Welcome to FUNKY BROWN CHICK® — where we kick the week off with manly celebrations of men. Guys. Dudes. Males. The earth’s bedicked creatures. Do we like them with red hair? Why do they behave the way they do when dating? How do they pleasure themselves with self-made toys? In case you’re new to this site (or if you missed these posts the first time around), here’s a roundup of a few reader favorite manly posts:

• How To Make Homemade Sex Toys For Men

• Who’s the Sexiest Male Celebrity with Red Hair?

• Would You Have Sex with Twins?

• Top Films Featuring Male Full Frontal Nudity

• I Can’t Date A Man Unless He Knows How to Fight

Also, if you’ve not yet done so, be sure to read the about page for more info about the site or browse the very full archives for endless hours of reading pleasure. I’m on deadline for a freelance article, so today’s post is short and sweet. More soon, my lovelies.

Rewind to a week ago last Saturday. I’m standing on the corner of Avenue A between 5th and 6th Streets. It’s just after 3 a.m. Dressed in white, my friends and I polished off one event and we’re hailing a cab to Brooklyn for the annual White Party. Scratch that. My friends are hailing a cab. I’m flirting with the handsome stranger standing next to me.

If you’ve read this site for a while, you know I have a type. Hair. Eyes. Skin. At least two out of three should be dark. Bonus points for accents. I’ve dated tons of Dudes of Different Ethnicities, but that 2 out of 3 attraction remains. Dark skin, dark hair, and light eyes like Michael Ealy? Fucking awesome. Dark eyes, dark hair, and light(ish) skin like the newly-legal Taylor Lautner? Delish. So, the dude on Avenue A? He’s a white guy from Brooklyn with pale skin, blondish hair and green eyes. But, oddly, the orgy of recessive traits actually works for this particular guy. He’s cute. He and I are standing next to each other chatting for a while when he starts brushing his fingers against mine, then he holds my hand while talking. I flirtatiously lift my long flowing skirt to reveal more flesh and flash a bare leg toward the street. “No fair,” he says, “unfair advantage.” But, I’ve forgotten about hailing a cab. My friends have that covered anyway, and I’m singularly focused on this guy. The cutie. Then — I swear to god I can’t make this up — ANOTHER guy who’s equally cute and looks EXACTLY like the guy I’m flirting with walks up.

“Wow? Are you guys twins?” I ask.

“Yes,” they answer in unison.

I’ve never seen real, live, hot twin men. I’ve been partying / drinking for many many hours, so my next question is admittedly inappropriate, but it tumbles from my mouth anyway. “That’s amazing! Have you guys ever had a threesome?” They look a little stunned that I’ve asked, and they laugh. Seconds later, friends call out, “Twanna. Come on. We got one. Get in the cab.”

“But, you guuuuuuys.” I point to the duo. “They’re twiiiiins.”

Figuring it’s probably a bad idea to drunkenly abandon friends for two dudes I met only 10 minutes ago, I get in the cab with my pals. One of the twin boys — the one I originally flirted with and found incredibly adorable — runs up along the cab. He wants to come with us, so he asks if there’s room in the car. There isn’t. Cabbie says he’ll only take four. With that, we drive off. I never see him again.

For a week — A WHOLE FUCKING WEEK — I beat myself up like, “I should’ve just stayed with the twins.” Of course I didn’t feel any better when a guy friend who was out with us that night recently told me, “I saw that guy after you left! He was really into you. After you got in the cab, we were standing on the corner figuring out what to do next. I heard the twin boy really beating himself up saying, ‘Damn it! I should’ve asked for her number.’”

I’ve always had a twin fantasy. Two boys. Identically hot. Two penises. Twice the attention. Who DOESN’T want that?? Not sure if I could actually go through with it, though. I’ve told a few people about the other week’s chance twin encounter, and they’re either like: “Twins!!!! That’s hot.” OR “Gross!!!! They’re brothers. That’s incest.” Honestly, if I was sober that night, I probably would’ve stayed behind with the twin boy. The first one; I really enjoyed flirting with him. As it were, I was completely smashed PLUS I wanted to go with my friends to the White Party. Le sigh. Maybe the opportunity will present itself again under different circumstances. Curious to hear your thoughts. Do any of you have twin fantasies? Anyone out there ever hooked up with twins?

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Image credit: “Twins” photo is by Danny Dickman. Yes, his last name is Dickman.

I have redhead men on the brain. M.I.A.’s Born Free. Prince Harry’s summer visit to NYC. Jimmy Fallon’s joke about Conan O’Brien at the Emmys. Gingers have been in the news recently. And, earlier today, one of my Twitter followers — Roland Hulme of MilitantGinger.com — was kind enough to give me great health tips about my low levels of Vitamin D. So, today’s Manly Monday topic: Ginger Guys.

