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Go, Twanna! It’s Your Birthday. (No, Really, It Is.)

On a good day, upwards of 3,000+ people visit this site. Funky Brown Chick isn’t huge. It isn’t extremely tiny either. But, enough about me and my site. A bit on Haiti. I’ve given up on closely following the news about the series of earthquakes and aftershocks; It’s too heartbreaking to repeatedly look at the pictures and watch videos. That said, that doesn’t mean I’m not interested in (or haven’t donated to) the Haitian people’s struggle. And, sooooo, because today is a special day, here’s my birthday request: If you are able and you feel moved to do so, please make a donation to YELE, Red Cross, Partners in Health or one of the other humanitarian organizations. If every FBC reader gave only $1 today, collectively, that would be a nice little chunk. But, here’s the thing … I’m kind of “over” fashionably loudmouthed Haiti supporters. So, whether or not you choose to give today, feel free to make it your own little secret if you’d like :)

I have a story for you. By now, you’ve probably heard the U.S. has a black president, right? :) During the 2008 election campaign, A Peach-Skinned Guy Friend Who Shall Remain Nameless (APSGWSRN) gave me shit because I didn’t originally contribute to APSGWSRN’s fundraiser or go to a lot of the events he arranged.

HIM: “I really expected you to be there. Obama would be our first African-American president. This would be really historic.”

By way of context/background … APSGWSRN comes from privilege. Elite boarding school. Ivy League. Etc. I was proud of his volunteering/service to Obama. That said, I didn’t appreciate him spoon-feeding me guilt about not being as (visibly) active as he was. Just because I didn’t specifically contribute to APSGWSRN’s cause doesn’t mean I didn’t contribute to the cause. Plus, I thought, but didn’t say, “By the way, where were you in 2004?” Because, you know what? Even back then, Obama was still black. And, he was running for a seat in a U.S. Senate that hadn’t seen anyone who looked like him since 1999 when Carol Moseley Braun was there. However, in 2004, Obama wasn’t fashionable. Many people outside of Illinois hadn’t heard his name — nor could they pronounce it. And, it wasn’t hip to say “I volunteered for Obama” because, quite frankly, who cared. Yet, had Obama not won the Illinois seat, he wouldn’t be APSGWSRN’s president right now.

Same with Haiti. The country was poor and in need of help before the earthquake … and still needs help. Sometimes, it’s not about putting your money where your mouth is. It’s about shutting your mouth, and putting your money where your heart is.

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Manly Monday: Barack Obama, Nobel Laureate

Saturday, on Facebook I stumbled across the clip below and shared it on my Wall. If you watch Rachel Maddow, you’ve probably already seen this “That’s not the way the Nobel prize always works” video because it’s almost two weeks old. Of course I heard about Obama’s Nobel laureate status, but I hadn’t seen Maddow’s clip. Politics aside (i.e. whether or not you think Obama was a good pick), if you’re interested in learning more about the Nobel prizes and “Le marchand de la mort,” see Wikipedia, Biography, Time or pick up a paperback book on Alfred Nobel’s life. Interesting guy. I wrote about Nobel a couple years ago. Head’s up, the clip below is 11 minutes long, but it’s worth watching the whole thing.

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Down With Interracial Dating and Marriage?

Be forewarned. This post will be a bit scattered because I want to say so much, but I haven’t quite found the way to wrap it up neatly in a pretty package of the typical Funky Brown Chick post length of 3 or 4 paragraphs or less. Anyway. Here we go … I’ve written a bunch of stuff about interracial dating, interracial sex, white men’s penises and other topics about good ol’ miscegenation. Most of it’s pretty lighthearted and this post will be, too. Sort of.

