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David Beckham

David Beckham on Dating

I hope you’re all enjoying a relaxing start to the week! To kick (pun intended) things off right, let’s celebrate “Manly Monday” again, weekly festivities of everything with a dick. If you haven’t already heard, soccer beauty David Beckham is preemptively warning his newborn daughter Harper Seven Beckham‘s would-be suitors he is NOT going to put up with any shit!

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About her future dating life, he says boys should know she has “three brothers that will take her, three brothers that will eat with her and three brothers that will bring her back home to a dad waiting for her.” See? That’s a DILF! (via The Frisky)

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Top 20 Hottest Soccer Players

Hey sports fans! I’m going to be on “MAD SOCCER with Cisco Aguirre” tonight at 7:30 pm. dishing sexy details about the Top 20 Hottest Soccer Players. If you live in New York, tune in to any of the following channels to watch: Time Warner 57 / RCN 84 / Verizon 35. For those sexy little things living outside beloved NYC borders, I’ll try to get a copy of the show and post it online. In the meantime, building up for tonight’s TV show — and giving my lovely FUNKY BROWN CHICK® readers the advanced, inside scoop — please feel free to drool over 20 official selections: 19 slices of boy meat + 2 half points to the “mini-mes” (lil brother soccer players).


Hidetoshi Nakata


Zinedine Zidane

Fabio Cannavaro

Fabio Cannavaro (plus lil bro Paolo Cannavaro. Click the link to GAWK at his package.)


Benny Feilhaber. USA! USA! USA!

World Cup 2010 South Africa: Germany v Ghana

Asamoah Gyan. Nice tongue. Mmmmm …

Christiano Ronaldo

Cristiano Ronaldo


Edson Buddle. Cutest smile on any soccer field ever.


Juan Pablo Ángel. Even though he’s no longer with New York Red Bulls, he’s still in our hearts.

EARTHQUAKES GALAXY

Landon Donovan. One more time … USA! USA! USA!

Kaka Kaká Treino da Selecao Brasileira de Futebol

Kaká

Lukas Podolski

Lukas Podolski. I’m originally from Chicago. We have a special place in our heart for Polish men.

Thierry Henry

Thierry Henry. Welcome to New York, cutie! :)

Soccer star Tim Howard.

Tim Howard

Fernando Torres

Fernando Torres. The rosacea is cherubic and cute.

David Beckham ITV World Cup Ident

David Beckham. A classic.

Robin Van Persie

Robin van Persie

Carlos Boca Negra, jogador do time de futebol dos EUA, na Interview Mgazine

Carlos Bocanegra. Suddenly, I have a craving for domestic beef. USA! USA! USA!

Iker Casillas 5

Iker Casillas (lil bro Unai Casillas)


Oguchi Onyewu. What a yummy American boy.

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Manly Mondays – Top 10 Hottest DILFs

If you’re reading this, it means the stock market hasn’t crashed, (some of) you still have jobs, the economy is still working, we’re not all out on the street selling apples (or our bodies) for quick cash AND it’s Manly Monday on FUNKY BROWN CHICK. Here on the blog, we’ve talked about GILFs and MILFs, but never DILFs. Borrowing a page from Cosmo’s playbook (them: hottest bachelors, me: hottest dads), here’s a list of the Top 10 Hottest DILFs Ever!!!

LENNY KRAVITZ has a daughter Zoë Isabella Kravitz with Lisa Bonet. Hottest Rocker DILF.

GABRIEL AUBRY has a daughter named Nahla Ariela Aubry with Halle Berry. Hottest French Canadian DILF.

BENJAMIN BRATT and his wife Talisa Soto have a daughter Sophia Rosalinda Bratt and son Mateo Bravery Bratt. Hottest DILF with the best smile.

DAVID BECKHAM has three sons — Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz — with Victoria Beckham. (Y’all, his oldest son will be legal in just 10 YEARS!!!!) Hottest Footballing / Balling / Soccer-Playing DILF

JON STEWART has a son named Nathan Thomas Stewart and daughter Maggie Rose Stewart with Tracey McShane. Hottest Jewish DILF Ever!!

BARACK OBAMA had two beautful daughters — Malia Ann and “Sasha” — with wife Michelle Obama. Hottest Presidential DILF.

RICKY MARTIN has twins via an unnamed surrogate mom. At the time of their birth, Martin didn’t tell the press their names. Hottest “OMG-He-Could-Be-A-Gay-Dad” DILF.

PATRICK DEMPSEY was 21 when he married 48-year-old acting coach Rochelle “Rocky” Parker. Her son, Corey Parker, was one year older than his new stepfather but Dempsey’s got three other children (with his second wife, Jillian Fink) who are actually younger than he is — Tallulah Fyfe and twins Darby Galen and Sullivan Patrick. Hottest DILF You’d Like to Play Doctor With.

WILL SMITH has a son Willard Christopher III (called “Trey”, appeared in video “Just The Two Of Us”) with first wife Sheree Zampino. Smith and his second wife, Jada Pinkett, have a son Jaden Christopher Syre (starred in “The Pursuit of Happyness”) and daughter Willow Camille Reign (was in “I Am Legend”).

WHO’S NUMBER 10? YOU TELL ME. USE THE COMMENTS SECTION TO TELL US WHO YOU THINK SHOULD BE THE ADDED TO THE LIST OF TOP 10 HOTTEST DILFs.

