Technorati Tags: date nights, dating blog, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, Gary Vaynerchuk, how to order wine, Wine Library TV, wines, WLTV

Ready? Cue the completely 100% politically incorrect blog post. Brown loves yellow. Well, at least that’s what a dating site for black and Asian singles — brilliantly called cocoabutterlove.com ( … Get it? Cocoa = brown = black people + Butter = yellow = Asian people …) — is banking on. I think they’re on to something. Hell, if you and I are friends on Facebook, you already know that I’ve recently joined the groups: Asian Men that ♥ Black Women, You and Me…..We could make BLASIANS!, A.B.A. (AsIaN BlAcK AlLiAnCe), and of course Everyone ♥’s an Asian Boy.

A while ago, my friend Karen — a proper, bourgie black chick in Chicago — embarked on a relationship with a sexy Asian-American man. “OMG, Karen,” I told her, “You know you’re gonna be known as that black girl with the Asian boyfriend, right? That’s totally gonna be your new title when people identify you. ‘You know … Karrrreeen … my friend with the Asian boyfriend.’“Clearly, she didn’t get the memo. Chicago is segregated as hell.

That’s one of the many reasons why I live in New York City.

Speaking of New York, last night my eyeballs love love LOVED looking at the sexy Asian-American (?) bartender with dreadlocks at In the Flesh Erotic Reading Series at Happy Ending Lounge on the Lower East Side. He used his strong arms to shake my cocktail before placing the filled, chilled glass on the bar. I wished he would’ve doused my warm brown skin with the liquid then licked it off with his soft tongue as I played with his dark hair. He oozed sex appeal. Now, before anyone accuses me of having yellow fever or some stupid shit like that, let me say this … As a black woman who has tasted delicious dudes from Northern Irish flavors to my fellow, brown-skinned American yummies, I love men. ALL (attractive) men. I haven’t had an Asian American boyfriend yet, but here are five reasons I think it’s time for the Asian-American male community to get down with the brown:

1. THE HAROLD & KUMAR MOVIES ARE THE NEW FRIDAY. Kal Penn? Fucking sexy. John Cho. Cutie pie. Buh-bye Chris Tucker and Ice Cube. Friday is so yesterday.

2. IT’S TRENDY. In the 80s, interracial dating meant “a black man dating a white woman.” America is over it. OJ Simpson killed it. Literally. (Kidding, of course!!!) The newest, freshest interracial pairings are all about black women lovingly interlacing differently shaded fingertips between our own.

3. IT’S SMART. NO REALLY, IT IS. Want a stupid stereotype? Asian men are smarter. Want another one? Successful black women are more likely to be single because all the black men are either unemployed, lazy, in jail or lazily unemployed in jail. I say fuck the folks who say shitty things about Asian men and Black women. Better yet? Asian men and black women should fuck each other … in bed, or against a wall, or on the floor … Yum!

4. WE BOTH BELONG TO MINORITY COMMUNITIES. Backing the political rantings of bloggers like Angry Asian Man with the strength of march-happy female EBPs? It could be powerful. We could change the world! Or, at the very least, we can supply it with very beautiful BlAsian babies.

5. BECAUSE I SAID SO. Folks, if you hear something on FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com, take it as gospel. Now, quick, somebody please help Funky Brown Chick find Sexy Asian Man.

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Photo credit: “You and Me … We Could Make Blasians” Facebook Group

Technorati Tags: Asian men, black women, blasian, blasian men, blasians, blogger, Chicago, dating blog, dating trends, Facebook, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, interracial dating, John Cho, Kal Penn, New York, sexy asian man, tastemaker

I got “engaged” in Austin last week. I’ll call my “fiance” Sweet-Faced, Bearded Kid. We met while sipping free beers at SXSW. Small talk ensued, and Facebook came up. “Everyone puts their relationship status on there,” he said while stroking his full beard. “Hell,” I told Sweet-Faced, Bearded Kid, “you could go back to your hotel room and update your profile to say: ‘I just got married to funkybrownchick.’ It would be ‘true’ just because it was on Facebook. That’s how powerful that site has become.” He slid his glasses further up his face, flashed his sexy dimples with a smile and said, “I’m gonna do that.” Oh, how this fit cougar loves spry cubs. “Yes,” I winked at him. “You should do that.” And so he did. We made it Facebook official:

SWEET-FACED, BEARDED KID is listed as engaged to FUNKYBROWNCHICK.

