I’ve been all up in Cosmo’s business lately. One of my favorite little birdies at the magazine chirped into my ear, and I now know they wanna help a fun, fearless, female singer/songwriter launch her career in the music industry. I’m not sure if they’re promising fame or fortune, but I looked at the contest video thingy on YouTube and it looks like it’s fairly easy to enter. I know a bunch of my readers are guys. But, I’m wondering if I’ve got any female songstresses out there in the crowd?? If so, you should enter their contest. Why? Because I wanna be able to say, “Heeeey, one of my readers TOOOOOTALLY won that contest. I knew her waaaaay back when she used to read Funky Brown Chick.” :)  I can’t promise you’ll win. I have just as much influence in what happens at Cosmo as I have in deciding what John McCain or Barack Obama will eat for dinner tomorrow. That said, if you enter the contest and lose, I’ll give you a virtual pat on the back for trying. If you win, can I go to your concert and meet Solange Knowles??? Come on. Give it a shot. I want you to be famous. Here’s the link: http://www.youtube.com/cosmostarlaunch

Technorati Tags: Cosmopolitan magazine, Cosmopolitan StarLaunch

I love it when readers email me! In my funky brown inbox, y’all have asked me to write about testicles, online dating DOs and DON’T, the “shocker” (two in the pink … ), vegan sex, guys in thongs, how to know if you should trust a guy you’ve met online and a whole bunch of other stuff. I’ve randomly selected 5 emails. YOU lovely folks get to decide which one gets answered in tomorrow’s post:

EMAIL #1: I LOVE BALLS

From: XXXX
Subject: I Like Your Website
To: funkybrownchick@yahoo.com
Date: Sunday, August 3, 2008, 9:52 PM

Hi Twanna,

Something you wrote made me want to write to you. You have links to a couple of videos on testicular cancer self-exams and you wrote “I love balls.” I really liked this because it seems like whenever I hear a woman say anything about balls, nuts, testicles, or whatever one wants to call them, it’s a negative comment.

Balls don’t seem to play a real active role in the sex act, I know (it depends on how one does it, of course), they just sort of hang there or get swung around or back and forth, but without them, there would be no sex, and no sexual reproduction.

Please, please, please write more positive stuff about the testicles on your website.

Thanks,

XXXX

EMAIL #2 & 3: After Dating Online for Nearly I Decade, I’ve Learned …

To: Funky Brown Chick
From: XXXX
Date: Wed, Jan 16, 2008 at 6:02 PM
Subject: blog idea - what are your online dating rules?

Hi FBC,

Since u’r a old hand (read both FBC and Nerve), could you write about your do’s and dont’s of internet dating. I mean do you go through a long communicardo before meeting etc..? Do you go on instincts or do you have strict rules

XXXX

To: FUNKY BROWN CHICK
From: XXX
Date: Mon, Apr 28, 2008 at 5:07 PM
Subject: dear FBC

Hi!

I’m not sure you have the time to answer emails from your blog readers, but i decided to send one anyway :P

I’m XXXXXXX and I’ve been reading and commenting on you for a few months now. I’ve got a quick question for you: What do you really feel about meeting people through websites like nerve personals? Isn’t it weird?

I’ve just signed in to [an online dating site], and i immediately thought of you. You’re beautiful, smart and fun. Still, you’re willing to meet people online. I’m almost sure i would be mocked if anyone i know found out i put a profile on a meeting website. But i’m not ugly, i’m young, smart and fun, but i can’t seem to find any dates (let alone a boyfriend). So i’ve decided to act on it. But i wanted your advice as well.

kisses

XXXXXX

Email #4: How to Pick Up Black Chicks

From: XXXXXX
Date: Jan 27, 2008 4:56 PM
Subject: Press Release - New Book - “The White Man’s Guide To Dating Black Women”

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

If you’re a White man interested in dating Black women, this book shows you how to make it happen. Learn how Black women think, what they like and don’t like to see in White men, and where and how to go about meeting them. Find out how to cope with public reaction to interracial couples, learn how to counteract the psychological inhibitions that can hold you back from getting involved and understand why those who oppose interracial relationships feel compelled to think and act the way they do. Find out what works and get involved.

Email #5: Let Me See Your Booty Go … That Thong, Thong, Thong, Thong, Thong!!

Date: Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:42:57
From: XXXXXX
To: funkybrownchick@yahoo.com

Hi Twanna,

I stumbled on to your site quite by accident. I find it very entertaining, informative and a bloody good read. Both myself and my partner [redacted] are fans and have added you to our favorites list.

