“Romantic love is a drive. In fact, I think it’s more powerful than the sex drive. You know, if you ask someone to go to bed with you and they say “no thank you” you certainly don’t kill yourself or slip into a depression. But, certainly, around the world, people who are rejected in love with kill for it. People live for love, kill for love and will die for it.”

Helen Fisher, author of The First Sex, Why We Love and Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray

Heads up: The video clip above is 20+ minutes. It’s a bit long, but it’s thought-provoking and worth watching. I’m much more drawn to these kinds of discussions than the fluffy “Top 10 Ways To Turn Your Man on TONIGHT!!!!” stuff.

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This Is Why We Love and Cheat

Like many (but not all) women, I sometimes have a horrible habit of giving unnecessary attention to things I don’t like about my body. When I was really thin, I wanted curves. Now that I’m a normal weight, I watch what I eat. I’ve since learned there’s no such thing as one perfect body, and I’m developing a healthier relationship with food. Whenever I start freaking out about my size, I divert my thoughts, energy, effort and attention to things that are more important to me — like my writing career, finishing my book, developing deeper spirituality, thinking about my dreams & aspirations and spending time with my family. Besides, I figure everyone has a “Best Physical Trait,” a winning ticket or two. Ages ago, when one of my exes boythings — a cute, white French Canadian brunette with a cute smile — asked which feature I thought was my best asset, I very happily told him my legs:

Inspired by Tina Turner, I strut those things around and show ‘em off in miniskirts and dresses. Seriously, I’ve gotta hand it to Miss Anna Mae Bullock. EVERYONE notices her lower limbs. Former President George W. Bush called them “the most famous in showbusiness.” They’ve also been lauded as simply the best. Hell, even The Onion joked she had a $3.2 million insurance policy on those babies in the satirical piece, Tina Turner Burns Down Legs For Insurance Money. Hats off to her! When I’m 69, I can only hope I look as great as she does. I think she’s gorgeous, and it’s not just about her legs. Rising from a humble and abusive background, she found happiness and blew everyone by accomplishing a lot in her career. But, back to the shallow stuff: I think she’s hot :) So, now, tell me about you. What would you say is your best physical asset and/or which trait do you notice most in men or women that interest you?

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A Tits And Ass Man’s Pick I Am Not

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Sex Ed 101: Understanding Your Lady Bits (VIDEO)

I’m happy to report the conference was even better than I thought it would be. Sessions included “Women of Color and Marketing,” LGBTQ roundtables and other diversity-centered talks. The shindig (and corresponding parties!) were well-organized, high-quality, informative and FUN. I’d undoubtedly forget a few events if I tried to list each of my favorites; so, I won’t. However, I definiltey wanted to blog about my FAVORITE part of the conferece — The Community Keynote. Instead of reserving the floor for a big shot, well-known speaker, this particular piece of the conference highlights ordinary women navigating extraordinarily human experiences. Stories included: Issa’s heart-breaking tale about her mentally ill, homeless Uncle Marky; Karen Walrond’s inspiring Reflections On Why the Election of Barack Obama Affected Me So Deeply; Sheri Reed’s brutally honest piece “Amends” about alcoholism; and Danielle Henderson’s funny story about a multi-day trial of a tampon lodged in her vagina after having sex with her husband. The latter didn’t go to the doctor for nearly a week because, “In my family, going to the doctor to have a foreign object removed from your body is a total ‘dick move’.”) Watch the entire Community Keynote below:

Also, be sure to check out my co-panelists’ fabulous blogs!! They’re online: The Pioneer Woman, Ree Drummond; social media guru Laura Roeder; and veteran online marketer Susan Getgood)

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Black Women, Lesbians & Transgenders, Oh My!! ;)

This is what I look like when I wake early on a Saturday morning to meet Rachel for cupcakes at Billy’s Bakery. I’m not wearing any makeup and I didn’t curl my hair. It’s an au natural snapshot taken within the last year or so. Managing expectations, you know? I’m not high maintenance. If a guy is turned off by the photo above, he probably won’t like looking at me in real life either. If he thinks the photo is cute, he’ll probably think I’m cute in person, too.

That said, yes, I often wear make up and curl my hair. When I do, I look like this photo. Given I’m likely to do that whole “woman grooming” stuff for the first date, it’s likely I’ll look like this when my Matchmaker’s pick(s) meet me.

I like to wear dresses.

A lot. Like, you know, all the time. Really, I do.

