Twanna A. Hines @ FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com | sex. dating. relationships.

Have You Ever Wondered: WHAT IF …

I think I’m going through something. Is there a name for the period between the quarterlife crisis and a midlife crises? Maybe 33 and 1/3 or something like that? Over the past month or so, I’ve put more thought into adulthood, my career, how I spend my days, friendship, my love life and etc. I’ve even started listening to Tara Brach’s Buddhist meditation podcasts. I think I’m searching. For what, I don’t know. I’m not sure what triggered my recent bout of introspection. Could be the weather. When the sky turns grey and the temperature drops, I tend to hibernate. I don’t own a television because I read, catch up with friends and family on the phone and organize my life more without a timesuckage box in front of me. (Granted my computer screen has become the new I.V. drip, but that’s conversation for a completely different post.) As I was saying … More time at home = more thinking.

If the weather isn’t affecting me, it could be something else. Maybe the book. I’ve said: “After it’s finished, everything is up in the air.” Will I stay in New York or move to a different city? If I move, will I stay in the U.S. or go back to Europe? I’ll likely always be online; however, will I keep writing for magazines and newspapers (a dying, underpaid art form) or will I switch to film and television writing (growing, higher paid). Speaking of money, maybe the economy is kicking my ass toward more self reflection? There’s nothing like a good ol’ fashion recession to shake everything up and make you wonder: Is what I’m doing at this very moment worthwhile, important and true to my dreams? Currently, thankfully, the answer is yes. I want to write a book. I want to live in New York. Still, I’m kind of of turning a lot of different “longterm” ideas around in my head.

I find life transitions exciting, fun, scary, interesting and challenging. I’m not risk averse; I’ve moved around a lot and worked in different fields. I was a bartender in London, taught in Florida, managed film courses in Chicago, led a theater program in New York and dabbled in a bunch of other things in between. The most interesting part about making a “life change” is the period right before I make the jump. It’s that “what if” part. What if I do ___? What if I stay right where I am? I’m never 100% certain of the outcome. Ah, Uncertainty.

Do you mind a tangent? No? Okay, good. Have you seen the movie Sliding Doors? I thought it was really good, though I often wonder if it’s because I overidentified with the film’s “what if” theme. The plot developed as Gwynnie Paltrow ran to catch a train. Semi spoiler: In one scenario, she arrived home in time to catch her boyfriend cheating on her. In the other scenario, she arrived late and didn’t find out he was screwing around. It gets interesting because you see how her life radically changes based on such an insignificant act: catching a train. It’s worth mentioning, when I saw the movie, I was living in London and I hadn’t yet decided if I would return to the U.S. or stay in England. In the end, I left.

Fast forward 11 years. I’m in New York now. There’s a new movie, Uncertainty. Go look at its Tumblr, Facebook and Twitter. Pssst! If you’re a fellow New Yorker, see Joseph Gordon-Levitt (who, by the way, looks A LOT like that Terminator kid,  a young Edward Furlong) in person along with directors David Siegel and Scott McGehee at the Friday evening shows. See IFC Center for details. The timing of the film’s opening is quite serendipitous. Description: “What if? A couple at a crossroads in their relationship, facing, one fateful July 4, the seemingly simple decision between a family barbecue or dim sum in Chinatown. Splitting the tale in two, exploring what happens as the couple follow both options and the consequences of making a choice–or not.” Should be interesting. That’s all. I don’t really have much else to say. Just, you know, thinking about being an adult and living everyday life.

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Credit paid: Image above appears courtesy of IFC Films.

November 12th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [13] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Voyeurism and The Proust Questionnaire

Since I’ve started cooking in my home again, I’ve become kind of obsessed with planning dinner parties, salons and other events. I connect to people more deeply when I have them tucked inside my home for a few hours. I get to bypass the surface of “How are you doing?” to ask (and answer) “How are you REALLY doing?” Abiola coined them “Sinner’s Dinner” and I’ve adopted the name. Not sure when my next one will be and who I’ll invite to attend, but I’m thinking of asking guests to answer “The Proust Questionnaire” at the dinner table. It’s not just about discovering someone’s favorite color. The questions and answers actually give you a voyeuristic peak into the lives of others. By the way, most people are familiar The Proust Questionnaire because Inside the Actor’s Studio brought it back into fashion. In case you’re interested, here are some my answers:

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Living my life as I see fit. Pursuing my passions. Hanging out with good friends. Drinking nice wine. Seeing beautiful sunsets. Dipping my toes in warm ocean water on sandy beaches. Practicing my faith in a place of worship that doesn’t judge me. Being loved. Being free.

What is your greatest fear?

Dying alone.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

Strength. But, it’s weird; I have a love / hate relationship with this trait. Hear me out …

Ages ago, on This American Life, I listened to Genevieve Jurgensen talk about the death of her two young daughters. After their funeral, she said someone told her: “You will see, you can get used to anything.” She responded. “It is certainly the most simple, true, brutal perceptive thing that anyone said to me at the time. You could interpret it as either a message of hope, or of a crushing contempt of human nature.”

