Twanna A. Hines @ FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com | sex. dating. relationships.

Manly Monday: What is The Average Penis Size?

Technorati Tags: dating, genitalia, genitals, Men, penises, relationships, sex, women

December 28th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [7] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Condoms for Big and Small Men

If I’m going to have sex with a guy, I’ll ask him to slip a balloon on his dick. I use condoms. Almost always. It’s not the men, it’s me. I don’t want a baby. Or AIDS. Or crabs. Or random green shit oozing out my hooha. Once we’ve been together exclusively for a while, we’ll talk about going raw. Until then, I’m uber protective about my sexual health. I think men who care about their safety, too, are SEXY. (Sidenote: If I don’t know a guy really well and he wants to nail me without protection, I’m going to assume he generally sticks his lollipop in women wrapper free every time. Or at least very often. That scares me.)

Okay, so, I was inspired to write about condoms because it’s World AIDS Day. According to the CDC, 1 in 5 of the more than one million people in the U.S. living with HIV don’t know even they have it. Earlier, I tweeted the list of NYC free clinics for anonymous HIV testing available in all 5 boroughs. It’s important to get tested and know your status. Check and check; I’m negative. I guess that ends the Public Service Announcement section of today’s blog post. Now, for a related topic, small condoms and large condoms.

One of my exboyfriends from ages ago (in Florida) had a slightly small penis. The condom often slipped off when we had sex. On the other end of the spectrum, I’ve also been with a guy whose member was so large it was kind of hard to stuff it into a standard sized condom. That said, although men often obsess about how they measure up, the truth is: all guys are pretty similar in length and girth. I mean, you know, few men are a thin as a pencil and short as a clitoris. Even fewer are a thick as a baby’s arm and long as a baseball bat from scrotum to tip. Size differences are relatively subtle. That said, if any of you have interesting stories about anecdotes about penis size, feel free to leave them in the comments section below. I’m especially curious to hear a guys’ perspectives about the topic, but women are encouraged to weigh in as well.

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Credit paid: Image of NYC condoms is by Victoria Peckham.

Technorati Tags: funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, HIV testing, large condoms, NYC condoms, penis size, small condoms, Twanna A. Hines, World AIDS Day

December 1st, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [15] folks got down with the Funky Brown

How Men Learn to Masturbate

I’ve gotta hand it to Marty Beckerman and Shawn Hollenbach. Last month, at my friend Rachel’s In the Flesh Erotic Reading Series, they told a room stuffed with strangers & friends how they learned to masturbate. Separately. I know them; although they’re equally sexy & hilarious, they’re not together. Marty digs chicks. Shawn likes dick. In any case, I love “How I Learned to Masturbate” stories. If you want to read about my first time using a vibrator, it’s on New York Press’ sex column Flavor of the Week. For two guys’ perspectives, here ya go:

SYNOPSIS: Shawn is a comedian who co-produces The Back Room — “a provocative gay stand-up show featuring NYC’s best working and up and coming gay, lesbian and sexy comics” — at Ochi’s Lounge every Friday night at 9pm. Funny excerpt from the clip below: “As I’m doing this, I’m exfoliating my penis [...] It was the most horrific feeling in the world … with my raw penis.”

SYNOPSIS: Marty Beckerman wrote Dumbocracy, Generation S.L.U.T. and Death to All Cheerleaders. Funny excerpt from the clip below: “Suuurpriiiise … Your dick is fucked!” and “No more floor fucking tonight. Weeeell, maybe after the reading.”

If you like the videos above and you live in New York, drop by Kettle of Fish tonight to see Marty, go to Ochi’s on Friday to see Shawn or come to Rachel’s erotic reading series tomorrow. If you don’t live in New York, and you’d like info on male masturbation, Babeland can hook you up with sex toys for men.

Technorati Tags: funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, In the Flesh Erotic Reading Series, Marty Beckerman, Rachel Kramer Bussel, Shawn Hollenbach, traumatic masturbatory syndrome, Twanna A. Hines

November 18th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [14] folks got down with the Funky Brown

This Is Why We Love and Cheat

“Romantic love is a drive. In fact, I think it’s more powerful than the sex drive. You know, if you ask someone to go to bed with you and they say “no thank you” you certainly don’t kill yourself or slip into a depression. But, certainly, around the world, people who are rejected in love with kill for it. People live for love, kill for love and will die for it.”

Helen Fisher, author of The First Sex, Why We Love and Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray

Heads up: The video clip above is 20+ minutes. It’s a bit long, but it’s thought-provoking and worth watching. I’m much more drawn to these kinds of discussions than the fluffy “Top 10 Ways To Turn Your Man on TONIGHT!!!!” stuff.

Technorati Tags: funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, Helen Fisher, love, sex, Ted talks, Twanna A. Hines

November 4th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [6] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Manly Monday: Can Men Fake It? (Video)

Several years ago, I slept with a guy who faked an orgasm. Unable to complete The Final Act, he put on a performance. When he was done, he pulled out but he was still hard and the condom’s inside was completely dry and empty. I kind of felt bad for him because there’s TREMENDOUS pressure on guys to “make it happen.” Sometimes, they can’t. Wanna know more about other guys who’ve fake it? Read Men Fake It Too! on MSNBC. Also, Psychology Today has a Men Who Fake Orgasms piece, and Marie Claire answers: Why would men fake it? If you’re a guy who faked it (or someone who’s been with a dude who put on theatrics), feel free to share your stories in the comments section below.

