Twanna A. Hines @ FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com | sex. dating. relationships.

Free Romantic Comedy: Moonstruck

I don’t owe a television. I watch everything online. I saw Lady Gaga’s MTV VMA performance, Jude Law’s “Poker Face” on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and a bunch of other fun stuff right here on my computer screen.

If you haven’t already checked out YouTube movies, Hulu or Netflix’s wide selection of free films and TV shows, it’s worth it. Tons of news stuff, but it’s also nice to stumble upon old things I’ve forgotten. Take Moonstruck, for example. I saw the beginning of it on television AGES ago. It’s not necessarily something I’d go out of my way to rent. But, because it was free, I figured: Why the hell not? If you’d like to see it (again?), too, it’s available on Hulu for the next two weeks. Enjoy!

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UPDATE: Here’s the direct link to Moonstruck. Not sure why Hulu’s content won’t load above. Sent an email to their support desk and will keep you posted.

October 16th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [2] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Sex Crimes: What Should Happen to Roman Polanski?

Picture this: A 40-something dude dopes a 13-year-old girl with quaaludes then rapes her vaginally, orally and anally then flees the country to escape prison. Given, for three decades, Roman Polanski fastidiously avoided traveling to the US (the country which would arrest him) as well as the UK (and other places that might extradite him) — it appears, surely, he  worried he’d eventually get caught. Such was the case this weekend when he was finally arrested.

If you’ve been to Funky Brown Chick before, you know about Manly Mondays–weekly nods to men, masculine topics and other testosteronely bits. Also, if you’ve hung around here a while (and/or know me personally), you’re familiar with my love of film and you’re likely aware I used to work international affairs before moving to New York and pursuing a career that fed my passion for the written word. So, naturally, what better Manly Monday pick could I write about today than what Esquire magazine calls a “30-year-old case, on sex, justice, and the American way.” So, here we go …

It seems no one doubts Roman Polanski has had an incredibly unfair share of misfortune. A Jew having escaped wartime Kraków ghettos only to learn his mother would later perish in Auschwitz, his childhood wasn’t without horrors. He could’ve been a tortured soul when he came to the U.S. as adult and directed his first film, the occult flick Rosemary’s Baby. (I rented it ages ago and loved it. My reaction to it was similar to my impressions of reading Stephen King: “I’m probably taking in the product of a brilliant, albeit possibly disturbed, mind.”) In any case, Polanski’s misfortunes likely might’ve seemed to diminish as he career took off and he married the beautiful Sharon Tate. Nineteen months after the wedding, on August 8, 1969, his 8-1/2 month pregnant wife, Tate, was brutally murdered by Charles Manson’s gang. They weren’t targeting her. Out for blood, it was just dumb luck she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Almost full term, her killer testified she got “sick of listening to her, pleading and begging, begging and pleading” to give birth to Polanski’s child before they took her life. Upon hearing the news of his bride and only baby’s death, I can only imagine Polanski must’ve felt cursed. What did he do to deserve such horrible fate? Sadly, the answer is probably: absolutely nothing. Life, unfortunately, isn’t fair.

Enter the rape of 13-year-old kid, Samantha Gailey. I’ve neither heard nor read anything that suggests he’s innocent. Gailey (now Geimer) testified he did it, and Polanski admitted his guilt. Having said all that, after watching confessions & testimonies contained in the documentary Roman Polanski: Wanted & Desired*, I get the impression no one believes Judge Rittenband gave Polanski a fair trial. Reporting for the Washington Post, critic Tom Shales has said, Rittenband’s “bungling of the case was so outrageous.” Of Polanski’s recent arrest, French Minister of Culture and Communication Frédéric Mitterrand commented he “strongly regrets that a new ordeal is being inflicted on someone who has already experienced so many of them.” Indeed. Although justice should be blind, I’m often sympathetic when people who — through no fault of their own — are unfairly burdened with extra heapings of the shittiest of life’s (mis)fortunes. They deserve a break. Though, the key phrase there is through no fault of their own. He pleaded guilty to raping a child, and life has its odd synchronicities. Quoting The Guardian: “Just as 13-year-old Samantha Gailey was unfortunate enough to run up against Polanski in horny, Austin Powers mode, so Polanski was unlucky to be then dragged before Rittenband.”

