To any happily single person who has had conversations with moms and dads who insist they understand your desires better than you do, this one’s for you! Hat tip to Childfree Me for forwarding the video. For your pleasure, here are additional videos, words and other stuff I’ve posted about being childfree. Needless to say, just as those who write about kids don’t “hate” childfree people, my childfree posts do NOT imply moms, dads and others who love the little ones aren’t wanted here. ALL are welcome to get down with the funky brown.
From the category archives:
Emotions
In case you missed the announcement on my Twitter and Facebook … Bravo Media Inc. is brewing up something sexy. It’s called FOURPLAY, and Sara Benincasa, Jen Kwok, Diana Falzone & I are going to give it to you! ;) Stay tuned. More info soon. In the meantime, here are a few photos:
I sneaked an unofficial, blurry shot of us on the set, goofing off in the makeup room. Click here to view it. Also, see: Meet the Ladies of FOURPLAY.
Years ago, a friend gave me Max Ehrmann’s The Desiderata of Happiness: A Collection of Philosophical Poems because she knew I was a fan. I find Desiderata’s call to “avoid loud and aggressive persons” and “keep peace with your soul” particularly soothing. How could anyone not love his closer? “With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.”
I sometimes struggle with depression — especially during dark, cold and gray winter months. (Trust me; I’m dreading summer’s end.) Happiness isn’t something I was born with or anything that came easily served with life experience; I work at it. Every day. I spent years working jobs I didn’t like, residing in cities that didn’t match my lifestyle and otherwise living an unfufilling existence. I’m not saying I’ve figured out the “Meaning of Life” or anything like that, but I’ve found ways to be content and actively pursue my passions. I admire and respect what folks like Henrik Edberg (The Positivity Blog), Gretchen Rubin (The Happiness Project), Ananda Leeke (author, That Which Awakens Me and Love’s Troubadours) and others are doing — spreading positivity.
Recently, Yahoo! caught up with me to ask about makeovers and creating life anew. Here’s a photo of me getting a mic clipped to my dress, and below is the video in which I explain how I found (and continue to find) value. By the way, shout out to Yahoo! Shine for posting A Doctor’s Take on Female Ejaculation, 12 Things Smart Women Know About Men and other articles that aim to help improve womens’ love and sex lives.
Someone recently asked me, What’s it like living in New York, working freelance and living life happily in times of economic hardship? I was kind of surprised by this question because it’s not like the recession hit everyone else yet said, “No, not Twanna. Spare her!!” :) Just like everyone else, I worry I don’t have enough $$ saved; struggle through rough periods in various relationships/friendships; wonder what my next steps will be in the many years ahead; question whether I’m making the right decisions in life and love. So, I guess I’ll take that questions again, piece by piece.
What’s it like living in New York …
New York’s vibrancy works with my lifestyle. Though, honestly, I don’t know if I see myself growing very old in the city. I’d like to live in an apartment bigger than 450 sq. feet again. I don’t now because I can’t afford it. So, in the longterm — say, 5 or 6 years out — who knows if I’ll still be here. I could leave in two years, or I could still be here when I’m 82.
What’s it like working freelance …
Maddening. At the moment, I’m not able to sustain myself solely on my words. Like many other writers who live in the city, I consult (technology and social media), freelance, hold down a job and do a million other things to stay afloat. I know very few writers who are able to live a creative life without: (1) additional income streams and/or (2) getting partially bankrolled by a boyfriend/girlfriend, lover, parents or someone else when times get hard.
What’s it like living life happily in times of economic hardship?
I don’t believe inherent happiness comes from specific situations. I think the trick is to find the place where you fit in and live, truly live, there. I’m not from Manhattan. Though I’ve been nomadic — lived & worked in 14 different cities sprinkled throughout 3 countries — I’m originally from the cornfields of Central Illinois. Living in the Heartland, I always thought there was something wrong with me. Why doesn’t my family look as perfect as everyone else around here says theirs is? Why don’t I want to marry my prom date and push out a litter of kids like everyone else does? Why doesn’t anyone think I’m pretty? Why don’t I think owning a shotgun is the coolest thing ever?
