Twanna A. Hines @ FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com | sex. dating. relationships.

In Pictures: 2009 Halloween Brunch Party

Shout out and extra special thanks to everyone at Cafe 50 West for being so kind to our crazy group.

November 1st, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [7] folks got down with the Funky Brown

In Pictures: See My Views of New York City

I love New York, but I don’t necessarily see myself growing old here. In later life, I’d like less noise, more money. At the moment, given the current economy, I feel fortunate to have any income streams at all. Things will eventually get better for all of us; eventually, I’d like to build a security blanket of substantial savings, buy a tiny home of my own, take nicer vacations and do other things fairly difficult to accomplish while living in expensive NYC. I’m not saying I’m moving away next week, next year or even a few years from now. Just saying, you know, I’m not 100% convinced Manhattan is my permanent home. For now, I’m OK sandwiched in between the hustle and bustle of Manhattan’s most vibrant, crazy streets. I do my best to take full advantage of everything the city has to offer.

Today, I met up with a friend for mimosas and a deep southern brunch at Bone Lick Park. After, we strolled through quaint tree-lined streets in the West Village, drank freshly brewed coffee at  Roasting Plant, gobbled cupcakes at Sweet Revenge and nibbled on stinky cheeses at Murray’s. I LOVE the Village. I snapped pictures the whole day; you can see them on Twitpic. Actually, since it’s time for another Saturday roundup, this time let’s highlight PICTURES.

The beautiful “Manhattan Sunset” above is from photographer Demetrius González. He’s a pro. I’m not. If you’d like to see amateur snapshots of me in goofing off in NY, I’ve got tons of stuff loaded on my Facebook. A few of you (214 to be exact) sent me friend requests. I also owe a some of you emails. Fret not; you are not being ignored. I see you! Sorry for the delay. I’m only one little brown person, and my “To Do” list fills quickly. I’ll get around to it. (For now, other things like “work on my book” and “follow up with student loan deferment/forbearance status” take priority.) Whether we’re already friends on Facebook or not, you can still see how my camera captured the New Island Festival celebrating Holland on the Hudson. There’s also a video of me speaking Dutch while riding a bicycle in a skirt. On Flickr, there are New York-themed pictures from the Harold & Maude at Bryant Park movie night and one of my trips to the The Metropolitan Museum of Art.  If you want to see my other Empire State images, type “in pictures” (in quotes) in the search box located on the upper right corner of Funky Brown Chick.

October 17th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [5] folks got down with the Funky Brown

New York: Concrete Jungle Where Dreams Are Made Of

I’ve been running around like crazy this week and I haven’t posted as much as I’d like to. It’s the city. It’s fast, maddening, weird, fun, exciting and heartbreaking. I’ll be more active on the blog next week. In the meantime … As I mentioned last week, this year’s remaining Saturdays on Funky Brown Chick are dedicated to highlighting your favorite posts. I often forget new people stumble on the site and/or some of the longterm readers may have missed random older stuff. I have nearly 5 years and more than 900+ entries uploaded, and I neatly file everything in categories. Last Saturday’s post linked to readers favorites from the “Dating and Mating” section. Today, in case you missed it, below are a few reader favorite “New York” posts:

Sex & The Blog

In Pictures: Tuesday, November 4, 2008. (Psst! When you vote in New York, you get free condoms.)

Happy New Year, I’m Starting Over!

Greetings from The Empire State!

How To Kiss A Boy and/or a Girl

First Annual Man-Pageant

“A Guide to Embracing Life as a Single …”

Do You Give Good Sexyface?

Interracial Dating: The Brown Chick Who Sometimes Dates White Dudes

And, because I like it and it’s relevant, here’s the MTV VMA clip from native New Yorkers Jay-Z and Alicia Keys’ performance of Empire State of Mind. As a native Midwesterner who moved to the city nearly five years ago, my favorite line from song is: “New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made of. There’s nothin’ you can’t do out of New York. These streets will make you feel brand new. Big lights will inspire you.” So true.

September 26th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [2] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Want to See My Tiny New York Apartment?

Come home with me. Peek inside my bedroom, kitchen / dining area, bathroom and living room. It’s tiny, right? I could get a larger place for cheaper rent in the Bronx or Jersey. But, I’m a single woman who goes out a lot and often doesn’t stumble home until well after 1:00am. Manhattan feels convenient and safe. Of course, the choice to live here comes at a cost — literally and figuratively speaking.

