Random Like Ralph Macchio

I feel like I’m being tortured. Since Saturday, I’ve had a slightly high temperature of 101 – 104 and, because the doctor says the fever is now contagious, I’ve been quarantined to my apartment. Usually very healthy, I hate feeling ill. Chills. Fever. Fatigue. It sucks. And, what’s more? I’m frustrated that I can’t hang out with my friends. Or drink wine. Or, by the way, eat anything because my appetite has gone to shit. Turns out I have a weird, oddball contagious flu strain. Shouldn’t last long, but it’s annoying that it crept up on me.

I should have figured something was wrong when I lost my desire to eat or masturbate. Rewind to last weekend. Friday night, I went to a party at Roger Smith Hotel with Lauren and an old high school pal. Bumped into Matt, Adam and a few other people. Later, at dinner with a smaller group, it felt good to relax among friends and enjoy random conversations about whether Welshmen have larger penises than men from elsewhere in the UK. (Don’t ask.) I didn’t finish my dinner. Red flag #1. I love food, and I almost always clean my plate. Instead of post-dinner partying, I told the group, “I think I’m gonna go home.” Later, alone in my apartment, I stripped naked, tip-toed to my bed, slid my nude brown flesh between the soft oatmeal-colored sheets and … wait for it, wait for it … went to sleep. Red flag #2. I often like to finish the evening by finishing myself off.

I rarely write about masturbation because, due to our society’s unhealthy level of repression, mere mention of the word is often considered vulgar or overly titillating. Sidenote: Did you hear about nude models getting groped at MoMA? Really, read the article — especially pay attention to the “elderly man” who rubbed a performer’s ribs and butt then said “You feel good, man.” What. The. Fuck? Has sexual expression become that pent-up and inhibited that people resort to groping nude artists’ asses at an art museum to get their jollies? Eww! Anyway. Backing away from that tangent and bringing the topic back to today’s post …

Whether enjoying it alone or with others, sex — like food — brings me pleasure. So, the worst part about being sick is that I don’t have the desire to partake in either. Here’s to hoping the fever subsides sooner rather than later! :) This is day four. And, the doc says I should be back to normal by Wednesday. Can’t get here soon enough.

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