To my knowledge, I’ve only slept with one married man. It was a British guy from my first summer in New York, and I’ve written about him before. A white dude with brown hair and blue eyes, he told me he had a high-paying, fancy Wall Street job in lower Manhattan. He was cute. I was attracted to his face and his British accent, not his money. I bought my own drinks to prove it. He told me was single. We flirted for hours over countless beers and cocktails until I eventually took him home. We had sex, but it wasn’t especially good. (Probably my fault as much as it was his; we’d both had a lot to drink.) In any case, once it was over, he asked, “Do you mind if I go home?” I told him he was free to leave if he wanted. I wasn’t going to beg him to sleep over. His response was: “My wife wouldn’t like it if I stayed.” When I reminded him said he was divorced, he replied something like: “Divorced. Separated. Unhappily married. What’s the difference?” Mind you, I don’t have any moral objections to men fucking around on their wives or women screwing around on their hubbies. It’s not my business. However, if I’m in bed with a guy who lies to me about being single, that’s a different story. It felt like he purposely didn’t tell me his status because he thought I wouldn’t sleep with him if I knew. That’s shitty. Give me the truth and let me decide whether or not I want your penis in my body.

Would I sleep with a guy I KNEW was married? Honestly, I don’t know. I haven’t. Yet. Though, I’ll admit it: Their raw appeal has a certain je ne sais quoi. No, fuck that. I know EXACTLY what it is. Married men are the unknown, forbidden fruit I’m not supposed to desire. I’m subversive and, within limits, I like doing things I’m not supposed to. That said — although I’ve been naked and, yes, had sex with several women’s boyfriends — I haven’t had the balls to ball it with a dude with a ringed finger. For better or worse, I’d probably be a horrible mistress. I’m definitely discrete, so that’s not a problem. But, I don’t think I could handle making myself available to a man on his terms only. I imagine he could only see me when it was convenient for him. He wouldn’t be able to stay the night on a regular basis, answer my calls regardless of present company or do anything else like that says: I’m yours. On the contrary, if he was truly mine, he wouldn’t be married. Besides, in my mind, affairs are about sex. Just sex. Nothing else. From my experience sleeping around with guys who’ve had girlfriends, regardless if they said otherwise when we were together, if they got caught they told it like it was to their partners: It was just sex. She didn’t mean anything to me. Generally speaking, if The Other Woman mattered more than the wife, she wouldn’t be relegated to Other Woman status. Quite frankly, that’s why I’ve gone out of my way to make that point with each of the girlfriends who’ve recently linked with nuptialed men. It’s just sex. They’re my pals; I don’t want them to get hurt. Now that I think about it, that’s probably why I haven’t been able to go all the way with men I knew were married. I don’t want to get hurt either.

Are you a married man who had (or is having) an affair? Have you been The Other Woman? Are you appalled by people who sleep around with people they shouldn’t? Reading How to Have an Affair and Never Get Caught? Debating whether you’d like to sleep with a married man? Are you a married woman cheating on your spouse? One of the fun things about writing on Funky Brown Chick site is that I get to connect with a bunch of different people from various backgrounds who come here with many different experiences. You all know the drill: Agree or disagree with me and/or your fellow commenters if you’d like — just don’t be an asshole about it. So, feel free to leave your two cents below. Speak anonymously if it gives you the ability to be more honest.

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Credit paid: Image is by Stephanie Hofschlaeger

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Single Women’s Affairs: Sleeping With Married Men

• The Rebels. Johnny Depp. Mickey Rourke. And, of course, Sean Penn. Over the past few years, it’s been fun to see The Academy finally dole out nominations and awards to independently-minded men who take daring, unconventional roles and turn them into something special as only they can. How can you not love a guy who starts his acceptance speech: “You commie, homo-loving sons of guns [...]“???

• The Winner. Will Smith. No, he didn’t win anything last night. But, according to Forbes, Smith commands higher box office and bigger “blockbuster paychecks” than any other actor in tinsel town. Folks, we have a winner!
  

• The lover. I got really choked up when I heard Dustin Lance Black’s tender, honest and heart-felt speech. As sex & relationships writer who happens to be a spiritual person, I kind of think got what he was trying to do. (But, I could be wrong.) I get the impression he was really trying to drive home the point that the word “CHRISTIAN” and the phrase “HOMOPHOBIC, SEX-NEGATIVE, RACIST, RIGHT-WING NUTJOB”  aren’t always symonymous. I don’t know; form your own opinion about his speech. You can read the transcript on GlAAD’s blog, but it’s worth it to watch the video instead.

