Have Sex with Sandra Daugherty [Sex Nerd Sandra]

 Sex  1 Response »
Feb 212013
 

Kink aware. Switch. BDSM. Monogamish. Polyamory. Co-hosted by Sandra Daugherty and Dave Ross, the Sex Nerd Sandra podcast covers tons of sex topics with “tell-all interviews, juicy topics, tips and more.” Screw Los Angeles, they’re rolling into to New York City, folks. For the first time ever and in a sold-out show, The Sex Nerd Sandra Podcast LIVE: NYC Edition! promises prizes and “sex nerd shenanigans.” Francisco Ramirez and I will be your lovely guests on the panel with Sandra and Dave. To listen to the show once it’s broadcast later, be sure to subscribe to the Sex Nerd Sandra podcast.

Sex Nerd Sandra appears on the Nerdist Podcast Network, a division of Nerdist Industries. Founded by Chris Hardwick, Nerdist Industries boasts a boatload of media products including a television version of the original Nerdist podcast produced by and aired on BBC America. Psssst, wanna know a random, goofy trivia fact? I initially met Chris ages ago when I was a finalist on the sexy game show he co-hosted with Jenny McCarthy: MTV’s Singled Out.

Sex: Pregnant During Period?

 About Women, Relationships  7 Responses »
Oct 242011
 

SAFETY

MYTH: “If you have sex while you’re on your period, there’s absolutely no way for you to get pregnant.”

DIRECT VIDEO LINK:

youtube.com/watch?v=EY49Y1y1zz8

VIDEO TRANSCRIPT:

“M” (age 27): “If you have sex while you’re on your period, there’s absolutely no way for you to get pregnant. Think about it. You’re bleeding. Where’s the egg gonna go? It’s like a totally inhospitable landscape in there.”

Eve Espey, MD: “Eggs can find an oasis in any landscape. The truth is: There’s no absolutely safe time. For one thing, not every episode of bleeding is an actual period. So, just remember to be covered 100% of the time.”

My $0.02 [not included in video, special bonus for FUNKY BROWN CHICK® readers]: “In case you’re wondering, But, aren’t there times that are more safe than others for barebacking?! and/or How does ovulation work?, check out National Institutes of Health’s blow-by-blow description of ovulation. “Fertile days,” they explain, “are the days a woman is most likely to get pregnant.” So, theoretically, you won’t get pregnant if you avoid your fertile days, right? Wrong. There’s a catch (or two or three). Sperm loves vagina. In fact, sperm loves hanging out in the vag so much that it’s able to stay alive in there for up to 3 to 5 days after sex. Plus, it’s not wholly possible to know exactly when a woman is going to ovulate anyway. And, very few women have naturally 100% regular menstrual cycles. Long story short: If you’re having sex and you don’t want to get pregnant, use birth control.

Video: Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear

 News and Politics  4 Responses »
Nov 162010
 

Rally to Restore Sanity March For Fear

Finally uploaded clips from the other weekend. Click to load video: http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=498965809467. It’s 24 hrs of the “Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear” in less than 5 mins. Waking at 4 am. Crowding with Arianna Huffington’s 10,000+ folks at Citi Field. Riding a packed bus 5 hours from NYC to DC. Scrambling on DC’s subways to get from RFK Stadium to the rally. “Seeing” Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert in the distance. Partying with friends & hanging on the roof.

Quickie: A Few Good Thoughts About Men

 Manly Mondays  Comments Off
Nov 152010
 

Welcome to FUNKY BROWN CHICK® — where we kick the week off with manly celebrations of men. Guys. Dudes. Males. The earth’s bedicked creatures. Do we like them with red hair? Why do they behave the way they do when dating? How do they pleasure themselves with self-made toys? In case you’re new to this site (or if you missed these posts the first time around), here’s a roundup of a few reader favorite manly posts:

Also, if you’ve not yet done so, be sure to read the about page for more info about the site or browse the very full archives for endless hours of reading pleasure. I’m on deadline for a freelance article, so today’s post is short and sweet. More soon, my lovelies.

This Is Why I Live in Manhattan

 I love NY  5 Responses »
Nov 122010
 

Manhattan Bridge

Reason #153 on the “Why I live in Manhattan, Not Brooklyn” list: It’s easy to find my way around. If I ever get lost in an unfamiliar neighborhood, a quick Metrocard swipe or arm extended in the air will safely get me home.

