Although I use condoms when I have sex, I’ve certainly gone riding without a saddle with longterm boyfriends but, luckily, I’ve never been pregnant, I’m not HIV+ and I’ve never had an STD / STI. When I think about it, it’s kind of creepy that a tiny little rubber keeps my health and childfree status safe. Have you ever wondered: “What if it breaks?” (I’ve had a few break in the past, but those are stories for a different blog post.) In any case, if you’ve ever wondered: “How do they test condoms to make sure it won’t break?”, here’s a video from Consumer Reports’ labs.

Source: It’s tough being perfect, but we found 7 condoms that are.

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What If the Condom Breaks?

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Manly Monday: Barack Obama, Nobel Laureate

Several years ago, I slept with a guy who faked an orgasm. Unable to complete The Final Act, he put on a performance. When he was done, he pulled out but he was still hard and the condom’s inside was completely dry and empty. I kind of felt bad for him because there’s TREMENDOUS pressure on guys to “make it happen.” Sometimes, they can’t. Wanna know more about other guys who’ve fake it? Read Men Fake It Too! on MSNBC. Also, Psychology Today has a Men Who Fake Orgasms piece, and Marie Claire answers: Why would men fake it? If you’re a guy who faked it (or someone who’s been with a dude who put on theatrics), feel free to share your stories in the comments section below.

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Manly Monday: Can Men Fake It? (Video)

If you’ve been to Funky Brown Chick before, you know about Manly Mondays–weekly nods to men, masculine topics and other testosteronely bits. Also, if you’ve hung around here a while (and/or know me personally), you’re familiar with my love of film and you’re likely aware I used to work international affairs before moving to New York and pursuing a career that fed my passion for the written word. So, naturally, what better Manly Monday pick could I write about today than what Esquire magazine calls a “30-year-old case, on sex, justice, and the American way.” So, here we go …

It seems no one doubts Roman Polanski has had an incredibly unfair share of misfortune. A Jew having escaped wartime Kraków ghettos only to learn his mother would later perish in Auschwitz, his childhood wasn’t without horrors. He could’ve been a tortured soul when he came to the U.S. as adult and directed his first film, the occult flick Rosemary’s Baby. (I rented it ages ago and loved it. My reaction to it was similar to my impressions of reading Stephen King: “I’m probably taking in the product of a brilliant, albeit possibly disturbed, mind.”) In any case, Polanski’s misfortunes likely might’ve seemed to diminish as he career took off and he married the beautiful Sharon Tate. Nineteen months after the wedding, on August 8, 1969, his 8-1/2 month pregnant wife, Tate, was brutally murdered by Charles Manson’s gang. They weren’t targeting her. Out for blood, it was just dumb luck she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Almost full term, her killer testified she got “sick of listening to her, pleading and begging, begging and pleading” to give birth to Polanski’s child before they took her life. Upon hearing the news of his bride and only baby’s death, I can only imagine Polanski must’ve felt cursed. What did he do to deserve such horrible fate? Sadly, the answer is probably: absolutely nothing. Life, unfortunately, isn’t fair.

Enter the rape of 13-year-old kid, Samantha Gailey. I’ve neither heard nor read anything that suggests he’s innocent. Gailey (now Geimer) testified he did it, and Polanski admitted his guilt. Having said all that, after watching confessions & testimonies contained in the documentary Roman Polanski: Wanted & Desired*, I get the impression no one believes Judge Rittenband gave Polanski a fair trial. Reporting for the Washington Post, critic Tom Shales has said, Rittenband’s “bungling of the case was so outrageous.” Of Polanski’s recent arrest, French Minister of Culture and Communication Frédéric Mitterrand commented he “strongly regrets that a new ordeal is being inflicted on someone who has already experienced so many of them.” Indeed. Although justice should be blind, I’m often sympathetic when people who — through no fault of their own — are unfairly burdened with extra heapings of the shittiest of life’s (mis)fortunes. They deserve a break. Though, the key phrase there is through no fault of their own. He pleaded guilty to raping a child, and life has its odd synchronicities. Quoting The Guardian: “Just as 13-year-old Samantha Gailey was unfortunate enough to run up against Polanski in horny, Austin Powers mode, so Polanski was unlucky to be then dragged before Rittenband.”

