I’m a serial monogamist, that is, I like committed relationships with one partner at a time for however long the relationship lasts. If my next dude and I are together for the rest of our lives, fantastic. If we have a great run for a few years before we grow apart, part, and find new loves, that’s fine too. Is that truly a commitment? Absolutely; one much more honest than those who swear “till death do us part” before family and God then expectedly divorce many years later or, worse yet, publicly stay together and privately cheat.
Relationships aren’t One Size Fits All. You might ask, “So, what’s the opposite of monogamy?” When it comes to love, there’s no “opposite” of anything. It’s not a two-way switch. On. Off. Straight. Gay. Monogamy. Non-monogamy. When I use the phrase “sex positive,” it’s about this idea that consenting adults should engage in whatever sexual activity they choose as long as it’s safe, sane, and consensual with their partner(s). Monogamy is often rammed down our throats as if it’s the only option for a realistic adult relationship; therefore, if that model doesn’t fit you, it can be difficult to know where to begin — and even more difficult to have that conversation with your partner. If you’re wondering if not monogamy, then what, this non-monogamy map may be a good guide for you.
Of course you can’t read it because it’s too small. View larger image. Often, those who declare monogamy outdated are the same open-minded people who, ironically, also espouse the importance of granting others the right to dissenting beliefs. On the flipside, those who judge nonmonogamists the harshest are those who are afraid monogamy doesn’t actually work because they’ve struggled with it themselves and/or know others who have. The world is most interesting when people respectfully disagree. Even though I like monogamy, that doesn’t mean I think others should feel the same. How about this: Everyone agree to stay out of each other’s love lives — with the only exception being those whom you’re personally involved in a romantic affair.