Twanna A. Hines @ FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com | sex. dating. relationships.

Black Women + Asian Men = Blasian Hot Dating

I’m leaving New York for a tiny vacation tomorrow. More on that soon. In the meantime, before I spill those details, I soooo have to tell you news about the latest onscreen blasian couple. If you read Everyone Loves an Asian Boy, you know how much I adore cute blasian (Black Woman / Asian Man or Black Man / Asian Woman) couples on television and in real life. And by “TV” I mean streaming. I gave up cable. So, as I was saying, apparently, there’s a new one coming to a screen near you. ABC’s Flash Forward features that sexy drop of deliciousness, John Cho. His character, Demetri Noh, is engaged to “Zoey.” Soooooo, IMDB says Gabrielle Union has been cast in that role. (Also saw this on The Sauda Voice.) HOT BLASIAN LOVE!!! I’m, so excited to see a diverse cast on network TV, and I’m super interested to see if there’s any onscreen chemistry between John Cho and Gabrielle Union. They’re both incredibly sexy, attractive actors. Who doesn’t want to see them get it on?

Too fucking cute!! Why didn’t anyone tell me about this onscreen blasian coupling? In the clip below, I think ABC should change their advertising: [insert manly newscaster voice] Coming this fall … Flash Forward! The most intriguing show on ABC … AND we give you blasian love!! ;)

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Photos: Gabby Union on BET and John Cho on The Insider.

August 28th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [25] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Black Women, Lesbians & Transgenders, Oh My!! ;)

Reading the transgendered piece on BlogHer reminded me I never wrote about attending and speaking at the their annual conference. Quite honestly, initially, I worried the vast majority of attendees would be mommybloggers and I thought I — a New York-dwelling, single, avidly childfree, funky brown chick — would be the odd woman out :( I didn’t really know what to expect. I’d met Elisa Camahort Page on previous occasions, but I didn’t know her very well nor had I yet experienced the pleasure meeting Lisa Stone and Jory Des Jardins in person. Also, it was my first BlogHer annual conference; so, I thought I’d have a good time at a nice event for passionate mommybloggers doing great things in business and online, but that would be it.

I’m happy to report the conference was even better than I thought it would be. Sessions included “Women of Color and Marketing,” LGBTQ roundtables and other diversity-centered talks. The shindig (and corresponding parties!) were well-organized, high-quality, informative and FUN. I’d undoubtedly forget a few events if I tried to list each of my favorites; so, I won’t. However, I definiltey wanted to blog about my FAVORITE part of the conferece — The Community Keynote. Instead of reserving the floor for a big shot, well-known speaker, this particular piece of the conference highlights ordinary women navigating extraordinarily human experiences. Stories included: Issa’s heart-breaking tale about her mentally ill, homeless Uncle Marky; Karen Walrond’s inspiring Reflections On Why the Election of Barack Obama Affected Me So Deeply; Sheri Reed’s brutally honest piece “Amends” about alcoholism; and Danielle Henderson’s funny story about a multi-day trial of a tampon lodged in her vagina after having sex with her husband. The latter didn’t go to the doctor for nearly a week because, “In my family, going to the doctor to have a foreign object removed from your body is a total ‘dick move’.”) Watch the entire Community Keynote below:

Also, be sure to check out my co-panelists’ fabulous blogs!! They’re online: The Pioneer Woman, Ree Drummond; social media guru Laura Roeder; and veteran online marketer Susan Getgood)

August 27th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [3] folks got down with the Funky Brown

SBF Seeks SJM: My First 100 Hours on JDate

Yesterday, the first email in my inbox read: “Hi, JDater: You have 3 unread message(s)! What’s more fun than meeting interesting new people who are interested in YOU?” Honestly … Nothing, nothing could be more fun than meeting exciting men who are interested in me. :) Those of you who missed the I’m a Black Woman, and This is Why I’m Signing Up for JDate post, probably didn’t know I’d signed up for a Jewish singles site. Some of you who already read that post DMed, emailed and otherwise contacted me to ask for details. Want to know about the state of my search for a Jewish dating union? Here’s the update: My First 100 Hours on JDate. (For the record, what follows could also be called: “I Know I’m On JDate.com When dot dot dot.”)