Redheads come in all shapes, sizes and hues. There’s even a sassy cocktail called the “firecrotch.” Though the recipe varies by bartender, ingredients are typically equal portions of Malibu rum, mango juice and cranberry juice. Mix and top off with a splash of soda and fresh lime juice. iDrink has a version with crushed ice, mint leaves and Absinthe. Try it. But, enough about firecrotch cocktails and back to sexy ginger men.

I like ‘em. Whether faux or natural, strawberry blond or brilliant orange, there’s something kind of sexy about guys with red hair. Rewind to the 90s. Teck Money from Real World Hawaii (the one with Ruthie) had bottled blondish-reddish hair. Remember Eric Stoltz? He was arguably the sexiest and most famous 80s redhead. I’m blanking on current celebrity ginger guys. Question: Are redhead men sexier than other dudes because they have a special X factor? And, who’s your favorite redhead celebrity (male or female)?

Shall we chat about that ever-shrinking, teeny pool of eligible black men available to successful black women? :) Have you seen the news headlines? ABC news: Why Can’t a Successful Black Woman Find a Man? The Washington Post: Single Black Women Being Urged to Date Outside Race (read: because there aren’t enough good black men). The New York Times says Black Women See Fewer Black Men at the Altar. The Economist writes about Sex and the single black woman. And, Nightline did a full segment on it. THE WRITING IS ON THE WALL, PEOPLE!!!! Successful, single black women are on the fasttrack to spinsterhood. We’ll soon all die alone among legions of house casts lapping up Fancy Feasts of our dead flesh. Or, um, something like that. Yeah  ;)

I’m interested in these headlines because, of course, I’m a single black woman. Needless to say, NO ONE wants to believe they’re going to die unloved and alone. So, though I’ve been reading this stuff, I don’t get totally freaked out because: I haven’t always been single; intuitively, I know I won’t be on my own forever; I’d like to cohabit (not marry) anyway; and, I’m okay being solo for the moment. That aside, I don’t think the authors of these articles have me in mind anyway. Because, afterall, I’m not a black woman who limits my dating pool exclusively to black men. There are tons of sexy & eligible black, Latino, white, Desi and Asian dudes. Mmmmm, yeah, don’t EVEN get me started on how much I drool over Jon Yongfook. Remember, he was a Testicle Tuesday pick about 16 months ago? Hot. Someone move that boy to New York!!! Anywho. Where was I? Oh, yes. Single black women.

A few of you — male & female, black, white and other — emailed me to ask what I think about the recent media coverage re: Said Plight of Black Women. I’m working on a piece about it. In the meantime, instead of summarizing those thoughts here, you can read what I  — along with a fabulous group of women including Latoya Peterson, Abiola Abrams and Sista Toldjah – said when asked: What the hell is up with all these articles about successful, manless black women?! Read Jezebel‘s Steve Harvey Joins Lori Gottlieb, Tells Women To Just Settle Already.

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Single Ladies image by Daniela Moreno for Felipe Beiza.

Good morning, lovelies! Hope you all had great Passovers, Easters and/or non-religious long weekends.
I spent a few days away at a friend’s house in Connecticut, enjoying the much-needed break from the city’s go-go-go pace. (I also ate a shitload of food. But, that’s a different story. I’ll run it off over the next few weeks. Anyway.) I’m back in Manhattan and, so far, the week is starting off nicely. A couple days ago, I mentioned I’d be on CNN discussing Foursquare. The segment aired today just before 7:00 a.m. and again around 9:00 a.m. In case you missed it, I’ll try to hunt down a digital copy and embed it on my site. Huge thank you to everyone at CNN for taping the segment, and much appreciation to Dennis Crowley and Naveen Selvadurai for creating my latest addiction.

Now, back to the regularly scheduled program because, if you’ve been here before, you know “Manly Monday” — celebrations of the deliciously manly and/or a testosterone-driven idea — kicks off the week. Given an older post about Australian Men just hit 200+ comments over the weekend, here’s another roundup of your favorite posts about men from the past year. (Just in case you missed any.) Enjoy!

How to Hide an Erection

Australian Men: Droolworthy or Not?

How Should You Introduce An Ex?

Manly, Hot, Asian-American Men

Le Matin après le Ménage à trois

Ah, what a nice face. Good Looks + Beautiful Voice = Win. Rakesh Satyal is a fellow native Midwesterner turned New Yorker — though he hails from Ohio and I’m originally from Illinois. His book, Blue Boy, is a coming-of-age story about a gay, Indian-American child who morphs from a small boy to a Hindu deity. Can’t wait to finish it. In the meantime, last Thursday, I listened to Rakesh read a bit of his work at In the Flesh Erotic Reading Series. As a special bonus, when his reading concluded, he serenaded the crowd with Taylor Swift’s “You Belong to Me.” Maybe it’s because I’m a huge musical theater fan, but I LOOOOVED it! And, I’m not alone. In the clip below, you’ll notice he made the entire room smile, laugh and sing along.

Great video, right? Not sure if it captures the full spirit of the room because it was kind of one of those “you had to be there” moments. In any case, a big Funky Brown Chick salute to today’s Manly Monday pick. To find out more about him, visit Rakesh Satyal online.

