Mashable is one of my favorite sites. So, of course I’m super duper thrilled to write for them. My article, Top 5 Online Dating Site Trends, published last night. If you like that piece, you might like my Is Facebook Helping or Hurting Your Love Life? published earlier this year — if you haven’t read that already. In other news, at a fundraiser for the PEN American Center Writers’ Fund, I got an advanced copy of Pomp & Circumstance magazine slipped to me. My sexstrology piece, “Kissing the Zodiac” got published! :) More on that (i.e. list of places where you can buy the mag) coming soon. And, finally, in still other news, I got a tip about a rom com / documentary about black relationships and (gasp, gasp) interracial dating. Oh, you know I’m gonna weigh in on that one. It’s called “Diary of a Tired Black Man,” and the filmmaker ponders whether “black women are simply ‘too angry’ to be datable.” Oh gaaawd. :) More on that in a bit. In the meantime, go check out Mashable. Seriously, if you wanna know the latest and greatest news about the Internet, it’s one of the BEST sites out there.

Technorati Tags: Brown Girls Who Think Pete Cashmore Is Sexeh Club, freelance writing, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, Mashable, online dating, Twanna, Twanna A. Hines, Twanna Hines

I love it when readers email me! In my funky brown inbox, y’all have asked me to write about testicles, online dating DOs and DON’T, the “shocker” (two in the pink … ), vegan sex, guys in thongs, how to know if you should trust a guy you’ve met online and a whole bunch of other stuff. I’ve randomly selected 5 emails. YOU lovely folks get to decide which one gets answered in tomorrow’s post:

EMAIL #1: I LOVE BALLS

From: XXXX
Subject: I Like Your Website
To: funkybrownchick@yahoo.com
Date: Sunday, August 3, 2008, 9:52 PM

Hi Twanna,

Something you wrote made me want to write to you. You have links to a couple of videos on testicular cancer self-exams and you wrote “I love balls.” I really liked this because it seems like whenever I hear a woman say anything about balls, nuts, testicles, or whatever one wants to call them, it’s a negative comment.

Balls don’t seem to play a real active role in the sex act, I know (it depends on how one does it, of course), they just sort of hang there or get swung around or back and forth, but without them, there would be no sex, and no sexual reproduction.

Please, please, please write more positive stuff about the testicles on your website.

Thanks,

XXXX

EMAIL #2 & 3: After Dating Online for Nearly I Decade, I’ve Learned …

To: Funky Brown Chick
From: XXXX
Date: Wed, Jan 16, 2008 at 6:02 PM
Subject: blog idea - what are your online dating rules?

Hi FBC,

Since u’r a old hand (read both FBC and Nerve), could you write about your do’s and dont’s of internet dating. I mean do you go through a long communicardo before meeting etc..? Do you go on instincts or do you have strict rules

XXXX

To: FUNKY BROWN CHICK
From: XXX
Date: Mon, Apr 28, 2008 at 5:07 PM
Subject: dear FBC

Hi!

I’m not sure you have the time to answer emails from your blog readers, but i decided to send one anyway :P

I’m XXXXXXX and I’ve been reading and commenting on you for a few months now. I’ve got a quick question for you: What do you really feel about meeting people through websites like nerve personals? Isn’t it weird?

I’ve just signed in to [an online dating site], and i immediately thought of you. You’re beautiful, smart and fun. Still, you’re willing to meet people online. I’m almost sure i would be mocked if anyone i know found out i put a profile on a meeting website. But i’m not ugly, i’m young, smart and fun, but i can’t seem to find any dates (let alone a boyfriend). So i’ve decided to act on it. But i wanted your advice as well.

kisses

XXXXXX

Email #4: How to Pick Up Black Chicks

From: XXXXXX
Date: Jan 27, 2008 4:56 PM
Subject: Press Release - New Book - “The White Man’s Guide To Dating Black Women”

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

If you’re a White man interested in dating Black women, this book shows you how to make it happen. Learn how Black women think, what they like and don’t like to see in White men, and where and how to go about meeting them. Find out how to cope with public reaction to interracial couples, learn how to counteract the psychological inhibitions that can hold you back from getting involved and understand why those who oppose interracial relationships feel compelled to think and act the way they do. Find out what works and get involved.

Email #5: Let Me See Your Booty Go … That Thong, Thong, Thong, Thong, Thong!!

Date: Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:42:57
From: XXXXXX
To: funkybrownchick@yahoo.com

Hi Twanna,

I stumbled on to your site quite by accident. I find it very entertaining, informative and a bloody good read. Both myself and my partner [redacted] are fans and have added you to our favorites list.

I believe that there are plenty of women who get well turned on by the sight of a “cute thonged up” male bum, butt, buns or whatever you want to call them but wouldn’t admit to it. My [redacted] definitely adores me in mine and buys them for me.

