Twanna A. Hines @ FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com | sex. dating. relationships.

Manly Monday: U.S. Men’s National Team (SEXY MEN)

I’m not writing about the recent trio of celebrity deaths because you can (and probably already have) read that news elsewhere. For something new and a bit more lighthearted, I thought I’d give you delicious eye candy to start your week off right. Today’s Manly Monday pick — weekly shout outs celebrating men’s loveliness — is the U.S. national soccer team. Yesterday, Bro and I sat at the bar at Tonic and watched the US dominate Brazil (the only team to do so) in the current FIFA Confederations Cup. For approximately two hours, we sipped Hefe-Weizen, gnawed on hot & spicy buffalo wings and cheered our national team. Unfortunately, we lost. Brazil came back strong in the second half, winning the game 3 to 2. Whatever. I was still really really proud of team captain Carlos Bocanegra (pictured) and the rest of the American boys for putting heat on the Brazilians … and looking REALLY fucking good doing while so. Seriously! Have you SEEN the men’s team?!?! They’re gorgeous. GO USA!!! Kudos, also, to ESPN for showing the match … and to FIFA for giving the US props for our country’s ethnic diversity. In case you missed the game, here’s the lineup of the guys who played on Sunday. Who’s the hottest? My vote — it’s a tie between Carlos Bocanegra and Tim Howard. Who’s your pick?

TIM HOWARD

Sacha KLJESTAN

Jozy ALTIDORE

Charlie DAVIES

Clint DEMPSEY

Conor CASEY

Ricardo CLARK

Jonathan BORNSTEIN

Benny FEILHABER

Landon DONOVAN

Jay DeMERIT

Jonathan Spector

Oguchi ONYEWU

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Photos credit: Images appear online at www.fifa.com

June 29th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [11] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Beautiful Brown Girls Brunch Club

Sometimes I feel lonely in New York City. As I’ve said before, loneliness is about not having one’s needs met and it doesn’t have anything to do with the # of people around you. In my past, the times I’ve felt most alone were when I was in a relationship with a man who was either incapable or unwilling to “be there” for me emotionally when I needed him most. But, he’s a topic for a different day, a different blog post. Back to me. So, if loneliness is about not having one’s needs met, I wonder: what “needs” do I have.

Um, I’m not getting laid on a regular basis. That, of course, sucks. I had some dude / “Facebook friend” I’ve never met offer to give me a massage. Horny as I am, I still declined. I’m not in the habit of making appointments to meet strangers in unknown spaces by myself and letting them touch my naked flesh. I NEED A FUCK BUDDY. Where are my male friends in my hour of need???? ;) That aside, I guess I felt pretty lonely recently because the Chelsea v. Liv’pool game was on Sunday, and I didn’t have anyone watch it with me. My fellow soccer fanatic, Bro, wasn’t in town and I don’t think Irene watched the game. Ro was supposed to meet me at the bar, but she got delayed at home then caught up in parade traffic. I ended up watching the game at Slainte by myself. It was the first time I’ve ever done that. It was great because I was around others who got PISSED OFF when Lampard was sent off for no good reason … and when that smug little fucker Torres slid into a pose after his first goal. But, truth be told, being there also felt kind of strange, like a public declaration: “I’m sitting on this bar stool alone because I have zero friends.” Nonsense, I know. I have friends. I just need to meet more people who actually like soccer — that way, I don’t have to watch games by myself. Thank God for Meetup! I joined the New York English Premier League and World Cup group. Also, I might connect with the New York Blues; they support one of my teams, Chelsea, and they seem even more hardcore than I am.

