To any happily single person who has had conversations with moms and dads who insist they understand your desires better than you do, this one’s for you! Hat tip to Childfree Me for forwarding the video. For your pleasure, here are additional videos, words and other stuff I’ve posted about being childfree. Needless to say, just as those who write about kids don’t “hate” childfree people, my childfree posts do NOT imply moms, dads and others who love the little ones aren’t wanted here. ALL are welcome to get down with the funky brown.
From the category archives:
Happiness
In case you missed the announcement on my Twitter and Facebook … Bravo Media Inc. is brewing up something sexy. It’s called FOURPLAY, and Sara Benincasa, Jen Kwok, Diana Falzone & I are going to give it to you! ;) Stay tuned. More info soon. In the meantime, here are a few photos:
I sneaked an unofficial, blurry shot of us on the set, goofing off in the makeup room. Click here to view it. Also, see: Meet the Ladies of FOURPLAY.
Years ago, a friend gave me Max Ehrmann’s The Desiderata of Happiness: A Collection of Philosophical Poems because she knew I was a fan. I find Desiderata’s call to “avoid loud and aggressive persons” and “keep peace with your soul” particularly soothing. How could anyone not love his closer? “With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.”
I sometimes struggle with depression — especially during dark, cold and gray winter months. (Trust me; I’m dreading summer’s end.) Happiness isn’t something I was born with or anything that came easily served with life experience; I work at it. Every day. I spent years working jobs I didn’t like, residing in cities that didn’t match my lifestyle and otherwise living an unfufilling existence. I’m not saying I’ve figured out the “Meaning of Life” or anything like that, but I’ve found ways to be content and actively pursue my passions. I admire and respect what folks like Henrik Edberg (The Positivity Blog), Gretchen Rubin (The Happiness Project), Ananda Leeke (author, That Which Awakens Me and Love’s Troubadours) and others are doing — spreading positivity.
Recently, Yahoo! caught up with me to ask about makeovers and creating life anew. Here’s a photo of me getting a mic clipped to my dress, and below is the video in which I explain how I found (and continue to find) value. By the way, shout out to Yahoo! Shine for posting A Doctor’s Take on Female Ejaculation, 12 Things Smart Women Know About Men and other articles that aim to help improve womens’ love and sex lives.
Someone recently asked me, What’s it like living in New York, working freelance and living life happily in times of economic hardship? I was kind of surprised by this question because it’s not like the recession hit everyone else yet said, “No, not Twanna. Spare her!!” :) Just like everyone else, I worry I don’t have enough $$ saved; struggle through rough periods in various relationships/friendships; wonder what my next steps will be in the many years ahead; question whether I’m making the right decisions in life and love. So, I guess I’ll take that questions again, piece by piece.
What’s it like living in New York …
New York’s vibrancy works with my lifestyle. Though, honestly, I don’t know if I see myself growing very old in the city. I’d like to live in an apartment bigger than 450 sq. feet again. I don’t now because I can’t afford it. So, in the longterm — say, 5 or 6 years out — who knows if I’ll still be here. I could leave in two years, or I could still be here when I’m 82.
What’s it like working freelance …
Maddening. At the moment, I’m not able to sustain myself solely on my words. Like many other writers who live in the city, I consult (technology and social media), freelance, hold down a job and do a million other things to stay afloat. I know very few writers who are able to live a creative life without: (1) additional income streams and/or (2) getting partially bankrolled by a boyfriend/girlfriend, lover, parents or someone else when times get hard.
What’s it like living life happily in times of economic hardship?
I don’t believe inherent happiness comes from specific situations. I think the trick is to find the place where you fit in and live, truly live, there. I’m not from Manhattan. Though I’ve been nomadic — lived & worked in 14 different cities sprinkled throughout 3 countries — I’m originally from the cornfields of Central Illinois. Living in the Heartland, I always thought there was something wrong with me. Why doesn’t my family look as perfect as everyone else around here says theirs is? Why don’t I want to marry my prom date and push out a litter of kids like everyone else does? Why doesn’t anyone think I’m pretty? Why don’t I think owning a shotgun is the coolest thing ever?