Direct video link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wo8YSJgbmbE

I can totally laugh about last night’s TRAINING DAY experience now. But, when I was in the moment — a woman abandoned at an unfamiliar corner in do-or-die Bed-Stuy, alone among men I didn’t know during the pitch black night — I was kind of scared shitless. I figured I’d be lucky if I ONLY got mugged. I’m happy little angels wings carried me safely home without incident. Thank you MTA for hiring a friendly bus driver. Thank you R. Penzo, Jeannette Arrowood and Emily Hanhan for offering Twitter guidance to get me back home! Ah, New York. If anyone needs a walking tour of Jay-Z‘s childhood neighborhood in Brooklyn, I can show you the route. Sheesh!! :-| Have a safe and happy weekend, everyone!! :)

How To Flirt Online, Via Text or In Person

 About Men, About Women, Relationships  8 Responses »
Nov 102010
 

Computer Love

Recently, I read a slightly unsettling piece of news. Apparently, according to a Jezebel article titled What Does Flirting Have To Do With It?, American women are the world’s most unsuccessful flirters. I shared the piece on my Facebook, and I privately told friends I was on a mission to flirt more — ESPECIALLY with totally inappropriate targets for my affection. “I’m sorry,” my guy pal Billy Rodriguez* responded. “How is this different from any other time [you've flirted]?” Good point. I love flirting. With boys, girls, cats, dogs, books, etc. It’s not so much about getting the target between my legs, it’s just about appreciating how beautiful the world can be. Beautiful smiles dotted by dimples. Beautiful personalities filled with wonderful senses of humors. Beautiful bodies nicely toned with muscle. Flirting is fun.

“Your friend [redacted] is quite a charmer,” a female NY pal mentioned over drinks last night. “I could learn from him.”

“Yeah, but he’s a charmer not a good flirter.” I told her I didn’t like guys who were overly charming because they feast on women with low self-esteem. “Only someone who doesn’t believe they are beautiful wants a charming stranger to tell them, You’re so beautiful. It seems so insincere and silly.”

She disagreed. “There’s a difference between slimy men who spread bullshit and people with authentically boisterous and upbeat personalities. Like you. You do that with men. You’re a charmer.”

I couldn’t help feeling different. “No, I don’t think I’m insincere.”

“Neither are all men who tell women they look beautiful.”

Touché. Maybe she has a point. So, in an effort spread the flirtfest around, here’s a Howcast video about playfully arousing sexual interest. I think most flirting advice, flirting body language and flirting techniques are instinctual, no? For example: If you like a guy, OF COURSE you’ll look into his eyes while you’re talking to him, right? That said, some of my more introverted friends have said letting someone know you like them can be tough. And, yeah, I’ll admit it, if I’m talking to a guy I’m REALLY into, I get weird, awkward and super self conscious. Anyway. Instructional flirting video and transcript are below. Also, you might check out eHow’s How to Flirt Via Text Message and AskMen.com’s Online Flirting advice.

TRANSCRIPT:

There isn’t just an art to flirting—there’s a science! Use these proven methods to charm and seduce. To complete this How-To you will need a positive attitude and a healthy dose of self-confidence.

  • Step 1: Begin with a bright smile—one that comes from your eyes as well as your lips.
  • Step 2: Say hello and then ask a question that requires more than a “yes” or “no” answer. For example, “What do you think of the band?” or “Where are we, anyway?” Tip: Forget cheesy pick-up lines. According to one study, a simple “Hi” is the most successful opening line.
  • Step 3: Keep the conversation light. The object is to banter, not get bogged down in a serious discussion.
  • Step 4: Fiddle a little—with your hair, your jewelry, your clothing. People do this subconsciously when they are attracted to someone. Doing it intentionally excites the other person by subliminally telegraphing your interest.
  • Step 5: Put a fun spin on whatever you say. Everyone is attracted to a person with a good sense of humor. Tip: Don’t break eye contact, unless the person is showing you something. Someone who can’t take their eyes off you is very intriguing.
  • Step 6: Lean in as the person talks. It will make him or her feel fascinating—and find you fascinating in return. Tip: Not sure the person you’re flirting with is interested? Look at his or her feet. If they’re pointing in your direction, you’re scoring!
  • Step 7: Touch the person lightly on his arm or hand to create a little sexual tension. Just keep it above the belt!
  • Step 8: When it’s time to go, give a brief hug or a peck on the cheek to convey warmth and reinforce your interest. Happy hunting!


————————–
It’s okay. I can call out Billy on my site. The discretion / ‘no names’ policy only applies to men I’ve slept with.

I Can’t Date A Man Unless He Knows How to Fight

 About Men, About Women, Relationships  17 Responses »
Nov 042010
 

“What are three qualities you’re looking for in men you date?” Last weekend in DC, that’s the question a guy friend lobbed at me while sipping Patron. Having told me he likes fun women with happy dispositions who don’t live in messy apartments, he was curious about my tastes. In no particular order, I gave him a short list: someone who makes me feel just as good as I did — or better than — before I met him, and someone with an attractive/appealing personality. “Oh,” I added, “and he has to know how to fight.” Physical altercations are NOT hot, and I wouldn’t date a dude punched people — not other guys and definitely not women. That said, I definitely need a guy with a fighter’s spirit. He has to stand up for himself, and be passionate enough about something to compete or struggle for it.

Chicago Golden Gloves Amateur Boxing Tournament

I certainly don’t believe people should always date others who are exactly like them. I’ll link up with men from various ethnicities, age groups and religious backgrounds. “I don’t have to agree about everything with a guy,” I told the friend, “but it’s important to be on the same team when it comes to issues that matter.” I explained I’m in shape, and I like running. Consequently, my vagina doesn’t like guys who don’t take care of themselves. On the financial front — having gotten into a lot of credit card debt and a previous cycle of overspending — I’ve spent years cleaning up my credit, building savings and establishing more healthy attitudes toward money. I wouldn’t settle down with a dude with horrendously reckless shopping habits.