After the game ended, I met up with Sakes, Angie and Ro for our Beautiful Brown Girls Brunch Club. (Some members pictured below.) Every couple months or so, a group of brown-skinned friends from different ethnic backgrounds get together to talk about our relationships, the black men in our lives, dating, jobs, etc. You know, the stuff that makes live beautiful. Stuff like friendship. “In a 90s 00s kind of world, I’m glad I got my girls.” Anyway. Last time we met up, we went to Insomnia Cookies; this time, we went to Essex. Chatting, Sacred told us Facebook recently disable Sacred’s account because her name didn’t sound real or something like that. Crazy, right? What’s more? This TOTALLY sucks because she’s an international humanitarian aid worker abroad who honestly NEEDS that site to send birthday greetings to friends, view pics of loved ones and do other stuff that helps her keep in contact with the rest of us back home. It’s her lifeline to stay connected to us while she’s living in fairly harsh, isolated, dangerous and, yes, lonely conditions abroad. Thankfully, for now, we’ve got her in New York visiting for a while and my fingers are crossed that Facebook reopens her account before she leaves.

Taking a page from Grateful Dating, I should probably spend more time focusing on the things for which I’m grateful. Today, it’s friendship. How about you? What makes you feel grateful today?

February 3rd, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [20] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Manly Monday Pick: Laird Hamilton

The dude in the water is Laird Hamilton. As you may know, we pay a homage the beautifully bedicked creatures of the earth on Manly Mondays … except when we do it on Tuesday or Wednesday; then, it’s either a Testicle Tuesday or Wanker Wednesday, respectively. But, whatever. Back to the flavor of the day. The dude in the water. I didn’t see or smell an ocean for the first time until I took a debut springtime trip to New York and moved to Los Angeles when I was 20. It sounds kind of stupid to say it, but I couldn’t really wrap my brain around the idea that the water was as deep as seven miles below eye level and extended its touch as far as Europe and Asia. I’ve lived in waterside places ever since: Chicago (Lake Michigan), Amsterdam (the Amstel), London (River Thames) and in Florida — as long as you’re in the state, you’re never more than an hour away from the deep blue.

I think the folks who use thin boards to walk on water are hot. Laird Hamilton didn’t invent surfing, ancient Polynesian cultures can claim that credit. Yet, this haole’s contributions to surfing — and crossover board sports in general — can’t be overstated. When I think about it, Laird’s been in water longer than I’ve been on the planet. Crazy, huh? Anyway, discover him on your own by checking out his website, reading his Wikipedia entry or watching films like riding GIANTS. Big, drippy kisses go out to Vivicca Whitsett. She was the inspiration for today’s Manly Monday pick. She posted the YouTube clip below on my Facebook Fun Wall. Surfers PLUS soccer players? The sight was so beautiful I almost fainted. Seriously. I almost fucking fainted. In any case, I thought I’d share it with the group in case any of you out there like surfers and soccer players too. Enjoy!

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Photo credit: Image in today’s post appears online at Laird’s website. Check out his photo gallery. He’s hot. ;)

April 28th, 2008 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [5] folks got down with the Funky Brown

How I Became a Soccer Fan

I used to live in central London. When I say that, I don’t mean it in the American “I was a study abroad student for four months, so now I tell people I lived in London” sense. I mean I got a blue passport, paid for a valid work visa and loaded up a big black backpack before boarding a one-way flight from Chicago O’Hare to London Heathrow. I was an expatriate. Why did I do it? I wasn’t sure what else to do with my life. I’d applied to grad school at UCLA, but they rejected me. Life Lesson #186: Always Have a Back Up Plan.

I didn’t know anyone in Britain’s capital city, so my immediate goals were to find housing and a job. I worked as a bartender in a traditional English pub called The Mitre because it was a “two-fer.” Random trivia fact: the word pub is short for public house. The folks who work downstairs in the public bar live in the upstairs house for free.

A pale-skinned British guy named Martin managed the place with his sexy, thin, pretty, brown Indian girlfriend named Zen and an English guy named Darren. I’d have to check my written journals to be sure, but if I remember correctly, my roommates / coworkers included exactly: 2 Aussie boy bartenders, 2 Aussie girl bartenders, 1 Irish cook, an Italian girl & African guy who served as barbacks who went home at the end of the night instead of living with us upstairs. (I don’t know why.)

