TIM HOWARD

Sacha KLJESTAN

Jozy ALTIDORE

Charlie DAVIES

Clint DEMPSEY

Conor CASEY

Ricardo CLARK

Jonathan BORNSTEIN

Benny FEILHABER

Landon DONOVAN

Jay DeMERIT

Jonathan Spector

Oguchi ONYEWU

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Photos credit: Images appear online at www.fifa.com

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Manly Monday: U.S. Men’s National Team (SEXY MEN)

Um, I’m not getting laid on a regular basis. That, of course, sucks. I had some dude / “Facebook friend” I’ve never met offer to give me a massage. Horny as I am, I still declined. I’m not in the habit of making appointments to meet strangers in unknown spaces by myself and letting them touch my naked flesh. I NEED A FUCK BUDDY. Where are my male friends in my hour of need???? ;) That aside, I guess I felt pretty lonely recently because the Chelsea v. Liv’pool game was on Sunday, and I didn’t have anyone watch it with me. My fellow soccer fanatic, Bro, wasn’t in town and I don’t think Irene watched the game. Ro was supposed to meet me at the bar, but she got delayed at home then caught up in parade traffic. I ended up watching the game at Slainte by myself. It was the first time I’ve ever done that. It was great because I was around others who got PISSED OFF when Lampard was sent off for no good reason … and when that smug little fucker Torres slid into a pose after his first goal. But, truth be told, being there also felt kind of strange, like a public declaration: “I’m sitting on this bar stool alone because I have zero friends.” Nonsense, I know. I have friends. I just need to meet more people who actually like soccer — that way, I don’t have to watch games by myself. Thank God for Meetup! I joined the New York English Premier League and World Cup group. Also, I might connect with the New York Blues; they support one of my teams, Chelsea, and they seem even more hardcore than I am.

After the game ended, I met up with Sakes, Angie and Ro for our Beautiful Brown Girls Brunch Club. (Some members pictured below.) Every couple months or so, a group of brown-skinned friends from different ethnic backgrounds get together to talk about our relationships, the black men in our lives, dating, jobs, etc. You know, the stuff that makes live beautiful. Stuff like friendship. “In a 90s 00s kind of world, I’m glad I got my girls.” Anyway. Last time we met up, we went to Insomnia Cookies; this time, we went to Essex. Chatting, Sacred told us Facebook recently disable Sacred’s account because her name didn’t sound real or something like that. Crazy, right? What’s more? This TOTALLY sucks because she’s an international humanitarian aid worker abroad who honestly NEEDS that site to send birthday greetings to friends, view pics of loved ones and do other stuff that helps her keep in contact with the rest of us back home. It’s her lifeline to stay connected to us while she’s living in fairly harsh, isolated, dangerous and, yes, lonely conditions abroad. Thankfully, for now, we’ve got her in New York visiting for a while and my fingers are crossed that Facebook reopens her account before she leaves.

Taking a page from Grateful Dating, I should probably spend more time focusing on the things for which I’m grateful. Today, it’s friendship. How about you? What makes you feel grateful today?

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Beautiful Brown Girls Brunch Club

I think the folks who use thin boards to walk on water are hot. Laird Hamilton didn’t invent surfing, ancient Polynesian cultures can claim that credit. Yet, this haole’s contributions to surfing — and crossover board sports in general — can’t be overstated. When I think about it, Laird’s been in water longer than I’ve been on the planet. Crazy, huh? Anyway, discover him on your own by checking out his website, reading his Wikipedia entry or watching films like riding GIANTS. Big, drippy kisses go out to Vivicca Whitsett. She was the inspiration for today’s Manly Monday pick. She posted the YouTube clip below on my Facebook Fun Wall. Surfers PLUS soccer players? The sight was so beautiful I almost fainted. Seriously. I almost fucking fainted. In any case, I thought I’d share it with the group in case any of you out there like surfers and soccer players too. Enjoy!

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Photo credit: Image in today’s post appears online at Laird’s website. Check out his photo gallery. He’s hot. ;)

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Manly Monday Pick: Laird Hamilton

I didn’t know anyone in Britain’s capital city, so my immediate goals were to find housing and a job. I worked as a bartender in a traditional English pub called The Mitre because it was a “two-fer.” Random trivia fact: the word pub is short for public house. The folks who work downstairs in the public bar live in the upstairs house for free.

A pale-skinned British guy named Martin managed the place with his sexy, thin, pretty, brown Indian girlfriend named Zen and an English guy named Darren. I’d have to check my written journals to be sure, but if I remember correctly, my roommates / coworkers included exactly: 2 Aussie boy bartenders, 2 Aussie girl bartenders, 1 Irish cook, an Italian girl & African guy who served as barbacks who went home at the end of the night instead of living with us upstairs. (I don’t know why.)

It was a World Cup year, so the pub was always crowded with drunken Brits singing “Three Lions” and other cheer songs for their beloved national team. England and South Africa had teams running across the green pitch on our pub’s “telly.” It was the year Beckham kicked a player and was sent off with a red card. Pushing my way through the crowds, serving pints as I spilled lager, ale and cider down my hand and arms, I came across a burly Englishman with St. George’s Cross on the front of his white shirt. He got in my face and yelled, “Your team lost!” I spit back, “I’m not South African. I’m American.” He looked completely baffled, as if I’d told him, “I come from the future.” Life Lesson # 674: Europeans Are Often Surprised By the Large Number of Brown-skinned People in America.

