New York induces poverty while, at the same time, affording the luxury of amazing creative friends and writers. If wealth is abundance, even though I am without significant financial means, this city’s comedians, burlesque dancers, visual artists and others keep me richly entertained, turned on and engaged. Outdated: Why Dating Is Ruining Your Love Life. Great title, right? Samhita wrote it, and and it’s available on Amazon and other places where fine books are sold. Only rabbits breed faster than the pace at which Rachel pushes out deliciously juicy erotica. Marty’s The Heming Way: How to Unleash the Booze-Inhaling, Animal-Slaughtering, War-Glorifying, Hairy-Chested, Retro-Sexual Legend Within… Just Like Papa! landed him on MSNBC. Baratunde’s How to Be Black comes out in January. Rakesh. David. Abiola. Jenn. Larry. And, so on. Writers. Writers. Writers. Mazel! Mazel! Mazel!

I completed the first full draft of a book last year. Funny thing happened on the way to editing and pitching. I moved three times, unexpectedly started a new gig, got a local television show, bought a car and logged 9,000+ miles on the road over the past six months. New deadline: January 2, 2012. I’ll pitch the book no later than that date. Hard to believe that’s approximately 12 weeks away. Did I want to pitch sooner? Yes, but I think Chicago Tribune columnist Mary Schmich is right: Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself.

It’s been said lovers of the pen (keyboard?) should “write drunk, edit sober.” That is, figuratively, be intoxicatingly honest and excessively messy to get everything on the page. Literally imbibe, if you wish. However, in editing, be calculated, precise and mindful. In celebration of everyone with completed books as well as those in progress, raise a glass, folks! Also, as always, many thanks to those of you who have read and continue to read my work. Without readers, there would be no writers. As a token of gratitude, I’m happy to announce Naked Winery has kindly agreed to offer FUNKY BROWN CHICK® readers 30% off their orders at www.nakedwinery.com. (Discount code: SINGLE) Pick up a bottle of Foreplay Chardonnay and enjoy! Full disclosure, I’ve not yet sipped from their vineyards. They’re sending me a bottle of ripe tropical fruits, pear and a hint of green apple flavors that complement a subtle crisp finish. It’s slated to arrive soon; I’ll let you know how I like the fruity little number. Wine should be alcoholic and yummy; If Naked Winery meets those qualifications, I’m happy. (For more detailed vino analysis and info, visit Gary or read his books.)

This summer, I read at MEDIA SEX NIGHT at In The Flesh Erotic Reading Series. Victoria from EdenFantasys recently tagged me in this picture:

From left to right: Jo Weldon (Striptease for Burlesque, Exotic Dance & Real Life), Rachel Shukert (Everything Is Going to Be Great: An Underfunded and Overexposed European Grand Tour), Kevin Allison (The State: The Complete Series), Jillian Lauren (Some Girls: My Life in a Harem), Rachel Kramer Bussel (too many to list), Twanna A. Hines (forthcoming memoir) and Jerry Portwood (editor, New York Press).

I saw this picture because Victoria originally posted it on Facebook. If you and I aren’t already, we should be friends on Facebook. Also, if you live in New York, be sure to catch Rachel’s next In the Flesh Erotic Reading Series: COMEDY SEX NIGHT. November 18, 2010, 8:00 pm – 10 pm, Happy Ending Lounge (302 Broome Street, NYC, 212-334-9676). To get there, take either: B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey or F/V to 2nd Avenue. It’s between Forsyth & Eldridge under the hot pink awning marked “XIE HE Health Club.” Admission: Free.

If a blog is a website with regular commentary or graphics maintained by an individual or group of individuals, a sex blog focuses on sex. Pleasure. Arousal. Sexual activity. Sex commentary. Last night, sipping coffee with a brunette friend with long wavy hair and cool glasses, she told me she found it difficult to explain FUNKY BROWN CHICK® to others.

HER: I was with a group of people before I met up with you, and I was trying to explain your site. They don’t read blogs, so they totally didn’t get it.
ME: What do you mean?
HER: I said, She writes about sex. They were like, Oh, so it’s porn? I told them, no, it’s stories. Then, they were really confused.

I’m online. A lot. I’ve got “my Facebook all up in my thing’s Twitter” so much, that I often forget to cover the basics for those who’ve only discovered my site recently and may not know much about sex blogs. (By the way, shout out to Audacia! Village Voice just named her Best Sex Blogger 2010.) If this is your first time getting down with the funky brown, here’s the backstory. “Sex Blogs Explained” if you will. For those who’ve been here countless times, cover your ears and come back tomorrow :)

WHAT IS FUNKY BROWN CHICK?