“So, it’s like what Chris Rock said about crackheads?” the DC friend offered.

“Huh?”

“Crackheads. Look it up.”

When I returned to New York, that’s exactly what I did. Here’s Chris Rock: “Whatever you’re into, your woman’s gotta be into, too, and vice versa. Or, the shit ain’t gonna work. lt ain’t gonna work. That’s right. lf you’re born-again, your woman’s gotta be born-again, too. lf you’re a crackhead, your woman’s gotta be a crackhead, too … You can’t be like, ‘I’m going to church, where you going?’ [He says] ‘Hitting the pipe!’ That relationship ain’t going nowhere. Two crackheads can stay together forever.”

I’m not a crackhead, but I am an independent and fairly subversive woman. If I dated a pushover, I’d resent his passivity and wouldn’t respect him. How about you? What are your deal breakers and core values that your partners must share?

—————————–

Photo by Kate Gardiner

Why I Don’t Want A Polyamorous Sex & Dating Life

 Relationships  19 Responses »
Nov 022010
 

I’m back in New York after a weekend in DC. I have a post brewing called “I Can’t Date A Man Unless He Knows How to Fight.” I’ll publish it sometime later this week, and I’ll also upload my Rally to Restore Sanity videos & photos. In the meantime, you can find top rally sign photos online here. Now, on to today’s post …

As some of you may know, I’m originally from a small town in the cornfields. It’s the kind of place where trips to the local Wal-Mart were like high school reunions, and underage drinkers got their names printed in the local newspaper. Small Town USA. My business was your business and vice versa. I loved several things about the place (low cost of living, friendly people, a sense of community, etc.), but one of the many reasons why I left is this: I was dying there. Not literally, but my soul was suffocating and I needed space. Privacy. The ability to walk down a street and see no one who knew me.

Having jumped out of the fishbowl, I found myself in graduate school many years later. Florida. I was chair of the BGSA’s social committee. Shocker, right? Me? Social? Anyway. BGSA = Black Graduate Student Association. Within the university population, a relatively small number of students are MA, MBA and PhD candidates. Among that small group, a smaller number are black / African American. Inside that little circle, there are waaaay more women than men. I didn’t pursue an economics degree, but I understand sexual laws of supply and demand. If you were a Black man pursuing an MBA, your ass was hot property among BGSA women. Given the size of the group, it didn’t take long before everyone was boinking everyone else. Man A was sleeping with Woman B and Woman C at the same time even though he was in a so-called “monogamous” relationship with Woman D. Hell, I took part, too. And, you know what, I grew really sick of that crap. I’m all for sleeping around. Sex is good. Here’s the part that bothered me … When it comes to my sex life, I don’t like my business in everyone else’s faces.

Yes, I write about about my sex & dating life online, but there’s a difference between CHOOSING what I share and physically throwing my shit up in the crowd. I can’t count the number of men I’ve kissed, sucked, blown or fucked then written about them on my site. But, I can tell you exactly how many I’ve identified by name: 0. In recent weeks, there’s been a guy I’ve wanted to screw soooooooo badly I could almost taste his semen in my mouth. Making out with him the other night, I wanted to scream: “Just fuck me already! Screw all this other shit, let me drag you back to my place so we can fuck each other’s brains out for a couple hours until we both collapse … and, your ass BETTER take care of me again in the morning.” But, I didn’t. Why not? Honestly, it’s because he works in media / publishing. If I want to fuck a man real good and hard, that’s my business. I don’t want to walk into a party three weeks later (with the next man I’m screwing, mind you) and see the other guy with another girl he’s screwing — who I may or may not know from one of my previous threesomes. I’m much more discreet than that. Seriously, I don’t like the circle fuck.

Christmas Bokeh 2

ME: [removes dick from mouth] Wouldn’t it bother you?
HIM: What?
ME: If we’re in a party here next week and I’m with another guy who works with you?
HIM: I wouldn’t mind. I’d think: Good for him. I hit that, and now it’s his turn.

It’s called polyamory. Personally, I prefer monogamy but I fervently believe everyone should mutually consent to whatever type of relationships they wish. You can take the girl out of the Midwest … ah, you know the rest of the saying. Or, maybe it’s the other way around: What the hell is the point of leaving the Midwest to partake in a small Manhattan / Brooklyn-based community where everyone’s all up in each other’s business? Who knows? Life’s experiences thus far have taught me that relationships can be messy, confusing, exhilarating, beautiful, terrifying, comforting and wonderful. Not everything fits neatly inside one box. What I want today may not be what I want 5 or 10 years from today. And, I’m okay with that.

How about you? Have you ever found yourself in a circle of friends and/or industry (um, like, I don’t know, media / publishing) where everyone’s sleeping with each other? Are you in a polyamorous relationship? What’s your story?

———————
Photo credit: Paul Gallo

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