“So,” several friends have recently asked, “what do you think about this Polanski stuff?” I’m neither or judge nor a lawyer, so I’ll refrain from speculating about the legal technicalities of the case. I only know what I’ve seen in the press — which, of course, is not without its flaws. So, I guess my final answer isn’t resolute at all. I don’t know what to think of it yet because I’m still turning it around in my head. The incidents are truly unfortunate–for everyone involved. That said — whether you’re a bystander reading the news, a survivor of teen sexual abuse, someone with children of your own, a film buff who thinks Polanski got a raw deal, or whatever — I want to hear from you. As I’ve said many times, the world is most interesting when people respectfully disagree. Feel free to use the comments section below to do so.

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Psst! I highly recommend the documentary. It’s available (FREE!) streaming online to Netflix members. Click Roman Polanski: Wanted & Desired.

September 28th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [17] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Free Movie: The Times of Harvey Milk [Streaming]

You know Hulu, Netflix and Youtube offer free, feature-length movies online right? Lots of the offerings include documentaries, biographies and other films related about sexuality, sex politics and great other topics. If you liked MILK, you’ll probably like this documentary: The Times of Harvey Milk

September 22nd, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [1] comment so far

Black Women + Asian Men = Blasian Hot Dating

I’m leaving New York for a tiny vacation tomorrow. More on that soon. In the meantime, before I spill those details, I soooo have to tell you news about the latest onscreen blasian couple. If you read Everyone Loves an Asian Boy, you know how much I adore cute blasian (Black Woman / Asian Man or Black Man / Asian Woman) couples on television and in real life. And by “TV” I mean streaming. I gave up cable. So, as I was saying, apparently, there’s a new one coming to a screen near you. ABC’s Flash Forward features that sexy drop of deliciousness, John Cho. His character, Demetri Noh, is engaged to “Zoey.” Soooooo, IMDB says Gabrielle Union has been cast in that role. (Also saw this on The Sauda Voice.) HOT BLASIAN LOVE!!! I’m, so excited to see a diverse cast on network TV, and I’m super interested to see if there’s any onscreen chemistry between John Cho and Gabrielle Union. They’re both incredibly sexy, attractive actors. Who doesn’t want to see them get it on?

Too fucking cute!! Why didn’t anyone tell me about this onscreen blasian coupling? In the clip below, I think ABC should change their advertising: [insert manly newscaster voice] Coming this fall … Flash Forward! The most intriguing show on ABC … AND we give you blasian love!! ;)

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Photos: Gabby Union on BET and John Cho on The Insider.

August 28th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [25] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Tell Me: Do You Like to Watch?

Just finished an article about cheap sex which ran on Huffington Post as well as Recessionwire’s “Love in the Time of Layoff” column. If you have a chance, read it. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Speaking of publishing, I get a lot of email from Funky Brown Chick readers with questions about sex and relationships — though many messages are often about “writing.” If you’re interesting in sparking your creativity to create a book, poem, painting, new design or whatever, I recommend the workbook The Artist’s Way. It’s an easy read and it includes a bunch of exercises and activities. In particular, I was/am a big believer in their “artist dates.” The idea behind it is kind of like: Heeey, if you expend a lot of creative energy, you need to do something to replace that and build up your reservoirs again. Read a new book. See a play. Go to a movie. Check out a new TV show.