It was a World Cup year, so the pub was always crowded with drunken Brits singing “Three Lions” and other cheer songs for their beloved national team. England and South Africa had teams running across the green pitch on our pub’s “telly.” It was the year Beckham kicked a player and was sent off with a red card. Pushing my way through the crowds, serving pints as I spilled lager, ale and cider down my hand and arms, I came across a burly Englishman with St. George’s Cross on the front of his white shirt. He got in my face and yelled, “Your team lost!” I spit back, “I’m not South African. I’m American.” He looked completely baffled, as if I’d told him, “I come from the future.” Life Lesson # 674: Europeans Are Often Surprised By the Large Number of Brown-skinned People in America.

I remember the swell of the crowd’s cheer, the intense concentration with which the men watched the game, and the fans’ sheer dedication and commitment to their World Cup teams. It was as if World War II was reenacted, and civilians sat spectator as they watched the battles play out before their eyes. Supporters rooted for their home countries, and nearly everyone hated Germany. The fervor was equally intense as it was intoxicating. What’s more? All the all players had fit, streamlined bodies that were propped up by powerful legs and rock-hard asses. The excitment. The skill. The enthusiasm. The boys. A woman who’d shunned sports for 89.5765% of her life, I knew I’d found a new love.

Life Lesson #892: Soccer is called football, and it is a truly beautiful game.

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NOTE: Why this post today? Heads up, the next Manly Monday post is about my newest favorite soccer player. Anyone wanna guess who it is?

March 28th, 2008 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [14] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Wanker Wednesday: David Beckham Shows Anderson Cooper His Balls

Three days ago. Did you catch it? Anderson Cooper interviewed David Beckham on 60 minutes. I’m not sure which was more satisfyingly — watching the actual interview or reading the headlines that came out about it. Anderson Cooper Looking To Score With David Beckham and Anderson Cooper Tries to Block David Beckham’s Balls. Love it. A lot of the leads were ridiculously thinly veiled speculations about The Coop’s sexuality. Is he gay or isn’t he? Quite frankly, I don’t care. He’s gorgeous. I like to look at The Coop. And, the interview with Beckham made it that much easier for me to imagine myself snuggled in between that yummy boysandwich. Pretty boys with streamlined bodies? Yum. Anyway, so, in case you missed the actual interview, here are three highlights. (Yes, technically, today is “wanker wednesday” since I co-opted Manly Monday this week; but, no, I don’t think either of the boys are wankers.)

1. The Beckham “Tattoo Tour”
Oh my dear sweet Buddha with a big round belly. Apparently, Goldenballs has 15 sets of inkings covering various parts of his delicious little body. I’m not usually a fan of men covered in tattoos (9:08 – 9:40 in the video below) because I think it looks kind of tacky. But, Beckham rocks the look without any problems.

2. Goldenballs.
Anderson asked Beckham if it’s true that: (a) his wife calls him “Goldenballs” and (b) he prances around with his two little jewels stuffed inside of Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham’s panties. D. Becks’ answers: yes to the first, no to the second. But, in both cases, he was visibly uncomfortable answering and I swear I saw the soccer chap actually blush a little bit as he pulled his collar and asked, “Is it getting hot in here?” He looked almost as uncomfortable as he was when The Coop asked him about him about money (5:48 – 5:58). So British. By the way, the the moneymaking Goldenballs question isn’t in the video below, but you can it on Yahoo!

3. Bend It Like Beckham
Okay, so, this part (8:03 – 9:08) was 100% completely overrated. CBS was all like, hey Beckham’s gonna demonstrate his “bend it” technique for the first time ever!!!! Um, hasn’t he been doing that on TV for ages, now? But, whatever. It was good to see it again. And, speaking of “seeing it,” I snagged the full Becks-Coop clip below from the ever-lovely Gawker. Enjoy! (Pssst! If you wanna see a shirtless Beckham, keep your eyes peeled during the like 4:51 to 4:56 mark. Best 5 seconds ever!)