I write articles for websites, newspapers and magazines. See writing samples and bio for more information. In addition to freelance writing, I have a personal blog. That’s what you’re reading now. FUNKY BROWN CHICK®. Featured in the New York City Sex Blogger calendar because my genre is sex / relationships; technically, my site is considered a sex blog. The term sex blog is broad, encompassing everyone and everything — feminist writers, BDSM sites, bloggers, food porn photoblogs, fetish sites, etc. So, what’s MY site? It’s basically the behind-the-scenes view of a sex / relationships writer’s life in Manhattan. Photos, videos, stories. You name it. On my about me page, I explain: My name is Twanna; I’m a sex, dating and relationships writer in New York, and FUNKY BROWN CHICK® chronicles my life. That doesn’t mean you’ll get every in and out (pun intended) of my sex life. Just like, for example, people with mom blogs aren’t obligated to tell anyone how they conceived nor is every food blogger required to disclose what they eat for dinner each night. I still guard my partners’ privacy — and mine — to some degree.

WHY DO PEOPLE READ BLOGS?

Great question. Actually, I’d widen that to: “What’s the value of storytelling? Why do people read?” As print magazines shrink or evaporate entirely, the publishing industry struggles to answer that question. This New York Times piece takes a stab at explaining the written word’s lure. This video does an even better job. (Watch the whole thing to get the effect.)

People who read my site do so because: (a) they’re city-dwelling, brown-skinned women who can relate or (b) they’re nothing like me at all [male? white? non-NYC?] and they like the voyeuristic perspective on particular topics or (c) something else entirely. I asked my readers why they get down with the funky brown; read what they told me.

If you have any specific questions about sex blogs, feel free to leave them in the comments section.

Highlighting things you may have missed (whether or not you’re new to getting down with the Funky Brown), here are five “Reader’s Favorite” posts from 2009.

• Black Women + Asian Men = Blasian Hot Dating

• Sex Ed 101: Understanding Your Lady Bits (VIDEO)

• Single Women’s Affairs: Sleeping With Married Men

• How Does Music Affect Your Sex Life?

• Sex Crimes: What Should Happen to Roman Polanski?

I’ve spent the past three weeks gearing up for a tiny (non memoir-related) announcement which I’ll post next Monday, July 19th. If you want to keep up with me between now and then, I’m always on Twitter. Now, for those of you near and in New York, I warmly invite you to tomorrow’s In the Flesh Erotic Reading Series at Happy Ending — a bar that used to be a dark, seedy “massage parlour” back when Chinatown smelled like rotting fish and that particular block of Broome Street wore Chinese footsteps instead of the immigrants that preceded them. New shoes on pavement are attached to hipsters now. Yet, even still, the awning says “Xie He.” [See early 1900s photos of NYC's Chinatown.]

Although I’m on tomorrow’s In the Flesh roster, I haven’t yet decided which piece to read. Generally, I’m more comfortable with humorous stuff. It makes me feel less vulnerable, not so exposed. Being on stage with a room filled with eyes pointed toward me is uncomfortable enough without heaping the added stress of lipping serious private details about my personal life to strangers. When I read at In the Flesh ages ago, I split it 50/50 by reading two pieces — one serious, one funny. The first was about a warm, semi-illicit one night stand with a writer dude I later regretted sleeping with because, at the time, he was almost in line to be my boss. The other story was about a dude who told me wanted to piss in my mouth. I was much more comfortable reading the latter piece and slightly visibly uncomfortable reading the first as evidenced in the video. But, let’s get back to the future. Tomorrow. Here are details from the erotic reading series’ website:

IN THE FLESH EROTIC READING SERIES

MEDIA SEX NIGHT
July 15, 2010, 7:30 pm – 10 pm

AT HAPPY ENDING LOUNGE, 302 BROOME STREET, NYC
(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey or F/V to 2nd Avenue, http://www.happyendinglounge.com)
Between Forsyth & Eldridge. Look for the hot pink awning that says “XIE HE Health Club.”
Admission: Free
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676
http://www.inthefleshreadingseries.com

Media superstars invade In The Flesh. Featuring Kevin Allison (The State, RISK show), Penny Arcade (Bitch! Dyke! Faghag! Whore!),Twanna A. Hines (FunkyBrownChick.com), Jillian Lauren (New York Times bestselling author of Some Girls: My Life in a Harem),Paulie & Pauline (Off The Set), Jerry Portwood (New York Press),Rachel Shukert (Everything Is Going to Be Great) and reading plus performance from Jo Weldon (The Burlesque Handbook). Hosted byRachel Kramer Bussel (Fast Girls, Please, Sir, Please, Ma’am). Sponsored by New York Press. Books will be available for sale by Mobile Libris. Cleis Press erotica books as well as a vibrator and Kegelcisor from EdenFantasys will be given away. 100 free copies of Sexis Magazine will be distributed. Free Baked by Melissa cupcakes, candy and chips will be served. This is the countdown to the final In The Flesh December 16th so don’t miss a very special night!

