From the category archives:

Underwear

Flirting on Film

There’s definitely something sexy about sitting in front of a skilled man holding his favorite instrument in hand. I got kinda turned on. Wet. Hot. So I flirted shamelessly (and, of course, 100% harmlessly). But Bill Wadman isn’t turned on at all. He’s just doing his job. He’s a photographer. A damn good one at that. What’s more? Not only does he take great pictures, he’s also a fierce conversationalist. I enjoyed talking to him just as much as I enjoyed looking at his camera.

See more images over at his blog. I’ll write more about the photo shoot — and the juicy details of our intimate conversation — on Nerve later today.

Technorati Tags: ,

{ 10 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

“Nothing says ‘I want you’ like a man with a mouth full of underwear.”

So, last night, I’m having drinks with a group of friends, right? I drink maybe, um, I don’t know … a shot Tequila and a few beers? I also shove 12 buffalo chicken wings in my mouth. So picture this … as I gnaw a greasy wing and smear sauce all over my chin, I chide a little cutie named Joe for buying me a drink. “COORS FUCKING LIGHT? You bought me a DOMESTIC beer?!” That, my friends, is class. Yes, bitches, true poshiness is: never having to say, “I’m an asshole.” (Joe, if you’re reading, THANK YOU for the beer and apologies for the assholery. Trust me; I’m much less of a diva than I seem.)

Anyway, so, during the night of unrestrained merrymaking, I Twitter like a goof, fantasize about being as pretty as Lynne d Johnson (blog)(photo), tell a guy I don’t date Americans, and let folks know that I respect vintage (though mistreated and misunderstood) temptresses like Dorothy Dandridge, Marilyn Monroe and Billie Holiday. “They were powerful in their own way.” I continue talking, “Ohhh! You know that line from RENT: ‘Every single day, I walk down the street I hear people say: baaaaby. So sweet! Ever since puberty, everybody stares at me … Boys, girls I can’t help it, baby.’ I LOVED that part. Man, I wanted to *BE* Maureen — you know, universal appeal and all. Idina Menzel nailed that roll.” My friends give me a look seems to say, “You’re an idiot.” My response? “Jessica Rabbit was kind of hot, too.” I think everyone who knows me jokingly worries about sanity.

Anyway, so, I’m quickly updating my blogs. Check out panties210 to find out why nothing says ‘I want you’ like a man with a mouth full of underwear. At my blog column at Nerve mag, read about my fucked up dating life in I Want You to Want Me.

—————
Photo credit: Image of Billie Holiday appears at ExplorePAHistory.com

{ 11 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Better to Be Sexy or Funny?

Ooooh! I *LOVE* Time Out New York!!! They recently said, “In the Flesh erotic reading series at Happy Ending on Jan 17 will give you plenty of aural pleasure.” I’m reading there tonight. If you live in New York, come, come, come!!! Show starts at 8:00pm at Happy Ending, 302 Broome St. between Forsyth and Eldridge. I think I’m first after the break. Arrive early if you wanna grab a seat. The place always gets super-duper crowded. Rachel Kramer Bussel (Lusty Lady blog, editor of Best Sex Writing 2008, Hide and Seek, Sex and Candy) hosts. My fellow readers include:

I’m a little nervous about tonight. Not sure why; I’m only sharing details about my sex life with coworkers, close friends, acquaintances and complete strangers. What’s there to be nervous about? ;) Not sure which piece to do for the show. My favorites are the goofy/funny ones. But, here’s the thing … Should I read a piece that’s “MORE funny and LESS sexy” or “LESS sexy and MORE funny”. It’s an erotic reading series so it makes sense to side with sexy. On the other hand, it’s at a bar and we’re all gonna be a little boozy. So, maybe funny makes sense. Hmmm … Funny or sexy? Feel free to use the comment section to place your votes and/or wish me luck!

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

{ 6 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Yay!!! The Panties Are Here.

Ooooh!!! The newest issue of Cosmopolitan goes on sale today, and they’ve got this great 2-page spread about underwear. It’s kind of a “How To” guide for picking the right styles to match your body type. How much do you love that? As a very proud member of New York City’s Itty Bitty Titty Club, I’m glad they gave a shout out to those of us whose A-cups runneth over. My boobies are very very thankful to the lovely folks at Cosmo.