Seriously, I only own 2 – 3 pairs of jeans and 1 pair of pants. If you’ve met me or if you scroll through my Flickr photos, you’d be hard-pressed to remember me wearing anything much else than a skirt or dress on regular occasions. Plus, because the final three pics above are recent full body shots (no photoshop, taken within the past three months), the guy will get an idea of my height-weight proportions. No wonder when Funky Brown Chick readers meet me in person, they often say, “Wow, you look exactly like your pictures.” So, there you have it! I think the Matchmaker is forwarding my images to guys within the next week or so. I’ll keep you posted :)

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How I Selected The Photos (Matchmaker, Online Dating)

This was the pre-Euro days of yore, when wallets were lined with Deutschmarks, Guilders, Francs and Pesetas. Italy had currency with many many zeros on it, and I told the guy I had something 5,000,000,000,000,000 lire. (If I remember correctly, that was the equivalent of $2.50. I exaggerate. Slightly. Anyway.) So, then the Italian dude’s like: “Um, that’s not enough.” I tell him I don’t have any more cash on me. So, Mr. Italiano motions toward the Bancomat and he’s like, “You can go get some more money there.” Being young and stupid, I ask: “How much more money should I take out?” The Italian dude, perhaps amused my my naivety, says: “Give me whatever you have.” Armed with the knowledge that the statue of a dude grabbing another dude’s precious jewels simply MUST be mine, I run across the street to follow the man’s orders and withdraw waaaay too much money. “Here,” I return and hand him a fistful of bills, “take this!!” He did take my money. And, in return, he gave me this:

Four countries, eight cities and exactly twelve years later, I still have this mini-statue. Today, I moved it from my old apartment to the new one. I’ve never known what it depicts, but I adore it. It reminds me of Italy — of a land I loved and a time when I didn’t care that I was young and stupid.

I’m a fan of male homoerotic art. If one man is great, two men together is even better!! So, I have a double feature question for you today, dear readers: (1)Does anyone know what hell scene and/or which historical figures the mini-statue depicts?* (2) Whether you’re male, female, gay, straight or some semi-combination of two or more of the aforementioned, tell me: Does guy on guy action turn you on? If not, tell me why. If so, what do you like best about it?

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Big kisses to Santagati for solving my mystery. It’s a statue of Hercules and Diomedes — history of the original, another replica and a pic on Flickr

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Does Guy-on-Guy Action Turn You On?

Hi Twanna,

Not sure if this constitutes [a request for] dating advice but here it goes…

I read your blog often and I notice that you date all races of men. I have only dated black men but I am interested in dating men of other races. Problem is, I do not know how to meet them, or at least I don’t know how to meet ones that are interested in dating black women. I feel like I see enough of them on the daily at work or happy hour but it seems as if they don’t even look at me as a dating prospect [...]

If it will help you to answer the question, I am a 28 year old [job redacted] living in Baltimore. I enjoy cultural events and people who are diverse in their lifestyles and ideas.

Hope that helps.

[name redacted]

Ah, we all know how I feel about dating advice / dating experts. That said, I’m gonna take a stab at this one because: (1) I think it will be fun and (2) I thought I’d share my wealth of knowledge since I’ve dated a lot of white dudes, Latinos, half the countries in Western Europe, a Moroccan guy, black Americans, and … whatever … the list is too long. Anyway. If you’re a brown-skinned woman who wants to date Dudes of Different Ethnicities (DDEs), here are a few TOTALLY “politically incorrect” tips.

SOCIALIZE. If you want to meet new men period (whether black, white, Vietnamese or any other ethnicity), you gotta go to the right venues. Generally speaking, sports venues attract a higher percentage of dudes … just like, say, nail salons attract more women. I have one word for you: SOFTBALL. If your job, church and/or city has a community league, join it. In Baltimore, I know there’s the Baltimore Sports & Social Club. If you don’t like softball, try golf, tennis, rugby, water polo or lacrosse tournaments to meet all different kinds of guys. STAY AWAY FROM HOOPS!!! Because we all know who plays basketball!!!! ;) Say you don’t like sports? No problem. Go to political networking stuff. Though there are exceptions, right-wing nutjobs aren’t necessarily known for loving brown-skinned women. Go left: Obama groups, Drinking Liberally, MoveON or book readings at independent bookstores. You’ll find scores of DDEs who are open to brown girls.

MOVE. You mentioned you live in Baltimore.You might have better luck in Seattle, Portland or San Francisco. Those cities are STUFFED with fair-skinned liberal folks who love brown-skinned people and will gladly tell you: “Some of my best friends are black.” ;)

LOOK ONLINE. There’s been a boom in interracial online dating sites. I mentioned this in an article I wrote for Mashable a while ago. Click here and see #3 for details.

LIGHTER OR WHITER, BUT NOT WASPY. Try to find your oppressed allies: The Scots. Puerto Ricans. Jews. Irish people. Italians. Generally speaking,  they’ll understand prejudice, racism and discrimination better. This will greatly cut down on your “I Don’t Have Time To Tell A ___ Dude Everything He Needs to Know About Black Women” lesson planning.