• There are an inordinate number of men named Adam, Noah and other Biblical names. Seeee?  Us blacks girls aren’t so different from hot Jewish guys. For me, JDate is a lot like a names pop quiz from Vacation Bible School at my childhood black Baptist church. Noah was the ark dude, right? Who was with Jesus when he parted the Red Sea? Was that Moses? Seth? Alon? Sweet!
• A lot of the guys on the site have dark hair and dark eyes. This is good because I typically go for “Two Out of Three” guys. Skin. Eyes. Hair. Two out of three should be dark. Black man with dark skin, dark hair and light eyes? DELICIOUS! White dudes with light skin, dark hair and dark eyes? Hot. Many Jewish men suit my visual tastes just fine.
• I know I’m on JDate because none of the guys think I’ve “really” signed up for the site. Seriously, dudes immediately give me their contact details because they think I haven’t fully signed up and will be blocked from reading email. They’re surprised when I tell them I’m not fucking around; I put up a full profile w/ pictures and answered every question about my lifestyle & dating preferences. So, yes, I’m now a card-carrying member of JDate. “Wow,” one guy from the site wrote me, “you’re really serious about this whole Jew search thing.” Yep. I’m serious about giving it a shot and widening my horizons. If I meet an awesome guy, great. If not, I’m exactly where I am now.
• Jewish guys are awesome. I kind of expected most dudes to ignore me and/or ask me why I crashed their party. In wild fantasies, I imagined all the men would rally around the management while screaming: “Get that Christmas Tree-loving whore away from our space!!!” Sooo000 not the case. Everyone has been unbelievably friendly, amazing and flirty. In my first 100 hours, my profile was viewed 157 times; I was “flirted with” by 3 guys; 19 men emailed me; 8 put me on their “hot list”; 1 sent me an ecard and 19 IMed me.
• Some things are better left unsaid. I guess this last point is just a general thought / observation. Though I’m a sex, dating and relationship writer, I’ve kind of learned my lesson about spilling details about my private dates online publicly. So, if I go on any Jdates (I haven’t yet), you, my date and I can all rest assured all of the intimate nitty-gritty won’t appear on Funky Brown Chick. There’s still beauty  in keeping some things sacred. Sometimes the best bits are the bits only you and the other person know.

So, that’s the scoop … or at least as much of it that I’m willing to share. And, yeah, if you’re a Gentile and you haven’t ever signed up on JDate, I HIGHLY recommend it. Seriously, it’s awesome.

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Image by Steve Woods

May 29th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [9] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Everybody Needs Somebody (Jewish) to Love

Yesterday, I left off halfway through a conversation about dating Jewish men and stereotypes about JDate. I’ve always had the impression guys on the site were mid-30 to mid-40-something dudes who’ve hit a certain point in their career  … They have the fancy car, the swank house, a good set of friends BUT they haven’t found the right woman yet. So, they sign up for JDate to find a nice Jewish girl to marry. It’s a spouse-hunting destination. Find someone just like you and wed; the eharmony for Jews. But, I’m learning my assumptions — as assumptions tend to be — are wrong.

“You know,” said the pretty Jewish girl from dinner the other night, “I think it’s easier for non-Jewish women to find dates on JDate.” She gave a lot of reasons why this might be the case, but I was most interested in her details about the differences between Jewish guys. “It’s not just about dating a Jewish guy,” she said. “Sometimes you’ve also gotta find a guy who’s the same level of Jewish that you are.” By “you” I figure she meant her — not literally, you know, “me.” I’m a Gentile. But, I think I get what she means: not everyone within the same “ethnic” group belongs to the same culture. For example, I could decide to solely date black men because I want to date someone who comes from my same background; however, various men from Jamaica, Ghana, Guyana, Brazil and elsewhere might be “black” but they wouldn’t necessarily share my culture. Ooooh, don’t even get me started on culture conflict and the differences between “African culture” vis-a-vis “African American culture.” But, I digress. Back to me and dating.

I don’t want to be alone forever. True, I have no desire to get married and have kids. At the same time, that soooo doesn’t mean I want to be completely devoid of sexual / intimate relationships with men. Although I’m not seeing anyone at the moment, I’ve dated absolutely lovely men in my past. And, yeah, I’m sure I’ll date other fabulous men in the future. It’s just, you know, I don’t know any single, eligible New York guys with whom I share a mutual attraction. At least not right now. Whatever. I guess what I’m trying to say is this … There’s a really simple truth behind my lighthearted talk about being a black woman with adventures and misadventures on a Jewish dating site: I want to share my life with someone. If I stumble across that fabulously interesting person on JDate, great. If not, life — albeit still single — goes on!

Cue the sappy music.

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“Jewish Heart Pin” is available for purchase at www.wendylewis.com.