People who know me well know that I’m childfree and pro-single. So, my friends were kinda unsettled about the quote quote engagement. “Whaa??” my friend Julie asked. My writing group pal Joe mentioned: “I saw on your Facebook page that you’re engaged. Is this true or are you simply engaging?” Apparently, Sweet-Faced Bearded Kid’s amigos were equally suspicious. “Dude, you’re killing me,” one of his buds scribbled on his Facebook wall. “It’s like the Eiger getting married. And the Eiger DOESN’T get married.” Needless to say, funkybrownchick doesn’t get betrothed either. We aren’t really saddling up — only on Facebook, for one hot moment. ;)

Since it wouldn’t be prudent to plaster Sweet-Faced, Bearded Kid’s photo on my blog sans permission, I can’t really make him today’s Manly Monday pick. Instead, we’ll tackle a testosterone-specific question. Given that hetero guys propose to women more often than vice versa, what’s the best way for a man to propose? Askmen.com’s peculiar article titled The Perfect Proposal includes suggestions like: post the proposal on a billboard, flee to Niagara Falls, ask a radio announcer to do a special dedication, and/or pop the question while you’re, um, you know, poppin’ her. “Imagine your woman climaxing physically and emotionally. She is not likely to forget that day anytime soon.” Their readers’ responses?

• Matt: Dude..I wouldn’t wish these ideas on my worst enemy…
• MK: I wouldn’t say that they’re “bad” ideas, but for the most part they’re not good either.
• Sergeant’s Little Princess: I seriously do not suggest doing the majority of these. Some of them are ok, but most are downright horrible.
• sara: wow def the wrong advice to give guys…all these ideas are terrible …
• ashley: ummm when I read this I thought it as a joke. No really…. these are horrible ideas. No offense but I mean are you serious? It reminds me kind of that episode of the fresh prince of Bel Air when that guy tries to propose to hillary when he sky dived and accidently died. But the whole thing was a joke? I think this is really silly. come on…
• skrooyu: you are all idiots. I’m emberassed to have looked at this website. Do you all realize how dumb you are, or is that also beyond all contemplation?

Anywho. Interestingly enough, About.com has pretty good suggestions. (For the record, no, I’m not being paid to mention their site.) Explain why you want to marry her, they suggest. “Don’t just utter those 4 little words, tell her why she’s the one for you, what marriage means to you, and what your hopes for the future are.” Sounds like solid advice for the marriage-minded. Other About.com tips? Don’t “hide the engagement ring in food” or “propose at a sports game” but do “make it intimate and personal thing … you’ve only got one engagement moment.” So, now it’s your turn dear readers. Feel free to share any tips, suggestions, advice or great proposal stories in the comments section.

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Photo credit: Ring pic is by Jenny Rollo. Sydney, NSW, Australia

Technorati Tags: childfree, dating blog, engagements, funkybrownchick, how to propose, single life, singles, SXSW