• The Guy Who Should’ve Been There. Benicio del Toro. Am I missing something or was someone missing from last night’s show?

Okay. So, I’m curious to hear what you all thought of last night’s show. Did you love or hate the Broadway musical inspired influence? Was it too long? Too boring? What would it take to make the Oscars more interesting? Pssst … If you liked Sean Penn’s portayal of Milk, you can watch a feature-length documentary about the real Harvey Milk free at Hulu.

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Manly Monday: Commie, Homo-Loving Sons of Guns

Yes. Kanye West. Has. A. Mullet. Um … ladies and gentlemen … I’ll direct you to NahRight exhibits 1a and  4b as well as Complex magazine’s unabridged History of the Black Mullet because, quite frankly, I have no words. None.

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Photo Credit: Image appears at NahRight.

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Kanye West: A Black Man and His Mullet

Why this movie? If you’ve read Funky Brown Chick for any amount of time, you know my posts are often filled with typos, my love life is less than perfect and I’ve had really shitty spans of bad luck in New York. I like flicks that don’t present leading characters as 2-D, perfectly-packaged, flawless people. When I saw the trailer at BAM the other weekend, I knew I wanted to interview JCVD (the dude) and write about JCVD (the movie) but I didn’t wanna do a standard film review / synopsis. I went into the interview to ask him about his status as sex symbol, but I came out of it more vividly aware of his humanity.

Huffington Post: Jean-Claude Van Damme Gets “Raw” in JCVD by Twanna A. Hines

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Imperfect Lives, Imperfect People

LENNY KRAVITZ has a daughter Zoë Isabella Kravitz with Lisa Bonet. Hottest Rocker DILF.

GABRIEL AUBRY has a daughter named Nahla Ariela Aubry with Halle Berry. Hottest French Canadian DILF.

BENJAMIN BRATT and his wife Talisa Soto have a daughter Sophia Rosalinda Bratt and son Mateo Bravery Bratt. Hottest DILF with the best smile.

DAVID BECKHAM has three sons — Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz — with Victoria Beckham. (Y’all, his oldest son will be legal in just 10 YEARS!!!!) Hottest Footballing / Balling / Soccer-Playing DILF

JON STEWART has a son named Nathan Thomas Stewart and daughter Maggie Rose Stewart with Tracey McShane. Hottest Jewish DILF Ever!!

BARACK OBAMA had two beautful daughters — Malia Ann and “Sasha” — with wife Michelle Obama. Hottest Presidential DILF.

RICKY MARTIN has twins via an unnamed surrogate mom. At the time of their birth, Martin didn’t tell the press their names. Hottest “OMG-He-Could-Be-A-Gay-Dad” DILF.

PATRICK DEMPSEY was 21 when he married 48-year-old acting coach Rochelle “Rocky” Parker. Her son, Corey Parker, was one year older than his new stepfather but Dempsey’s got three other children (with his second wife, Jillian Fink) who are actually younger than he is — Tallulah Fyfe and twins Darby Galen and Sullivan Patrick. Hottest DILF You’d Like to Play Doctor With.

WILL SMITH has a son Willard Christopher III (called “Trey”, appeared in video “Just The Two Of Us”) with first wife Sheree Zampino. Smith and his second wife, Jada Pinkett, have a son Jaden Christopher Syre (starred in “The Pursuit of Happyness”) and daughter Willow Camille Reign (was in “I Am Legend”).

WHO’S NUMBER 10? YOU TELL ME. USE THE COMMENTS SECTION TO TELL US WHO YOU THINK SHOULD BE THE ADDED TO THE LIST OF TOP 10 HOTTEST DILFs.

