This is one of my favorite dresses.
From the category archives:
Random Like Ralph Macchio
I updated my iPod again recently. Music always reminds me of random things and people. Many many years ago, I was in love with a French guy. You probably know the story because, maybe, you’ve had a similar situation … I thought he was ridiculously handsome, smart and genuinely a really funny guy. We’d been going on dates for several months, but we weren’t exclusive. I didn’t want to see anyone else, but I knew he did. So, I pretended it was okay. Of course that didn’t work. Sitting across dinner tables with different dudes only reminded me how much I’d rather be with the French guy. So, Le Frenchie (because he was a smart little thing) started to figure it out: I liked him much more than he liked me. Eventually, he granted me the greatest kindest he could ever give anyone in that predicament: he ended things. It hurt like hell, but I’d rather be sad that we weren’t dating than pissed because he’d strung me along. Months passed. I got over him … in so much as anyone’s ever truly “over” unrequited love.
Two summers ago, I attended the New York premiere of Dans Paris at the Brooklyn Academy of Music. (Or, “BAM” as us locals call it.) There’s a song in it that reminds me of him and every other guy who hasn’t liked me as much as I liked them or vice versa. If you’re not into snotty French New Wave cinema and/or really slow-moving independent films, you’ll hate Dans Paris. If you like that stuff, it’s worth renting it on Netflix. The song starts during this sappy scene where two lovers realize their relationship is over. The guy is depressed, suicidal and bearded. He hasn’t shaved in weeks. Having just finished crying, the woman (his ex) is getting ready for bed. Alone. He calls her from his apartment and they sing this really beautiful tune back and forward to each other. The song, “Avant la haine” (“Before the Hatred”), is in French but the gist of it is: I’ve got a really good idea … let’s “avoid the unbearable” and get out of this while the gettin’ is still good. Before we hate each other. Before we’re screaming and shouting about how much we can’t stand each other. “Before the sorrow and the disgust. Let’s break up now, please.” It’s really beautiful. It reminds me of the Frenchman and other relationships when I’ve stumbled into that sad, lonely moment where my partner and I were both fully aware that we liked each other; yet, for whatever reason, we also knew it wasn’t going to work. Breakups are rarely easy. The decision to get out is rarely black and white. And, NOT hating someone doesn’t make it any easier to break up with them or have them break up with you. Video below. Lyrics in English and French follow.
| Lui : Sais-tu ma belle que les amours Les plus brillantes ternissent Le sale soleil du jour le jour Les soumet au supliceJ’ai une idée inattaquable Pour éviter l’insupportable Avant la haine, avant les coups Elle : Tu croyais pouvoir t’en sortir, Avant la haine, avant les coups Lui : Lui : Elle : Ensemble : |
He: Did you know my darling The most brilliant loves tarnish The day’s dirty sun in the day Subjects them to tormentI have an irrefutable idea To avoid the unbearable Before the hatred, before the blows She: You thought you’d be able to Before the hatred, before the blows He: He: She: Together: |
Hey guys. Okay. I’m baaaack. I haven’t updated in a while because I’ve been busy tweaking the site for (yet another) redesign. I’ve had Funky Brown Chick for many many years, and this is something like the 15th iteration. In case any of you are interested to see how the site has changed over the years, I might upload and post a few old screen captures to my Flickr. As usual, I stuck with a pink template. I think it’s a pretty color, so I splashed it all over my site. So, yeah, welcome to the newer, pinker blog. ;)
You’ll notice a few changes. The most recent version of the site had something like 20+ static pages — i.e. audio, video, TV, bio, press, articles, archives, etc., etc. (The number of posts hasn’t changed — approximately 850+ and counting!_ To streamline and clean up the static pages, I’ve reduced the number to 7. If you’d still like to see my press clips or read magazine and newspaper articles I’ve written, see my online home for various creative projects: TwannaHines.com.
I design, code and back up my site 100% by myself. I’m sooooo not a designer. So, additional updates are coming but it might time a little while. For example, I need to better-integrate the color themes for the google ads, insert ads on single pages, increase the size of my logo, pimp out my footer with Flickr RSS and make other changes. I know HOW to do that stuff. Finding TIME to do it is a different story. The only thing I’m getting totally stuck on at the moment is the comments.php stuff. I STILL have to figure out how to get the threaded comments up and running. So, if you’ve got php skills, live in Manhattan and are familiar with Matt Mullenweg‘s baby, email me so we can set up a 20-minute “Twanna needs comments php help” crash session. I’ll even buy you a beer.
I want to know what you think about the site and, of course, I want the site to work for you guys. Give me feedback!! :) Is there anything that was on the old site that’s no longer available on the new design and you’d like to have it back? Is there something I’ve never had on my site that you’d like to see present? Is there anything on the new design that you think is particular fun and/or more interesting than the old one? Leave your thoughts in the comments section. Thanks!!