I never know how to react when people tell me they think I’m “strong” or “independent” or whatever. On one hand, it’s a certainly compliment. On the other hand, it’s frustrating because resilience, by definition, is the capacity to withstand and rebound from catastrophe, pain and loss. Hence, the more resilient anyone is, theoretically, the more “practice” they’ve had at sharpening this skill/trait. I remember talking to one of my church’s ministers about how difficult life was for me at a certain point a few years back, and he told me: “Life can be unbearably hard at times.” Yes, it’s true. I know. And, if strength is the product of surviving adversity, sometimes I wish I wasn’t as strong because that would’ve meant I hadn’t experienced as much adversity.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Stubbornness. Bigotry. Closed-mindedness. Ignorance. Pick any; they’re all one in the same.

Which living person do you most admire?

Whoopi Goldberg, Halle Berry, Oprah, Barack Obama, Cher, Madonna, Eminem, Jay-Z, Sean Combs, Zoe Margolis, Abiola Abrams, Rachel Kramer Bussel, my family and others — both known and unknown, famous and obscure — who’ve made their way forward and are doing things they love on their own terms.

What is your current state of mind?

Conflicted about living in New York beyond the next 3 – 5 years. Resolved about my dating life. Happy that I’m living, clothed, fed, sheltered and moving toward being debt free.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Chastity. Seriously, fuck that.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

That I (and women in general) have to do our hair, wear make up and do other seemingly purposeless and annoying things to look “polished.” I know women who won’t leave this house without makeup. Obviously, I’m doing it wrong because I rarely wear the stuff & regularly post pictures online sans makeup and sans curled hair. :)

What is the quality you most like in a man?

Honesty.

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Self esteem. Women who have healthy levels of self esteem are generally less bitchy and annoying to deal with than those who don’t.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

I say “or something like that” and “right” and “like” and other stuff a lot. I blame my days living in California :)

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

There’s not one “who” because I think everyone has several “great loves” throughout their lives. If I had to answer “what” is my greatest love, I would say happiness. I like being happy.

When and where were you happiest?

Adulthood.

Which talent would you most like to have?

I’d like to have a better singing voice.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Happiness and positivity. Neither came easily, I work at both.

If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

A butterfly. They’re really pretty. I like looking at them. So, yeah, either that or a chocolate cupcake. Or, maybe, a stone.

Where would you most like to live?

At the moment, I’m okay in New York. When I look into the future, I think I’d eventually like to save more money, plan for early retirement, buy property, have a bigass dog for a pet, grow a garden, etc. It’s not impossible to do these things in New York, but it’s certainly harder to achieve that stuff here than it is in other places. Five years into the future, I will have lived in NYC for a decade. That’s a good run. Not sure where I’d go after that. Maybe I’ll stay here. Maybe I won’t. Maybe I return abroad. Maybe I won’t. Who knows.

What is your favorite occupation?

In the past it was international affairs / international education. Now, it’s writing.

What do you most value in your friends?

Loyalty. Integrity. Honesty.

Who are your favorite writers?

Too many to list!!! Langston Hughes, Anne Frank, Gabriel García Márquez, Kafka, Hans Massaquoi …

What is it that you most dislike?

Shitty people.

What is your greatest regret?

I don’t have regrets, per se. I have tons of mistakes that I’ve learned from, and I try to apply that knowledge whenever I’m in similar situations. For example, I used to live in London by myself. I left because I was scared and didn’t know if things would work out in the long run. In New York, when things didn’t work out in the beginning, I stayed because I already knew what it was like to run away.

How would you like to die?

Without pain, in my sleep while dreaming about my loved ones.

What is your motto?

Life is short. Enjoy it.

October 27th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [15] folks got down with the Funky Brown

It’s going to be a sunny 71° F in NYC today.

Ooh la la!! Señor Weather Man says it’s gonna be unseasonable warm in New York. Nice!! I don’t like winter weather. I get moody and depressed when it’s cold, damp, dark and rainy. So, today’s forecast sounds like a PERFECT day. I’ll put up a full post later. In the meantime, I’m too busy doing the happy dance about the wonderfully warm weather. I officially designate James Brown’s “Make It Funky” as our humpday’s theme music. ♫♪♪♫♪♫♪♫ Ooooh, synergy: Funky Brown loves James Brown!! :)

If you could pick a “Theme Song” for today, what would YOU choose?

October 21st, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [6] folks got down with the Funky Brown

A Sudden Epiphany

My life would be easier if I didn’t like men so much :(

September 23rd, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [11] folks got down with the Funky Brown

In Pictures: Molton Brown + Funky Brown Chick = Brown Love Affair

I’m going to write another post later. In the meantime, I wanted to upload pictures from last night’s “brown love affair.” Okay, so, here’s the story … My friend Julie is a huge Molton Brown fan, but I’d never used their products because I don’t really spend a lot of time or attention on facial products. So, anyway, a few weeks ago, Julie lured me to a Molton Brown event by mentioning they’d have free chocolate chip cookies and champagne. So, of course, I went. I think the manger — a man with EXTREMELY beautiful skin — asked me what I did for a living. I told him I’m a writer. Julie told him about my site, Funky Brown Chick. He wanted to know more about it, so I gave him the link. Yada, yada, yada … I think he’s a fan because he offered to host an event for me and a few friends. Last night, Molton Brown closed its doors and threw us a private soirée with sparkling wine, grapes, delightful little cookies, free massages and mini-facials.