May 21st, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [12] folks got down with the Funky Brown

I’m a Black Woman, and This Is Why I’m Signing Up for JDate.com

I make the decision while brunching with Megan. One month ago. I’m enjoying the good food and great company when this totally random dude who tells Megan and me he’s in his mid 50s — though he looks 100% buff and I’d guess him at 45 or 47 tops — comes up to us and starts talking. He says he’s been sitting at a table nearby and he really enjoyed eavesdropping us as Megan and I giggled and told stories to each other. “You girls look like you’re having so much fun, like you’re enjoy life.” I’m not freaked out because I think his tone is polite small talk with stranger not creepy, lecherous old guy. Still, part of me wonders: What the hell does he want? Why is he even talking to us?!?! I’ve been in New York too long. If the same dude came up to my table at a restaurant in rural Illinois, I wouldn’t have thought twice about it. Anyway. The guy goes on to explain he’s a native New Yorker and he loves all the different neighborhoods and he’s seen the city change so much and he opens his wallet to show us a picture of his father because he loves him so much and yada yada yada IT’S THE JEWS’ FAULT THE RENTS ARE SO HIGH IN THIS CITY!!!! THEY’VE [and, I'm directly quoting him here] “BEEN COMPLAINING ABOUT THE SAME THING FOR THE PAST 50 YEARS!!!”

Record scratch. I shit you not, Megan and I kind of tag glances at each other with wide eyes like: Are you fucking kidding me? Did he really just say that? It’s the 2000s, not 1930s. This is New York, not Kentucky. Is this guy for real? Unfortunately, he doesn’t stop talking and he keeps spewing a bunch of antisemitic bullshit. I don’t even hear him anymore because I start this crazy “what do I do?” inner dialogue: Do I go off on him and tell him he’s way out of line? Or, do I ignore him because he’s trying to pull me into an argument and anything I say will only fuel him? If I don’t say anything, will he think I agree with him? How do I tell him I think he’s an asshole without turning into the asshole who screams — because I know my temper and I definitely would’ve screamed it — “you’re an asshole” in the middle of the restaurant? And, so on and so on. Eventually, the dude walks away. I’m mad at him for being such an jerk, and I’m even more upset with myself because I didn’t do anything more than dismiss him by saying, “You know what? We’ve gotta go.” Megan and I get into this interesting discussion about TONS of stuff after that. I’m like, “Man, fuck him. How the hell could he say stupid shit like that without knowing anything about us? You’re white but you could’ve been Jewish. Hell, I could’ve been an Ethiopian Jew for all he knows. That boyfriend I almost married several years ago was Jewish.” So, time passes and we somehow switch the topic to dating. I have this random pro-Jewish moment / epiphany: I’m going to sign up for J-date. Why? Because: Why not? Why should I avoid a dating site simply because it predominantly features Jewish men? That night, I log onto JDate.com for the first time in my life.

“JDate was like this comfortable, trustworthy sweatshirt,” reads one of the site’s testimonials. My first thought? Who the hell doesn’t love a comfortable sweatshirt?!? I WANT A COMFY SWEATSHIRT!!! Great. I start setting up my profile. “What type of relationship are you looking for?” I check “a date,” “friend,” “a long term relationship,” and “activity partner.” In short, everything except “marriage” and “marriage and children.” This is fun, and it’s just like signing up for Match.com. I continue to the next page, but that’s where the site starts to show its Jewish card. Third question on screen two: “Do you keep kosher?” The choices are: “Only at home,” “At home and outside,” “To some degree” and “Not at all.” I pick the last one and I continue. Whew! So far, so good. And, I’m happy to see the “Your ethnicity?” question pop up because I think they’ve already taken it into consideration that the goyim are crashing the gates of the JDate.com party. Yay! I can’t wait to select “black / African American” but, to my surprise, here are the only choices:

• Ashkenazi
• Mixed Ethnicity
• Another Ethnic
• Sephardic
• Will tell you later

Holy Moses! I don’t even know what any of those mean :( I click “Will tell you later” and continue to the next screen. Next question? “Your religious background?” Something tells me Dutch Reformed Protestant / Non-Denominational Christian isn’t on the list, and I’m right. Here are the selections:

• Orthodox (Baal Teshuva)
• Conservative
• Conservadox
• Hassidic
• Modern Orthodox
• Orthodox (Frum)
• Another Stream
• Reconstructionist
• Reform
• Secular
• Traditional
• Unaffiliated
• Will tell you later
• Willing to convert

Okay, so, maybe this is going to be harder than I thought. :) And, quite frankly, the next question is the one that makes me call it quits: “How often do you go to synagogue?” I stop filling out my profile because I feel like a poser. The site is sooooo not for me. Well, at least that’s what I thought until last night. Cut to dinner at Penelope with Andrea and two other women — one is Jewish. I tell her I’m considering signing up for JDate and, interesting enough, I’m surprised she really encourages me to go for it! But, I’m even more shocked by my own dormant stereotypes as well as what she reveals about her experiences with Jewish men on the site. “You know,” she starts, “I think it’s easier for non-Jewish women to find dates on JDate.” Now, I’m curious. She’s got my attention. “Really?” I scoot my chair a bit closer to hers. “Why do you think that’s true?” Kiddies, you’ll find out the answer to THAT … and hear other fun “Adventures on JDate” stuff … tomorrow. (I hate really really long blog posts.)