Sexy men are sexy men, and I don’t care what shade they are. When active on online dating sites, I’ve shot emails to Indian, Asian, black and white dudes. If you’ve played the internet dating game, you know some people respond to your emails, winks and other e-flirting. Some don’t. For what it’s worth, to be honest, for the MIA dudes who weren’t black, I’ve often wondered: “Did he not write me back because he wasn’t interested in ME or does he not date black girls, period?” Could be either, could be something else entirely. I don’t know much about the non-Twannalovers because it would’ve been weird to ask, “Heeeey, why didn’t you write me back?!?!” Plenty of men in New York. No need to chase ones who aren’t into me, right? I just go out on dates with other (white, black, foreign or whatever) guys who are interested. Weeeell, enter OkCupid.

Interracial Dating

The picture above is from their recent survey data. Last week, they announced they discovered your race affects whether people write you back on their site. For example, Anonymous Asian ladies writing black men on OkCupid get relatively high response rates. But, when tables are turned, Asian women are more likely to shove a cold shoulder at black men who initiate contact. So much from blasian love, huh? OkCupid’s other results? White men are less likely to respond to black women. “The takeaway here is,” the company concluded, “although race shouldn’t matter in messaging, it does. A lot.” If you’re interested in the survey, read the rest of the results over at OkCupid.

You think I’d be pissed off about the their findings, right? Well, yes and no. Shamus Dalton Witherford IV doesn’t want to date Twanna Hines? Fine. He doesn’t have to. I can’t necessarily wholly fault someone for their dating preferences. In fact, I’d rather someone say straight out they AREN’T interested in dating different race/ethnicities than check boxes indicating they are — then conveniently proceed to avoid responding to women who don’t match their preferences. If you’re a white dude who only dates white women, be honest about it. If you’re an Asian lesbian looking for a 5′10″ black woman in a petite frame. Say that. If you’re a Latino dude who wants a short white girl with full curves, go for it! Why waste anyone’s time? No one likes rejection. Having been on it’s receiving end, I don’t like it when I “put myself out” there to men — regardless of ethnicity, whether online or offline — and don’t get a response. It makes me feel awkward and unwanted. But, mostly, it makes me feel silly! It’s like, “Ewww! I went after a guy who wasn’t even interested. I don’t want to be that ‘Desperate Girl.’” But enough about my Adventures in Online Dating. I wanna talk about something I mentioned on Twitter last night.

If you’ve not yet heard the news, Keith Bardwell, a justice of the peace in Louisiana, denied a marriage license to Beth Humphrey and Terence McKay since he doesn’t think they should have children because he’s black and she’s white. Quoting Bardwell (via NPR):

“I’m not a racist. I just don’t believe in mixing the races [...] I have piles and piles of black friends. They come to my home [...] they use my bathroom. I treat them just like everyone else.”

When I shared the article on my Facebook earlier, a handsome Aussie pal jokingly commented, “I’m worried that he keeps his black friends in piles.” I laughed because his comment is funny :) And, now, for the more serious side …. WHAT. THE. FUCK. IS. GOING. ON. IN. LOUISIANA?! This gets back to what I was writing about earlier. [Points up a few paragraphs.] There aren’t laws saying anyone HAS TO date or marry anyone else because, quite frankly, they don’t. Hell, any black person can say, “I don’t date white people.” And, vice versa. Preferences, schmeferences. No one HAS TO date interracially (hate that term), but that’s not the point. Anyone who WANTS to date or get married should be able to. Loving v. Virginia anyone? 1967? It’s almost 2010. Hmmm, I guess that all I have to say. So, on second thought, instead of this really really long blogpost, I could’ve summed my feelings up with a simple sentence and a link: It’s disappointing and weird that we’re “here” again — revisiting/referencing such basic, fundamental rights.

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Pssst! Interested in Loving v. Virginia? If you missed it, I wrote about the couple — and about how Van Morrison’s song Brown-Eyed Girl was supposedly originally titled Brown-Skinned Girl — in a October 2005 Funky Brown Chick post called Making Love in the Green Grass.

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Sneak Peek: The Kennedy Men (Next Manly Monday)

Heads up: The next Manly Monday pick — weekly Funky Brown Chick celebrations of everything with testosterone — will be the Kennedy men. Photo credit: New York Times. In the meantime, check out NYTimes’ detailed coverage of Ted Kennedy’s passing.

