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black women

How to Date a White Guy

White GuyOh yes, my sweeties, today’s Manly Monday pick — weekly celebrations of everything manly — is/are: White Men. (You knew this was coming, right?) I got the idea to write about white guys in particular after receiving the following email from a Funky Brown Chick reader:

Hi Twanna,

Not sure if this constitutes [a request for] dating advice but here it goes…

I read your blog often and I notice that you date all races of men. I have only dated black men but I am interested in dating men of other races. Problem is, I do not know how to meet them, or at least I don’t know how to meet ones that are interested in dating black women. I feel like I see enough of them on the daily at work or happy hour but it seems as if they don’t even look at me as a dating prospect [...]

If it will help you to answer the question, I am a 28 year old [job redacted] living in Baltimore. I enjoy cultural events and people who are diverse in their lifestyles and ideas.

Hope that helps.

[name redacted]

Ah, we all know how I feel about dating advice / dating experts. That said, I’m gonna take a stab at this one because: (1) I think it will be fun and (2) I thought I’d share my wealth of knowledge since I’ve dated a lot of white dudes, Latinos, half the countries in Western Europe, a Moroccan guy, black Americans, and … whatever … the list is too long. Anyway. If you’re a brown-skinned woman who wants to date Dudes of Different Ethnicities (DDEs), here are a few TOTALLY “politically incorrect” tips.

SOCIALIZE. If you want to meet new men period (whether black, white, Vietnamese or any other ethnicity), you gotta go to the right venues. Generally speaking, sports venues attract a higher percentage of dudes … just like, say, nail salons attract more women. I have one word for you: SOFTBALL. If your job, church and/or city has a community league, join it. In Baltimore, I know there’s the Baltimore Sports & Social Club. If you don’t like softball, try golf, tennis, rugby, water polo or lacrosse tournaments to meet all different kinds of guys. STAY AWAY FROM HOOPS!!! Because we all know who plays basketball!!!! ;) Say you don’t like sports? No problem. Go to political networking stuff. Though there are exceptions, right-wing nutjobs aren’t necessarily known for loving brown-skinned women. Go left: Obama groups, Drinking Liberally, MoveON or book readings at independent bookstores. You’ll find scores of DDEs who are open to brown girls.

MOVE. You mentioned you live in Baltimore.You might have better luck in Seattle, Portland or San Francisco. Those cities are STUFFED with fair-skinned liberal folks who love brown-skinned people and will gladly tell you: “Some of my best friends are black.” ;)

LOOK ONLINE. There’s been a boom in interracial online dating sites. I mentioned this in an article I wrote for Mashable a while ago. Click here and see #3 for details.

LIGHTER OR WHITER, BUT NOT WASPY. Try to find your oppressed allies: The Scots. Puerto Ricans. Jews. Irish people. Italians. Generally speaking,  they’ll understand prejudice, racism and discrimination better. This will greatly cut down on your “I Don’t Have Time To Tell A ___ Dude Everything He Needs to Know About Black Women” lesson planning.

There ya go, my dear! :) Kisses and good luck. Now, for the rest of you, feel free to leave additional tips, comments and other thoughts in the comments section. Ooh, ooh, ooh … and be sure to tune in tomorrow for my “How to Date a Black Chick” post.

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{ 40 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

The Sex Column

Yesterday, I ran like a damn maniac to the corner of 13th and 2nd (or was it 11th and 3rd) to pick up a fresh copy of the latest New York Press newspaper. Why? Because OH MY FUCKING BUDDHA, I made the cut for this edition’s sex column. Go read it:

Take My Vibrator, Please!
http://www.nypress.com/21/44/news&columns/sexcolumn.cfm

Yep. The new “Flavor of the Week” is Funky Brown Chocolate Chip. Randomness … Speaking of flavors, there’s a cupcake place in Atlanta called Chocolate Pink. Is it just me or does that sound a little naughty? Rachel, J Brotherlove and I all giggled about it when we discovered it earlier this year. “Chocolate Pink.” Let that sink in for a bit. Anywoo. J tells me they were featured on the Real Housewives of Atlanta recently. Good for them. On another note, I’m still developing the site www.twannahines.com. It includes articles and press sections. That way, I won’t have to commandeer a Funky Brown Chick post every time one of my pieces gets published and/or I’m out there in the media. You can read my words and listen to my voice at your leisure (if you’re into that). Speaking of which, of course, HUGE drippy kisses and hugs to *EVERYONE* who reads my work. Deepest gratitude for your continued support.

