Twanna A. Hines @ FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com | sex. dating. relationships.

Open Letter to the Person Who Called Me A Skank

Um, excuse me? That’s “Miss Skank” to you, my dear!  ;) Of course I’m grateful for all my readers; So, thank you for dropping by. That said, I’ll remind you the only Funky Brown Chick “comment policy” is: Be Kind. Disagree with what you see here if you like but, for fuckssake, please be nice to your fellow comment-leavers and be civil to the person — c’est moi, Twanna — who writes the site.  If you can’t do that, go play elsewhere.

And, since we’re on the topic of comments, let’s talk about yours. I wrote: I UNKNOWINGLY slept with a married man once. He told me he was single; I thought that was shitty. I also wrote: I’ve never knowingly slept with a married man, even though I’ve been approached and tempted by many. So, yesterday at 8:14 a.m., you read and responded to those words with these thoughts:

“Hypocrite! [...] Men who fuck around on their wives are lying both to their wives and to God. They are running around sinning while only pretending to honour their SACRED vows before God to remain exclusively with their spouse.”

Eww, I don’t like self-righteous finger wagging :( Plus, for what it’s worth, I never said I thought it was cool for men to lie to their wives. Sleeping with someone to whom you aren’t married doesn’t always equal cheating/lying. For example, have you heard of open relationships? In life, each coupling is as uniquely individual as the person(s) who enter(s) it. Some men don’t have affairs, some do. Some men lie about their cheating, some men are more upfront. Back to you.

“I don’t see how lying to you, a person who acts like a skank [...]“

Ahem, sorry to interrupt again, but, as I mentioned, it’s MISS Skank ;) Carry on.

“I don’t see how lying to you, a person who acts like a skank, should be seen as being a worse offense than lying to his wife, the mother of his children, and the keeper of his heart and home. Pray tell, don’t you think you’re going to be lied to if that’s your attitude?”

Regarding “lying” men and me being a “skank,” please see my previous comments. [Points up to earlier paragraphs.]

“You reap what you sew, young lady. You are your own worst enemy”

Oh, sweetie, what’s wrong? Why so much hatred in that little, red, faithful heart built for spreading love? Scratch that question. Here’s a better one: What the hell happened in your life that compelled you to spew such venomous thoughts about my fucking sewing skills?!?!?

Be well. Now, if you’ll excuse me, a bit of skanking awaits me.

Yours,

Funky Brown Chick

Technorati Tags: cheating, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, skank, skanking, Twanna A. Hines

March 1st, 2010 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [33] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Update

Hey, guys! Just a quick note … Was gonna post the John Mayer piece before performing it tonight, but Kiss & Tell was canceled due to weather. New date is 3/16. Will still perform at Kiss & Tell, but I’m not sure do that particular piece that far out. Will keep you posted.

February 16th, 2010 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [3] folks got down with the Funky Brown

In Pictures: Social Media Week Photos by Diana Levine

In the mood for images instead of words today? Photos above are by fabulous New York City photographer Diana Levine. Snapped during Social Media Week. See more party pics. For personal snapshots and other stuff, you can check out my TwitPic, Flickr or the “In Pictures” series on Funky Brown Chick.

Technorati Tags: Diana Levine, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, Manhattan, New York, New York City, New York p, New York photographers, NYC, photography, photos, Social Media Week, Twanna A. Hines

February 9th, 2010 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [7] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Mostly Sunny, Then Cloudy with Scattered Sprinkles

Finally, sunshine! It’s been raining in New York for the past few days. I miss summer. Last week, via Twitter, I stumbled across a tweet referencing Funky Brown Chick. Although the site attached to Molly Muffin’s Twitter looks like a spamblog, they linked to the YouTube clip below. It was nice to see a video shot during a time when I traipsed around Midtown with bare arms, only concerning myself with hanging out in the sunshine with my friend Rachel. Sprinkles fell from my cupcake, not the sky. The official start of Spring 2010 is March 20th. Can’t get here fast enough.

On a different note, I haven’t updated in a while because I’ve been going out a bunch. When the sun is hidden behind grey clouds and the mercury level on the thermostat drops, my natural tendency is to eat comfort food and hibernate in my apartment. This year, I’m determined to brave the cold and stay active during winter months. So, as always, in between Funky Brown Chick posts, you can keep up with me on Twitter and Foursquare.

Technorati Tags: funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, Twanan A Hines

January 26th, 2010 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [7] folks got down with the Funky Brown

New York, I Hate You … But, I Love You Too.

Just got back from an extended trip to Illinois. When I’m in the Midwest, I get really nostalgic and I wonder why I ever left. Sometimes, I fucking hate New York. Seriously. I want to be near my Chicago-based family and friends again. And, I miss having a decent standard of living that didn’t require forking over my entire paycheck to support it. If I lived in Chicago, I’d see my closest relatives on a regular basis. My Midwest mortgage + car payment would be less than my NYC rent. Sometimes, I look at my friends back home and I’m jealous that they’re able to live in an extremely comfortable world. They go on nice vacations. They own the spaces in which they live. They have what seems like — from the outside at least — VERY easy lives. Yes, I know the facade often hides what’s beneath. And, yes, I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others. (But, sometimes, I do.) Fuck me; I’m human.