Maaaan, y’all know I love underwear. Actually … I love undies so much that …. wait for it, wait for it … I’ve decided to create a love letter to them. Check out the new fashion apparel site panties210: The Underwear Blog. It’s everything you ever wanted to know about undie fashion, style and culture. Keeping with the “barely there” theme of underwear, the posts are short and sweet. Check it out. Hope you like it!

{ 3 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

David “Goldenballs” Beckham

Ah, underwear. I’m definitely a fan. Especially when there’s a sexy man snugly held inside of them. D Becks is today’s Manly Monday pick at FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com because, as you’ve probably already heard, his Armani Spring/Summer 2008 ad campaign is in the new Vanity Fair. “The former England captain stares sternly from the poster as if defying anyone to suggest a little computer enhancement might have contributed to the chiselled six-pack or, indeed, to any other parts of his striking physique,” the Daily Mail comments. Man, who cares if David’s photo is enhanced. Aren’t ALL magazine images doctored? Wait. Scratch that.

Remember when Jamie Lee Curtis posed in her underwear for More magazine. It was, like, 5 or 6 years ago. MSNBC, CNN, USA Today and pretty much other heavy hitter in the media picked that story up. I remember thinking: Why is it considered ‘news’ that: (1) Jamie Lee Curtis wears underpants and (2) people have seen a natural picture of her wearing them? Because I’m an info junkie who googles everything, I found out that San Francisco Chronicle writer Joan Ryan said she thought people cared because “more than three decades into the women’s movement, it is still a radical act for a woman to accept her body as it is.” Good point. But, is this *really* just about the feminist stuff, or is there something deeper going on here?

Maybe underwear is more “revealing” in terms of self-esteem / identity than it is about, you know, flesh. (For women and for men.) I certainly think Jamie Lee Curtis’ underwear photo “bared” more than David Beckham’s — even though his shows more skin. Hmmm … it’s definitely a little manly mental meat for thought. In any case, if you want to find a copy of Beckham’s photo in Vanity Fair, follow the trails of drool to a newsstand near you.

————————-
Photo credits: Beckham’s photo is from DAVIDBECKHAM.FANS-ONLINE.COM. Jamie Lee Curtis’ appeared in More magazine.

{ 16 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Marc Jacobs & Men Who Get Naked for Charity

Yay! Naked men, naked men, naked men. Ah, Marc Jacobs. A couple of days ago, if you dropped by his men’s accessories store at 385 Bleecker Street, your sights could have tasted the sweet eyecandy that is the male nude. Naked men? Here in New York? You know I had to go. I’m not sure if I’ve blogged about this before, but I really have a thing for men without their clothes on. I’m not talking about hardcore erotic videos or anything like that. I mean, you know, tasteful images by Robert Mapplethorpe and other artists who share my deep appreciation for the delicious contours of men’s bodies. There’s nothing inherently tacky, shameful for even sexual about seeing the human body in its most natural state. Male nudity. Yes, give me more.

Not only are the boys in this video gorgeous, they’re also kind of guys who are willing to take the clothes off of their backs for charity. Literally. Proceeds from the Marc by Marc Jacobs t-shirt sales benefit the Interdisciplinary Melanoma Cooperative Group at NYU’s School of Medicine. Boys, boys, boys. Wanna see the video again and read the full story about my brush against brush with the male semi-nudes at the Marc Jacobs store? Check me out at Nerve magazine’s Blog-A-Log. And, here at funkybrownchick.com, it seems fitting to make the American designer Marc Jacobs and the men who got nude for charity today’s Manly Monday pick. Wanna know more about him? Read the feature article in the November 2007 issues of W Magazine. Wanna see pictures of him? Check out his Out magazine photo shoot. So, there you have it ladies and gentlemen. Marc Jacobs. And, by the way, hope you all like the mini video above!! I shot and edited it myself with my new camera / video thing. Oh, any, by the way, please feel free to use to comment section to tell us: Of the three guys in the video at the Marc by Marc Jacobs store, who do you think is the most beautiful / sexy?

Credits and thanks: Big drippy kisses to the Marc by Marc Jacobs store manager as well as the sexy men in the video for granting me permission to do the interview. Tongue-filled smooches also go out to Magnatune for the courtesy podsafe music. By the way … for the record and for what it’s worth … Marc by Marc Jacobs does have brown men on their t-shirts as well. They didn’t have any more in x-small; so, I got Owen’s shirt instead. (He even signed it for me; what a sweetie.)

