No one ever teaches us how to hurt in love. If you’re still single and you are failing in your relationships, please understand: You are not crazy. Or, if you think you are, know that the people around you may be equally confused, neurotic, scared, or hurt. (As a result, they may sometimes do things like showcase The Craft of Writing with Wrath.)
“Every relationship you are in will fail, until one doesn’t,” says Dan Savage. I agree. Though, I would take that a couple steps further: Even when you find the right relationship, you will still fail in it. Repeatedly. Without meaning to, you will say things to hurt your partner. You’ll disagree. You’ll be inconsiderate. You’ll fight. Finding a good relationship is less about getting everything perfect and more about realizing you and your partner will both be imperfectly human.
How do we learn how to have solid, healthy relationships? Some of us discover from the way our parents treated us; however, they should love us as guardians love children, not as a lover. For others, either we didn’t grow up with two parents or we don’t want to mirror the type of relationship we witnessed in the home. In any case, finding and sustaining the right relationship can be very difficult during the rocky times. Learning how to compromise (e.g. make concessions) with someone without compromising yourself (e.g. surrender what is most dear to you) can be difficult and scary. The key is to find a partner for which the compromise he/she requests doesn’t require you to compromise yourself. Once you’re there, you’ll need help getting through the rough spots. Stay tuned; this week’s FUNKY BROWN CHICKÂ® updates give tips for remaining healthy when times get hard.