Manly Mon.: Men Who Love Brown Sugar

 Manly Mondays  15 Responses »
Nov 032008
 

BRYAN R. ADAMS: Um, yeah, so, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about your boy.
FUNKY BROWN CHICK: What boy? I don’t have a boy.

BRYAN R. ADAMS: That site … um, what’s that site … Mashable? I’m just saying, you know, I saw you wrote for it and stuff … and of course I saw the picture.
FUNKY BROWN CHICK: I like Mashable; it’s a good site. You should check it out.

BRYAN R. ADAMS: Yeah … um … but, see, before I say what I’m about to say, I just wanna set a few things straight …
FUNKY BROWN CHICK: [uh-oh]

BRYAN R. ADAMS: I’m a man.
FUNKY BROWN CHICK: Uh-huh?

BRYAN R. ADAMS: I LOVE my wife … We have a beautiful child together. You know what I’m saying? I’m in love with my wife, and I’m as straight as they come.
FUNKY BROWN CHICK: I never doubted that.

BRYAN R. ADAMS: Yeah, yeah, I know, I know … I’m just saying …
FUNKY BROWN CHICK: Pete Cashmore?

BRYAN R. ADAMS: [shifts uncomfortably] Yeah … Even *I* have to admit …
BRYAN R. ADAMS: That’s one good-looking dude.

This post was endorsed by: (1) The Brown Girls Who Think Pete Cashmore is Sexeh Club, LLC; (2) random white dudes who like brown sugar; and (3) straight men everywhere who are secure enough with their sexuality to admit another dude is attractive. I’m Twanna A. Hines, and I approved this message.

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Credit paid: Photo of me & Bryan was taken at a Supernodes event — the best party for NYC’s grown & sexy crowd. To learn more about Bryan R. Adams (the dude who loves his wife’s brown sugar) visit this site. Chocolate cupcake photo of Pete is by Andrew Mager (via Valleywag).

UPDATE: Latest Article Published

 Living  9 Responses »
Sep 122008
 

Mashable is one of my favorite sites. So, of course I’m super duper thrilled to write for them. My article, Top 5 Online Dating Site Trends, published last night. If you like that piece, you might like my Is Facebook Helping or Hurting Your Love Life? published earlier this year — if you haven’t read that already. In other news, at a fundraiser for the PEN American Center Writers’ Fund, I got an advanced copy of Pomp & Circumstance magazine slipped to me. My sexstrology piece, “Kissing the Zodiac” got published! :) More on that (i.e. list of places where you can buy the mag) coming soon. And, finally, in still other news, I got a tip about a rom com / documentary about black relationships and (gasp, gasp) interracial dating. Oh, you know I’m gonna weigh in on that one. It’s called “Diary of a Tired Black Man,” and the filmmaker ponders whether “black women are simply ‘too angry’ to be datable.” Oh gaaawd. :) More on that in a bit. In the meantime, go check out Mashable. Seriously, if you wanna know the latest and greatest news about the Internet, it’s one of the BEST sites out there.

Manly Monday: Open Letter to Pete Cashmore from Mashable

 Manly Mondays, Open Letters  15 Responses »
Jun 092008
 

Dear Pete (a.k.a. Mashable Dude):

“I know you,” you said as we bumped into each other at your party last Friday. “Yeah, we met at SXSW,” I reminded you. “Hmmm …” your face fell to a blank stare. You didn’t remember meeting me. “Uh, right, okay, so, everyone was drunk there. I don’t remember everyone I met either,” I said to soothe my wounded ego and to make you feel less awkward. But, I figured you knew me from my site. “You read FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com, yeah?”

“No.”

Shit. I felt stupid. If you didn’t get down with the funky brown, then I figured you knew me via one of our mutual connections. I suggested, “We’re both Vaynerchuk pals. You saw me on Gary’s show?” You politely shook your head and said, “Um …” You watch Wine Library TV; you probably missed the day I dropped by.

Now, I was stumped. You didn’t come to my SXSW talk. And, I doubted you read the girly mag Glamour so you didn’t read about my orgasm. You live somewhere out west, so you probably don’t read Time Out New York & didn’t see my erotic haiku. And, so on and so on. I was at a loss bro; I didn’t know which connection you had in mind.

“Twit-tah!” you said as the lightbulb went on. [NOTE TO USA READERS: British English translation to American English: Twit-tah = Twitter.]

You read my tweets. I felt so embarrassed. I wanted to morph into a tiny red ant, then crawl away and sting the hell out of someone so they’d stump me to a miserable end.

“You’ve been writing very nice things about me,” you smiled.

I assumed you meant the It should be a goddamned punishable sin to be that fucking fiiiiiiiine!!! stuff. For the record, I didn’t say that. I was quoting this brown woman. But, yes, I’ll fess up to something else … Being the silly little girls that we are, another brown woman (Tiffany B. Brown) and I jokingly became co-founding members of the Brown Girls Who Think Pete Cashmore Is Sexeh Club, LLC. Please forgive us. We all write stupid shit online without realizing people (sometimes) actually read that stuff.

Crawling back to the obscure hole from whence I came,

Twanna // FUNKY BROWN CHICK

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Related links:
Mashable
Pete on Valleywag
Open Letter to My Laptop
Open Letter to Dates Who Find My Blog
Open Letter to The Guy Who Sent Me Pictures of Himself Wearing a Thong
Open Letter To The Man Who Sent Me His Penis
To The One Who Tried to Poison Me

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