My humble abode is approximately 459 square feet. A walkup, I march up what feels like 2,147 stairs to get there. And, it’s a super quiet building, so everyone hears everything. (I pump the volume on my iTunes when I masturbate so my neighbors won’t know. I also tiptoe when I come home late at night because I don’t want to wake anyone.) Because there are no interior walls, when I’m not sleeping, from my bed I have a clear view of my couch, toilet, kitchen chairs and stove. Having said all of that, for me, I still think the place is actually worth the high rent. It’s clean, safe and smack in the middle of a really cute, tree-lined neighborhood. Plus, I’m only inches away from Central Park. What’s more? I’m filling my counters, drawers and open spaces with a few of my favorite things. Like an original Beatles Album I scored ages ago and fun stuff that reminds me of home. New York, similar to life in general, is about compromise. Liking where I live is about learning to be at peace with what I have and what I don’t. Actually, I highly recommend Apartment Therapy as a really helpful resource in this respect. Their mission:

We believe a calm, healthy, beautiful home is a necessary foundation for happiness and success in the world. Creating this home doesn’t require large amounts of money or space. It requires inspiration, connection to resources and motivation to do something about it. The basic elements of good home design can be learned and achieved by all. Simplicity and luxury are not mutually exclusive.

Great, right? Speaking of New York apartments and stuff, I just plopped down $25 to go to a “Live the Life You Love” panel at Saks Fifth Avenue tonight. (I can walk there! Yet another reason I love my place.) I heard about tonight’s event because it’s sponsored by the group that hooked me up with that hiking trip, Single Edition. The panel discussion will supposedly tell me how to maintain a financially secure household as a single person. I can always use more information about that! I’ll let you know how it goes.

By the way, the pictures above and others on Flickr are “before” images taken three months ago. I’ve made quite a bit of progress, so I’ll post “after” pictures in the weeks and months ahead. I’m still working on my place. So, if you know any other resources for setting up small apartments, please use the comments section below to share!! :)

September 15th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [11] folks got down with the Funky Brown

My Kind of (Home)Town

If Funky Brown Chick posts like Eating Too Much Corn Makes You Goofy and I’m from Illinois, Bitches! didn’t already give it away, I’m from the Midwest. I like to keep up with hometown’s happenings. Perusing online news sites yesterday, I discovered Chicago’s Sear Tower has a new name: Willis Tower. Whatevs. If my know my the second largest city in the US like I think I do, people will keep calling the building by the old name. The Tribune agrees: “On the day that the nation’s tallest building was officially renamed Willis Tower, at least a few Chicagoans were still in the dark — or, at the least, denial — about the skyscraper’s new identity.” The reporter quotes Second City-dweller Sue Becker, 53, who comments, “They still call it Marshall Field’s, so it’s always going to be Sears Tower.” It’s one of the many things I love about my beloved home state: People are less likely to wrapped up in stuff that doesn’t matter. Sure, some big fancy London-based insurance brokerage (Willis Group Holdings, Ltd.) can roll into town and hang its name on one of the city’s favorite buildings, but that doesn’t really “change” anything. It’s still the Sears Tower. God, I love the Midwest.

Next month, I’ll return to Chicago because I’m speaking at BlogHer. (Shout out to my fellow panelists: Laura Roeder, Ree Drummond and Susan Getgood.) It will be good to get out of New York for a bit. Although I often pick on Illinois and mention all the reasons I left it (i.e. it’s more segregated than The Old South, colder than Siberia and located in the middle of fucking nowhere), I don’t spend enough time talking about the handful of things that made me love it while I was there. So, next week, I’ll take you along for a hometown visit. I’ll post pictures of my favorite things, places and foods. Granted, for now, I much prefer living in New York City, but that doesn’t mean Chicago wasn’t a hell of a town.

July 17th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [8] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Do I Belong in New York?

I just took Time Out New York’s “Do you belong in New York City?” quiz. What’s the funny thing about those tests? They (and, at times, the city) leave me jaded. So, then, of course they’re always like: “YAY! YOU’RE JADED!!! YOU BELONG HERE!” Anyway, so, this particular survey is quite interesting. It asks questions like: “You’re in NYC because…” I answer: I didn’t fit in anywhere else, and New Yorkers are the kind of people I feel at home with. They ask: “When a coworker tells you she’s decided to leave New York, your first thought is …” I write: Quitter. They say: “Complete this statement: A successful person is one who …” I respond: … Can make it through the day without yelling cuntface. I’ve finished the test. Results are in, and Time Out New York says:

DO YOU BELONG IN NYC?
Yes, but sometimes you wish there were a better option.
You do love New York, and you fit in here better than you have anywhere else. You’re committed to the city, and you take advantage of all of its amazing food, culture, nightlife and arts. But you have nagging doubts about this relationship. Spend your whole life here? Not sure about that. Sometimes you wonder about that farm in your fantasies or even just a smaller city. But in reality, you know there’s nowhere better. Click here for suggestions about how to really enjoy NYC.