I’d never met anyone who had actually stoned someone until I met A.J. Jacobs. Rewind a week or so. I’m at an Upright Citizen’s Brigade event presented by former Daily Show and Colbert Report executive producer Ben Karlin. Actress/comedian/Brooklynite Kristen Schaal hosts. Fountains of Wayne supply the live tunes. About half way into the night, this cute little Jewish writer with a head topped with dark wavy curls walks up to the stage and immediately puts the audience “there.” We’re in the story, laughing along and rooting for him. From Things I’ve Learned From Women Who’ve Dumped Me, he reads a passage about a dirty girl who captured his heart ages ago. If I remember the pages correctly, the diva had outrageous hair and wore animal print clothing. She sounded like the kind of woman I’d chase if I were a lesbian (or a man). I like bad girls. In any case, A.J. continues reading about the chick and you *totally* relate to the story because you’ve either lived it or know someone who has. He’s the sweet, unassuming and grounded guy. Kind of like calming waters, right? She’s a firecracker looking for a match to ignite her. The attraction was probably mutual, instant and doomed from the start. “So, that’s what happened?” you might be wondering. “She dumped him, so he fucking stoned her?” Uh-uh. Wrong hardcover. Jacobs also wrote The Year of Living Biblically. A “reverent agnostic,” he grew his beard, stoned a man and performed other religious feats.

I tracked him down at a recent event and kindly asked him to sign my copy of his book. As he obliged, I crimped my fingers against either sides of his face below the eyes. He blushed at the cheek pinch, and I’m pretty convinced the man thinks I’m a certifiable nutcase now. In any case, A.J. Jacobs is this week’s Manly Monday Testicle-Driven Tuesday pick. “Hey,” you ask, “in the beginning of this post, you mentioned he had a girl with leopard-print duds. Whatever happened to her?” Dunno. They parted ways. But not to worry; Jacobs eventually found his life partner. They live together in Manhattan where Jacobs recently spent ninety-three minutes wearing a “polka-dotted breast-feeding pillow” to feed one of his three sons soy-spike formula.

Here’s a question for this lovely Tuesday: Is it true that good guys are drawn to “bad girl” girlfriend, but they settle down with women they think would make “good girl” wives? (For the flipside, is it true that good girls are drawn to “bad boy” boyfriends, but they settle down with men they think would make “good” husbands?) Feel free to use the comments section below to share your opinion.

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Photo credit: Images appear online at Simon & Schuster
Related link: My Life as a Hot Woman by A.J. Jacobs

Technorati Tags: AJ Jacobs, bad girls, dating blog, dirty girls, Esquire, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, single life, singles, The Know-it All, The Year of Living Bibically

A pithy little game called “The Superbowl” was on my television set last night. Ugly, helmet-headed, oversized boys pitter-pattered their feet on the green field. Ho hum. I pressed mute and worked on my writing projects. Football, schmootball. Real men play soccer. Seriously. I mean, come on people!!! Behold the Italian drop of deliciousness to your left. Luca Toni. Compare, if you will, his physique to that of the three NY Giants below him. He’s out of their league, right? Soccer players. I’ve written about Zinedine Zidane, posted an image of Thierry Henry and drooled over David Beckham here on the FBC. When it comes to players, I’ll skip football and help myself to two extra servings of soccer any day! So, today’s Manly Monday salutes the men of soccer. (Yeah, I was going to write about British boys, but it made sense to talk about football/soccer given: (1) I’m a New Yorker and (2) the Giants won the Superbowl. Brits coming up later.)

The only good things about the Superbowl actually start when the game stops: commercials. Ever the underwear aficionado, I was looking forward to the new Victoria’s Secret ad starring supermodel Adiana Lima. (Check out the clips on panties210: The Underwear Blog for Men and Women.) The ad was disappointingly reserved. I think Emanuela De Paula would have made a sexier choice for the primetime spot, but that’s neither here nor there.

If you watched any of the Superbowl XLII ads live or on MySpaceTV, which commercial was your favorite?

Technorati Tags: dating blog, David Beckham, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, Luca Toni, Manly Monday, Manly Mondays, Soccer, Zinedine Zidane

Ooooh! I *LOVE* Time Out New York!!! They recently said, “In the Flesh erotic reading series at Happy Ending on Jan 17 will give you plenty of aural pleasure.” I’m reading there tonight. If you live in New York, come, come, come!!! Show starts at 8:00pm at Happy Ending, 302 Broome St. between Forsyth and Eldridge. I think I’m first after the break. Arrive early if you wanna grab a seat. The place always gets super-duper crowded. Rachel Kramer Bussel (Lusty Lady blog, editor of Best Sex Writing 2008, Hide and Seek, Sex and Candy) hosts. My fellow readers include:

• Dashiell, Fleshbot [NSFW]
• Nichelle Stephens, nichellenewsletter.typepad.com
• Martha Burzynski, Alice Ayers
• Allison Bojarski, crossfitnyc.com
• Lolita Wolf, lolitawolf.blogspot.com
• Jen Dziura, jenisfamous.com. RANDOM SIDENOTE: New York is such a small fucking town; I interviewed Jen D. for a Gen Art Pulse article a short while back. See “Lip-Smacking Good“

I’m a little nervous about tonight. Not sure why; I’m only sharing details about my sex life with coworkers, close friends, acquaintances and complete strangers. What’s there to be nervous about? ;) Not sure which piece to do for the show. My favorites are the goofy/funny ones. But, here’s the thing … Should I read a piece that’s “MORE funny and LESS sexy” or “LESS sexy and MORE funny”. It’s an erotic reading series so it makes sense to side with sexy. On the other hand, it’s at a bar and we’re all gonna be a little boozy. So, maybe funny makes sense. Hmmm … Funny or sexy? Feel free to use the comment section to place your votes and/or wish me luck!

Technorati Tags: Allison Bojarski, Dashiell, dating blog, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, In the Flesh Erotic Reading Series, Jen Dziura, Lolita Wolf, Martha Burzynski, Nichelle Stephens, single life, singles

I’ll admit it. I’ve faked it on more than one occasion. I used to fake it on a regular basis with one ex in particular. Hindsight is always 20/20. Thinking back now, my own pleasure — not my ex’s ego — should have been my primary concern . I was quite a bit younger back then than I am now. I didn’t know any better. I kind of just assumed that every woman faked orgasms at some point or another in the long run. There’s no way in hell I’d suffer through such an extended lack of pleasure now; I’m much more expressive about my needs. In any case, if you missed my post at Nerve the other day, you can still read what I wrote about orgasms by clicking here.

Technorati Tags: dating blog, faking orgasms, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, single life, singles

I’ll have you people know that I was talking about Matt Damon loooong before People magazine laid its two eyeballs on him. ;) Remember my post, “Matt Damon: Droolworthy or Not?” But, whatever, enough about my blog and more about People … In case you missed it, in the November 26 issue, the magazine named Matt Damon the “Sexiest Man Alive” for 2007. When I originally heard the news, I was a bit confused. I mean, you know, don’t get me wrong. I’m quite happy to see that they’ve returned to their long tradition of picking men with dark hair. (And, I would have been even happier if they’d gone the GQ route and picked Kanye.) But, here’s the thing, does anyone really believe that Matt Damon is the sexiest man alive? When I asked you people about him a couple of Manly Mondays back, AmyD and Pegs both told us their significant other looks like Matt Damon. This, of course, made me wonder if Amy and Pegs dating the same fucking guy. No, really, all kidding aside, the two laides’ comments did spark the light bulb above my head. The writing on the bulb said: People like Matt Damon because he’s the average guy; he reminds women of the “good man” they’d like to date. I wasn’t the only one to have this brilliant revelation. A reader named budholly101 said that Damon’s appeal is that he “had the good sense to be an actor and a celebrity without being in our faces constantly with his stupid ego and mistakes!” MamaChristy went a step further by calling Damon “accessible” and “unlike many other big Hollywood stars.” She said, “I think that’s why people think [he's] hot. If he were the boyfriend of someone we knew, we’d think he was smokin’.” I think she’s on to something. Hmmm … We’ve all talked about whether or not we think Damon is hot, so we won’t go there again. Instead, we’ll go here: Please use the comment section to tell us who you think is the sexiest man alive.
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Related FBC posts:

• The Day I Met Matt Damon
• Matt Damon: Droolworthy or Not?
• Who’s Hotter: Blonde Men or Brunette Men?

Technorati Tags: dating blog, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, Manly Mondays