Ooooh, you guys went easy on me. ;) Last week, I gave you the chance to ask me anything and I promised I’d answer all questions. Time’s up. Questions have been posted. My answers are below.
Kevin Styles asked, “How many people (men and women) have you had sex with?”
In college and grad school, I used to lie and say “I’ve only slept with four guys” because it seemed like a wholesome answer. I look at it differently now. Take a 40-year-old man who became sexually active at 15. Even if he was serially monogamous and only had one serious girlfriend (with sex) every year, he would’ve slept with 25 women by now. I’m not a man, nor am I 40 nor have I slept with 25 people.
So, now, I always answer the “how many people have you slept with” question with another question: Why does it matter? If the goal is to find out whether or not I’m a slut, the # of people I’ve slept with won’t give that away because, quite frankly, I think the term slut is bullshit. If the goal is to find out whether or not I’m safe / disease free, a better question might be: “With how many of your coke-addicted friends have you shared needles?” I don’t do coke. But, it’s interesting the “How many people have you fucked?” question starts with the assumption that sex is more common and/or “dirtier” than drugs.
Baba Doodlius asked, “Here’s one: What’s a nice girl like you doing in an internet like this?”
I made my first webpage (100% HTML hand-coded and uploaded using only MS Notepad and an FTP program) in 1995. I’ve been addicted to the internet ever since. So, yeah, I’m online because I’m a geek. ;) Hell, I was in Math Club in high school for crying out loud. I think I was one of very few — if not the only one — who wore a cheerleading skirt in Calculus class.
lamesabassman asked, “Salma Hayek…… or … Hallie Berry….. or Drew Barrymore….. or Pam G.”
I think they’re all good actors.
dkzone asked, “Ever fool around with another chick? If so, would you do it again?”
I had a threesome almost exactly a year ago: 2 girls and 1 guy. I’d do it again under different circumstances / with a different guy.
Alex asked, “I love your site Twanna but….. in this post “greatful”should be grateful no?”
Yep. Thanks for catching the typo. :) I usually write my posts at the ass crack of dawn and/or during late nights. Grammar flubs happen. Through out the day, I catch typos, missing words, etc. and I correct them. Sometimes you guys catch it before I do.
@brainsnbeauty2 asked, “How did you find the opportunities to work/live abroad? (I read your 101 things)”
Before I moved to New York and became a writer, I worked in international affairs. I did my BS and MA degrees in sociology, and I wrote my thesis paper on immigration in Europe. I speak Dutch fluently as well as a bit of French and Italian. My advice would be to learn as many languages as you can, and the opportunities will follow. Or, you might already know languages. Or, you can always go to Australia, England, Ireland or another place where you’ll be fine with English. :) The Department of Defense schools offer teaching jobs across the globe. One friend is teaching in London, and I have another in Indonesia and yet another in China. Additionally, the French and Spanish governments (and others) offer Americans who speak the language teaching opportunities in their countries. Peace Corps is another option. Also, tons of independent organizations offer work abroad and volunteer abroad opportunities.
dkzone asked, “Which would you choose: fantastic relationship, but mediocre sex…. or fantastic sex, but mediocre relationship?”
Fantastic relationship with mediocre sex. You can always help make the boinking better. But, you can’t “work on” a person to change them into someone they aren’t. By the way, if you missed them, you might be interested in these FBC posts: Is Good Sex a Basic Human Need? and Bad Sex with Others or Good Sex Alone?.
@brainsnbeauty2 asked, “Being someone who relocated to NY from somewhere else (like myself) how did you make friends? And where is your favorite place in NY to hang out?”
GREAT question! (Friends who’ve relocated often ask me this.) I move around a lot, so I’m kind of used to starting fresh and meeting new people. The easiest way to do it is do stuff you like doing. Sports? Join a non-professional team in your city. Reading? Join a book club. Movies? Join a film center. Speak Dutch and like to make out with tall, gorgeous Dutch boys? Go to NLBorrels. Oh, wait, shit. That last one was for me. ;) But, um, yeah, getting back to the question … Once you’ve met new people, you’ll have to keep doing it for a while. You won’t like some of them. Others might move away and/or not like you. It’s an ongoing process. By the way, I soooo can’t speak highly enough about Meetup.com. It’s a great way to meet people when you’re new to a city. And, you asked, Where are my favorite NYC place to hang out? At the moment, my apartment. I love my place. Other than that … Essex for brunch, MoMA for art, IFC Center for film, Central Park for running, etc.
dkzone asked, “Also have the items in your kitchen solely been used for cooking purposes?”
Nope. :) I keep my hammer, measuring tape, power drill, nails and other hardware goods in a kitchen drawer near my refrigerator. I don’t use those items to cook, but I’ve used them to hang paintings on my wall and affix coat hooks to the back of my door. :)
@brainsnbeauty2 asked, “If you’re in a relationship with someone and you know that love them and are sexually attracted to them but have a hard time actually having sex with them, what do you think that means?”
Couple things. If the sex has always been mediocre, it means the two people aren’t communicating. The best way to make “okay” sex “great” sex is to talk about it — what works, what doesn’t work, what feels good, what doesn’t feel good, what could be different, etc. If the sex was good but now it’s not, something’s changed. Maybe one person doesn’t feel emotionally close to the other anymore. Maybe one partner has gained weight and doesn’t feel comfortable in their body anymore. Could be anything. In any case, it gets better with communication. If one or both partners aren’t able to talk about it, I’d suggest therapy. I love therapy.
Mindspin asked, “What’s the sexiest thing in your underwear drawer?”
Lately, I like this pink and black ribbon chemise by Rampage best.
Baba Doodlius asked, “How about: Do gerbils cower in fear at your approach, like they do for Richard Gere?”
I only like animals when I’m eating them. Speaking of which …
Baba Doodlius asked, “Breakfast – bacon and eggs or pancakes and sausage?”
I usually prefer steak & eggs for breakfast. Egg whites only. Multi-grain toast. And at least 2 or 3 mimosas.
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Image by Tory Byrne
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