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Image by Amos Chris

May 20th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [23] folks got down with the Funky Brown

How to Date a White Guy

Oh yes, my sweeties, today’s Manly Monday pick — weekly celebrations of everything manly — is/are: White Men. (You knew this was coming, right?) I got the idea to write about white guys in particular after receiving the following email from a Funky Brown Chick reader:

Hi Twanna,

Not sure if this constitutes [a request for] dating advice but here it goes…

I read your blog often and I notice that you date all races of men. I have only dated black men but I am interested in dating men of other races. Problem is, I do not know how to meet them, or at least I don’t know how to meet ones that are interested in dating black women. I feel like I see enough of them on the daily at work or happy hour but it seems as if they don’t even look at me as a dating prospect [...]

If it will help you to answer the question, I am a 28 year old [job redacted] living in Baltimore. I enjoy cultural events and people who are diverse in their lifestyles and ideas.

Hope that helps.

[name redacted]

Ah, we all know how I feel about dating advice / dating experts. That said, I’m gonna take a stab at this one because: (1) I think it will be fun and (2) I thought I’d share my wealth of knowledge since I’ve dated a lot of white dudes, Latinos, half the countries in Western Europe, a Moroccan guy, black Americans, and … whatever … the list is too long. Anyway. If you’re a brown-skinned woman who wants to date Dudes of Different Ethnicities (DDEs), here are a few TOTALLY “politically incorrect” tips.

SOCIALIZE. If you want to meet new men period (whether black, white, Vietnamese or any other ethnicity), you gotta go to the right venues. Generally speaking, sports venues attract a higher percentage of dudes … just like, say, nail salons attract more women. I have one word for you: SOFTBALL. If your job, church and/or city has a community league, join it. In Baltimore, I know there’s the Baltimore Sports & Social Club. If you don’t like softball, try golf, tennis, rugby, water polo or lacrosse tournaments to meet all different kinds of guys. STAY AWAY FROM HOOPS!!! Because we all know who plays basketball!!!! ;) Say you don’t like sports? No problem. Go to political networking stuff. Though there are exceptions, right-wing nutjobs aren’t necessarily known for loving brown-skinned women. Go left: Obama groups, Drinking Liberally, MoveON or book readings at independent bookstores. You’ll find scores of DDEs who are open to brown girls.

MOVE. You mentioned you live in Baltimore.You might have better luck in Seattle, Portland or San Francisco. Those cities are STUFFED with fair-skinned liberal folks who love brown-skinned people and will gladly tell you: “Some of my best friends are black.” ;)

LOOK ONLINE. There’s been a boom in interracial online dating sites. I mentioned this in an article I wrote for Mashable a while ago. Click here and see #3 for details.

LIGHTER OR WHITER, BUT NOT WASPY. Try to find your oppressed allies: The Scots. Puerto Ricans. Jews. Irish people. Italians. Generally speaking,  they’ll understand prejudice, racism and discrimination better. This will greatly cut down on your “I Don’t Have Time To Tell A ___ Dude Everything He Needs to Know About Black Women” lesson planning.

There ya go, my dear! :) Kisses and good luck. Now, for the rest of you, feel free to leave additional tips, comments and other thoughts in the comments section. Ooh, ooh, ooh … and be sure to tune in tomorrow for my “How to Date a Black Chick” post.

April 13th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [34] folks got down with the Funky Brown

The Sex Column

Yesterday, I ran like a damn maniac to the corner of 13th and 2nd (or was it 11th and 3rd) to pick up a fresh copy of the latest New York Press newspaper. Why? Because OH MY FUCKING BUDDHA, I made the cut for this edition’s sex column. Go read it:

Take My Vibrator, Please!
http://www.nypress.com/21/44/news&columns/sexcolumn.cfm

Yep. The new “Flavor of the Week” is Funky Brown Chocolate Chip. Randomness … Speaking of flavors, there’s a cupcake place in Atlanta called Chocolate Pink. Is it just me or does that sound a little naughty? Rachel, J Brotherlove and I all giggled about it when we discovered it earlier this year. “Chocolate Pink.” Let that sink in for a bit. Anywoo. J tells me they were featured on the Real Housewives of Atlanta recently. Good for them. On another note, I’m still developing the site www.twannahines.com. It includes articles and press sections. That way, I won’t have to commandeer a Funky Brown Chick post every time one of my pieces gets published and/or I’m out there in the media. You can read my words and listen to my voice at your leisure (if you’re into that). Speaking of which, of course, HUGE drippy kisses and hugs to *EVERYONE* who reads my work. Deepest gratitude for your continued support.

