Hey, New York! Tell your daughters, sons, nieces, nephews, or other young people about the Community Healthcare Network Teens P.A.C.T.‘s free 9th Annual Conference: More Than Just Sex. It takes place this Saturday, May 18th, from noon until 6:00 p.m. at Marymount Manhattan College. Image below shows visual summary and is a link to the conference.
Whether it’s too much sex, too little sex or the gamut of relationships problems, if I take all the questions I’ve ever been asked, most boil down to this: “Is there something wrong with me?” The answer, of course, is no. Caveat: If something about your sex or relationships with consenting adults impaires everyday functioning, seek counseling because there may be identifiable tweaks you can make to function more effectively. That aside, because you aren’t “broken,” I can’t “fix” you. What I can do is help you frame issues a certain way and identify trends to improve your sex life and relationships. I can also give you my perspective based on many years of experience as a sex and relationships columnist who has made and learned from mistakes and is still figuring this stuff out herself.
Photo: Lindy West, Joie Kerr, Twanna A. Hines, and Logan Sachon.
Last night, we taped How to Be A Grown A$$ Woman. Watch the show. As I was exiting the building at the evening’s end, I noticed audience members scribbled tons questions on the dry erase board:
I’ll answer each of these questions and more soon; however, to quickly answer the most glaring one …. DO. NOT. GET. A. JOINT. BANK. ACCOUNT with someone that you’ve only been dating a short amount of time. Seriously, this came up during the show, and I can’t stress enough how and when it’s important it is to keep finances separate. Stay tuned. More detailed answers to these and more questions coming soon.
“Female ‘Purity’ Is Bullshit” by Lindy West
Everyone else on earth is as annoyed with “purity” as I am, right? The idea that there are two kinds of women—”good girls” and everyone else, and one of them is good for fucking and the other one is good for marriage and never the twain shall meet and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz? How is this fulfilling for anyone? Enough.
Lindy West, everybody! If you like that, come hear me, Lindy, Jolie, and Logan tape How To Be A Grown A$$ Woman at WNYC. Tickets are $15. Crazy, right? We’re doing a show, giving it to you, and comp’ing you a glass of wine for coming. Weird ;)
I’m a slut. You’re a slut. Everyone is, apparently, a slutty slut. At the event, I’m gonna harp on “grown up” ways to talk about sex and manage our sex lives because, well, that’s what I do. And, because it’s 2013 and adults should be able to sleep with each other and still get jobs, have credibility, and don’t get called freaky sluts by news anchors.
Screw around a lot. Don’t have sex at all. Hang somewhere in between. Your choice. Why? Because you’re a grown ass woman (or man!), and you can manage your sex life with consenting adults as you please. “I’m the one that’s got to die when it’s time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to.” Jimi Hendrix, everybody! See you at the show.
Sex is better when you know neither you nor your partner will contract an STD. April is National STD Awareness Month. GYT. Get yourself tested. It’s easy and free. One click to the AIDS.gov locator and they’ll show you a map with testing sites near you.
But, let’s not focus exclusively on STDs. Sex is more than that! Use the comment section to fill in the blank: “Sex is better when _______.”
The Center for Sexual Pleasure & Health, The Grant Building, 250 Main St, Pawtucket, RI 02860
Sincerest thanks to Megan Andelloux and The Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health for naming me one of their Hump Day Heroes. Every Wednesday, CSPH highlights a sexual and reproductive health professional. They interviewed me near the December holidays. Despite the delay due to travel, speaking gigs, and a million other things in between, I wanted to be sure to say a very public thank you for Megan and CSPH for everything they’re doing to promote healthy sexuality! Visit their website to learn more.
“Some people say that having sex is like playing cards. If you don’t have a great partner, you’d better have a great hand.” That’s Karen B. K. Chan in Jam, 2013. Born in Hong Kong. Living in Canada. Spoken word poet. Founder of Fluid Exchange. Check her out, folks! (Hat tip to Lisa Wade for this great video find!)
Esther Perel wrote one of those books. You know, the ones that rocket into the pop culture lexicon and — for better or worse — change the way we talk to each other about hooking up. The Game, The Ethical Slut, Fifty Shades of Grey, Sex at Dawn, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, books on Kama Sutra, and Esther’s sex book Mating in Captivity. Whether you like them or not, you’ve probably heard of them.
With so much sex advice, you’d think couples would be fucking each other All. The. Time. right? Nope. Sexless relationships and sexless marriages are pandemic. ”Esther Perel argues, good and committed sex draws on two conflicting needs: our need for security and our need for surprise.” TED explains, ”So how do you sustain desire? With wit and eloquence, Perel lets us in on the mystery of erotic intelligence.” Watch the TED video: Esther Perel: The secret to desire in a long-term relationship.
Kink aware. Switch. BDSM. Monogamish. Polyamory. Co-hosted by Sandra Daugherty and Dave Ross, the Sex Nerd Sandra podcast covers tons of sex topics with “tell-all interviews, juicy topics, tips and more.” Screw Los Angeles, they’re rolling into to New York City, folks. For the first time ever and in a sold-out show, The Sex Nerd Sandra Podcast LIVE: NYC Edition! promises prizes and “sex nerd shenanigans.” Francisco Ramirez and I will be your lovely guests on the panel with Sandra and Dave. To listen to the show once it’s broadcast later, be sure to subscribe to the Sex Nerd Sandra podcast.
Sex Nerd Sandra appears on the Nerdist Podcast Network, a division of Nerdist Industries. Founded by Chris Hardwick, Nerdist Industries boasts a boatload of media products including a television version of the original Nerdist podcast produced by and aired on BBC America. Psssst, wanna know a random, goofy trivia fact? I initially met Chris ages ago when I was a finalist on the sexy game show he co-hosted with Jenny McCarthy: MTV’s Singled Out.
Sex ed videos for kids are often horrendously outdated, cheesy and ineffective — especially when adults who think they understand teens create them instead of youth themselves. This is why New York’s Community Healthcare Network’s Teens P.A.C.T. is fantastic. Created for and by youth, their hilarious drug commercial parody about unprotected sex mentions side effects include “babymama drama.” Watch The Importance of Condoms! from the MORE THAN JUST SEX series on Vimeo.
Because this is America and Americans like to freak out about sex, of course it wasn’t without controversy. Here’s a critique of it by someone who apparently misunderstood the video series and (in smaller print) admits they reported false information as fact.
If you have a young person in your life, and you’d like to keep them safe from herpes, pregnancies, HIV/AIDS, and the other unintended outcomes of sex, additional great age-appropriate resources include Bedsider, GirlsHealth.gov, Scarleteen, Sex, Etc., and StayTeen.org.