For me, one of the beautiful things about being an adult is that I can choose to change my situation if I don’t like it. It’s not just about “moving.” Take this past weekend, for example. (What? you didn’t expect the Funky Brown Chick to miss Blogging While Brown, did you?) It was awesome. I received a White House briefing. (Picture as I walked toward the Eisenhower Executive Office Building, and a blurry one posing between Obama and Biden photos inside the entrance.) Afterwards, thanks to a friend with boat access, I also went sailing on the Potomac. I also watched the Brazil game on a rooftop w/ the dashingly handsome Leon and others. Good times, great conference sessions, and interesting people. (Big thank yous to Gina and the rest of Blogging While Brown, Corey Ealons from the White House, the nice gentleman with the boat and, of course, the incredibly beautiful eyecandy currently dangling their bodies during FIFA matches. It all contributed to a great weekend.) That doesn’t mean everything that happened over the past few days was perfect. At the conference, I had a couple people who knew me totally ignore me when they saw me. Sailing was fun, though didn’t turn out quite as I expected :) I had an argument with a friend. The US Men’s National Team got robbed. And, so on. I may not be able to control everything that happens around me, but I can control how I react to it. And, to an extent, I can control with which people & in what situations in I’ll engage. So I guess that’s the trick to living in New York (or elsewhere), working (any job) and living life happily (even) in times of economic hardship.
By the way, thank you to those who’ve asked questions. Getting to them now, and I will continue to create posts to answer each one. If you haven’t asked one yet, go ahead and ask. In the meantime, if you liked this post, be sure to read Married and Bored or Single and Lonely.
Well, guess who’s giving birth in exactly 8 months, 2 weeks and 6 days? :( File this one under unplanned pregnancies. If you’ve read this site for a while, you know I don’t have time to squeeze a newborn in my schedule. But, sometimes, it seems life hands you experiences you don’t expect … and/or wouldn’t have chosen. Under any circumstances. How did it happen? Well, last month, at SXSW, I hooked up with a completely adorable guy I’ve known (at a distance) for a few years. I didn’t write about it until now for many reasons. Privacy, of course. He’s online almost as much if not more than I am — albeit it in a completely different manner. I’m a bit of an exhibitionist. He is, too. He made a joke about “using the Ustream” to document our raunchiest sexual exploits. I was tempted, but I’ve never made sex tape because those things come back to haunt you. Since you didn’t “see” us hooking up, I’ll tell you what happened. In all honesty, the sex was awkward because, a few seconds after we began, I rolled him off of me. He’s taken. I felt guilty. So, we stopped before either of us “finished.” And, if there wasn’t such a thing as getting pregnant from pre-cum, that might be the story’s end. Actually, if today wasn’t April Fool’s Day I wouldn’t have told this story at all. My (happily) empty womb and I will see you tomorrow my little sweeties! :)
In the mood for images instead of words today? Photos above are by fabulous New York City photographer Diana Levine. Snapped during Social Media Week. See more party pics. For personal snapshots and other stuff, you can check out my TwitPic, Flickr or the “In Pictures” series on Funky Brown Chick.
Who doesn’t love free stuff? Thanks to Match.com, I’m able to hook up a Funky Brown Chick reader with “The Love Kit.” The package will likely include lip balm to make your mouth even more kissable, a copy of Whitney Casey’s 256-page guide The Man Plan, yummy dark chocolates, a Match.com membership discount coupon, a free 1-month online movie rental subscription and other undisclosed goodies. Also, if the reader is female, you’ll get a manicure set. If the winner is a guy, you’ll receive a shaving kit — but only if you promise you won’t use the razor to remove chest hair. Keep that part hairy. We like it.
How do you enter to win? It’s easy. Whether or you’re married, single or other, I want to know what you’re doing for Valentine’s Day. So, tell me! There are three ways to let me know (and, thereby enter to win the free Match.com goody bag). Here’s how: (1) Leave a comment on www.funkybrownchick.com; (2) tell me on Facebook; or (3) reply on Twitter – @funkybrownchick – with the hashtag #MatchKit. No need to do all three — e.g. don’t respond on the FBC and Facebook and Twitter. Pick one method, whichever method is easiest for you. Deadline is midnight (New York time) on Wednesday, 2/10.