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{ 10 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Interracial Dating: The Brown Chick Who Sometimes Dates White Dudes

Rewind to the weekend. I’m out with my friends Ify (African), Rochelle (black American) and Suja (Indian American?) — three brown women originally from different continents. At the end of the night, Suja has the brilliant idea to stop by Insomnia Cookies. Dependable, late night delivery and take out desserts. Delicious smells. Even more delicious tastes. How could you not love that place?! When it’s my turn to order, I choose a chocolate chip cookie with walnuts. “What kind of milk do you want with that?” the Latino guy behind the counter upsells me. “I like my milk like I like my men,” I joke. “White with no fat.” Bursts of laughter erupt from the three women in my group. The Latino cookie dealer doesn’t crack a smile. “He’s not touching that one with a ten foot pole,” Rochelle laughs. She knows I’m joking. The dude gives us our treats. We eat them. We go home. That random conversation doesn’t enter my mind again until I see a reader named Larry‘s comment about yesterday’s Manly Monday pick.

Do all of your Manly Monday picks [have to be] white guys? Do you only date white guys? I am not criticizing, I am just curious if you do only date white guys. Does that make you racist towards other races of men? That is the topic of my podcast/blog this week so I am trying to get your input.
[redacted URL]

Oooh, interracial dating! I can talk about that shit for hours. But, before we go there, I wanna set the record straight about Manly Mondays just in case I have new FBC readers who may not already know this stuff:

  1. I love men, so I created Manly Monday to give them a nod. All of them. :) Some MM picks are white (recently: Laird Hamilton and Paul Walker). Others — such as Lewis Hamilton, Denzel, Barack Obama, Morgan Freeman [shared with Casey Affleck for Gone Baby Gone], Stroger, and others — are not. And, as I mentioned the other day, the next Manly Monday is gonna be a sexy celebration of Asian Pacific American Heritage Month.
  2. The spirit of MMs is a celebration of every Y chromosome thing, not just particular men. Foxtrot your eyeballs to the right. You’ll notice many popular Manly Monday posts are about general guy stuff such as “How to Hide an Erection,” “Should Men Wear Thongs?” and other lovely topics about the bedicked.

Now that we’ve got that cleared up, let’s move to a different subject. The personal stuff. The “do you only date white guys” stuff. (Pssst! I’ve already covered this here and here if you want more details …)

I’ve kissed, licked, sucked and bedded many sexy, delicious white dudes. Hell, I once told a French Canadian ex that I was gonna buy him a box of chocolate-covered cherries “to remember me.” I pictured him using his pink lips to apply pressure to the soft, brown candy’s shell until it gently opened — oozing sweet juices down his chin & revealing the soft, round cherry hidden inside. He liked the visual on that one.

Anyway. Where was I? Oh, yeah … White dudes. Do I date them exclusively? Nope. I have a very loooong, extensive dating history. I’m not seeing anyone exclusively right now, but I’ve gone out with: white, black, Latino, Jewish, Middle Eastern, etc. etc. men.

“So, funky brown,” some of you might say. “If you don’t only date white guys, what was with the milk joke at Insomnia Cookies?”

Honestly? Shock value. (Juvenile, I know.) I was with a group of amazing women. It was the end of the night. We were tipsy. I was feeling a little punchy; so, I wanted to put the dude behind the counter on his toes. For better or worse, the topic of interracial dating still has that effect.