Okay, I admit it. My my recent post was admittedly disjointed. I started off writing about the possible TV gig, but then I realized I probably shouldn’t write about it because it’s soooooo not a sure thing at all (just an audition) plus I’m not sure how much I can talk about it anyway. So, then I started writing about all the random stuff I’ve ended up doing in New York over the past four or five years — much of which I never thought I’d do. So, then I started talking about how I don’t “feel” like a New Yorker even though I’ve lived here longer than I’ve lived anywhere else as an adult. That made me think, “Yeah, well, shit. I didn’t really feel ‘at home’ in rural Illinois either.” So, yada yada yada. I re-read the post and I was like, “Damn. Um, that was totally random and scattered.” But, I guess it was an honest reflection of how I feel lately.
Next week. By exactly this time next week (Monday, May 18th), I’ll be able to tell you more about the “stuff” that’s been going. Until then, I can’t write about what I want to write about, so my posts are probably going to sound totally random. You know what it’s like? It’s kind of like when you’re having a conversation with someone and you hit this part where you can’t talk about something so you change the subject. Example:
YOU: So, how are thing going with … what’s his name? Bob, right?
RANDOM FRIEND: We broke up.
YOU: Oh, um, okay. Sorry. I didn’t know that.
RANDOM FRIEND: Yep, I walked in on him fucking my sister and my best friend in a threesome, so that pretty much ended it.
YOU: Oh, God. Wow. Um. Ooh. Um. I mean. Um, yeah. [Awkward silence.] So, how’s work going? How’s your mom?
That’s what Friday’s post what like. Only, of course, without the context. So, like, I’m writing about sexy older women … partying with friends … snooping on dates … interracial dating. Then, I go dark for like almost a week. I come back talking about … wait for it, wait for it … subway graffiti and gentrification. I shit you not, I got a couple emails from readers that simply read: “Um, are you okay????”
I’m fine. Stick with me, folks. Trust me, I’ll have news soon.
Anyway, until then and on a completely different note, you may have noticed I haven’t responded to comments in the comments section lately. There’s a reason for that. I tried out a commenting system (Disqus), but enough of you emailed me to complain and/or say you preferred the other system, so I disabled it. I’m revamping the site again to add (among other things) an enabled threaded comments section again. I just haven’t had time to do that yet. I’m reading all the new comments in the meantime. And, once the new comment feature is enabled, I’ll respond to you guys as usual.
Okay, it’s almost midnight. I’m going to bed. Just wanted to shoot you a quick update to let you know what’s going on. As always, thanks for reading. I look forward to sharing good news with you next Monday. In the meantime, I’ll keep posting new stuff on the site as usual. You’re hereby forewarned: it might be a little disjointed. :)
I shot myself four times this week during target practice. Granted, I was aiming at my face — using a camera, not a gun. Here’s the story … I’m not sure how much I can divulge about the project, but an LA production company asked me to film myself and send in the tapes for a network TV program. I love the sociology of relationships, and I’m happy to do anything that helps me and/or others understand them better. If I get picked to be on the show, great. If not, I’ll be fine; I’ll simply add the experience to the List of Incredible Opportunities I’ve Had while in New York City. Something else will come along.
NYC. As most of you already know, I’m a Midwesterner at heart. But, I don’t really have a “hometown.” Though I was raised in Mississippi, I was born in Illinois and lived there again from elementary school until university. I’ve also lived in Los Angeles, Florida, Europe and elsehwere. I’ve chosen to live in NY — for nearly five years … the longest I’ve lived in any city as an adult — because I feel like I fit in here. The place is packed with transplants, immigrants and other people just like me — folks who abandoned hometowns and homelands in places that never quite seemed like “home.” There’s quote about how much NYC needs the newbies equally as much as the natives, but I can’t remember the exact text or the quote.
It’s weird. I’m certainly not a tourist. Yet, I’m still more likely to tell people “I live in New York” rather than “I’m a New Yorker.” I feel like I can’t really “claim” NY the same way natives can. For me, recently getting “shot” / “filmed” on the Lower East Side involved a Canon GL1; native NYers remember when people REALLY got shot in LES. Having lived in NYC before it was cool to do so, they remember when crack was the only thing spreading faster than AIDS, Times Square looked like this, subways like this and the outer boroughs like this.
Quite frankly, if 2000s New York was like 1980s New York, I probably wouldn’t live here. Remember? I’m from rural Illinois. The shallows waters of gentrification — safe neighborhoods, clean parks / green space and grocery stores that offer organic options — suit me just fine. For me, it’s only a problem when those tiny droplets of dew build up to a full blown gentrification tsunami. Then again, I wonder: Do I contribute to that by hanging out at Union Square, shopping at Whole Foods and picking up random stuff at Duane Reade? Maybe. Maybe not.
Anyway. Speaking of these “Whose New York Is It Anyway?” discussions, I want to say a very public THANK YOU to the folks over at WNYC for inviting me to breakfast, a tour [video!] of their new and the conversation with Rosie Perez about NYC’s changing neighborhoods.