So, I just got a tip about CBS’ steamy drama, The Good Wife, with Julianna Margulies and Chris Noth, right? Here’s one of the YouTube videos about the show (made to look as if Noth’s character is an actual American politician):

Given The Good Wife is supposedly set in Chicago — a city almost 60% comprised of people of color — it would’ve been nice to see a browner cast. That said, I’m still kind of curious about that show because I’m totally intrigued (yet, admittedly, somewhat baffled) by the “stand by your man” politician wives who support their spouses through extremely public political sex scandals. Interested to see how they’ll play the scene out in the CBS drama.

I don’t watch traditional cable because Hulu, Current TV, Netflix and many of the major networks offer free, legal and high-quality programming online. I’m always excited about discovering new-to-me shows, movies or whatever. So, if CBS makes The Good Wife available streaming on their website, I’ll likely watch it. If they don’t, I won’t. But, enough about me and what I’m watching. I want to know about you. Chances are, if you like my site — and, by default, the topics I write about or (at the very least) hearing the goofy ruminations of a neurotic, funky, brown-skinned woman in New York — we might have a few things in common or, maybe, share similar interests. I’d love to know if you’ve stumbled across anything particularly fun (TV, blog, movie, whatever) recently. If so, feel free to post your jewels it in the comments section. Tell me: What do you like to watch?

August 20th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [6] folks got down with the Funky Brown

GREAT Romantic Comedy Alert: Adam (Film Review)

My matchmaker emailed me last night. We’re meeting up this weekend to get the love juice flowing. In the meantime, since we’re on the subject of romance and dating, I want to tell you about a really good romantic comedy. Last night I went to Angelika Film Center for the opening of Fox Searchlight’s movie Adam directed by Max Mayer starring Hugh Dancy, Peter Gallagher, Rose Byrne, Frankie Faison and others. If you have a chance to see it, you should. At the moment, it’s only showing in New York and Los Angeles … but shhh, I got a tip that Fox Searchlight is showing FREE advanced screenings in other cities. Click here to RSVP. At last night’s opening, Hugh Dancy and Max Mayer were there in person. (See pics on my Flickr.) If you don’t know the story line, basically Adam is about a 29-year-old guy with Asperger’s who falls in love with his neighbor. I’m a pop culture junkie. I see A LOT of movies, read a lot of books and consume other forms of entertainment. I rarely write reviews on this site. So, when I do, it’s because I really really loved the project. Such was the case with Adam. Here’s why.

REASON #1: I dated a guy who probably had Asperger’s. Interestingly, I didn’t know it when I met him. We linked up in grad school, and I liked him because he was one the most honest, pure-hearted and free-spirited guys I’d ever met. He didn’t get wrapped up in life’s stupid bullshit, and he said exactly whatever was on his mind. After we’d been dating for a while, he told me (when he was a child) teachers and others thought he’d never go on to university and he wasn’t able to learn like other students. This was decades ago; so, no one ever said the word “Asperger’s,” they said things like delayed cognitive development, hyperactive, not focused, socially awkward, gets caught in his own thoughts, etc. As I mentioned, we met in grad school. Pigeonholing be damned, he finished school and now teaches at a university. He wasn’t dumb or disabled or very dissimilar from others around him. Hmm, sometimes I think we live in the “syndrome era.” Much like homosexuality used to be classified as a mental disease, I think we’ll eventually “normalize” a lot of what are now called “symptoms.” Like, for exactly, Asperger’s and autism.

REASON #2. I’ve recently eliminated the word “retarded” from my vocabulary. I’m not perfect. I’ve done and said stupid shit that later made me think, “Twanna, you’re an asshole.” About a month ago, at my place, I hosted a drinks with a group of girlfriends. I made a stupid joke about “sleeping with retards” and I later thought: “I should probably eliminate the word ‘retard’ from my vocabulary. It’s not useful or positive and it wasn’t created to make anyone feel better about themselves.” So I did.