“So,” several friends have recently asked, “what do you think about this Polanski stuff?” I’m neither or judge nor a lawyer, so I’ll refrain from speculating about the legal technicalities of the case. I only know what I’ve seen in the press — which, of course, is not without its flaws. So, I guess my final answer isn’t resolute at all. I don’t know what to think of it yet because I’m still turning it around in my head. The incidents are truly unfortunate–for everyone involved. That said — whether you’re a bystander reading the news, a survivor of teen sexual abuse, someone with children of your own, a film buff who thinks Polanski got a raw deal, or whatever — I want to hear from you. As I’ve said many times, the world is most interesting when people respectfully disagree. Feel free to use the comments section below to do so.

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Psst! I highly recommend the documentary. It’s available (FREE!) streaming online to Netflix members. Click Roman Polanski: Wanted & Desired.

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Sex Crimes: What Should Happen to Roman Polanski?

Michelle spent a lot of time getting to know me: my history, my past and dreams for my future. We talked about my views on religion, sex, relationships and monogamy. I told her about my worst heartbreak. (I still can’t tell that story without crying.) And, I filled her in on details about my hobbies: film, art, museums, travel and soccer. After the discussion, in passing, she said something completely unexpected: “You need a guy who’s an adventurer, a partner in crime.” We talked about a bunch of other stuff, but the “adventurer” thing stuck out most. Why? Because it never occurred to me. Some but not all of my corporate exes (Goldman Sachs, PricewaterhouseCoopers, ABN AMRO and other employees) were hardly known for their sense of adventure. After all, they built their careers on calculating and avoiding risks — not taking them. But, I always figured we balanced each other out: they were the yin to my yang. I had the inside scoop the all-male ballet troupe from Djibouti would be in town for the weekend; my exes remembered to buy the tickets and stick the date on the calendar. I brought the fun. They brought the foundation and stability. That’s not necessarily a bad pairing.

That said, my matchmaker noticed something I didn’t. During their spare time, my former beaus were more likely to surf bars & pubs with their coworkers than go kayaking, whitewater rafting, adventure traveling or off-road cycling. I’m open to new things, I bore easily and I’ve moved around a lot in different cities and countries. The idea of dating someone with a passion for life, love and adventure sounds really appealing. In fact, my vault of Manly Monday picks include: surfer Laird Hamilton, male Olympians, a wrestler, soccer players, motorsport genius Lewis Hamilton and footballer  David Beckham. I dated a guy in New York (Boy #2) who ran marathons. I don’t like super beefy guys, I’m certainly not an athlete, and I’m not saying I need to date a jock. It’s just, you know, interesting the matchmaker noticed a trend in my preferences that I hadn’t noticed before.

So far I’m a fan of Michelle’s matchmaking process. She seems really thorough and she’s making an honest effort to know more about me. (Today, I sent her 1/2 dozen pictures of my exes so she’d get a better idea of my physical types — the men I find most visually appealing.) In a week or so, we’ll touch base with her again to see if she has any guys in mind. It’s worth mentioning I will NOT write any specific details about my dates. In the past, I’ve shared a bunch (perhaps too much) info about my dudes, and I’m not sure if that was a wise decision. It’s my website and I feel totally fine sharing info about me, but I’m not gonna share specific details about my dates. It’s not their fault I have a blog, right? Anyway. Michelle has successfully produced for others many dates, couples, one marriage and a baby. I’m not interested in a husband or kids — just a dude who sticks around monogamously for a while. As I told her: “I’m cautiously optimistic. If it works out and I go on a fantastic date or two, great. If I end up meeting a longterm partner, wonderful. If I meet no one, at least I gave it a shot.” Wish me luck!

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Photo credit: Image of Lewis Hamilton is from Wikipedia.

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My Matchmaker’s Observation About Men

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Photo credit: LA Times – 11 Brands of Bromance

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Who’s the Cutest Bromance Couple?

ME: “I get called a tease quite often.”

The Girls: [chiming] “We’re not surprised.”