How could I NOT make the dude from Google’s Parisian Love Super Bowl commercial today’s Manly Monday?!?! Wait. Okay. Back up. Maybe I should start by explaining, yes, I watched “the football.” As many of you know, I’m not a sports fan … unless we’re talking about soccer. Nevertheless, I agreed to party with Gene and Peter. Game, schmame. I wanted to watch the commercials & kick back a few beers with my two guy friends. I was happy the Saints won. Sad there were so many ad guys angry about vagina out there. And delighted the Google commercial was so heartwarming. For me, “Parisian Love” struck a chord because reminded me how life is much more about happenstance than it is about sticking to very carefully laid plans. Start off heading in one direction, follow wherever the “search” may lead. Simple. Beautiful. Kudos, Google. Did the rest of you watch the Superbowl, too?

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Reminder: Match.com got down with the Funky Brown. Don’t forget to enter the free giveaway.

If you’ve been to Funky Brown Chick before, you know we kick the week off with Manly Monday — joyful celebrations of a particular man and/or a testosterone-filled idea. In recent weeks, we’ve talked about Tiger Woods, penis size and men who fake orgasms. Inspired by a Chicago friend (Nestor Brûlée), today’s manly topic is: chest hair removal. I don’t know if Nestor’s torso sprouts fur because, unfortunately, I’ve never seen him naked. We only discussed chest hair after I shared a 90s Marky Mark Calvin Klein commercial featuring Mark Walhberg’s (huge package and) smooth, hairless pecs on my Facebook. “Waxed chests,” Nestor commented, “yea or nay?”

As I’ve said plenty o’ times: There’s absolutely nothing wrong with loving a hairy man. Actually, all things being equal, I’m usually more likely to be sexually sparked by guys with hairy arms, legs and chests. I like strong, dark features. Seriously, ask me about my “thing” for the 70s porn stud look. My vote: DON’T wax it. Of course my body is, for the most part, totally hairless. So, maybe that makes me a hypocrite. In any case, feel free to use the comments section to tell men what you think: “Should guys wax or laser their chest hair?”

Gaaaah! I’m tired of this story already. When I heard about Tiger Woods car crash, I tweeted about it because I thought the guy was dying. As the story unfolded, it was clear his life and limbs were not in jeopardy. His groin’s adventures became the “real” headline.

Several people recently asked, “You write about relationships. What do you think about Tiger Woods?” As I’ve said before, If PERSON A cheats on PERSON B with PERSON C, it’s really no one’s business except the parties involved. Tiger is neither my father, lover, husband nor an acquaintance. Right now, I wouldn’t necessarily want to be in Elin Nordegren‘s shoes. That said, I’m uninterested in her & her husbands’ personal affairs. In fact, I think the fascination with love lives of the rich & famous says more about our country’s penchant for gawking than it does about our spry young Tiger’s alleged ability to wear women out. Pssst! If you’re interested in theories about Americans’ general views on cheating, I’ve previously written about the topic over at Huffington Post. (Link: Political Sex Scandals: Obama, McCain & Palin.) I also recommend Google Searches for Information about Tiger Woods vs. Afghanistan.

Ah, each day has its many complications, joys, thrills, disappointments, challenges and surprises, no? Many ideas enter my thoughts, but Tiger Woods’ personal life isn’t typically one of them. I pray about my family. I get excited that I’m almost finished with my book. I question how long I’ll remain in New York. I think about my future plans. I hang out and have great times with good friends. I improve my personal finances. Tiger Woods? As long as the man isn’t breaking the law or committing any crimes, I think he deserves his privacy. I’m glad he’s safe. I wish him the best at golf, and I hope he has (or finds) peace in his home life.

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Credit paid: Image is by freelance sports photographer Keith Allison.

Who doesn’t love a (bi-curious) nice Jewish boy? If the mock cock suck at last night’s American Music Awards didn’t win you over, I don’t know what will!! For me, Glambert is a new discovery. I don’t watch American Idol. So, truth be told, I was wholly unaware and uninterested in the kid until I read his Out magazine interview (part 1, part 2) as well as EIC Aaron Hicklin‘s open letter. (“Getting gay stars like yourself [on our cover] is another matter. Much easier to stick you in Details, where your homosexuality can be neutralized by having you awkwardly grabbing a woman’s breast and saying, ‘Women are pretty.; So are kittens, Adam, but it doesn’t mean you have to make out with them.’”) Love Lambert’s classy response. (If you missed it: Chill. I’m not your puppet.) Love him. He’s hardly the first gay / bisexual / bi-curious / gender bending / whatever (who the fuck cares because it’s his business, not mine) rockstar. We’ve been in these waters before, and he’s definitely making bolder moves than David Bowie‘s public denials and shame about ever touching a penis. Talk about (social) climate change.

“All hail freedom of expression and artistic integrity,” indeed. Love love LOVE him. But, you know I’m biased. Guy-on-guy action turns me on. What say you? Adam Lambert: hot or not?