Since I’m asking about your plans, it only seems fair to tell you about mine. For Valentine’s Day 2010, I’ll spend the afternoon making long distance telephone calls to my family back in Illinois. During the evening, I’ll be at The Grown and Sexy Valentine Party, a private gathering of friends and lovers with champagne, cupcakes and chocolate served. In other words, this year, I’m taking timing out to appreciate the love I have in life (friends & family) instead of focusing on what I don’t have at the moment (a boyfriend). Yep. That’s the plan. Now, let me what you’re doing.
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Full Disclosure: I don’t receive compensation or kickbacks from Match.com. I’m not promoting this giveaway because I’m on anyone’s payroll; I’m promoting it because I was approached, and I thought the opportunity to give Funky Brown Chick readers free stuff sounded delightful.
I think I’m going through something. Is there a name for the period between the quarterlife crisis and a midlife crises? Maybe 33 and 1/3 or something like that? Over the past month or so, I’ve put more thought into adulthood, my career, how I spend my days, friendship, my love life and etc. I’ve even started listening to Tara Brach‘s Buddhist meditation podcasts. I think I’m searching. For what, I don’t know. I’m not sure what triggered my recent bout of introspection. Could be the weather. When the sky turns grey and the temperature drops, I tend to hibernate. I don’t own a television because I read, catch up with friends and family on the phone and organize my life more without a timesuckage box in front of me. (Granted my computer screen has become the new I.V. drip, but that’s conversation for a completely different post.) As I was saying … More time at home = more thinking.
If the weather isn’t affecting me, it could be something else. Maybe the book. I’ve said: “After it’s finished, everything is up in the air.” Will I stay in New York or move to a different city? If I move, will I stay in the U.S. or go back to Europe? I’ll likely always be online; however, will I keep writing for magazines and newspapers (a dying, underpaid art form) or will I switch to film and television writing (growing, higher paid). Speaking of money, maybe the economy is kicking my ass toward more self reflection? There’s nothing like a good ol’ fashion recession to shake everything up and make you wonder: Is what I’m doing at this very moment worthwhile, important and true to my dreams? Currently, thankfully, the answer is yes. I want to write a book. I want to live in New York. Still, I’m kind of of turning a lot of different “longterm” ideas around in my head.
I find life transitions exciting, fun, scary, interesting and challenging. I’m not risk averse; I’ve moved around a lot and worked in different fields. I was a bartender in London, taught in Florida, managed film courses in Chicago, led a theater program in New York and dabbled in a bunch of other things in between. The most interesting part about making a “life change” is the period right before I make the jump. It’s that “what if” part. What if I do ___? What if I stay right where I am? I’m never 100% certain of the outcome. Ah, Uncertainty.
Do you mind a tangent? No? Okay, good. Have you seen the movie Sliding Doors? I thought it was really good, though I often wonder if it’s because I overidentified with the film’s “what if” theme. The plot developed as Gwynnie Paltrow ran to catch a train. Semi spoiler: In one scenario, she arrived home in time to catch her boyfriend cheating on her. In the other scenario, she arrived late and didn’t find out he was screwing around. It gets interesting because you see how her life radically changes based on such an insignificant act: catching a train. It’s worth mentioning, when I saw the movie, I was living in London and I hadn’t yet decided if I would return to the U.S. or stay in England. In the end, I left.
Fast forward 11 years. I’m in New York now. There’s a new movie, Uncertainty. Go look at its Tumblr, Facebook and Twitter. Pssst! If you’re a fellow New Yorker, see Joseph Gordon-Levitt (who, by the way, looks A LOT like that Terminator kid, a young Edward Furlong) in person along with directors David Siegel and Scott McGehee at the Friday evening shows. See IFC Center for details. The timing of the film’s opening is quite serendipitous. Description: “What if? A couple at a crossroads in their relationship, facing, one fateful July 4, the seemingly simple decision between a family barbecue or dim sum in Chinatown. Splitting the tale in two, exploring what happens as the couple follow both options and the consequences of making a choice–or not.” Should be interesting. That’s all. I don’t really have much else to say. Just, you know, thinking about being an adult and living everyday life.
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Credit paid: Image above appears courtesy of IFC Films.
