I’m back in New York after a weekend in DC. I have a post brewing called “I Can’t Date A Man Unless He Knows How to Fight.” I’ll publish it sometime later this week, and I’ll also upload my Rally to Restore Sanity videos & photos. In the meantime, you can find top rally sign photos online here. Now, on to today’s post …
As some of you may know, I’m originally from a small town in the cornfields. It’s the kind of place where trips to the local Wal-Mart were like high school reunions, and underage drinkers got their names printed in the local newspaper. Small Town USA. My business was your business and vice versa. I loved several things about the place (low cost of living, friendly people, a sense of community, etc.), but one of the many reasons why I left is this: I was dying there. Not literally, but my soul was suffocating and I needed space. Privacy. The ability to walk down a street and see no one who knew me.
Having jumped out of the fishbowl, I found myself in graduate school many years later. Florida. I was chair of the BGSA’s social committee. Shocker, right? Me? Social? Anyway. BGSA = Black Graduate Student Association. Within the university population, a relatively small number of students are MA, MBA and PhD candidates. Among that small group, a smaller number are black / African American. Inside that little circle, there are waaaay more women than men. I didn’t pursue an economics degree, but I understand sexual laws of supply and demand. If you were a Black man pursuing an MBA, your ass was hot property among BGSA women. Given the size of the group, it didn’t take long before everyone was boinking everyone else. Man A was sleeping with Woman B and Woman C at the same time even though he was in a so-called “monogamous” relationship with Woman D. Hell, I took part, too. And, you know what, I grew really sick of that crap. I’m all for sleeping around. Sex is good. Here’s the part that bothered me … When it comes to my sex life, I don’t like my business in everyone else’s faces.
Yes, I write about about my sex & dating life online, but there’s a difference between CHOOSING what I share and physically throwing my shit up in the crowd. I can’t count the number of men I’veÂ kissed, sucked, blown or fucked then written about them on my site. But, I can tell you exactly how many I’ve identified by name: 0.Â In recent weeks, there’s been a guy I’ve wanted to screw soooooooo badly I could almost taste his semen in my mouth. Making out with him the other night, I wanted to scream: “Just fuck me already! Screw all this other shit, let me drag you back to my place so we can fuck each other’s brains out for a couple hours until we both collapse … and, your ass BETTER take care of me again in the morning.” But, I didn’t. Why not? Honestly, it’s because he works in media / publishing. If I want to fuck a man real good and hard, that’s my business. I don’t want to walk into a party three weeks later (with the next man I’m screwing, mind you) and see the other guy with another girl he’s screwing — who I may or may not know from one of my previous threesomes. I’m much more discreet than that. Seriously, I don’t like the circle fuck.
ME: [removes dick from mouth] Wouldn’t it bother you?
ME: If we’re in a party here next week and I’m with another guy who works with you?
HIM: I wouldn’t mind. I’d think: Good for him. I hit that, and now it’s his turn.
It’s called polyamory. Personally, I prefer monogamy but I fervently believe everyone should mutually consent to whatever type of relationships they wish. You can take the girl out of the Midwest … ah, you know the rest of the saying. Or, maybe it’s the other way around: What the hell is the point of leaving the Midwest to partake in a small Manhattan / Brooklyn-based community where everyone’s all up in each other’s business? Who knows? Life’s experiences thus far have taught me that relationships can be messy, confusing, exhilarating, beautiful, terrifying, comforting and wonderful. Not everything fits neatly inside one box. What I want today may not be what I want 5 or 10 years from today. And, I’m okay with that.
How about you? Have you ever found yourself in a circle of friends and/or industry (um, like, I don’t know, media / publishing) where everyone’s sleeping with each other? Are you in a polyamorous relationship? What’s your story?
Photo credit: Paul Gallo