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Because Some Things Can’t Wait Until Manly Monday …

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

h/t Jose Vilson

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Black Couple Adopts White Daughter (Interracial Adoption)

I’m still in DC. I’ll write about the car and the weekend when I get back to New York. In the meantime, I wanted to send your eyes over to an article over on Essence.com: Black Couple Adopts a White Daughter. It caught my attention because interracial adoption has been on a mind ever since a single white friend from college recently told me she’s adopting a black child. I’ll probably write my thoughts about interracial adoption next week. Until then, feel free to read the the full Essence story:

[Mark and Terri Riding's] children are all healthy, normal-looking individuals, but it’s their 9-year-old adopted sister/daughter Katie O’Dea-Smith who draws all the attention.You see, the Ridings are Black and Katie is White [...] In a candid interview, ESSENCE.com spoke to the Ridings about why they adopted Katie, how they handle all the misguided attention, and how they plan to have an honest conversation about race with their White daughter.” [Continue reading.]
We Are Family: Black Couple Adopts a White Daughter

If you’d like to learn more about the family, you can also check out this Newsweek piece or this blogHer post.

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Do I Sound Black?

A couple months ago, a fellow brown-skinned black woman in media casually told me black people don’t have sex. Well, technically, she said: “Your site’s not really a site about black issues.” I write about sex, dating, relationships and other stuff. My recent posts cover topics like to breed or not to breed, birth control and recommendations for top-selling dating books (including Steve Harvey’s Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man). So, if talking about that stuff means my site’s “not black” that’s like saying “black sites” and “sex sites” are mutually exclusive — i.e. black people don’t have sex. No one told my vagina the news!! :)

It’s been said, “[b]lack is not just a skin color; it’s a quality of voice.” Tony Award-winning performer Sarah Jones and linguist John McWhorter talk about this topic further on PRI & WNYC’s “Studio 360 with Kurt Andersen” clip below. (Produced by Studio 360’s Derek John.)

Audio URL: http://audio.wnyc.org/studio/studio102408c.mp3

Nearly four years ago, I launched my site and named it Funky Brown Chick. I might move to a different city, switch up my profession or make other changes in my life, but three things will always stay the same. I’m always going to be funky. Before I was born, the word for people who looked like me morphed from “colored” to “black.” Lately, it’s African American. And, it likely the name will change again. Nevertheless, I’m always going to have brown skin. And, I’m always going to be “chicky.” I’ve been a funky brown chick since birth. I’ll still be a funky brown chick in the future.

No one needs to tell me I’m black because I already know that. So, here’s a wacky concept: It’s quite possible the sound of one’s voice — just as their chosen profession (e.g. sex/relationship writing) — doesn’t always clue you in about the person’s internal views about self-identity. Here’s an even MORE insane thought: Why don’t we agree all people are allowed to speak, write about topics, think and act as they please — no matter what they look like. I know, I know. It’s a downright kooky idea. Just saying.

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Hear my voice: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0l9Z0f4fqI

Related book: Not a Genuine Black Man: Or, How I Claimed My Piece of Ground in the Lily-White Suburbs

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Divorce & the Nip Tucked Kidney

He put it in her; now, he wants it out. Oh, sweet Jesus! I swear the world gets more interesting each day. A couple years ago, my friend Samirah told me one of her coworkers gave her sickly husband a kidney … then the dude left her. Read my blog post about it here. Back then, I joked: “in the divorce settlement, I would have asked for my kidney back.” I meant it JOKINGLY, figuring I’d never actually be in that hypothetical situation. No one would. Well … If you’ve not yet heard about Richard and Dawnell Batista: “Divorce and the Case of the Nip Tucked Kidney.” He gave her a kidney. She later cheated on him and filed for divorce.

He wants his kidney back.

Two questions: (1) Would you give away a kidney to a loved one who needed it and (2) should this Batista dude get his kidney — or its financial equivalent — back?

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Related: Man wants wife’s kidney back–or $1.5M

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