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Manly Mondays – Top 10 Hottest DILFs

http://www.timeout.com/newyork/articles/sex-in-the-city/65291/sex-lives-of-new-yorkers-the-sex-issue-2008

My latest article published was an event preview of Poly Pride Weekend. One of New York’s fabulous alternative weeklies, New York Press, ran it. Here’s the link:

http://www.nypress.com/21/40/abouttown/artsbriefs2.cfm

And, in perhaps the best news all week, SXSW just announced I’ll be one of the speakers at next year’s conference:

http://www.sxsw.com/interactive/talks/panels

Damn, it’s been a great week!! Good SXSW news and a NKOTB concert within the same 5-day span of time??? Man, that’s life: there are good weeks and bad weeks. I’ve certainly had my, “unemployed, life fucking sucks, I’m not getting laid, I hate this fucking city” weeks — sometimes, MONTHS. (See: New York 3, Twanna 0.) Thank God, this week hasn’t been like that.

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No, Really, I’m Not Gone, Girl

Scoop’s GREAT! Definitely a super funny guy & he’s really good at what he does. After I met him, he mentioned he travels & works in Amsterdam a lot. So, of course, that makes me like him even more. I used to live in the Netherlands, and I count it as a second “home” of sorts. But, back to Scoop. Catch him and Shanda on MTV for the MAN and WIFE series premiere tonight at 11 PM ET/PT. From the website: “Man and Wife break new ground as the first married couple in the hip-hop genre discussing sex, money, sex, relationships, sex, jobs, sex, politics, sex, marriage, and yes, sex! [...] Scoop and Shanda are fierce advocates of safe sex, responsibility, monogamy, respect, hard work, and loyalty. This is a show about building and strengthening relationships for anyone who’s in love or looking for love. Open and honest communication for all is their mission, with great sex as life’s ultimate bonus.”

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Manly Monday: Fatman Scoop from Man and Wife

I see men in my future. LOTS of them!!! :) Pop the chilled champagne and bring out the Trojan condoms. Oh, but, wait: How much can I indulge before I get that “slut” bumper sticker attached to my shiny forehead? “Don’t worry,” some of you are saying, “it’s already there, you just can’t see it!” Gee, thanks. On a more serious note, the “What’s the definition of a slut?” question has been swimming my brain’s fluids for nearly a week. First, we had the VMAs–Russell Brand joked he wanted to ‘capture’ the Jonas Brothers‘ collection of purity rings and Jordin Sparks defended the virginal jewelry saying something like, “not everyone wants to be a slut, okay?!?!” So, those are the choices: you’re either a repressed, purity ring-wearing virgin or a slutty chick who hangs out spread eagle on her bed just waiting for the long line of men to enter?! Oh, wow.

“What IS today’s definition of a slut?” a woman named Andrea Davis asked after noticing I posted Jezebel’s response to conversation on The View on my Facebook. One of my high school buds, Heidi C., also commented:

Purity rings are a joke. (Frankly, The View is a joke too. Both are superficial in their content and don’t examine the core of the matter.) Does it matter to you, personally, to maintain “sexual purity?” ‘Cause if you’re looking at the Bible and literally holding it to be true, then even looking at somebody else while having sexual desire for that person would be equivalent to breaking one of the Ten Commandments. “Thy shall not covet thy neighbor’s wife.” People that wear these rings still have sexual drives. To not acknowledge this basic fact of human life absurd. You could compare the purity rings to using wallpaper to cover a hole in the wall. Yeah, you’re making a statement, but the hole in the wall – or the sex drive – is still there and nothing that you can tell or show others is going to cover up the truth.

Wow!! VERY WELL SAID!!! Couldn’t have said it any better myself. How about you, dear readers? Any comments about purity rings? Or wanna take a stab at finishing this statement: “I think today’s definition of a slut is _____.”

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Credit Paid: Big drippy kisses and THANK YOUs go out to Peggy B. giving me the heads up about the Gawker article!!

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“What IS today’s definition of a slut?!?!”

When Monica Lewinsky worked in the White House, she was an unpaid intern wasn’t she? That seemed to work out well for all parties involved. So, why can’t *I* have a young, energetic, eager little brunette help me out on an “unpaid intern” basis? Something like a mini-Joe Jonas. Ah, a girl can dream, can’t she? I’ll be back tomorrow when I actually have TIME to write a full post. I was without internet in my home for nearly 1/2 a week and I’m ridiculously backlogged on scheduling meetings, hitting my deadlines, and responding to writing-related emails and other stuff that usually would’ve happened online. :(

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Photo credit: Image of Joe Jonas appears online at Wikipedia

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Searching for Joe Jonas

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Credit paid: Text of “Let Me Sing You a Waltz” appears online at IMDB.

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I Love: Before Sunset (The Movie Trailer)