The live show taped yesterday morning, with: Rosie; Bob Tierney, Landmark Preservation Commission Chair; Nelson George, novelist, Exec Producer for series at VH1 and BET; Damaris Reyes, Exec Director of GOLES (Good Old Lower East Side); Marci Reaven, Exec Director of City Lore as well as Director of Place Matters and other participants. If you wanna hear what everyone talked about, segment airs on WNYC 93.9 FM at 7:00am next Saturday (May 16) and on WNYC AM 820 at 9:00pm next Sunday (May 17).
Okay, so, I know many of you out there live here in New York, but a lot of you DON’T. Curious to find out: “How many of you live in the same town you grew up in? If you’ve remained, why do you love it? If you’ve left, what made you leave?” Feel free to use the comment section to share your thoughts.
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Photo credit: Scott Ellison Smith
Lots of stuff going on, but I’m not comfortable writing publicly about any of it just yet. In the meantime, if you need a Funky Brown Chick fix for today, peruse my archive for topics that might interest you. For example, if you’re into GILFs, I’ve written a bit about older women and younger men. Also, over at Nerve, Brian Fairbanks published 10 Sexiest Women Over 50. Check it out if you haven’t already seen it. It’s up in two pieces — part one and part two.
“With the release of two more Michelle Obama-led magazine covers this month, we started to wonder that, if forty is fabulous, what happened to adoration for fifty-year-old women? Seriously, besides this month’s [Essence], which features 45-year-old Obama and her 71-year-old mother, when was the last time you saw a fifty-plus woman on the cover of an American magazine? (AARP doesn’t count, damn it.)”
Read more [...]
File this one under friendship. Last week, my friend Maria Jose came in town for a visit. Tiny little globe. We met in grad school in Florida. She is originally from Argentina and, at the time, I’d recently returned to the US after living in London (though I’m originally from Illinois). It was soooooo nice to catch up with her. Hadn’t seen her in 3 years. I miss her already.
This week is going to be a little insane — – socializing, working on financial stuff, dating, looking at apartments, editing my book, a couple Tribeca Film Festival events, etc. It’s my own fault. I’m horrible at compartmentalizing my life, and I easily overwhelm. When that happens, I withdraw — the rationale being, “I have so much stuff to do that I don’t even know where to start, so I’m not going to do anything.” The result? I get even more overwhelmed because I have even more to do. And, not to mention, I feel like I’m letting other people down. More about that later. For now, I’ll just tell you about a guy.
A month or so ago, I meet a Polish dude who says he was a doctor. We go on a few dates. I haven’t written about him before because, during one of our early conversations, he told me he reads this site because he searched for my name online. When you google Twanna A. Hines, either Funky Brown Chick or my writing portfolio (TwannaHines.com) is usually the first hit.
“Why don’t you like to kiss on the mouth?” The Polish doctor asks me.
“What are you talking about?” I’m confused because, of course, I LOVE kissing on the mouth. And on the neck. And on the torso. And below the belly button …
“I saw one of your interviews and you said you don’t like to kiss on the mouth.”
“What are you talking about?!?!?!? I would never say that.”
“I saw you say it. You were talking with a British girl, and you said you don’t like to kiss on the mouth!”
“Ohhhhhh!” Slow on the uptake. [Remembers he's ESL and doesn't know American expressions. Talks slower.] “You mean the interview with Zoe?! I soooo didn’t say I didn’t like KISSING. I said I don’t like PISSING in the mouth; I said I won’t let a man piss in my throat.”
So, now the Polish dude seems disgusted that I even talk about these things. Whatever. Life’s too short and I sooo can’t worry about what some random guy thinks about what OTHERS say. Anyway. Different, albeit it related, topic: Using the internet to snoop about your dates. I freely admit I’m a paranoid freakshow who assumes most Manhattan men I don’t know very well are willing to lie about damn near anything (their jobs, criminal backgrounds, marital status, etc.) to get a bit of ass. So, of course, I google the Polish dude, right? Guess what happens? Nothing comes up. Seriously. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Rien. Creepy, right?
“How do you you live your life as a doctor and go to conferences and stuff,” I ask a friend and her boyfriend, “without showing up online anywhere? Like, ANYWHERE?”
“Dude,” my friend’s boyfriend responds, “how to do you live your life PERIOD without showing up online somewhere? That’s weird.”
Good point. So, I start snooping. I go to the New York State site that verifies all regulated professions to check if the Polish guy is really a doctor. Guess what? His name doesn’t come up. Unfortunately, I don’t have a chance to ask the guy about it because: (1) I stopped calling him and he hasn’t called me since and (2) it would’ve been weird to say, “So, yeah, um, WTF? I was stalking you online the other day and I couldn’t verify your credentials. What’s going on?” So, here’s a question for you: Is it okay to snoop on your dates, boyfriends, lovers or others with whom you share the covers? And, if so, would you confront them if the info you found didn’t match up with the stories they’ve told you?”