For me, one of the beautiful things about being an adult is that I can choose to change my situation if I don’t like it. It’s not just about “moving.” Take this past weekend, for example. (What? you didn’t expect the Funky Brown Chick to miss Blogging While Brown, did you?) It was awesome. I received a White House briefing. (Picture as I walked toward the Eisenhower Executive Office Building, and a blurry one posing between Obama and Biden photos inside the entrance.) Afterwards, thanks to a friend with boat access, I also went sailing on the Potomac. I also watched the Brazil game on a rooftop w/ the dashingly handsome Leon and others. Good times, great conference sessions, and interesting people. (Big thank yous to Gina and the rest of Blogging While Brown, Corey Ealons from the White House, the nice gentleman with the boat and, of course, the incredibly beautiful eyecandy currently dangling their bodies during FIFA matches. It all contributed to a great weekend.) That doesn’t mean everything that happened over the past few days was perfect. At the conference, I had a couple people who knew me totally ignore me when they saw me. Sailing was fun, though didn’t turn out quite as I expected :) I had an argument with a friend. The US Men’s National Team got robbed. And, so on. I may not be able to control everything that happens around me, but I can control how I react to it. And, to an extent, I can control with which people & in what situations in I’ll engage. So I guess that’s the trick to living in New York (or elsewhere), working (any job) and living life happily (even) in times of economic hardship.
By the way, thank you to those who’ve asked questions. Getting to them now, and I will continue to create posts to answer each one. If you haven’t asked one yet, go ahead and ask. In the meantime, if you liked this post, be sure to read Married and Bored or Single and Lonely.
In the mood for images instead of words today? Photos above are by fabulous New York City photographer Diana Levine. Snapped during Social Media Week. See more party pics. For personal snapshots and other stuff, you can check out my TwitPic, Flickr or the “In Pictures” series on Funky Brown Chick.
Who doesn’t love free stuff? Thanks to Match.com, I’m able to hook up a Funky Brown Chick reader with “The Love Kit.” The package will likely include lip balm to make your mouth even more kissable, a copy of Whitney Casey’s 256-page guide The Man Plan, yummy dark chocolates, a Match.com membership discount coupon, a free 1-month online movie rental subscription and other undisclosed goodies. Also, if the reader is female, you’ll get a manicure set. If the winner is a guy, you’ll receive a shaving kit — but only if you promise you won’t use the razor to remove chest hair. Keep that part hairy. We like it.
How do you enter to win? It’s easy. Whether or you’re married, single or other, I want to know what you’re doing for Valentine’s Day. So, tell me! There are three ways to let me know (and, thereby enter to win the free Match.com goody bag). Here’s how: (1) Leave a comment on www.funkybrownchick.com; (2) tell me on Facebook; or (3) reply on Twitter – @funkybrownchick – with the hashtag #MatchKit. No need to do all three — e.g. don’t respond on the FBC and Facebook and Twitter. Pick one method, whichever method is easiest for you. Deadline is midnight (New York time) on Wednesday, 2/10.
Since I’m asking about your plans, it only seems fair to tell you about mine. For Valentine’s Day 2010, I’ll spend the afternoon making long distance telephone calls to my family back in Illinois. During the evening, I’ll be at The Grown and Sexy Valentine Party, a private gathering of friends and lovers with champagne, cupcakes and chocolate served. In other words, this year, I’m taking timing out to appreciate the love I have in life (friends & family) instead of focusing on what I don’t have at the moment (a boyfriend). Yep. That’s the plan. Now, let me what you’re doing.
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Full Disclosure: I don’t receive compensation or kickbacks from Match.com. I’m not promoting this giveaway because I’m on anyone’s payroll; I’m promoting it because I was approached, and I thought the opportunity to give Funky Brown Chick readers free stuff sounded delightful.
Since I’ve started cooking in my home again, I’ve become kind of obsessed with planning dinner parties, salons and other events. I connect to people more deeply when I have them tucked inside my home for a few hours. I get to bypass the surface of “How are you doing?” to ask (and answer) “How are you REALLY doing?” Abiola coined them “Sinner’s Dinner” and I’ve adopted the name. Not sure when my next one will be and who I’ll invite to attend, but I’m thinking of asking guests to answer “The Proust Questionnaire” at the dinner table. It’s not just about discovering someone’s favorite color. The questions and answers actually give you a voyeuristic peak into the lives of others. By the way, most people are familiar The Proust Questionnaire because Inside the Actor’s Studio brought it back into fashion. In case you’re interested, here are some my answers:
What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Living my life as I see fit. Pursuing my passions. Hanging out with good friends. Drinking nice wine. Seeing beautiful sunsets. Dipping my toes in warm ocean water on sandy beaches. Practicing my faith in a place of worship that doesn’t judge me. Being loved. Being free.
What is your greatest fear?