Tiny world. Rachel Kramer Bussel and I are besties, and I know Jerry Portwood because I’ve written for New York Press. Jillian Lauren and I spoke when I interviewed her for my article which recently published at Manhattan-based SMITH magazine: Interview: Jillian Lauren, author of Some Girls: My Life in a Harem. I don’t think I’ve yet met Kevin Allison, Penny Arcade, Jo Weldon or Paulie & Pauline, but I will tomorrow. And, I’ve bumped into Rachel Shukert at random parties. I really feel lucky to be surrounded (and inspired) by friends, acquaintances and others’ active engagement in NYC publishing. If you live in this city of 8 million too, I hope to see you tomorrow. Drop by to hear a few stories at In the Flesh. Now, if only I could decide which piece to read …

I’ve noticed a lot of articles and ramblings about the new chastity and the push toward abstinence. But, I have to admit I don’t really get it. Why is a former sex blogger rethinking virginity? That’s the headline of a recently-published Slate article, “Sex positive” young women reconsider abstinence. The piece is about Sex and the Ivy‘s Lena Chen, who says her early Sex and the Ivy posts “reflected a painful desire to be liked” and she suffered because of it. She also says panic attacks forced her to walk away from Harvard for a bit after her boyfriend posted her nude pics. And, now, she’s writing about chastity and abstinence. I love Sex and the Ivy as well as Chen’s other works. That said, I’m still a fan of writing about sex online. Here are a few thoughts about doing it.

Assume Everyone You Know Will Read Your Stuff Forever and Ever

I started blogging pseudo-anonymously as “funkybrownchick” in 2005. I thought it gave me the freedom to speak openly about my life without worrying what friends and family would think. In late 2006 / early 2007, I finally linked my name, face and words. Perhaps, it was semi-possible to be anonymous online half a decade ago. That’s no longer the case. You’ll eventually be outed or out yourself. Hell, even when I didn’t use my full name, friends, the editors who wrote checks for my writing and others still knew “Twanna Hines” was “funkybrownchick.” Now, every time I proudly hit the “publish” button, I assume employers, high school friends, past boyfriends, future lovers, church members, family members and everyone else in the world could read what I wrote. Granted that doesn’t mean they SHOULD read it; it just means they could. Hence, World Wide Web. My new philosophy: If you don’t want anyone to know something about you, don’t put it on the internet.

Set boundaries

Just because you write about your sex life doesn’t mean you have to tell everyone everything. Decide who and what is off limits. Family? Children? Friends? Lovers?

Remember Sex Is Considered an Adult Topic for a Reason

A nonfiction writer, I’m most proud of work that honestly depicts who I am. Maybe I’m a late bloomer; however, at 19, I hadn’t yet fully developed a sense of “self” — let alone the ability to confidently communicate that “self” to others. Yes, I’ve posted things in the past that I wouldn’t post now. But, it is/was an accurate representation of who I was/am at the time. I’m not trying to please anyone, and I couldn’t particularly care if people like me. I wasn’t secure enough to take that stance at 19, 20 or even 22. So, although I’ve been continuously online since 1995, I wasn’t ready to write about my sex and dating life until I started FUNKY BROWN CHICK®.

Fear No Sex

Screw the growing-in-popularity belief that abstinence is cool again. I’ve learned to write, speak, talk about and have sex like I give a damn. Abstinence? I grew up with that rammed down my throat. Rejected it then, and I reject it now. Teaching abstinence is often synonymous with teaching ignorance about sexual health. If we aren’t talking about sex, we’re not talking about how to protect ourselves from STDs/STIs. If we’re not having sex, we’re not learning what activities bring us and our partners pleasure. I have yet to be convinced that running away from sexuality is the answer.

Don’t Tolerate Abuse in Your Space

Chen — a sexually active woman of color writing about her exploits — is an easy target for trolls. In the Slate article, she says, “I always thought that people here [at Harvard] are more progressive, but I think sexuality is an exception.” Yep. Sex, race and religion are just a few of hot topics for which all forms of decency often fly out the window when you’re dealing with abusive people — whether ignorant or highly intelligent.