October 30th, 2008 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [10] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Interracial Dating: The Brown Chick Who Sometimes Dates White Dudes

Rewind to the weekend. I’m out with my friends Ify (African), Rochelle (black American) and Suja (Indian American?) — three brown women originally from different continents. At the end of the night, Suja has the brilliant idea to stop by Insomnia Cookies. Dependable, late night delivery and take out desserts. Delicious smells. Even more delicious tastes. How could you not love that place?! When it’s my turn to order, I choose a chocolate chip cookie with walnuts. “What kind of milk do you want with that?” the Latino guy behind the counter upsells me. “I like my milk like I like my men,” I joke. “White with no fat.” Bursts of laughter erupt from the three women in my group. The Latino cookie dealer doesn’t crack a smile. “He’s not touching that one with a ten foot pole,” Rochelle laughs. She knows I’m joking. The dude gives us our treats. We eat them. We go home. That random conversation doesn’t enter my mind again until I see a reader named Larry’s comment about yesterday’s Manly Monday pick.

Do all of your Manly Monday picks [have to be] white guys? Do you only date white guys? I am not criticizing, I am just curious if you do only date white guys. Does that make you racist towards other races of men? That is the topic of my podcast/blog this week so I am trying to get your input.
[redacted URL]

Oooh, interracial dating! I can talk about that shit for hours. But, before we go there, I wanna set the record straight about Manly Mondays just in case I have new FBC readers who may not already know this stuff:

1. I love men, so I created Manly Monday to give them a nod. All of them. :) Some MM picks are white (recently: Laird Hamilton and Paul Walker). Others — such as Lewis Hamilton, Denzel, Barack Obama, Morgan Freeman [shared with Casey Affleck for Gone Baby Gone], Stroger, and others — are not. And, as I mentioned the other day, the next Manly Monday is gonna be a sexy celebration of Asian Pacific American Heritage Month.
2. The spirit of MMs is a celebration of every Y chromosome thing, not just particular men. Foxtrot your eyeballs to the right. You’ll notice many popular Manly Monday posts are about general guy stuff such as “How to Hide an Erection,” “Should Men Wear Thongs?” and other lovely topics about the bedicked.

Now that we’ve got that cleared up, let’s move to a different subject. The personal stuff. The “do you only date white guys” stuff. (Pssst! I’ve already covered this here and here if you want more details …)

I’ve kissed, licked, sucked and bedded many sexy, delicious white dudes. Hell, I once told a French Canadian ex that I was gonna buy him a box of chocolate-covered cherries “to remember me.” I pictured him using his pink lips to apply pressure to the soft, brown candy’s shell until it gently opened — oozing sweet juices down his chin & revealing the soft, round cherry hidden inside. He liked the visual on that one.

Anyway. Where was I? Oh, yeah … White dudes. Do I date them exclusively? Nope. I have a very loooong, extensive dating history. I’m not seeing anyone exclusively right now, but I’ve gone out with: white, black, Latino, Jewish, Middle Eastern, etc. etc. men.

“So, funky brown,” some of you might say. “If you don’t only date white guys, what was with the milk joke at Insomnia Cookies?”

Honestly? Shock value. (Juvenile, I know.) I was with a group of amazing women. It was the end of the night. We were tipsy. I was feeling a little punchy; so, I wanted to put the dude behind the counter on his toes. For better or worse, the topic of interracial dating still has that effect.

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RELATED MEDIA:

Who gets down with the funky brown? Everybody. :) FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com readers are fiercely loyal and steadily growing in number. I love my readers! Approximately 72% are really cool peach folks (there are more peach people online), and the site attracts about twice the internet average for brown people. Asian, Latino and international visitors are steady regulars at the party, too. Full disclosure? Getting down with the funky brown has universal appeal, baby! :)

RELATED BOOK CHOICE OF THE DAY:

RELATED LINK OF THE DAY:

Loving Day: Celebrate the legalization of interracial couples.

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Photo credit: The ever-fabulous brown American photographer in the Netherlands, Rachel James, took the milk and cookies photo.

April 29th, 2008 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [42] folks got down with the Funky Brown