{ 11 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

The Pursuit of Perkiness: How to Have Perky Boobs

For me, I’ve always thought that one of the many advantages of owning a pair of small boobs is that you can dress them up. Yes, we itty bitty titty chicks can either go small & au naturale or go big & faux naturale. Unlike our Big & Busty sisters, we have flexible breasts. I’ve already written a post that tells you exactly how to have perky boobs. You can also find additional tips over at the How to Make Your Boobs Look Bigger WikiHow. So, since you already have that information, today’s post is just lists a bunch of products that will help you in your Pursuit of Perkiness. And, in case you were wondering, no, no one is paying me to plug these products. So, what’s in it for me? I get to help the boobs of my fellow sisters out. That and, for those of you who actually buy stuff on Amazon, I’ll get credit. So, here we go …

I’ve used Maidenforms gel inserts on more than one occassion. They sell concealer enhancers and shape mates. I’m not sure which one I used (or if it was a different product by Maidenform). In any case, the gel inserts work just fine. But, remember to cycle that shit out. I once wore gel inserts a bit longer than I probably should have, and the bastards actually started to leak on me. Thankfully, everything turned out okay and it wasn’t even noticeable. Although Victoria’s Secret has an amazing collection of padded push up bras, you can usually find similar stuff online via Amazon for even cheaper. Check out the water wear push up pads, Wonderbra gel push-up bra, or the gel push-pp underwire bra. And, by the way, although they’re not bras or inserts, you might be interested in Julia Fikse’s company that uses T-shirts to support breast cancer research. October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Pick up a save the tatas t-shirt for yourself. Or, fella, you can pick up a shirt that tells the world exactly how much you love boobies. Okay. That’s all I’ve got for you now, folks. But. feel free to use the comment section to list other suggestions for perky boob products. But, for crying out loud, whatever you do, don’t suggest surgery. (I don’t have anything against boob jobs themselves, I’m just kind of not a fan of elective surgery in general. If you don’t *need* to cut your body open, don’t do it.)

Now, to all of the random people who routinely arrive at the FBC by googling “how to make small boobs look bigger“, I say this: stop the booby envy. You look great rocking a pair of small or midsized boobs – with or without accoutrement. In fact, folks who have read this blog for a short amount of time already know that I’m very proud of my (extremely heavy) A-cup boobies. And, those who have read this blog for a longer period of time have actually seen pictures of me and my boobies in pretty little matching bra and panty sets. Petite boobies. I love em. So, spread the small boobie love. In fact, right now I would be so happy if all the small boobie girls of the world would would place their hands on each of their breasts and tell them: I love you. Feel better? I thought so.

{ 10 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

New York Stories: My Friend, The Stripper

My friend Jonathan takes off his backpack, unzips it and shoves it under my nose. “Quick,” he says as his eyes dart around the bar to check if anyone sees him, “look in here!” I take a peek inside the bag, and that’s when I see it. Money. Tons of it. He’s carrying a bag that is almost completely filled with wadded up pieces of green and white pieces of paper. This can only mean one thing.

“OMG, Jonathan! You’re a stripper.”

Jonathan quickly holds his finger to his lips and tells me to shhh. To be fair, I should admit that Jonathan isn’t a stripper in the technical sense of the word. Strippers take their clothes off. Jonathan doesn’t. He just walks around in his underwear while he gives women massages and lets them stick bills in his underwear. Hmmm … Jonathan is the last person that you’d expect to “strip”. Now, don’t get me wrong. He has a great body. He’s very attractive. (I would continue with the compliments, but Jonathan reads this blog. I don’t want his head to get any bigger than it already is.)

As long as there have been able-bodied people who are capable of removing clothing, there have been strippers. So, I guess the only reason that Jonathan surprised me when he told me that he strips is this: he doesn’t seem to need the money. Students strip. Starving artists strip. But, investment bankers don’t strip, do they? Hmmm … maybe it’s not about the money. After all, the human ego is the only thing that likes to be stroked more than bitches in heat. But, enough about bitches. And, more about Jonathan.

Jonathan hasn’t told his girlfriend about his occasional evening- and weekend-only stripping habit, and he’s not going to. He’s afraid that she would judge him. And, you know what? She probably would. Nevertheless, I still think he should tell her. I mean, hell, what has he got to lose? At the very least, she’ll be happy to finally know why he disappears and doesn’t answer his phone on random evenings, right? Wow. I can honestly say that I’ve never had a friend tell me that they strip. Man, I love New York. This city and its people continue to surprise me every day.

{ 6 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

← Previous Entries

Next Entries →