I believe that there are plenty of women who get well turned on by the sight of a “cute thonged up” male bum, butt, buns or whatever you want to call them but wouldn’t admit to it. My [redacted] definitely adores me in mine and buys them for me.

I’ve attached a pic (with [redacted]’s permission) for you. It would be nice to hear back from you but understand that you might be to busy.

Thank you for reading this and we will check out your site regularly.

All the best, cheers.

XXX (englishman living in XXXXX, XX)

There you have it folks! Now, what say you? Which should be tomorrow’s post? Would you rather hear about testicles or, perhaps, male thongs? BONUS: If I write about thongs, the dude gave me permisson to post the picture he attached to his email!!! Or, should I answer the two women and a bunch of others who’ve asked me to share my thoughts about online dating again? Or, would you rather hear my thoughts about interracial dating and the guy’s tips about picking up brown-skinned chicks. Ready. Set. Click the comments link and post your vote!!

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Photo credit: Sophie in Quebec uploaded the mailbox photo.

Technorati Tags: black chicks, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, Goldenballs, interracial dating, online dating, testicular lumps, Twanna

The absolutely lovely Crafty Chica Kathy Cano-Murillo is down with the funky brown! Via a really nice email, she offered me glitter and told me my tweets make people feel like they’re “right there with you, like a bird on your shoulder.” How sweet. I love glitter!! Also, I’m toootally gonna use that quote as an excuse to skip updating my blog today and direct you to Twitter instead. :) More sex, dating and relationships stuff on www.funkybrownchick.com tomorrow.

In the meantime, as a Reader Appreciate Day of sorts, I warmly invite all of you to get to know Kathy. After doing a few guest appearances on HGTV and elsewhere, she scored a kickass web series with Lifetime. You can buy her books on Amazon. Take peeks here: Crafty Chica’s Art de la Soul: Glittery Ideas to Liven Up Your Life, Beautiful Ideas for Crafts, Home Decorations and Shrines from the Queen of Latina Style and Making Shadow Boxes and Shrines.

C’est tout. See you on Twitter! If you’re not familiar with it yet, drop your eyeballs down two inches to the video below. (If you’re reading me on Facebook and the embed doesn’t show, here’s the direct link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddO9idmax0o.)

Follow me: http://twitter.com/funkybrownchick.

Technorati Tags: funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, glitter, Kathy Cano-Murillo, Twanna, Twitter

I’m always amazed (and flattered!) that people take time out of their day to get down with the funky brown by visiting my site. Who are you? Where are you? And, by “you” I mean, seriously, *YOU* — the pair of anonymously sexy eyes reading these words right now. I know you’re here. My site traffic statistics tell me when you came, what you looked at and how long you stayed. But, you don’t want to share yourself with me. :( The vast majority of you (”yous” … hey, it’s New York) drop by, but you don’t say hi. So, why don’t we turn this Reader Appreciate Day into a “welcome mat” today? Come out and play with the rest of the readers. You don’t have to say anything especially clever, witty or funny. Just say hi, and tell me where in the world you are right now. I’m curious. So, here, I’ll even kick things off for us: “Hey there! It’s a sunny 56°F right now, and I’m in Manhattan.” Now, you …

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Photo credit: Lovely, dovey earth image is from Barun Patro. He’s in India.

Backstory: If it’s lesbians you want… ;)

Technorati Tags: Baba Doodlius

Yes, you’re right. No Manly Monday update today. I’ve got one cooking, but I’ll stick it up next Monday. Now for something completely different … I have good news. At 9:00am last Thursday morning, I twittered (tweeted?), “At someplace special. Details next week.” Immediately, a couple of my favorite Twitter followers — J Brotherlove, HauteinLA, intldiplomat and Papigiulio guessed where I was and/or chided me for being so vague:

jbrotherlove @funkybrownchick tease! 09:36 AM May 01, 2008

HauteinLA @funkybrownchick someplace special??? the suspense is killing me! 11:14 AM May 01, 2008

intldiplomat @funkybrownchick now that sounds interesting! 09:11 AM May 01, 2008

Papigiulio @funkybrownchick whose bedroom? :P 03:15 PM May 01, 2008

Special note to Papigiulio: I’m waaaaay less scandalous than that … except, of course, for the times when I’m not. ;) But, anyway … If I wasn’t in a handsome stranger’s bedroom, where was i? I was at work. Yep, you heard that right. At work. I accepted a new job, kiddies! I love love LOVE the new place. Full time. Benefits. AWESOME coworkers. That’s all I’m gonna say about that because, as you probably already know, I never blog work. So, that’s it. The Funky Brown Chick has her groove (and more income!) back. Now that I don’t have to stress about paying rent & bills, I can fully devote my energies to furthering my memoir and pushing out more freelance articles and book chapters. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU to everything who sent me good karma on Facebook, encouraging emails, prayers and positive vibes. I’m 100% grateful and amazed by the continued support and kindness that I receive from folks who’ve never even met me.

