Aye, Illinois, my beloved homestate. Over the past 40 years, Illinois has had eight governors. Exactly half have been sent to prison. Can *ANY* other state stake that claim on history?! Gov. Dan Walker was convicted in the Savings and Loan Association scandal of the 80s. Gov. Rod Blagojevich, allegedly tried to “sell” Obama’s senate seat. Gov. Otto Kerner, according to the Chicago Tribune, was convicted of “bribery, conspiracy, income-tax evasion, mail fraud and perjury”. George Ryan: Racketeering? Check. Conspiracy? Check. Fraud? Check. Victim of anal rape? Um, well, we all sadly know what happens in prison. Illinois gangsters, I tell ya. Straight up corn-loving gangsters. Why this topic today? To truly understand today’s Manly Monday pick, you’ve gotta understand how we roll in Illinois. Things are special out in the cornfields. Really special.

John Stroger, the first African-American Cook County Board President, passed away last Friday. I won’t reproduce a eulogy here because others have already done a more thorough job than I ever could. Read all about Stroger online at Cook County’s site and elsewhere. An accomplished man in life, the Chicago Tribune says his he’ll also be remembered as “an old-style politician who put a priority on using government to help his friends and family members”. My response? Um, duh, the man was from Chicago, wasn’t he?

John H. Stroger, Jr. Born: May 19, 1929. Died: January 18, 2008. He joins the Dearly Departed, God rest his soul.

—————
Photo credit: Image appears at The HistoryMakers

Technorati Tags: Chicago Tribune, Governor George Ryan, Governor Rod Blagojevich, Illinois, John H. Stroger, John Stroger, Jr.

Sex, drugs, the mafia and the Daily Show. Illinois politicians are living proof that, if you eat too much corn, it will eventually make you goofy. And, if you aren’t careful, excessive corn-munching could turn you into a gangster. Yes, I know that corn is nutritious. And, yes, I know there are a lot of politicians for whom Illinois voters can be proud. (For example, the only black US Senator — the deliciously sexy Barack Obama — is an Illinoisan; additionally, thirteen years ago, Illinois sent the Senate its first black woman ever, Carol Moseley Braun.) But, still, it’s true: the corn has made Illinois-elected politicians downright goofy … and some have even gone so far as to become gangsters. I have evidence:

ROD BLAGOJEVICH
Because the Governor (affectionately known to Illinoisans as “G-Rod”) supposedly didn’t know that the Daily Show spoofs the real news, he went on the show to give a serious interview. Puzzled when the interviewer asked him if he was the “gay governor”, G-Rod continued to talk for a while but eventually became confused and turned to someone off camera to ask, “Is he teasing me, or is this legit?” That’s just goofy. [Read the news articles.]

BETTY LOREN MALTESE
Maltese is the former mayor of Cicero—the Chicago suburb whose claim to fame is that it’s where Al Capone established his empire. In federal prison since 2002, Maltese is currently serving an 8-year sentence for mafia relations and corruption. Yep. Some people think Betty is a gangster. And, some people think that she looks pretty goofy. Is it possible? Goofy *and* a gangster?

JACK RYAN
This young, slick, wealthy, investment banker with a winning smile challenged Barack Obama in the 2004 Senate Race. Ryan eventually dropped out after: (1) people discovered that he paid an aide to stalk Obama and (2) it was made public that Ryan’s ex-wife, Star Trek’s Jeri Ryan, divorced him because he dragged her to sex clubs and wanted her to do a live sex show! I think that’s, well, goofy.

FINALLY, DA MARES
(translation: “The Mayors”)
Wikipedia has an article on the Daley Machine; read it. From sneakily sending wreckers to an airport in the middle of the night [little Daley] to notoriously getting caught on camera mumbling “fuck you, you Jew motherfucker” at a Democratic National Convention [big Daley], the Daleys were/are quite skilled at attracting attention to themselves. The “fuck you” comment is not only goofy, it’s kind of stupid and racist; further, reporters around the world said the airport incident was reminiscent of Chicago’s gangster past. Seeeee? There we have it, again, folks: goofy *and* gangster. Need I say more? Trust me, my sweeties. Just to be safe, don’t any eat corn this weekend.

Technorati Tags: BETTY LOREN MALTESE, DA MARE, Democratic National Convention, G-Rod, Governor Rod Blagojevich, Illinois, JACK RYAN