever since and will continue to do as long as these internets allow me to do so.
Hi Twanna,
I have been following your tweets and your blog for a few months now and find it incredibly knowledgeable, comprehensive, and frankly very much needed. As a popular culture writer living in NYC, I am well aware of the ways in which black female sexuality can and is manipulated, distorted, marginalized and/or erased both overtly and tacitly. I think your work is valuable for a number of reasons, not the least of which is creating a platform for black women to speak about their own sexuality, bodies, and desires in an empowering and shame-free fashion. I also do like that your blog, while it centralizes black female sexuality is also multi-cultural and does is not limited to one specific type of sexuality or gender. Though I live in NYC, I have unfortunately been able to make one of your speaking engagements. I hope one day soon to finally meet you in person!
Hey Twanna,
I wish I could have made it to BlogHer this year. It sounded like the sex panel you moderated was an excellent one!
It was only recently that I have discovered your blog, but I’m so happy I did. I had seen your name off-and-on appear on Twitter, and when I noticed one day you had kindly re-tweeted one the articles on my blog, I spent some time exploring your site and getting acquainted with your writing style, and learning a little more about where you’re coming from. I follow you on Twitter now and look forward to learning more of your insight through your writing.
What’s very attracting to me is that this is not just your ordinary blog on sexuality. From what I’ve been able to explore so far, it is clearly evident that you embrace unique topics in sexuality that need to be vocalized, and you deliver it in an intelligible and educational way. As a blogger and writer who researches and focuses on a very narrow topic (ASDs and sexuality), I understand the risk one takes on plunging into being so open about not only sexuality, but aspects of sexuality where it’s rare to find in other writers’ collections. And you definitely got that. Keep embracing it!
I get down with the Funky Brown every so often – usually involving liquor, opera, bears, or Shutter Island. I continue to read the blog as it’s a starting off point for many readers to explore the perspectives on their own sexuality – including myself. Like the author, it’s honest, open and curious – not in a gossipy way, but in the sociological, increasing-vocabulary style of learning.
I think of Funky Brown primarily as a personality (vivacious, positive, energetic, exploratory); then to the physical attributes; a woman; then black (I don’t know or her descent, just color and that color contains many continents); then height, weight, age range; and finally sexuality – straight (to be discussed).
What I’ve taken away from this blog is, while cultural differences and their ideology/perspectives may differ – emotions and mannerisms (reactions) are strikingly similar; THAT is what connects us as humans – there is a corollary to this – similar ideology/perspectives crosses throughout races. Common ground doesn’t primarily depend on race, but more of ideology, then gender.
LOVE IT!!
I found your blog somehow via the twitterverse. xx I really appreciate your blog, for I highly value sexuality. There are a lot of issues that often come into play and affect who, how, and why people date who they date, and I enjoy reading your blog. I am a newbie to this blog, but I look forward to reading it more in the future! =)
I found your blog though eden cafe! You were mentioned in the post about Blogher. I am kinda new to the blogging network of people, but you’re the first African American reviewer I have found (who’s open and proud of it) so all I can say is I’m glad I found you =]. I also appreciate anyone who’s willing to break any stereotypes and talk openly about sexuality.
I found your blog by doing a search for Black women blogs. It was nice to find a fellow U.N. girl :).
I’ve been reading and posting annoying comments ever since you did that stint with Nerve (actually, I don’t even read Nerve anymore, but I stuck around FBC.com). That was a while ago – I actually had a blog of my own way back then. Now I just comment on yours.
But hey, how come you give a shout out to everybody on here – …”white men, Latino women, Asian couples, black men & women…” etc. etc., but you never mention green birds? Green birds need love too, you know! :)
I found your site through a search of BW and sexuality blogs a couple of years ago. It has taken me a long time to be comfortable with the subject. Growing up in a Southern Baptist home, I learned about sex through looking at porn mags in my friend’s basement at 10 years old, then later in college, through watching really hardcore porn– almost smut, really. I came to realize that sex was not about that and it was OK to be open and honest about your body. This realization was further reinforced on your blog. You share so much of your experiences, situations that we can all learn from. Your site proves that a BW can be articulate, funny, sexy and informative without being tasteless. I enjoy reading your blog and commenting, so the biggest takeaway for me is that it is perfectly fine to love yourself and the way you are created, which is as a sexual being who deserves to say what they want and need without being embarrassed. The empowerment from the information on this site is something that all people need, not just BW.
Thanks for all that you do.
I found your site in 2009 when I was looking for African American sex positive bloggers. Being a Sex Worker I always felt that I had to filter everything I say or write sexually around other blacks, and it became exhausting having to do that 24/7.
So I went on a quest to find other African American women who put a positive spin on sex and sexuality, and I found YOU. And what I’ve taken away from FunkyBrownchick.com is that I LOVE that an educated, well spoken, and extremely friendly black woman openly and positively lets the world into her thoughts and bedroom without regret. I LOVE IT!
I get down with the Funky Brown because it makes me comfortable, relaxed, entertained, joyful, and energized, and I thank you for that Twanna!
Twanna,
I first heard of you and your blog via Man and Wife. I am a true fan of Fatman Scoop and Shanda so I figured if Shanda’s hanging with you then you must be someone worth knowing about. I live in Texas via New York (big ups to all my Brooklynites!!!) I think that there’s a stigma with brown women (I’m 1/2 black, 1/4 Dominican & 1/4 Puerto Rican) and sex and “nobody knows where the nose goes when the doors close” attitude have kept up from being sexually liberally. I personally want to say “keep doing what you’re doing.” That might be the reason why the brown community (be it light brown or dark brown) have the highest reported numbers of AIDS/HIV, STDs and STIs. WE NEED TO PUT IN ON THE TABLE AND TALK ABOUT!!! I support all that your doing and I wish you much success and proeperity!
Jazzy Jawn
I found your site when I was browsing online about submissive men, and came across an article of yours. I then started following you on Twitter and I must say I’m stoked I did. You are the epitome of fearless female.
And you like balls.
I honestly can’t remember where/how I first heard of you, though I can peg attending your panel and meeting you *last* year at BlogHer.
Being exposed to far too many people who’re supposed to be adults being coy, ignorant, or sometimes straight out stupid about sex, reading your stuff is a bit of an “Amen!” sanity check.
Also, being from a pretty white, het background and living in a pretty white, het place (on the surface, anyway…), I like the incidental learning about how all the other halves live and see the world (you, other commenters, etc.)
I just found you in a google search and checked you out.