Last night. Outside Molton Brown’s SoHo location. 128 Spring Street, New York, NY.

Today. My bathroom sink. I bought Skinfresh facial wash, Skinbalance tonight lotion and Facezone Overnight Renewal. (I still use Clinique’s daily moisturizer (yellow container) because it has SPF.)

Urban Gypsy getting a mini-facial last night.

Now that I look at all the pictures, I wish I took a group shot of our faces because everyone looked so pretty and relaxed after our mini-facials and massages. See that? Brown on Brown Love! :) Given my friends and I walked out with bags of purchased goodies hanging from our fingers, I guess the Molton Brown + Funky Brown Chick affair was a smart business move. That said, I don’t get the impression they throw private parties w/ wine and massages for everyone who walks in the store. So, I’m grateful for their kindness and generosity.

September 9th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [4] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Reading: Transgendered Children – The Story that Changed My Mind

Earlier today, I saw the piece excerpted below on BlogHer. I think my last Funky Brown Chick post about trans issues was What About Transgendered Little Boys and Girls? from a couple months ago. (Heads up: Comments on that post are out of order because I was using Disqus at the time and have since temporarily switched back to a non-threaded commenting system.) If you’re interested in more in-depth coverage of transsexuality, I highly recommend Monica Roberts’ blog TransGriot. Also, don’t forget to click through to read Rita Arens‘ story about meeting Jen Khatchatrian. It’s refreshingly honest, and it caught my eye because I met Jen at the same conference, too; her story is actually quite moving.

“I went into the conversation thinking it was wrong to let a young child make the decision to change his or her gender. I came out of lunch thinking, ‘I have to help this woman find friends for her daughter. Her daughter who has a penis.’”

[ Continue reading: Transgendered Children ]

August 26th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [1] comment so far

A HILARIOUS Sexual Harassment Video

Now, on a much lighter note … This sexual harassment / office humor video from Ebaums world is sooo wrong … and hilarious (h/t to @VioletBlue for the link)! If the clip above doesn’t load, you can see it on YouTube.

August 18th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [10] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Worrying About The Future?

I rarely write about religion on my blog because I’m not particularly interested in watching right-wing fundamentalists and atheists to go at each other in my comments section. Pointless bickering isn’t my thing. Having said that … I’m writing about my church today. I don’t often go because, quite frankly, they make it so easy for me to avoid the building. If I want to hear a sermon, I can read it online, watch it on TV, listen on the radio, download the video or audio podcast or check it out on YouTube. Why make the trip to 29th St when my church’s 2.0 efforts allow me to get my prayer, meditation and spirituality on in my underwear while in the comfort of my own home?

I only decided to church in person because: (1) Pam encouraged me; (2) there was always the slim chance I might discover the man of my dreams sitting in the pew next to me; and (3) it seemed like the right thing to do. I’m glad I did because the minister made the point: Sometimes we neglect to make changes in our lives because we’re too “used to” and comfortable with where we are. Then he gave a few reasons why we might fear letting go of prejudices, relationships, people, jobs or other negative things that rob us of our joy. The lesson was: Shake it off. Wash it off. Get rid of what no longer works.

Although it’s not my favorite quality, I’m a worrier. I need to let that go. I worry my friends will all go the traditional route (marriage & kids) and we’ll grow apart and I’ll be lonely. I sometimes fear living in New York will eventually bankrupt me, and I won’t have any money saved for retirement. And, I worry men here won’t find me attractive as I get older because I’m not high maintenance enough to do botox, surgery, daily make-up applications or other bullshit stuff women do to be “beautiful.” Ridiculous, I know. But, these are the random thoughts that enter my head when I’m on my own — you know, the kind of stuff I don’t bring up publicly when I’m out for a beer with friends because I’m afraid I’ll sound silly. (I can write it here because, quite frankly, I type out my posts as if no one will ever read them. It allows me to be more honest.) Anyway. Karma, G-d, Allah, Buddha, The Universe or whatever. Doesn’t matter; they all pretty much say the same thing: Worry is futile. “Don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (That’s the Bible.) “Worrying is simply praying for what I don’t want. Who wants that??” (Sati instructor Darbi Worley). Worry is like acting as a child who fears the monster under their mattress. The only way to face it is to climb down and look under the bed. If there is a monster, fucking slay it. If there isn’t one, you’ll know the fear was for naught. In either case, get on with your life. (I’m very loosely paraphrasing a message from Patricia Moreno’s Sati Life “I love my body” Warrior Body Facebook community.) So, yeah, I’m making an honest effort to stop worrying about my future. By the way, if you’re in New York, I HIGHLY recommend Darbi Worley’s 6:45 a.m. Intensati classes in Washington Square Park. Very inspirational. Not much else to say. Just needed to get the “worry” stuff off my chest.

August 18th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [11] folks got down with the Funky Brown