From the category archives:

I love NY

Thank God It’s Friday

Hey guys. Just a quick vomit update about what’s been going on … My friend Anita is in town visiting from Chicago and Mags is in town visiting from Washington, D.C. The big calendar party tonight. Plus, tomorrow, I’m doing my first ever standup comedy performance. Shhh! I didn’t tell anywhere when or where it is because I’m totally scared I’m gonna fucking choke. I’m not a comedian. I’m doing it because I love this particular show, and I think it will be a fun thing to do! If it goes well, I’ll write about it on this blog. If I dork it and make an ass of myself, I’ll probably still write about it anyway. :)

What else? I was a guess on FAN-TA-BU-LOUS s Amy Spencer and Anna David‘s Sirius Satellite Radio show “Sex Files.” Here’s a picture of (l-r) co-host Anna David, me and fellow guest Amelia Mcdonell-Parry:

Twanna on Sirius Satelite Radio

More pictures are on my Flickr. The show aired live on Sirius Channel 108 on Wednesday @ 2:00 pm EST / 11:00 am PST. It’s gonna rebroadcast at 11:00 pm EST / 8:00 pm PST throughout this weekend. And, because I love each and every one of you ( … yes, you my sweet little readers … ), I asked for a copy of the audio. I’ll post it on the blog as soon as it arrives.

Damn, I am soooo looking forward to a relaxing weekend. In addition to writing, working and other stuff, I’ve got a bunch of general life maintenance / administration stuff to do. TGIF. If you live in New York, I hope to see you at the party tonight. If not, have a good weekend!!

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{ 4 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

In Pictures: Tuesday, November 4, 2008

I. Heart. New York. The LGBT community center is a polling place and you can take free “NYC condoms” with you after you vote.

Yeah, I’ll admit it. I almost didn’t vote. The lines for District 104 stretched along 13th street, down 8th Avenue and down 12th Street. Frustrated, I left the line and called Bro saying, “I can’t believe I’m not gonna vote today, but the lines are so ridiculously long. Plus, New York is going to Obama anyway.” Bro cursed, yelled and demanded I get back in line. I Baracked it hard.

Early in the evening watching the votes come in at a bar, a diehard McCain supporter seated to my right smiled smugly as she took off her coat and flaunted her bright red partisan clothing. (I gave her the Evil Death Stare.) A couple hours later all the Barack Obama supporters rushed out of the bar and flooded Times Square. The girl in the red dress put on her coat and, presumably, went home.


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Additional pics — including proof of my newfound love of thigh high stockings — are on my Flickr.

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{ 13 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Time Out New York: The Sex Issue

I’m in the current issue of one of the city’s top magazines: Time Out New York. They asked me and some other people how we thought New York’s dating scene compared to other cities. To see what I said, buy a copy of the magazine. It hits newsstands today. Out-of-towners can read what I said via this link here. The week’s theme is “The Sex Issue.”

One tiny little problem
“From jiggly bellies to one-inch weens, we asked everyday New Yorkers how they learned to overcome their greatest sexual insecurities.”

A routine checkup
“How do you keep sex interesting, armed only with skin and boners? Two BDSM enthusiasts—Morpheus and Kelly Walch—offer amateur advice.”

Nail file
“We ogled some figures, crunched some numbers and found out how the deed truly goes down in NYC.”

What’s the frequency?
“For some people once is too often, for others too much is not enough. Whatever your preference, you’re not alone. Readers tell us when they’re having sex and why. Or why not.”

How to Make a sex tape
“With the advent of YouPorn and other amateur skin-flick outlets, the fundamentals of sex on camera are more important than ever. Digital Playground’s contract superstar, the lovely Stoya, agreed to share some insight into this not-so-gentle art. To see how the pros do it, go to digitalplayground.com—just not at work.”

Threesomes
“You asked for it.”