March 26th, 2008 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [9] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Footwhat? Real Men Play Soccer.

A pithy little game called “The Superbowl” was on my television set last night. Ugly, helmet-headed, oversized boys pitter-pattered their feet on the green field. Ho hum. I pressed mute and worked on my writing projects. Football, schmootball. Real men play soccer. Seriously. I mean, come on people!!! Behold the Italian drop of deliciousness to your left. Luca Toni. Compare, if you will, his physique to that of the three NY Giants below him. He’s out of their league, right? Soccer players. I’ve written about Zinedine Zidane, posted an image of Thierry Henry and drooled over David Beckham here on the FBC. When it comes to players, I’ll skip football and help myself to two extra servings of soccer any day! So, today’s Manly Monday salutes the men of soccer. (Yeah, I was going to write about British boys, but it made sense to talk about football/soccer given: (1) I’m a New Yorker and (2) the Giants won the Superbowl. Brits coming up later.)

The only good things about the Superbowl actually start when the game stops: commercials. Ever the underwear aficionado, I was looking forward to the new Victoria’s Secret ad starring supermodel Adiana Lima. (Check out the clips on panties210: The Underwear Blog for Men and Women.) The ad was disappointingly reserved. I think Emanuela De Paula would have made a sexier choice for the primetime spot, but that’s neither here nor there.

If you watched any of the Superbowl XLII ads live or on MySpaceTV, which commercial was your favorite?

February 4th, 2008 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [6] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Beckham: Hypeworthy or Overrated Pretty-Boy?

A couple of days ago, I could be found standing on the corner of 34th and Broadway waving my first in the air like a crazed lunatic while screaming, “Damn you, Trent Vanegas!! Damn you!” Now, don’t get my wrong. I’ve got nothing but love in my heart for heart for Trent. I mean, really, how could you not adore the sexy mind behind Pink Is the New Blog? Hmm … So, if it’s not anger that I feel for Trent, what is it? Well, quite frankly, it’s jealously. I’m oozing with jealousy over the fact that Trent got TWO FREE TICKETS to see David Beckham play in his LA Galaxy debut game this Saturday. Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! But, you know what? You’ve gotta love Trent because he’s actually taking one of his lucky readers with him to the game. Will it be you? I don’t know. If you live in (or have the money to fly to) LA, enter the contest to win the ticket.

Ah, what’s next here on the blog today? Oh, yes, that’s right. It’s Monday. And, as you may know, Mondays are always Manly around here at FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com. Today’s manly pick is none other than … drum roll, please … David Beckham. Now that he has safely arrived in the US, he’s officially a US resident. He’s on the news. He’s out and about in LA. He’s on the cover of W Magazine *and* Sports Illustrated. But, is he worth all of this hype? Around this time last year, in a post called Soccer and Other “Eurofaggy” Things, I said: “What we, us, the American soccer fans need is a super-fabulous all-American star to make the sport sexy.” If it’s sexy that the American people need, David Beckham has certainly come to bring it. But, does he have what it takes to make soccer sexy to American audiences? I’d love to hear your opinion. Tell me: Is David Beckham worth all of the hype, or is he just another overpaid, overrated pretty-boy athlete?

July 16th, 2007 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [15] folks got down with the Funky Brown

I Wet My Panties

OMG!!!!!!!!! It’s official. David Beckham is coming to the US to play for the Major League Soccer team LA Galaxy! Read the BBC news article for more details. And, if that wasn’t enough soccer-hawtness for the day, Zinedine Zidane’s movie, hopefully, is on its way over here as well. Lawdy, lawdy, lawd! I can’t take the hotness. :-)

January 11th, 2007 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [5] folks got down with the Funky Brown