Who is Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich?
Sweet baby Buddha on a 10-speed bicycle!! I gotta interrupt melancholic ruminations about my love life to answer NY friends & others who’ve asked me: “What the fuck is going on in Illinois?!?!” I’m a New Yorker now, but I was born with a couple corn cobs hanging from my mouth in the Land of Lincoln. One of my best friends in high school lived on a farm. I. Have. Milked. A. Damn. Cow. So, really, I have to talk about Rod Blagojevich today. It’s a de-facto Wanker Wednesday.
The Backgrounder: Illinois is corrupt. Seriously. Fucking New York sent “Scarface” Al Capone from Brooklyn to Chicago in 1923; by 1924, he was almost running the place — taking ownership of Cicero’s town council. Barack Obama’s original opponent for the IL senate seat, Jack Ryan, paid someone to stalk Obama. Under cover of night, Mayor Daley once secretly ordered wrecking crews to bulldoze huge X-shaped craters in a small aiport’s runway because (Chicago voters wishes be damned!!!) he wanted it closed. And, speaking of airports, you know Chicago “O’Hare” is named after the son of “Easy Eddie” O’Hare — a mob lawyer who willfully collaborated and made a fortune with Scarface. Later, O’Hare got in bed with the Feds to bring Capone down; the gangster gave O’Hare a Chicago-style “thank you” by having him gunned down in his car. In the past 40 years, I think 4 out of 8 (or, depending how you count, 3 out of 6 … doesn’t matter, it’s half either way) IL governors have had brushes with federal prison. I’m not sure any state can match that. Shit, even the saying “vote early, vote often” specifically refers to Illinois’ long history of politicians/gangsters manipulating votes. Be ye not fooled by the Midwestern smiles; Iraq is less of a political minefield than Springfield, Illinois. People, I’m telling you: There are gangsters in them there cornfields!!
NO ONE in Illinois is surprised about Blagojevich. No one!!! :) The man is goofy. What other statesman cusses more than Tony Soprano? (Blag on Obama: “Fuck him!”) Who the hell goes on The Daily Show without knowing it’s a comedy??? A year or two ago, when The Daily Show interviewer called Gov. Blagojevich “Gov. Smith” because he couldn’t pronounce his name, asked him to pretend he was a hot 17-year-old who needed contraceptives and questioned whether he was the real “gay Governor”, Blagojevich’s response was: “Is he teasing me, or is this legit?” Who does that??? “With all due respect to the governor,” said someone baffled by the incident, “he [had to know] it was a comedy show. It’s general knowledge for people under 90 years of age.” And, of course, the newest goofiness from G-Rod Blago … apparently, the guy tried to “sell” Barack Obama’s Senate seat to the highest bidder. The seat, he said, “is a fucking valuable thing, you don’t just give it away for free!” So, if anyone out there is still wondering: “What the hell is going on in Illinois?” The answer is what it has always been: “Politics as usual.”
Three days ago. Did you catch it? Anderson Cooper interviewed David Beckham on 60 minutes. I’m not sure which was more satisfyingly — watching the actual interview or reading the headlines that came out about it. 