You guys send me emails all the time and, interestingly, I get the “I’m thinking about moving to New York. Any advice?” question quite often. I love New York. That said, I’m probably not the city’s biggest cheerleader because I constantly complain about the cost of living here, the lack of green space, etc. And, I certainly wouldn’t be surprised to find myself living elsewhere (say, I don’t know, Paris? Or, maybe in Amsterdam again?) in the distant future. NYC isn’t the greatest place on earth — it’s just one of them. Anyway. If you’d like to take the quiz yourself. Here’s the the link: Do you belong in New York City?

June 24th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [8] folks got down with the Funky Brown

I Need to Take Better Care of Myself

Yesterday, to relax me, a woman informed me I need to get out of NYC pronto because the world is ending and Manhattan would be underwater no later than December 2009. Wait. Let me give you a bit of backstory … I have a horrible habit of forgetting to pamper myself. I often skip drinking 8 glasses of water per day. Because it’s cold outside, I’m not running as much as I usually do. And, instead of going to bed at a decent hour, I’ve been staying up late and/or wake up early to work on my book (editing, restructuring, strengthening the arc, etc. etc). I need to take better care of myself. So, as a self-congratulatory treat for finishing the first rough draft of my full typescript, I went with two college friends — Mags and Bro — to get a facial and deep tissue massage. (It’s Spa Week in New York.) The facial was awesome; I soooo want to get another one in the future. The woman who massaged me was chatty, friendly and had really strong hands.

I told her I was originally from the Midwest and I’d only lived in New York for a little more than four years. “I’m not sure how long I’ll stay,” I confessed. “I love the city and I certainly feel more at home here than I ever did in Small Town USA. But, I miss having a roomy apartment, greenspace, family and a lot of other things in Illinois that just seemed, you know, healthier. The people were friendlier … more genuine … in the Midwest.”

Her response? “You need to get out of New York!!” She told me I had “demonic” knots in my back and my body was literally shutting down on me due to my fast pace lifestyle in New York. “Save up your money,” she warned, “and use it to move out of this city. I’ve had visions. This place is going to be underwater by the end of the year anyway. Get out while you still can!!!”

Um, okay. Couple thoughts. First: This shit only happens to me. Of course I go in for a relaxing massage only to be told Satan has taken over my back muscles … and, by the way, the world is ending. Second thing: Yes, I’ve not been taking care of myself lately. But, if I’m not doing that in NYC, it’s likely I’ll not do it in other cities too. I need to shift my paradigm about self-care — not just my address. Third thing: It’s important to note this woman isn’t completely looney. New York Post wrote this article about this National Geographic special about Manhattan succumbing to the seas due to a hurricane. But, whatever. Here’s the lesson I’m going to take away from what the masseuse said …

She told me what I needed to hear. You all saw The Matrix, right? There’s this part where Neo goes to see the Oracle. Right after the bald-headed girl says “there is no spoon,” the Oracle tells Neo he’s not the one. Which, of course, isn’t true. So, Neo tells Morpheus and Morpheus writes it off as: “she told you exactly what you needed to hear.”

Should I leave New York? Does Lucifer have a vulcan death grip on my back muscles? Is Manhattan going to be washed away? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe so. Did that woman TOTALLY FUCKING FREAK ME OUT and cause me to re-evaluate how much I am or am not taking care of myself? Yep. Am I going back to my old habit of making healthier life choices because of it? Absolutely.

Ah, if only it weren’t necessary to constantly “relearn” lessons I already learned ages ago …

April 12th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [19] folks got down with the Funky Brown

In Pictures: Tuesday, November 4, 2008

I. Heart. New York. The LGBT community center is a polling place and you can take free “NYC condoms” with you after you vote.

Yeah, I’ll admit it. I almost didn’t vote. The lines for District 104 stretched along 13th street, down 8th Avenue and down 12th Street. Frustrated, I left the line and called Bro saying, “I can’t believe I’m not gonna vote today, but the lines are so ridiculously long. Plus, New York is going to Obama anyway.” Bro cursed, yelled and demanded I get back in line. I Baracked it hard.

Early in the evening watching the votes come in at a bar, a diehard McCain supporter seated to my right smiled smugly as she took off her coat and flaunted her bright red partisan clothing. (I gave her the Evil Death Stare.) A couple hours later all the Barack Obama supporters rushed out of the bar and flooded Times Square. The girl in the red dress put on her coat and, presumably, went home.

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Additional pics — including proof of my newfound love of thigh high stockings — are on my Flickr.

November 5th, 2008 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [13] folks got down with the Funky Brown