When an individual writes shitty stuff online about someone they don’t even know and they want that person to read it, see that crap for what it is: verbal abuse. And, remember, abuse isn’t about the person on the receiving end of the insults — it’s about the insecure freakshow slinging them. I have zero tolerance for it. So, as many of you know, the only FUNKY BROWN CHICK® comment policy has been “Be Kind” (i.e. don’t be a dick). I tell fellow writers, if someone can’t do that, tell them to go elsewhere. And, when/if people start writing fucked up stuff about you elsewhere, congratulate yourself because it means you’ve won. If they care enough to dedicate time in THEIR lives to discussing YOURS, clearly you’re doing something right. To quote Gandhi, “First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.” Or, to quote, Cinnamon Cooper, “[W]hen you’re called a bitch, instead of letting the argument get derailed, recognize that you’ve outsmarted them. Reply with ‘I win! You aren’t smart enough to continue the conversation, so thanks for ending it.’”

—–
UPDATE: Nice! Also read Lena Chen’s reaction to the Slate piece. Debunking Double X: Slate’s Mischaracterization of the Rethinking Virginity Conference.

“Oh, to be alive when ‘Deep Throat’s Linda Lovelace, not car-bomb suspects, brought the FBI to Times Square.” That’s the opening line from my latest piece for the Huffington Post, Sex Bombs and Legalized Prostitution in Times Square. I’ve never been a sex worker — nor have a ever been employed as a dishwasher, otolaryngologist, palaeontologist or other perfectly “normal” profession. Living in Florida many years ago, I think I spotted a prostitute for the first time during grad school. Sleepily driving to my apartment at 2:00 a.m. with then-boyfriend in the passenger seat, I saw her on the road while taking a shortcut through Frenchtown. I watched the blond dressed in a skirt with heels chat through the window of a driver who slowed to approach her. When they drove away, she repeated the cycle with the next car moments later.

ME: Why is she alone in the middle of the night? Is that safe?
BOYFRIEND: She’s fine.
ME: How do you know? She looks like she’s asking people for help.
BOYFRIEND: Twanna, she’s a hooker.

I probably responded, “oh, okay.” But, I remember thinking, “Wow! She’s a prostitute? I don’t think I’ve ever seen one.” As many of you already know, I’m originally from the cornfields of Illinois. If there were long-legged sex workers on the town’s streets, I never noticed them.

Fast forward many years. I’ve done research about sex work. Nevertheless, sometimes, I feel like I’ve only scratched the surface because the industry is much larger than I originally imagined. I’ve met pornographic filmmakers and editors, sex club owners, rentboys, phone sex operators and others. When I posed for the 2009 NYC Sex Bloggers Calendar (the photo), all proceeds supported Sex Work Awareness. A nonprofit, they created the PSA below. I think it does a great job answering the question: “Who Is A Sex Worker?” so I’m sharing it below:

I’m here! Sorry for the post-free days. As many of you know, for the past two years, I’ve been working on my first book. I finished a 280+ page early draft ages ago, and I’ve been editing it ever since. I hoped to be completely finished by the end of the summer or, at the latest, end of 2009. However, the project took a different turn. I killed two chapters I’d already written and created new ones that were more fully developed and gave the book a stronger arch. God, I’ve learned a lot over the past 24 months of working on this thing. In writing a memoir, there are so many different ways to re-tell the story. For example, take today. Thus far, I:

• Woke at 7:00 a.m. to the sound of a rooster crowing (my cellphone’s alarm clock ringtone). I don’t usually use an alarm but I did today because I stayed up late last night and I worried I’d oversleep.
• Read morning news online — BBC News and New York Times.
• Checked Twitter, Facebook and my blog.
• Showered, brushed my teeth, put on lotion, dressed and left the house.
• Logged 20 blocks (1 mile) for my daily morning walk.
• Ate Cheerios for breakfast.

No one wants to read a laundry list of “I did this, then I did this, then I did this.” So, if I was writing a story about of my morning, it would read very differently based on the theme. If I was writing about being a native Illinoisan living in Manhattan, I’d focus on the fact that I use a rooster’s crow as my alarm, and I’d describe how different it feels to walk a mile surrounded by skyscrapers instead of cornfields. What I ate for breakfast wouldn’t matter so much, and I’d leave that out of the story. If I was writing about healthy living, I’d focus on the fact that my morning beauty products and toothpaste are made of all-natural and organic materials. I’d talk about the importance of diet (eating Cheerios instead of fried eggs and bacon) and exercise (walking a mile every day). In that story, the fact that my alarm clock is a rooster’s crow wouldn’t really matter and I’d leave that out of the story. Either version could re-tell what happened to me today. But, the specific details included in the story depends the larger “theme.”