I remember the swell of the crowd’s cheer, the intense concentration with which the men watched the game, and the fans’ sheer dedication and commitment to their World Cup teams. It was as if World War II was reenacted, and civilians sat spectator as they watched the battles play out before their eyes. Supporters rooted for their home countries, and nearly everyone hated Germany. The fervor was equally intense as it was intoxicating. What’s more? All the all players had fit, streamlined bodies that were propped up by powerful legs and rock-hard asses. The excitment. The skill. The enthusiasm. The boys. A woman who’d shunned sports for 89.5765% of her life, I knew I’d found a new love.

Life Lesson #892: Soccer is called football, and it is a truly beautiful game.

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NOTE: Why this post today? Heads up, the next Manly Monday post is about my newest favorite soccer player. Anyone wanna guess who it is?

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How I Became a Soccer Fan

1. The Beckham “Tattoo Tour”
Oh my dear sweet Buddha with a big round belly. Apparently, Goldenballs has 15 sets of inkings covering various parts of his delicious little body. I’m not usually a fan of men covered in tattoos (9:08 – 9:40 in the video below) because I think it looks kind of tacky. But, Beckham rocks the look without any problems.

2. Goldenballs.
Anderson asked Beckham if it’s true that: (a) his wife calls him “Goldenballs” and (b) he prances around with his two little jewels stuffed inside of Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham’s panties. D. Becks’ answers: yes to the first, no to the second. But, in both cases, he was visibly uncomfortable answering and I swear I saw the soccer chap actually blush a little bit as he pulled his collar and asked, “Is it getting hot in here?” He looked almost as uncomfortable as he was when The Coop asked him about him about money (5:48 – 5:58). So British. By the way, the the moneymaking Goldenballs question isn’t in the video below, but you can it on Yahoo!

3. Bend It Like Beckham
Okay, so, this part (8:03 – 9:08) was 100% completely overrated. CBS was all like, hey Beckham’s gonna demonstrate his “bend it” technique for the first time ever!!!! Um, hasn’t he been doing that on TV for ages, now? But, whatever. It was good to see it again. And, speaking of “seeing it,” I snagged the full Becks-Coop clip below from the ever-lovely Gawker. Enjoy! (Pssst! If you wanna see a shirtless Beckham, keep your eyes peeled during the like 4:51 to 4:56 mark. Best 5 seconds ever!)

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Wanker Wednesday: David Beckham Shows Anderson Cooper His Balls

The only good things about the Superbowl actually start when the game stops: commercials. Ever the underwear aficionado, I was looking forward to the new Victoria’s Secret ad starring supermodel Adiana Lima. (Check out the clips on panties210: The Underwear Blog for Men and Women.) The ad was disappointingly reserved. I think Emanuela De Paula would have made a sexier choice for the primetime spot, but that’s neither here nor there.

If you watched any of the Superbowl XLII ads live or on MySpaceTV, which commercial was your favorite?

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Footwhat? Real Men Play Soccer.

Ah, what’s next here on the blog today? Oh, yes, that’s right. It’s Monday. And, as you may know, Mondays are always Manly around here at FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com. Today’s manly pick is none other than … drum roll, please … David Beckham. Now that he has safely arrived in the US, he’s officially a US resident. He’s on the news. He’s out and about in LA. He’s on the cover of W Magazine *and* Sports Illustrated. But, is he worth all of this hype? Around this time last year, in a post called Soccer and Other “Eurofaggy” Things, I said: “What we, us, the American soccer fans need is a super-fabulous all-American star to make the sport sexy.” If it’s sexy that the American people need, David Beckham has certainly come to bring it. But, does he have what it takes to make soccer sexy to American audiences? I’d love to hear your opinion. Tell me: Is David Beckham worth all of the hype, or is he just another overpaid, overrated pretty-boy athlete?

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Beckham: Hypeworthy or Overrated Pretty-Boy?

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I Wet My Panties

At any rate, I’ll be back as usual tomorrow–with less soccer tales and more dating stories. :)

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OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#1. Keep the Momentum Going. The time to get ready for 2010 FIFA World Cup South Africa is now! See this movie. Sign up with FIFA’s listserv. Talk to South Africans in your city. Buy your favorite team members’ jerseys. Be strategic. Plan ahead. And, don’t forget: this will be the first time that the games will be held on the African continent. Learn more about the region’s history and politics.

#2. Keep Drinking and Partying Internationally. Hey, the games might be over, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t still get drunk with the international community on a regular basis. Party with the Dutch (NL Borrels), Germans (Goethe), Scandivanians (NordicNights, Scandinavia House), Spanish (Instituto Cervantes), South Africans (Consulate has info) and others year round.

#3. Masturbate. Okay, I won’t go into any details on this one. For now, suffice it to say that the games may have ended, but the images of Zinedine Zidane, Luca Toni, David Beckham, and Thierry Henry live on. And on. And on. And on … Oooooh, Luca baby!

#4. Support Soccer Locally. Believe it or not, all the fellas of the World Cup all play each other in friendly (and other) matches throughout the year. For example, MLS has announced that the US all-star team will play Chelsea on August 5 in the burbs of Chicago. (Names you’ll recognize from Chelsea include: Terry, Cole, Lampard and Ballack.) I’ll admit it, even for me, this is new territory. I’ve always been a Cup Soccer kind of girl. EuroCup. World Cup. But, you know what? People change. And, besides, you get better seats at the local matches. Up close and personal “Soccer Hottie Sightings”.

#5. Commiserate with Fellow PWCD Sufferers. Anyone who has ever been through a traumatic life experience will tell you that it’s best to seek the help and support of others who are familiar with your situation. Find comfort in the arms of friends who love the games as much as you do. Trust me, little campers. We’ll all get through this together.

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5 Ways To Survive Post-Cup Depression