REASON #3. I love independent film. Before Netflix was created, back when I still lived in my small Illinois town, I used to go to Blockbuster to rent movies. It didn’t take long before I’d seen every (I’m not exaggerating) foreign and independent film on the shelf. I like seeing stories of pain, courage, love, failure, chaos and humanity reflected on screens. Adam delivers all of this and more in spades. Even if you don’t like indie film, trust me, Adam is the “one to watch.” Every now and then, the little guys (indies) get attention (Juno. Lost in Translation. Blah, blah, blah.) because they spoon feed audiences a Hollywood story in an independent package. Adam doesn’t do that; however, I still think it will be the breakout indie for a different reason: if you haven’t already noticed, box offices LOVE beautiful actors playing characters with conditions. Leonardo DiCaprio in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? Kristen Stewart in The Cake Eaters. Johnny Depp in Edward Scissorhands. Being a pretty face is easy. Taking on a challenging role is hard.

REASON #4. Speaking of pretty faces, I think the lead male actor is gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous. HOT DAMN HUGH DANCY IS ATTRACTIVE!!! Seriously, when he walked up to the stage after last night’s viewing, the woman next to me gasped. When, he open his mouth and a British accent tumbled out, she did it again and sighed, “[GASP!] Oh, wow, and he’s British?!?!?!” Hang on tight, Claire Danes. HANG ON TIGHT! ;)

REASON #5. I’m a sucker for good romantic comedies. Love ‘em. Love ‘em. Love ‘em. And, they’re even better when they aren’t predictable and wrapped in pretty packages, dipped in saccharine, topped with a row bow marked and stamped with a sign that says, “IMAGINATION NOT NEEDED. WE’LL TELL YOU EXACTLY WHERE THIS JOURNEY IS GOING.” Critics agree and love this film, too. “Adam is a cut above most romances and boasts an intriguing conclusion. One comes away with a sense of hope, leavened by realism” and the film “never makes a misstep.” Want an even stronger endorsement? The New York Times says:

Playing a character who is mentally disabled can be a fast track to Oscar or to oblivion, and rare is the actor who can resist the statuette-winning, Hanks-Hoffman strategy of mannered tics and mechanical talk… [making] the performance of Hugh Dancy in the charming romantic comedy ‘Adam’ is all the more impressive [...] The humor is delicate, and the performances sweet and sure.

See the movie. Okay, enough praise for Adam. Trailer is below. Buy movie tickets online.

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Photo and video credit: Film still appears on the Adam website.

July 30th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [2] folks got down with the Funky Brown

GILF ALERT: Harold & Maude (Older Women & Younger Men)

I love movies! (Click image for Time Out New York’s listing of free outdoor summer film series.) Tonight, I’ll sit on the green lawn at Bryant Park and watch Harold & Maude as part of HBO’s outdoor film festival. Can’t wait! I’ve seen the movie before and it’s great. Short synopsis I give everyone who hasn’t seen it: He’s a teenager. She’s a sexagenarian. They do it. You can watch the Harold & Maude trailer on YouTube. If you’d like to read random posts I’ve written about older women and younger men, feel free to peruse any of the following: How to Seduce a GILF, Cougars and Cubs: Older Women, Younger Men, Urban Cougars and Their Young Boytoys, Top 10: Movies with Older Women & Younger Men Couples, 10 Sexiest Women Over 50 or Are Men in Their 20s Too Immature to Date?

On a completely different note … Hope you all had good weekends. I spent much of mine holed up in my apartment working on my book. Saturday morning, I escaped with Rachel and Julie to Tribeca for Billy’s cupcakes, soho for mini-facials at Molton Brown and hanging out at The Highline. My Sunday escape was a lovely dinner party in Harlem (so-called “SoHa“) with my friend The E. Ahhhh, nice, relaxing weekend. Now it’s Monday. Hmmm … I leave for Chicago in a couple days. Too much stuff to wrap up before I go, not enough time to do it. Anyway. More later.