I think back to the years I lived in the CHI. I had a great job, wonderful apartment, padded savings account, etc. But, I felt soooo alone and out of place there. I didn’t feel like I could be myself because people would judge me. I’ve said it before: People generally come from all over the entire world to live in New York City. People generally come from all over the entire Midwest to live in Chicago. In my mind, Illinois is provincial. That doesn’t make it a bad place. Actually, on the contrary, that’s one of its good points. The place is STUFFED with decent fucking down home people — the kind that often seem sparce on the Isle of Manhattan. It’s as if Illinois is the “sensible guy” I should be dating. But, I can’t help it. I’ve never been any good at: (1) being good or (2) doing something solely because it was good for me. Give me a stable, healthy existence without any real challenges (i.e. Illinois) and I’ll bore. I want thrills. Fun. Adventure. Shitty experiences that I’ll bitch and moan about for ages until, years later, I’ll be thankful they caused to me grow into a better person. To me, that’s better than experiencing regrets and unfulfilled dreams. I want to live. You know, like, REALLY live instead of just settling for something that’s the sensible/right thing to do.

Anyway. So, yeah, I really fucking hate New York sometimes. But, I love it too.

Changing the subject. Kind of.

You know it snowed in Illinois on Christmas, right? Snow can be pretty. But, sometimes, it makes cold, damp, grey and cloudy weather.

Sure, it snows in New York, too. But, we have fun with it.

Ages ago, before I moved to Manhattan, a guy friend who is a New Yorker-turned-Chicagoan described Manhattan to me by saying, “It was like watching color TV after only having experienced black and white.” I understand. I really do.

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* Pssssst, the dating culture here is whack, too. But that’s a topic for tomorrow’s post.

Technorati Tags: funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, Manhattan, New York, NYC, Twanna A. Hines

December 29th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [19] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Wanna Hear a Good Story?

A few years ago, I met Ethan Hawke at an event where he promoted his book, Ash Wednesday. During the Q&A, I asked him: “So, you’re an actor, director and writer. Which role do you prefer and/or find most fulfilling?” I remember he said something like: They’re all the same thing. It’s all different versions of storytelling. Wise, right? His comment stuck with me because it was a different way of thinking. I enjoy documentary film, listen to This American Life, laugh at comedians and read memoirs. I like that stuff. A lot. Especially non-fiction. Though I hadn’t considered it until he said it, all collectively create the craft of storytelling – evoking meaning, conveying messages and sharing lives whether through comedians, writers, bloggers, journalists, actors or others. I mean, who doesn’t answer “SURE!” when asked, “Wanna hear a great story?”

Hosted by the lovely George Bodarky’s Cityscape explores “the people, places and spirit of New York City and its surroundings.” I’m honored he had me as a guest to share my story about being a solo woman in New York. “According to the Census,” WFUV reminds us, “more than half of all Manhattan residents live alone, and the number of singles in New York City is rising to historic levels.” If you’d like to hear what I — and a few other fun-spirited New Yorkers — had to say about being Single in the City, listen to the show. I missed the 7:30am Saturday broadcast because I was in Illinois en route to Chicago O’Hare for my return flight to New York. Luckily, thanks to listener contributions, the audio clip is available online. Listen to it. (Yay! Support public radio.) Also, if you like Cityscape, be sure to head over to another one of my favorites, Nora Young’s CBC Spark. For a recent show, Daemon Fairless and I briefly chatted about relationships & texting — or, to use Daemon’s words, “romancing the phone.” Clever, huh? We had great fun! Listen to it.

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Credit paid: Image is by Atilla Kefeli

Technorati Tags: CBC Spark, Cityscape, Daemon Fairless, dating, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, George Bodarky, Manhattan, Men, New York, relationships, sex, Single in the City, single life, Twanna A. Hines, women

December 3rd, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | leave a comment

In Pictures: How I Organized My Tiny NYC Bathroom

I’m still settling into my new apartment. (Don’t EVEN get me started on the ongoing kitchen table debacle!!) Anyway. Moving right along. My place is approx. 450 sq. ft., and I’m in love with Apartment Therapy. (The site helps people “make their homes more beautiful, organized and healthy” regardless of size.) In case you’re curious, I thought I’d share with you a few house porn pics of my smallest space: the bathroom. Here’s the “before” photo:

Oh how I love the toilet-sink-bathtub sandwiches in Manhattan apartments! ;) It doesn’t bother me that everything’s squished together, but I’m not a fan of built-in soap dishes or the thick band of pink shower tile. Because I don’t own, I can’t overhaul it. So, here’s what I did instead. I bought a 100% cotton, thick, white shower curtain to keep the pink tile out of sight. I placed a collection of green and neutral-hued vintage bottles on the sink’s counter to draw your eye away from the soap holders. Yay for color!

Other bathroom items? Toiletries. I have ample storage space. That said, the shelves looked really cluttered until I organized my shampoos, conditioners, soaps and other hair / skin / face goodies. Here’s the BEFORE and AFTER:

So, that’s the bathroom! If you want to know more about individual items in the space, click any of the images above. You’ll be directed to my Flickr which includes notes describing each piece.

Technorati Tags: Apartment Therapy, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, Twanna A. Hines

November 29th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [10] folks got down with the Funky Brown

In Pictures: 2009 Halloween Brunch Party

Shout out and extra special thanks to everyone at Cafe 50 West for being so kind to our crazy group.

Technorati Tags: brunch, funky brown chick, Halloween, Manhattan, New York, NYC, Twanna A. Hines

November 1st, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [7] folks got down with the Funky Brown