So, that’s what I’ve been working on with the book — figuring out which details of my life should be included and which ones shouldn’t. The other thing I’ve been doing is: editing. Now that the story is more fleshed out, I have to make it more readable. As an example of editing, check out this sentence on Nicolas Cage’s Wikipedia page:

“Despite these successes, most of his lower-profile films have performed poorly at the box office compared to his mainstream action/adventure roles.”

For clarity and to ease the read, the sentence could be edited as follows:

“Despite mainstream successes in action/adventure roles, many of Cage’s lower-profile films have delivered poor box office results.”

I’m not editing Cage’s wiki, but I am editing my book line by line to make it a clearer read. So, yeah, that’s the book update. At present, it looks like I’ll be finished by the end of this month. In fact, though (thankfully!) I’ve already been approached, this is the very reason I haven’t signed with an agent yet. Until I’ve written the whole thing, I didn’t really know: (1) what the book would be or (2) when I would finish it. I’ve contributed chapters to others’ books, written articles and completed other creative projects, but this is my first book. It’s nice to finish it on my own time and without the pressure of outside deadlines.

What’s next? Starting in February, the next step will be to pitch agents. Once I’ve found the right one, they’ll pitch the book to publishers. Once it’s found a publishing home, it will be printed and ready for bookshelves. Of course, there are no guarantees. So, my fingers will be crossed throughout the whole thing. And, of course, it’s an ongoing process. (Once I have an agent and publisher attached to the project, they’ll likely request additional edits, changes and others things.) For now, I’m just really happy about the progress I’ve made thus far. Okay, so, this was totally a long, disjointed post, but I wanted to let you know what I’ve been up to on the writing front. I’ll be back to updating Funky Brown Chick on a regular basis now. Expect more sex, dating and relationships posts this week! :)

A few years ago, I met Ethan Hawke at an event where he promoted his book, Ash Wednesday. During the Q&A, I asked him: “So, you’re an actor, director and writer. Which role do you prefer and/or find most fulfilling?” I remember he said something like: They’re all the same thing. It’s all different versions of storytelling. Wise, right? His comment stuck with me because it was a different way of thinking. I enjoy documentary film, listen to This American Life, laugh at comedians and read memoirs. I like that stuff. A lot. Especially non-fiction. Though I hadn’t considered it until he said it, all collectively create the craft of storytelling – evoking meaning, conveying messages and sharing lives whether through comedians, writers, bloggers, journalists, actors or others. I mean, who doesn’t answer “SURE!” when asked, “Wanna hear a great story?”

Hosted by the lovely George Bodarky‘s Cityscape explores “the people, places and spirit of New York City and its surroundings.” I’m honored he had me as a guest to share my story about being a solo woman in New York. “According to the Census,” WFUV reminds us, “more than half of all Manhattan residents live alone, and the number of singles in New York City is rising to historic levels.” If you’d like to hear what I — and a few other fun-spirited New Yorkers — had to say about being Single in the City, listen to the show. I missed the 7:30am Saturday broadcast because I was in Illinois en route to Chicago O’Hare for my return flight to New York. Luckily, thanks to listener contributions, the audio clip is available online. Listen to it. (Yay! Support public radio.) Also, if you like Cityscape, be sure to head over to another one of my favorites, Nora Young’s CBC Spark. For a recent show, Daemon Fairless and I briefly chatted about relationships & texting — or, to use Daemon’s words, “romancing the phone.” Clever, huh? We had great fun! Listen to it.

——————-
Credit paid: Image is by Atilla Kefeli

Just a quick shout out to say thank you to everyone who reads this site, follows my freelance articles and supports my other creative projects. Before boarding my outbound flight for the holiday weekend, I received the following Thanksgiving message in my Facebook inbox from an older, white male Funky Brown Chick reader:

“I’m thankful for discovering you and realizing that I’m not the dirty perv freakazoid that my Pentecostal mother said I was. Thank you for providing the platform for having an honest discussion about sex as a joyous and wonderful experience. Hope you have a wonderful holiday [...]“

I’m really grateful for the encouragement, fun comments, kind words and other things a bunch of you send me via Twitter, Facebook, email and elsewhere supporting my writing. Pssst! Read this post if you want to know why I switched careers from international affairs to publishing in 2005. I’m still growing, changing and figuring out life as I go. (Aren’t we all?) So, to those of you who’ve supported my work in any way — reading, subscribing, commenting, sharing online, etc. — a heartfelt THANK YOU during this Thanksgiving weekend.