I love New York. As I mentioned on Twitter earlier today, sadly, I have to leave my city for nearly a week. I’m going to DC for several days to see my friend Mags and to attend a concert. Although I’ve never lived there (only visited), I don’t like DC. It always reminds me of The Hague — very stately, orderly and (presumably) not a good match for me. I prefer New York.

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{ 7 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Coming Soon: New York I Love You

IMDB, Wikipedia

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Credit paid: Got the heads up about this one via New York magazine.

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{ 17 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Cheap NYC Food: A Different Kind of “Chick”

OMFG!!!!! I thought one of my favorite restaurants for quick, cheap, yummy, healthy food in New York City closed. Chickpea is no longer at their St. Marks locations but … drum roll, please … they’ve opened up a newer, bigger, better spot. Last week, everything on the menu was 50% off. On Wednesday night with Rachel, I ordered a homemade pita stuffed with delicious Shawafel (a shawarma and falafel mix), hummus and a bigass bottled water. Total? $4.82. If you live in NYC, definitely check this place out. If you don’t live in New York, tell us where you live and where we can get great, healthy (cheap!) food in YOUR city. Who has the best BBQ in Dallas? Where can I get delicious dessert in Denver? What’s the best place to eat in Florida? Don’t hold back, now. Share your secret gems!! Here’s mine:

Chickpea
www.getchickpea.com

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{ 7 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

How To Kiss A Boy and/or a Girl

2 Boys + 2 Girls = 8 Juicy Lips. Picture this: New York City. A couple months ago. I meet my friend Irene in this tiny, dingy place near Times Square with stained glass paneling decor that serves up pub food like crunchy french fries & red ketchup on cold white plates. When I arrive, I see sexy Irene perched on a brown wooden stool. She’s flanked by two Dutchmen I’ll simply call Alex and Jorrit because they gave me permission to use their real first names.

Alex is typically Dutch — very tall with thick blonde hair and thin lips. He’s “appropriate” in his introduction, shaking my hand firmly & dotting the gesture with a warm smile and extended blink. Though he’s covering his body with denim jeans and a white polo shirt, I assume the 30-something gentleman wears a suit on weekdays and works in finance. “I am Alex,” he greets me in accented English. “Ik spreek wel Nederlands, hoor,” I respond politely telling him it’s okay to speak his mother tongue. “Wij kunnen in het Nederlands praten.” His face brightens. Everyone loves to be spoken to in their own language.

Alex’s wingman/sidekick/friend is called Jorrit (pronunced kinda like tag, you’re it.) The tagman seems an inch or two taller than his friend, more expressive with his hands and extremely flirty. But, I don’t think Jorrit is trying to pick anyone up. He just seems like the deliciously horny type who enjoys the best of life’s pleasures — fashion, women, fine wines, tasty beers, and well-prepared international cuisines. Hmmm … Trouble. I kinda have a “thing” for the Dutch. Irene and I both lived in Holland (that country where you’ll find Amsterdam). If my memory serves me well, we teased the Dutch boys like this in Midtown that day:

Irene: “Dutch boys can’t kiss for shit!”
Twanna: “Maybe, that’s true … But Dutch boys typically have really nice lips!” [ Exhibit A , B , C and OMFG!!! ]
Irene: [laughs] “Imagine that! You’ve got the tools, but you don’t know how to use them?”

Fast forward to the present. I hope you’re all sitting down for this, because what I’m about to say is really really very important. I think EVERYONE who reads Funky Brown Chick should know how to kiss. It’s a skill. It’s not that difficult to master, but once you’ve got your advanced lip and tongue muscle maneuvers down, you’ll notice a HUGE difference in your sex & dating life. Soooooooo, without further ado, I present you with detailed instructions courtesy of wikiHow‘s “How to French Kiss” as well as VideoJug’s action-packed kissing video. Enjoy!

