Dec 102012

Twanna at 16 Years Old

I thought breeding was required of all adults; once I figured out I had a choice in these matters, I knew I’d remain happily childfree. I told friends: I’m not getting married and I’m never having children. About the marriage stuff? Perhaps, I felt less vulnerable declaring my choices rather than waiting for fate to decide.

Did you see A Conversation With My 12-Year-Old Self: 20th Anniversary? If I could rewind time and speak to teen Twanna, I’d tell her: “You’ll grow up to be an aunt who adores her nephews, and your friends will all have cute kids — well, most of their kids will be cute. Still, it’s okay if you don’t desire to have children of your own. Just remember life could surprise you; words like ‘never’ don’t leave room for growth. And that husband stuff? Maybe you’ll marry. Maybe you won’t. In any case, you deserve to find a life partner who loves, cherishes and respects you for the protagonist you’ve always been. Don’t settle for anything less — even if it means you’re single much longer than you ever thought or hoped you would be. Live happily ever after anyway. One day, the right guy will join your adventures.”

  8 Responses to “At 16, My Thoughts about Boys & Having Children”

  1. I had my tubes tied over a year ago. My sister was upset because her girls wouldn’t have cousins. I really wanted to be a smart ass and respond with “and THAT’S a reason to have kids”, but I didn’t. My friends were upset because our friends wouldn’t grow up together, and the fear that as their kids get older and they starting moving in other circles we will lose the closeness we have now. I think they are supportive now (too late if they are not) but it didn’t stop me from being hurt by their not accepting my decision.

    I feel for those out there that want children and haven’t been blessed. While I made a decision not to have them, I still feel frustration with those that constantly ask “when are you going to have kids”. After a miscarriage, a colleague told me that she will no longer ask that question, because you just never know what is going on behind closed doors. I also don’t like that it is considered rude if I point blank answer “not going to happen – my tubes are tied”. You ask a nosy questions, you are going to get a straight answer.

    Before I met my husband I was just becoming comfortable with the fact that I may never get married – and that would be ok – because like you I learned that being alone was a lot better than being in a crappy relationship. Either way – single and/or childless I was not conforming. Some of the most open minded people I know can’t grasp that I don’t want kids. And that lack of understanding will be what drives us apart – not my being childless.

    BTW – love the picture! ; )

  2. I think that it’s none if anyone’s business whether a woman decides to have children or not. Married nearly 15 years now and just had my third baby, but so what? I wanted my kids, planned for them, but the marriage is barely tolerable. I don’t know of that many happy marriages–mostly ones of convienience–financial, “doing it for the kids”, counseling is the glue keeping it all together. Striving toward happiness and having your own identity is way more important than conforming to what other people want you to be to suit their idea of normal. Not every woman wants to have children and not every woman feels their life is incomplete without a husband. It’s not true–a fulfilled life is your responsibility, not your partner’s. they can enhance it, but not be your entire world.

    • Powerful words: “a fulfilled life is your responsibility, not your partner’s.” Sometimes it’s easy to forget that; I know I certainly did when I was younger. One of my earlier relationships fail, in part, because of this.

  3. Well, honestly… it’s the assumption that every woman is born to nurture and thus this nurturing is seen when she takes care of her own child. On the contrary, I believe that most women are nurturing beings, but one can nurture other people’s children too Or pets OR spouses etc.

    Twanna you know that’s an awesome childhood pic right, you look so innocent & very pretty :) okay so Mr. Right is not Mr. Right Now—I get that, but I do believe he’ll come (the one)… the one we seek— the one we call for in our distant daydreams, the one we were destined to spend our lives with. I know I know, I’m such in love mode :) heeheehee just can’t help it.

  4. Honestly, I don’t know if I’ll ever want to have kids or get married either. Most people give me such weird looks when I say that too. I’m tired of this idea that my ultimate goal in life should be to have kids and get married. I’m not saying I will never want those things but I just don’t see it happening in the foreseeable future.

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