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RELATED MEDIA:

Who gets down with the funky brown? Everybody. :) FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com readers are fiercely loyal and steadily growing in number. I love my readers! Approximately 72% are really cool peach folks (there are more peach people online), and the site attracts about twice the internet average for brown people. Asian, Latino and international visitors are steady regulars at the party, too. Full disclosure? Getting down with the funky brown has universal appeal, baby! :)

RELATED BOOK CHOICE OF THE DAY:

RELATED LINK OF THE DAY:

Loving Day: Celebrate the legalization of interracial couples.

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Photo credit: The ever-fabulous brown American photographer in the Netherlands, Rachel James, took the milk and cookies photo.

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{ 44 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Everyone ♥’s an Asian Boy

Ready? Cue the completely 100% politically incorrect blog post. Brown loves yellow. Well, at least that’s what a dating site for black and Asian singles — brilliantly called cocoabutterlove.com ( … Get it? Cocoa = brown = black people + Butter = yellow = Asian people …) — is banking on. I think they’re on to something. Hell, if you and I are friends on Facebook, you already know that I’ve recently joined the groups: Asian Men that ♥ Black Women, You and Me…..We could make BLASIANS!, A.B.A. (AsIaN BlAcK AlLiAnCe), and of course Everyone ♥’s an Asian Boy.

A while ago, my friend Karen — a proper, bourgie black chick in Chicago — embarked on a relationship with a sexy Asian-American man. “OMG, Karen,” I told her, “You know you’re gonna be known as that black girl with the Asian boyfriend, right? That’s totally gonna be your new title when people identify you. ‘You know … Karrrreeen … my friend with the Asian boyfriend.’“Clearly, she didn’t get the memo. Chicago is segregated as hell.

That’s one of the many reasons why I live in New York City.

Speaking of New York, last night my eyeballs love love LOVED looking at the sexy Asian-American (?) bartender with dreadlocks at In the Flesh Erotic Reading Series at Happy Ending Lounge on the Lower East Side. He used his strong arms to shake my cocktail before placing the filled, chilled glass on the bar. I wished he would’ve doused my warm brown skin with the liquid then licked it off with his soft tongue as I played with his dark hair. He oozed sex appeal. Now, before anyone accuses me of having yellow fever or some stupid shit like that, let me say this … As a black woman who has tasted delicious dudes from Northern Irish flavors to my fellow, brown-skinned American yummies, I love men. ALL (attractive) men. I haven’t had an Asian American boyfriend yet, but here are five reasons I think it’s time for the Asian-American male community to get down with the brown:

1. THE HAROLD & KUMAR MOVIES ARE THE NEW FRIDAY. Kal Penn? Fucking sexy. John Cho. Cutie pie. Buh-bye Chris Tucker and Ice Cube. Friday is so yesterday.

2. IT’S TRENDY. In the 80s, interracial dating meant “a black man dating a white woman.” America is over it. OJ Simpson killed it. Literally. (Kidding, of course!!!) The newest, freshest interracial pairings are all about black women lovingly interlacing differently shaded fingertips between our own.

3. IT’S SMART. NO REALLY, IT IS. Want a stupid stereotype? Asian men are smarter. Want another one? Successful black women are more likely to be single because all the black men are either unemployed, lazy, in jail or lazily unemployed in jail. I say fuck the folks who say shitty things about Asian men and Black women. Better yet? Asian men and black women should fuck each other … in bed, or against a wall, or on the floor … Yum!

4. WE BOTH BELONG TO MINORITY COMMUNITIES. Backing the political rantings of bloggers like Angry Asian Man with the strength of march-happy female EBPs? It could be powerful. We could change the world! Or, at the very least, we can supply it with very beautiful BlAsian babies.

5. BECAUSE I SAID SO. Folks, if you hear something on FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com, take it as gospel. Now, quick, somebody please help Funky Brown Chick find Sexy Asian Man.

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Photo credit: “You and Me … We Could Make Blasians” Facebook Group

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{ 58 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

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