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NOTE: No kisses were exchanged during my time with Jorrit, Alex and Irene. Irene and I are friends, and Alex & Jorrit were visiting tourists that I didn’t see again. We all swapped emails, and Alex recently sent me a message casually mentioning the boys noticed I never wrote about them. Well, voila! Genieten van de “kissing video” en groeten vanuit New York!! :)

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{ 17 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Fun, Food, Friends, Fireworks!!!

Hope you all had a good July 4th weekend!!

FRIDAY: Munching on warm Italian sausages at a BBQ party in Harlem; watching fireworks pop from a visual / light installation artist’s rooftop; and hanging out with a group of folks at an Aussie guy’s place. I hadn’t made any plans for the 4th, so I was thankful for the invites. Three parties with absolutely lovely hosts. (The dude who threw the rooftop shindig creates amazingly beautiful ironwork / glass / light / mixed material pieces with religious symbolism and implied nudity. Good stuff! Sexy stuff.)

SATURDAY: Drunkenly crooning along with Young MC, Sir Mix-A-Lot and Madonna at a Japanese-run karaoke spot in in K-town.

SUNDAY: Eating scallops and rice while sipping Mojitos with Andy Milonakis’ sis at an outdoor terrace. I spent the evening chatting with friends on the phone, painting my toenails “Merlot Red” and experimenting with new hairstyles and hair products with the shower.

Wow. I can’t believe it’s already Monday.

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Photos are online at Flickr.

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{ 7 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Do You Give Good Sexyface?

I’ve been in a semi-sh!tty mood. I’m workshopping heavy stuff in my writing group; sometimes, it spills over to my daily life by effecting my mood. Friends noticed last night at B Bar for Karlyn’s birthday. Late to the round table in the warm, cozy and congested outdoor terrace illuminated by tiny twinkling bulbs, I join a blond woman who recently returned from a 4-year stint living in France, a brunette who’s moving to Paris, Karlyn and another friend. The group swells to a gazillion people once dinner is finished. But, for now, for our meal, it’s a private party of five. I order a large plate of fries and a glass of full-bodied, German Pino Gris. “What’s wrong?” Karlyn asks from across the table. I suck at poker face. I wear happiness in a high-pitched voice that becomes chipper and upbeat; I’m prone to loud laughs and squeals. When I’m sad, I wear the emotion in the the corners of my drooping face. I lie to Karlyn. “I’m fine. Why do you ask?”

“She’s being quiet,” she points across the table to a mutual friend. “But, she’s always quiet.” She returns her attention to me with an extended index finger. “You’re never quiet.” She’s right. In any case, I divert the focus. I join the girltalk between the two French-inspired women. Now, we’re talking about men. Frenchmen. I perk up. “I’m not charmed,” says one of the women. “They’re mamasboys.” We all giggle, laugh and then gossip about a really pompous (American) asshole three of our five have already met. Dinner’s over. The swarm of fellow Karlyn-lovers arrives, and my mood elevates. Those of us who know Karlyn but not each other introduce ourselves. Together, we laugh, smile, talk about our careers and drink imported beers, stiff cocktails and colorful wine from stemmed glasses. I feel better, and I take out my little grey Nikon to snap pictures.

Make love to the camera. I ask everyone to give me their “sexyface.” Below are six different ways that Karlyn’s friends and I display our “sexy.” Shy. Quirky. Pensive. Fun. Flirting. Goofy. You name it, someone’s got a way to make it sexy. Hmm … I’m curious to see YOUR sexyface. If any of you out there are Flickr-crazed or have online pics available somewhere, post a link to the image in the comments section below. Now, tell me: Which face below is your favorite sexyface? RULES: #1. No voting for me. I’m not fishing for compliments. #2 I promise to buy a beer for the friend who gets the most votes for “Best Sexyface”.

If you’re reading this post on Facebook or another feedreader that doesn’t display images, all pics are @ My Flickr as usual: http://flickr.com/photos/funkybrownchick/

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{ 17 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

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