I don’t think smiling, blowing kisses, touching someone’s thigh under the table or any other actions from the flirting toolbox connote: I am going to have sex with you. So, how do you let a guy know that you ARE interested in having sex? In short, here’s what I think my girlfriends sitting around the table at the bar thought: Be smart. If you go back to a guy’s place alone, please know that he’ll think you want to sleep with him. So, if you don’t want to have sex, don’t go back to his place. We don’t want you to get hurt. I disagreed … or, maybe I agreed and we were just saying the exact same thing using different words.

I think I SHOULD be able to flirt with a guy and, possibly, even go back to his place without him: (1) raping me or (2) thinking I’m a cocktease* if I don’t fuck him. BUT, because I feel like I live in a world where the power (burden?) of flipping the yes/no sex switch often seems to fall squarely on women’s shoulders, I usually don’t go back to a date’s place alone unless I’m almost positive I’d have sex with him. Does that make me a tease? I say no. Or, to paraphrase what one of my readers, Raymond, said the last time I wrote about this topic: Flirting doesn’t make you a tease. If you give a guy a snack, it doesn’t automatically mean he gets the run of the kitchen. My thoughts exactly. What say you? How would you define “a flirt” vs. “a cocktease“? (SIDENOTE: By the way, for the record, I hate that word cocktease because it’s sooooo sex negative / loaded — and, not to mention, men are rarely if ever called a vag tease when they flirt.)

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Image by Sanja Gjenero

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Men’s Minds: What’s the Difference Between a Flirt and a Cocktease?

Question of the day: Clean-shaven balls … Hot or Not? (via Jezebel)

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How to Shave Your Balls

• Penises: Cut vs. Uncut

• How to Hide an Erection

• Why Do Men Date GILFs, MILFs and Other Older Women?

• How to Love A Submissive Man

• Top 10 Hottest DILFs

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Top 5 Favorite Posts about Men

I live in New York. Bumping into transgendered people is as common as meeting lefthanders. Although I know several transpeople — acquaintances, former coworkers, friends of friends, etc. — I only have one real “friend.” When I met him 11 years ago, he was a gay black man. More recently, he began the process of becoming a woman. (Sidenote: He says society is more accepting of MtF transsexuals than it is of effeminate gay black men.) To be honest, it’s taking me a bit longer than I though it would to wrap my head around the change. It’s the little things. For example, we went out with a group of people a while ago. The next day, a German friend “F” asked something about “your friend, the girl we went out with the other night. What’s her name?” I rambled off a list of all the women in the group — forgetting one. Quite honestly, until that moment, I don’t think I realized I wasn’t treating her like a “woman”; instead my mind classified “my (former) guy friend” as a “transsexual.” Interestingly, though understandably, the community also self refers as transsexuals, transgendered and trannies … not solely “women” and “men.”

But, back to the MSNBC documentary. I think they did a nice job at balancing young and old, MtF and FtM examples. It was interesting to notice many of the people featured talked about common themes: noticing something was “different” from a very young age; feeling born to the wrong body; experiencing rejection from loved one(s); and thinking the choice was either suicide or a sex change. I’ve heard similar things from the mouths of acquaintances as well as other pop culture documentaries like BBC’s My Secret Female Body. Here’s a question that came to mind after watching the MSNBC segment about the 16-year-old boy Jake (nee Julia): Should teens be allowed to have sex reassignment surgery if desired? Leave your thoughts in the comments section. Head’s up! I’m not interested in shitty “that’s gross” comments about our lovely transgendered folks. (Why? Because take it elsewhere. Assholes are 100% free to be assholes–just not in my [online] home.) I’m also not particularly interested interested in passive aggressive personal attacks about me using the word — or, I might add, transsexuals self-referring to be — “trannies.” (Why? Because fuck haters. As Mollena brilliantly notes: “[S]ome people look for slings and arrows even from allies and empathizers.”) That stuff aside, I’m geniunely curious to hear your thoughts: Should teens be allowed to have sex reassignment surgery if desired?

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Image by Dominik Gwarek

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What About Transgendered Little Boys and Girls?