Technorati Tags: can men fake it, faking, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, orgasms, Twanna A. Hines

October 19th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [19] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Manly Monday: Pictures of White Men’s Meat

If you’ve read (See: Does Guy-on-Guy Action Turn You On? and Do Men Look Good Naked?), you already know I like drooling at artistic male nudes. I’m getting a few photographs to mat and frame on my bathroom walls. I like the idea of buying nude art sold directly via photographers on websites and social media. You get the know the artist better. Plus, it’s easier and less expensive than getting stuff at galleries. One of my faves, deviantART, rocks — though, unfortunately, a lot of the guys are on there are, like, you know, white. Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against lighter varieties of meat. If you count all my exes from Europe as “white” then, technically, I’ve slept with more white dudes than black men. Still, that doesn’t mean I ONLY date them. Nor do I have the desire to ONLY look at their penises when I’m standing unclothed in my bathroom with fuzzy bath mat lint into between my bare toes as I get ready to enter the shower. When I find a site with an affordable, good collection of Asian, Latino, black and other colorful naughty bits for purchase, I’ll post the link. (If you know one, please share.) In the meantime, for this glorious Manly Monday, behold what has become: “The Other White Meat” collection. ;) Haven’t made any purchases yet, so let me know which photo(s) you like best. (Pssst, see my other deviantART favorites here.)

Him. by ~mistress-macabre on deviantART

Crash Dance by ~JogiART on deviantART

details of myself by !franzl on deviantART

Sneak Away — male nude 35 by ~JogiART on deviantART

Male Dreams by ~JogiART on deviantART

not another penis by ~talibstevens on deviantART

VIII by ~noir-nudes on deviantART

By the way, I asked my Twitter followers to suggest names for today’s post about pictures of white pee-pees. They came up with: The Great White Hope, White Popsicles, White Men Can’t Hump and Whitesabers. Feel free to make suggestions of your own. I need SOMETHING to say when people ask, “Um, Twanna … Why do you have a bunch of b&w photographs of white penises on your bathroom wall.” I’d like to answer, “Oh, that’s my ____ collection. You like?”

Technorati Tags: art, deviantART, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, interracial, JogiArt, male nudes, nude, photography

August 24th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [12] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Are Men in Their 20s Too Immature to Date?

I like younger men. So, the other day, I updated my Facebook status to say: “Twanna A Hines thinks 20-something dudes and 30-something women go well together. It’s kind of like pairing a fine wine with a nice meal.” The responses were hilarious. A guy friend from Florida asked: “Who’s the wine and who’s the meal?” A dude here in New York said, “You do the drinking, they do the…” Ladyvoices chimed in, too, but most were against my fine wine / nice meal pairing. One woman commented: “TOTALLY disagree. That’s like putting a fine wine (30 something ladies) with a happy meal (MOST 20 something boys).” A friend from LA said, “[20-something guys] weren’t great when we were in our 20s. Why would they be better in our 30’s?” I started to feel bad for the young ones :)  Hmm … Is it true that guys in their 20s are more immature than men in their 30s or 40s? Possibly. Possibly not. It’s worth mentioning, I dated an 42-year-old older man several summers ago. At the time, his age seemed ancient to me, but it didn’t matter — he turned out to be woefully childish. Lied, cheated and chased booty like he was a desperate, 15-year-old virgin who’d never had any before. There’s a saying: You can be a child only once, but you can be immature forever. Sooooo true — in life and in relationships. So, here’s the question: Are 20-something men too immature to date? Tell me: What are the benefits of linking up with a 20-something man (besides the obvious: better SEX)? And, what are the benefits of dating a 30-something woman (besides the obvious: better SEX)?

Technorati Tags: cougar, cougars, dating, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, mex, older men, older women, relationships, sex, Twanna A. Hines, younger men

July 1st, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [24] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Who’s the Cutest Bromance Couple?

A couple days ago, a friend commented: “Good Will Hunting is the original Bromance movie.” At first, I agreed. I mean, who could forget Ben Affleck and Matt Damon’s ridiculously cute acceptance speech at the 70th Annual Academy Awards!??! But, hold on there kiddies. On-screen, intimate friendships between men (Bromances) existed before Ben & Matt were born. Remember Jerry Lewis and that Dean Martin guy? Or, what about Will Smith and Martin Lawrence? Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan? I don’t know who can claim the “First Bromance” title (Marx brothers? Laurel & Hardy?), but I’d love to know your opinion:  Which Coupling is the CUTEST bromance? Feel free to use the comments section below to leave your suggestions. If you need inspiration, LA Times has a 11 Brands of Bromance slideshow. My vote: Gael García Bernal and Diego Luna.

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Photo credit: LA Times – 11 Brands of Bromance

Technorati Tags: Brad Pitt, bromance, couples, dating, Diego Luna, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, Gael Garcia Bernal, George Clooney, mancrush, Men, Twanna A. Hines

June 15th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [14] folks got down with the Funky Brown