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Wanker Wednesday: David Beckham Shows Anderson Cooper His Balls

Three days ago. Did you catch it? Anderson Cooper interviewed David Beckham on 60 minutes. I’m not sure which was more satisfyingly — watching the actual interview or reading the headlines that came out about it. Anderson Cooper Looking To Score With David Beckham and Anderson Cooper Tries to Block David Beckham’s Balls. Love it. A lot of the leads were ridiculously thinly veiled speculations about The Coop’s sexuality. Is he gay or isn’t he? Quite frankly, I don’t care. He’s gorgeous. I like to look at The Coop. And, the interview with Beckham made it that much easier for me to imagine myself snuggled in between that yummy boysandwich. Pretty boys with streamlined bodies? Yum. Anyway, so, in case you missed the actual interview, here are three highlights. (Yes, technically, today is “wanker wednesday” since I co-opted Manly Monday this week; but, no, I don’t think either of the boys are wankers.)

1. The Beckham “Tattoo Tour”
Oh my dear sweet Buddha with a big round belly. Apparently, Goldenballs has 15 sets of inkings covering various parts of his delicious little body. I’m not usually a fan of men covered in tattoos (9:08 – 9:40 in the video below) because I think it looks kind of tacky. But, Beckham rocks the look without any problems.

2. Goldenballs.
Anderson asked Beckham if it’s true that: (a) his wife calls him “Goldenballs” and (b) he prances around with his two little jewels stuffed inside of Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham’s panties. D. Becks’ answers: yes to the first, no to the second. But, in both cases, he was visibly uncomfortable answering and I swear I saw the soccer chap actually blush a little bit as he pulled his collar and asked, “Is it getting hot in here?” He looked almost as uncomfortable as he was when The Coop asked him about him about money (5:48 – 5:58). So British. By the way, the the moneymaking Goldenballs question isn’t in the video below, but you can it on Yahoo!

3. Bend It Like Beckham
Okay, so, this part (8:03 – 9:08) was 100% completely overrated. CBS was all like, hey Beckham’s gonna demonstrate his “bend it” technique for the first time ever!!!! Um, hasn’t he been doing that on TV for ages, now? But, whatever. It was good to see it again. And, speaking of “seeing it,” I snagged the full Becks-Coop clip below from the ever-lovely Gawker. Enjoy! (Pssst! If you wanna see a shirtless Beckham, keep your eyes peeled during the like 4:51 to 4:56 mark. Best 5 seconds ever!)

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Sexpot Meets Goddess: Drinks with Abiola Abrams

I reject the term “relationships expert” because it sounds silly, and I’m a don’t believe anyone is an expert at relationships. Here’s my theory: if you’re doing it right, you’re a constant work in progress. So, I prefer the title sexpot. I’m a writer | blogger | editor | sexpot who uses the moniker “Funky Brown Chick.” Pressing our lips to glasses filled with margaritas, fellow brown-skinned writer — that goddess Abiola Abrams from BET — and I talked about race, sexuality and what it means to be “black enough” in America today. Read the details when my piece at Nerve magazine is published online later today. And, if you live in New York, drop by Abiola’s 6:00 pm reading tonight at Barnes & Noble at Lincoln Center!!

I’ve got race & sexuality on the brain because I recently read the Racialicious interview with Gawker’s former brown-skinned advice columnist (now at Radar) Tionna Smalls. If you missed the drama, here’s the recap. Gawker hired a black woman whose pieces were flush with grammatical errors, Black Vernacular English and straight-talk lessons learned from “the hood.” Given that Gawker’s audience and writing staff are predominantly white hipsters, people wondered if Tionna’s presence on the scene was a minstrel show. (Read: Who Played Whom? Gawker Media and Tionna Smalls.)

Now, for those who read FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com on a regular basis, you know we usually celebrate Manly Monday at the top of the week. We’ll have Testicle Tuesdays tomorrow instead. Topic? Anderson Cooper’s Sunday night 60 Minutes interview with David Beckham. It was delicious. The Coop and Becks together? Hey, I heard Barack Obama’s speech on race! I’m 100% willing to join that threesome and let the interracial healing begin! ;) Details tomorrow.

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Footwhat? Real Men Play Soccer.

A pithy little game called “The Superbowl” was on my television set last night. Ugly, helmet-headed, oversized boys pitter-pattered their feet on the green field. Ho hum. I pressed mute and worked on my writing projects. Football, schmootball. Real men play soccer. Seriously. I mean, come on people!!! Behold the Italian drop of deliciousness to your left. Luca Toni. Compare, if you will, his physique to that of the three NY Giants below him. He’s out of their league, right? Soccer players. I’ve written about Zinedine Zidane, posted an image of Thierry Henry and drooled over David Beckham here on the FBC. When it comes to players, I’ll skip football and help myself to two extra servings of soccer any day! So, today’s Manly Monday salutes the men of soccer. (Yeah, I was going to write about British boys, but it made sense to talk about football/soccer given: (1) I’m a New Yorker and (2) the Giants won the Superbowl. Brits coming up later.)

The only good things about the Superbowl actually start when the game stops: commercials. Ever the underwear aficionado, I was looking forward to the new Victoria’s Secret ad starring supermodel Adiana Lima. (Check out the clips on panties210: The Underwear Blog for Men and Women.) The ad was disappointingly reserved. I think Emanuela De Paula would have made a sexier choice for the primetime spot, but that’s neither here nor there.

If you watched any of the Superbowl XLII ads live or on MySpaceTV, which commercial was your favorite?

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