There ya go, my dear! :) Kisses and good luck. Now, for the rest of you, feel free to leave additional tips, comments and other thoughts in the comments section. Ooh, ooh, ooh … and be sure to tune in tomorrow for my “How to Date a Black Chick” post.

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How to Date a White Guy

Ah, memories. Watching my toothpick legs do high kicks zapped me back to ages ago. When I was a teenager, I thought I’d get married by 23 because that’s people around me were doing. I already knew I didn’t want to have children when I got older, but I thought I might possibly adopt because, again, everyone else had children in their family so I figured I’d have to have them in mine. Also, I truly thought I was going to marry my college boyfriend. Strange, no? At one time, I thought I’d marry the guy; if I met him now, I wouldn’t give him a second date. It’s interesting the “life” I thought I’d live vs. the one I chose to pursue. Things certainly haven’t always happened the planned. And, thankfully, most of the times that’s been a good thing.

Now, let’s talk about this “heartbreak” stuff. Reminder: If you live in New York, come to Borders Bookstore at Columbus Circle tomorrow at 7pm. I’m reading my contribution to Six-Word Memoirs on Love and Heartbreak. Basically, I’ll quickly sum up my views about love lost and then read my entry for the book. Other lovely people who contributed stories will share, too. So, you’ll hear the sound of anonymous hearts breaking and/or being united in love. Should be fun. Hmmm … I guess I’ll end today’s post by asking YOU the two short questions I’ll answer during my short story at Borders tomorrow: How would YOU define heartbreak? Men, women, tell us: What is it about having love and losing it that makes it (at the time) so painful and (later) memorable?

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This is What Heartbreak Sounds Like

I’m such a fucking sap about this stuff. One of my favorite film kisses was from The Notebook. (((Le sigh))) Ah, who doesn’t love kisses? And cinema, too! I’m a HUGE movie freak. I’ve been to International Film Festival Rotterdam, Toronto, Chicago and a bunch of others. I even worked at Robert DeNiro’s Tribeca Film Festival (volunteered in ‘06, was hired for pay in ‘07) and volunteered at the Amnesty International Film Festival in Amsterdam. God, I love film. I soooo choke up every time I see that final scene in Cinema Paradiso. If you’re a cinephile and you haven’t seen that movie, rent it!

In case you wondered, the words smeared on the woman’s neck above, translated from French, reads: “A warm summer breeze tickles my neck like a soft blown kiss on my skin.” Kisses. On the neck, right above the collar bone / clavicle. I love that. Ooh, one of my other favorite spots to be kissed is the back of the neck, to the bottom right of of my hairline. Ummmm, here’s a lip-related question for ya: What’s your favorite place to be kissed? I’ve asked this question on the blog before, but we’ve got a few new commenters around here. So, I thought I’d give everyone another chance to whisper one of their secrets: Where do YOU like to be kissed most?

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Kissing Naughty Spaces?

I imagine I’d react the exact same — if I believed in getting wed. Nope, kiddies. It’s just not for me; I don’t see the point of marriage. Few would tolerate its failure rate elsewhere. Imagine 50% of MTA trains crashed during rush hour, 50% of planes fell from the sky or 50% of NYC taxicab drivers knifed their passengers. If any of this occurred, alarms would sound. Clearly, something isn’t working. Right? Not the case with marriage. “It works, dammit! IT WORKS!!! For everyone!!! You’ve just gotta believe in it hard enough.” The assumption? Divorce is failure; however, sleeping next to someone in the same bed without fucking them for months, hell, even YEARS at a time is “success.” Being an adult, walking away from an agreement that once worked very well but no longer fits either party, is “quitting.” Sticking together through the bitter end — and, I mean BITTER fights, namecalling, cheating, loneliness, family feuds, unwanted children, etc. — is “commitment.” Let’s not pretend all marriages are perfect, shall we?

Racialicious gives it to you straight, “plenty of black people – I’d say most – are really committed to the idea of two parents and a stable marriage.” Nuh-uh. Not me. :) Don’t get me wrong. I’m not ANTI marriage, mind you. (Ditto for gay marriage. Whoever wants to marry should be able to marry.) For some, it works. When proposing to the awesome contestant I mention earlier in this post, her guy says, “You once asked me if I could meet anyone, who would it be. The answer is, and always will be, our children.” See? Beautiful. That’s love. I sincerely wish them the best in marriage. For me, for now, I’m okay being single and childfree. How about you? I check the demographic stats on my blog. Interestingly, most of you (54%) are men. Sexy white folks, gorgeous black people, Asian hotties and other lovely readers like getting down with the funky brown. Married, single and divorced people read this site. This blog is most interesting when people respectively disagree; so, tell me your answer to this question: Marriage. Is it worth it?

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Credit paid: Image pf hands is by Kostya Kisleyko.

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Is Marriage Worth It? I Say No.