Back to our regularly scheduled program tomorrow.

The dude in the water is Laird Hamilton. As you may know, we pay a homage the beautifully bedicked creatures of the earth on Manly Mondays … except when we do it on Tuesday or Wednesday; then, it’s either a Testicle Tuesday or Wanker Wednesday, respectively. But, whatever. Back to the flavor of the day. The dude in the water. I didn’t see or smell an ocean for the first time until I took a debut springtime trip to New York and moved to Los Angeles when I was 20. It sounds kind of stupid to say it, but I couldn’t really wrap my brain around the idea that the water was as deep as seven miles below eye level and extended its touch as far as Europe and Asia. I’ve lived in waterside places ever since: Chicago (Lake Michigan), Amsterdam (the Amstel), London (River Thames) and in Florida — as long as you’re in the state, you’re never more than an hour away from the deep blue.

I think the folks who use thin boards to walk on water are hot. Laird Hamilton didn’t invent surfing, ancient Polynesian cultures can claim that credit. Yet, this haole’s contributions to surfing — and crossover board sports in general — can’t be overstated. When I think about it, Laird’s been in water longer than I’ve been on the planet. Crazy, huh? Anyway, discover him on your own by checking out his website, reading his Wikipedia entry or watching films like riding GIANTS. Big, drippy kisses go out to Vivicca Whitsett. She was the inspiration for today’s Manly Monday pick. She posted the YouTube clip below on my Facebook Fun Wall. Surfers PLUS soccer players? The sight was so beautiful I almost fainted. Seriously. I almost fucking fainted. In any case, I thought I’d share it with the group in case any of you out there like surfers and soccer players too. Enjoy!

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Photo credit: Image in today’s post appears online at Laird’s website. Check out his photo gallery. He’s hot. ;)

Technorati Tags: Amsterdam, Chicago, crossover board sports, Facebook, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, funny commercials, haole, Hawai'i, Laird Hamilton, London, Pepsi, riding GIANTS, soccer players, surfers, surfing, Vivicca Whitsett, Wikipedia

Holy fucking shit! I just got an email from AOL. Naturally, I assumed it was spam or something like that. “Why,” I wondered, “would AOL contact me?” Well, it turns out they placed my site, FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com, on their AOL Blackvoices “The Best of Black Blogs” list currently available here. Wow. I don’t know what to say. “We search through the best black blogs and other great sites to bring you the hottest one-liners about African-American celebrity gossip and important social issues.” D-Listed’s post about Keshia Knight Pulliam (Rudy Huxtable), NPR News and Views writings Tavis quitting Tom Joyner Morning Show, Perez Hilton’s post about Rihanna’s back tat, Young, Black and Fabulous, the Best Week Ever Blog, Huffington Post, Racialicious, Afrobella and the guest list goes on. All of my favorite blogs were there, and I feel ridiculously honored that my funky brown chick commentary about Blasians was invited to the online party. Big, drippy kisses and THANKS go out to everyone at AOL Blackvoices.

Read the original post: Everyone ♥’s an Asian Boy. Heads up, my sweeties. I’ve got a special Manly Monday planned for May 5th, the first Monday of Asian Pacific American Heritage Month. (Sidenote: Psssst! Smooches to the folks over at Viddler for posting the dating & wine rendezvous with Gary Vaynerchuk on their “The Red Carpet” collection of videos.)

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Photo credit: Image appears online as slide 17 on Taking the Pulse of Best Blogs

Technorati Tags: Afrobella, AOL, Asian Pacific American Heritage Month, Blackvoices, blasian, blasians, Blogging, celebrity gossip, dating blogs, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, Gary Vaynerchuk, Huffington Post, Keshia Knight Pulliam, Perez Hilton, Racialicious, red carpet, Rihanna, tastemaker bloggers, Tavis Smiley, Tom Joyner Morning Show, Twanna A. Hines, Viddler, WLTV, Young Black and Fabulous