Dying alone.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Strength. But, it’s weird; I have a love / hate relationship with this trait. Hear me out …
Ages ago, on This American Life, I listened to Genevieve Jurgensen talk about the death of her two young daughters. After their funeral, she said someone told her: “You will see, you can get used to anything.” She responded. “It is certainly the most simple, true, brutal perceptive thing that anyone said to me at the time. You could interpret it as either a message of hope, or of a crushing contempt of human nature.”
I never know how to react when people tell me they think I’m “strong” or “independent” or whatever. On one hand, it’s a certainly compliment. On the other hand, it’s frustrating because resilience, by definition, is the capacity to withstand and rebound from catastrophe, pain and loss. Hence, the more resilient anyone is, theoretically, the more “practice” they’ve had at sharpening this skill/trait. I remember talking to one of my church’s ministers about how difficult life was for me at a certain point a few years back, and he told me: “Life can be unbearably hard at times.” Yes, it’s true. I know. And, if strength is the product of surviving adversity, sometimes I wish I wasn’t as strong because that would’ve meant I hadn’t experienced as much adversity.
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Stubbornness. Bigotry. Closed-mindedness. Ignorance. Pick any; they’re all one in the same.
Which living person do you most admire?
Whoopi Goldberg, Halle Berry, Oprah, Barack Obama, Cher, Madonna, Eminem, Jay-Z, Sean Combs, Zoe Margolis, Abiola Abrams, Rachel Kramer Bussel, my family and others — both known and unknown, famous and obscure — who’ve made their way forward and are doing things they love on their own terms.
What is your current state of mind?
Conflicted about living in New York beyond the next 3 – 5 years. Resolved about my dating life. Happy that I’m living, clothed, fed, sheltered and moving toward being debt free.
What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Chastity. Seriously, fuck that.
What do you most dislike about your appearance?
That I (and women in general) have to do our hair, wear make up and do other seemingly purposeless and annoying things to look “polished.” I know women who won’t leave this house without makeup. Obviously, I’m doing it wrong because I rarely wear the stuff & regularly post pictures online sans makeup and sans curled hair. :)
What is the quality you most like in a man?
Honesty.
What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Self esteem. Women who have healthy levels of self esteem are generally less bitchy and annoying to deal with than those who don’t.
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
I say “or something like that” and “right” and “like” and other stuff a lot. I blame my days living in California :)
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
There’s not one “who” because I think everyone has several “great loves” throughout their lives. If I had to answer “what” is my greatest love, I would say happiness. I like being happy.
When and where were you happiest?
Adulthood.
Which talent would you most like to have?
I’d like to have a better singing voice.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Happiness and positivity. Neither came easily, I work at both.
If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
A butterfly. They’re really pretty. I like looking at them. So, yeah, either that or a chocolate cupcake. Or, maybe, a stone.
Where would you most like to live?
At the moment, I’m okay in New York. When I look into the future, I think I’d eventually like to save more money, plan for early retirement, buy property, have a bigass dog for a pet, grow a garden, etc. It’s not impossible to do these things in New York, but it’s certainly harder to achieve that stuff here than it is in other places. Five years into the future, I will have lived in NYC for a decade. That’s a good run. Not sure where I’d go after that. Maybe I’ll stay here. Maybe I won’t. Maybe I return abroad. Maybe I won’t. Who knows.
What is your favorite occupation?
In the past it was international affairs / international education. Now, it’s writing.
What do you most value in your friends?
Loyalty. Integrity. Honesty.
Who are your favorite writers?
Too many to list!!! Langston Hughes, Anne Frank, Gabriel García Márquez, Kafka, Hans Massaquoi …
What is it that you most dislike?
Shitty people.
What is your greatest regret?
I don’t have regrets, per se. I have tons of mistakes that I’ve learned from, and I try to apply that knowledge whenever I’m in similar situations. For example, I used to live in London by myself. I left because I was scared and didn’t know if things would work out in the long run. In New York, when things didn’t work out in the beginning, I stayed because I already knew what it was like to run away.
How would you like to die?
Without pain, in my sleep while dreaming about my loved ones.
What is your motto?
Life is short. Enjoy it.
Ooh la la!! Señor Weather Man says it’s gonna be unseasonable warm in New York. Nice!! I don’t like winter weather. I get moody and depressed when it’s cold, damp, dark and rainy. So, today’s forecast sounds like a PERFECT day. I’ll put up a full post later. In the meantime, I’m too busy doing the happy dance about the wonderfully warm weather. I officially designate James Brown’s “Make It Funky” as our humpday’s theme music. ♫♪♪♫♪♫♪♫ Ooooh, synergy: Funky Brown loves James Brown!! :)
If you could pick a “Theme Song” for today, what would YOU choose?