July 20th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [8] folks got down with the Funky Brown

I Liked Hurting Girls (Review: Diary of an Oxygen Thief)

“Romance has killed more people than Cancer. Ok…maybe not killed but dulled more lives. Removed more hope, sold more medication, caused more tears.” I finished reading Diary Of An Oxygen Thief ages ago, and I swore I’d write about it because the book is so damn good. Written by an anonymous author, the tale follows the life of an Irishman who works in advertising and travels from London to the Midwest to Manhattan chasing … actually, I’m not sure what. I was going to say love but I could just as easily say life.

“Love, hate, what’s the difference?”

Diary Of An Oxygen Thief is one of the best books I’ve read all year — or, dare I say, in the past couple years. The writing is good. The story’s compelling. I couldn’t stop reading and re-reading it because I over-identified with the characters. The messy lives, the fucked up relationships and the pain of realizing at the very second you think you’ve got the love shit figured out, you couldn’t be more painfully wrong.

“”I liked hurting girls,” is the novel’s oft-quoted first line. Reading the book’s first few pages, I figured it could’ve only been written by a sociopathic asshole. But, I still loved it. That might say more about the types of guys I like rather than the book. I’ve historical allowed men to disappoint me because I was in love with who I wanted them to be (or who they were on rare occasions) rather than their actual character.

“‘Hurt people hurt people.’ I see now that I was in pain and wanted others to feel it, too. This was my way of communicating.”

Here in New York, I once slept with a British dude who told me: “I like you. You’re not beautiful, but you’re cute.” In Chicago, I stayed in a relationship with a man for MONTHS after he repeatedly screamed at me like I was a fucking child as he explained: “This is the worst it’s gonna get, Twanna. I’m never going to hit you. All couples argue.” Of course I screamed back and, eventually, broke up with him. I have friends, family members and FBC readers who could tell even more fucked up stories about the things they’ve done and/or allowed to be done to them in relationships.

“They say you’re not punished for your sins, you’re punished by them.”

When I first moved to NYC, I felt like I was caught in a clothes dryer spin cycle in my love and professional lives. I had a job. I didn’t have a job. I lived in the West Village. I moved to Hell’s Kitchen. I left Manhattan. I was going back to school to collect yet another degree. I was sick of taking classes. And, perhaps, not entirely coincidentally, I went on tons and tons of dates — an average of 1 – 3 new ones each week. Not all of them were fantastic. Seriously, sometimes I read over some of my old posts about guys I went on dates with and I’m like What. The. Hell was I thinking?!!? I remember there was a Swiss guy who was so unremarkable that I could only remember his name started with a K. Was it Klaus? Kevin? Keith? Fuck if I know. But, this I know for sure: I’d take New York’s life/love madness over my mundane Midwestern past any day. As many of you already know, I grew up in Illinois  — Smalltown, USA central. The writer really nails that world. The tightly wound lives. The deceit. The heavy addiction of “normalcy” and the denial of any dysfunction.

“But, fuck it, the big toothy smiles, the thick needy niceness. That crazy over-awake stare. I still don’t know what that was. Zoloft. Stupidity? In New York, everyone just looks hurt. It seems more honest. Maybe I just identified with them.”

And, I love New York too. For the same reasons. Anyway. Whether you live in New York or elsewhere, I highly recommend this book. If you’re not into reading about fuck up relationships, you might like Diary Of An Oxygen Thief for the insider’s view of the advertising world.

“Advertising is false. Once you know that, you’ve got a chance.”

Interesting quote because, when I agreed to review the book, I didn’t know if it was a memoir (true) or novel (false). Generally speaking, I don’t read fiction because there are so many amazing real life stories that resonate with me more fully. But, the more I read Diary Of An Oxygen Thief, I wondered: Would I change my opinion of this book if it I knew it was a novel? Reality is what you believe it to be. Or, to quote The Matrix: If real is what you can feel, smell, taste and see, then ‘real’ is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain. So, yeah, get the book. And, of course, if you haven’t already seen The Matrix, rent it. (The two aren’t connected; I just have a horrible habit of relating every life experience to specific film quotes.)

July 16th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [8] folks got down with the Funky Brown