I’ve attached a pic (with [redacted]’s permission) for you. It would be nice to hear back from you but understand that you might be to busy.

Thank you for reading this and we will check out your site regularly.

All the best, cheers.

XXX (englishman living in XXXXX, XX)

There you have it folks! Now, what say you? Which should be tomorrow’s post? Would you rather hear about testicles or, perhaps, male thongs? BONUS: If I write about thongs, the dude gave me permisson to post the picture he attached to his email!!! Or, should I answer the two women and a bunch of others who’ve asked me to share my thoughts about online dating again? Or, would you rather hear my thoughts about interracial dating and the guy’s tips about picking up brown-skinned chicks. Ready. Set. Click the comments link and post your vote!!

——–
Photo credit: Sophie in Quebec uploaded the mailbox photo.

Technorati Tags: black chicks, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, Goldenballs, interracial dating, online dating, testicular lumps, Twanna

I’m single, therefore I date. Sometimes, I date online. I have a Nerve Personals account. (I boycotted eHarmony on principle because I thought they were anti-gay and had a limited view of who’s an acceptable smooching partner.) I’ve also tried Match, Lavalife, Salon and others. Anyway, after years of trial and error, I’ve gained a few insights and charted my own rules of the road when it comes to internet hookups and boyfriend hunting. A couple of you emailed me to ask, basically, “What are some safety tips for online dating sites?” I can’t say what works for everyone; here are five points that work for me:

1. I ignore guys who don’t post photos. Here’s a scenario: I post a pic. The guy doesn’t, but he still emails me and expects me to contact him. Maybe he’s ugly? Maybe he’s married or dating and doesn’t want to run the risk of being “discovered” online? Whatever the case, I’m not contacting him. Internet dating is already shady enough. Who needs random, faceless strangers?
2. I always go with my gut. Can’t really explain this one any more than that. Basically, if I get the feeling that something is off or not quite right about a guy, I trust my intuition.
3. I perform background checks. Facebook, MySpace, Uber, LinkedIn and every other social networking site (and blogs!) are making the small world even smaller. I google the shit out of everyone I date. If someone’s legit, their name, alias, or email address has an online trail somewhere. So, if I do a search and nothing comes up, I take it as a sign that the guy keeps his online persona completely separate from his offline life. Translation: he may be hiding something.
4. I stay really vague. I don’t really owe the guys that I meet online anything up front. If I don’t wanna give up personal information, I don’t. I’m a pro at two things in this area: (a) dodging questions from strangers and (b) kindly telling people when they’ve overstepped my boundaries:

DUDE: So, where do you live?
ME: I’m in the city. How about you?
DUDE: I live in Brooklyn. I used to live in Williamsburg, but then I moved to Fort Greene. Hey, I once saw Rosie Perez walking her dog. That was cool. Anyway, so, I moved again and now I’m over on the other end of Flatbush. I live at 200 Eastern Parkway now. Great area … Wait, where did you say you live?
ME: [smiles, touches dude’s knee under the table] I didn’t.

5. I assume every first online date is a serial killer until they prove themselves differently. Would I meet a serial killer alone in his home? No. Would I tell a serial killer where I worked and lived? Nuh-uh. Would I get into a car alone with a serial killer? No. You get the point. I try to temper Point #5 with Points #2 and #3 so that I don’t come across as I paranoid freakshow. (One could argue that I still come across as a paranoid freakshow anyway. But, that’s fine. I’m okay with that.)

So, that’s all sweeties. How about the rest of you? How often have you dated online? Do you have any additional points, suggestions, advice or funny stories that you’d like to add? If so, stick ‘em in the comments section.

———
Photo credit: Image of lovely, dovey frogs is from Bruno Sersocima in Goiânia, Goias, Brazil.

Technorati Tags: Bruno Sersocima, eharmony, internet safety, Lavalife.com, Match.com, online dating, Salon.com

“The people that I want to date aren’t online,” my friend Veronica responds when I ask her why she won’t try online dating. After thinking for a second, she adds, “I guess the kind of guy that I’m looking for doesn’t need to go online to find dates.” I respect Veronica’s honesty, but I reject the notion that online dating is only for ugly or desperate people. Hell, I’m online. I’m not ugly. And, I’m certainly not desperate. There was a time when online dating probably wasn’t very socially acceptable. But, the way I see it, those days are gone. “Online dating. Offline dating. What’s the difference?” Actually, I’m glad that you’ve asked that question, dear reader, because that’s the topic of my post at Nerve today. See: Online Dating vs. Offline Dating.

[Photo Credit: Salon.com]

Technorati Tags: dating blog, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, online dating, single life, singles