“OMFG!!” I gasp a quick breath of air. “It’s him. It’s hiiiiiim!” Children squeal when they’re overexcited. I squeal when I see Paul Walker — or, as I like to call him — my Paulie. I skipped Manly Monday yesterday because I wanted to share the story about Mr. Charming. So, it’s time for a Testicle Tuesday. A lovely reader that I’ll call Christina — because that’s her name — shares my appreciation of the man. (Check out her blog and tell her funky brown chick sent you her way!) A while back, Christina commented, “How about another PW post, this one is from 2006 after all.” Ah, yes. Paul Walker’s mysterious disappearance from my blog.
If you’ve recently started reading my site, you might not know this but … about a year or two ago, my blog *almost* morphed into a public shrine to Paulie. I made him my official “Boy” when I ran for president, wrote an ode to him, talked about him on one of my fake albums, sang a song called Twelve Dudes of Christmas about him, crushed on him even when he was a blonde, and received 87 blog comments when I asked my readers whether or not he was droolworthy. To the latter point, I almost shut the blog post down when it became clear that people actually thought I was Paul Walker. “I love you!” cried Daniela. “You look just like the boy my heart thinks about all the time and that guy is YOU!!!!” Some guy who goes by name Joe Jones said, “thanks paul am a big fan off your stufff.” Kaycee Blackwell? Well, she was almost rendered speechless, “hi, my name is Kaycee and I cant even think of anything to say But you are so cute Ive seen you in every and i think that your not only very cute but you are a great actor also i didnt want to say that i was your biggest fan or anything But I would like to say that your really alsome!!! and i would love to meet you one day!!!!!!” Here’s the point where you stop and ask, “Why, pray tell, would anyone think peach-skinned, blue-eyed, California surfer dude Paul Walker was the mastermind behind a New York-based website called FUNKY BROWN CHICK?” I don’t know. I really don’t know. Anyway.
Pleeeasssee stop writing about Paul Walker, many of you begged me. You spoke. I heard. I love my readers. So, if you’d had enough of Paulie, I was willing to keep my crushing private. For nearly a year. But, then, a couple of weeks ago, I saw my Paulie on the cover of the April 2008 edition of Outside magazine. How the hell can I NOT blog about him now? :) I’ll try to keep it under control this time. I promise. Now, quick, hurry up and go check out Xtina’s blog and thank her for breaking the case of the missing Paulie. :) Ooooh, a Testicle Tuesday AND reader appreciation rolled into one? It happens! So, now that you know who Christina and I are crushing on, feel free to tell us which celebrity is catching your eye these days.
I got “engaged” in Austin last week. I’ll call my “fiance” Sweet-Faced, Bearded Kid. We met while sipping free beers at 
Ah those crazy Brits, says 
I’d never met anyone who had actually stoned someone until I met A.J. Jacobs. Rewind a week or so. I’m at an 
No one told the mannequins it’s still winter. As I walked by stores’ display windows near Union Square yesterday, I noticed hunks of plastic sporting springtime clothes. Shorts. Some of them had on shorts. I know fashion is always a season or two ahead, but I’d feel a little silly shopping for naked-knee clothing when yesterday’s low temperature was somewhere near 17 F / -8 C. We wear short shorts. We women, that is. I’m not 100% sure if I like the way men look wearing that trend. Longer shorts look fine. Short shorts? Nuh uh. 
A pithy little game called “The Superbowl” was on my television set last night. Ugly, helmet-headed, oversized boys pitter-pattered their feet on the green field. Ho hum. I pressed mute and worked on my writing projects. Football, schmootball. Real men play soccer. Seriously. I mean, come on people!!! Behold the Italian drop of deliciousness to your left. Luca Toni. Compare, if you will, his physique to that of the three NY Giants below him. He’s out of their league, right? Soccer players. I’ve written about 
Aye, Illinois, my beloved homestate. Over the past 40 years, Illinois has had eight governors. Exactly half have been sent to prison. Can *ANY* other state stake that claim on history?! Gov. Dan Walker was convicted in the Savings and Loan Association scandal of the 80s. Gov. Rod Blagojevich, allegedly tried to “sell” Obama’s senate seat. Gov. Otto Kerner, according to the Chicago Tribune, was convicted of “bribery, conspiracy, income-tax evasion, mail fraud and perjury”. George Ryan: Racketeering? Check. Conspiracy? Check. Fraud? Check. Victim of anal rape? Um, well, we all sadly know what happens in prison. Illinois gangsters, I tell ya. Straight up corn-loving gangsters. Why this topic today? To truly understand today’s 
