Sexy Schultzy

I meet a lot of men. For example, let’s talk about my guy friend Sexy Schultzy. He’s hot as hell. I met him a few years ago when another guy, Gordon from Changing Rooms, introduced us over drinks at Perdition. I instantly clicked with Schultzy because he is, indeed, a great guy. Perfectly white teeth. Beautiful brown eyes. Smooth skin. Amazing personality. A fellow native Chicagoan, he’s got that down home, Midwesterner sensibility that I miss so much. He’s like the total package. So, of course, he’s already taken. They always are.

Anyway, so, when Schultzy was single, he did everything right — i.e. he got more dates on a regular basis. Technically, he’s still “single” because he’s not married, but he’s sticking (literally) with one person now. We both got tired and frustrated with mini-term dates and disappearing men. The difference? He found someone. So, he left the dating world, and now he’s devoted to his lover. I haven’t found anyone. I’m still living in crazyland.

Table for two. Last Thursday, lunch at Django. “You realize this is the first time we’ve seen each other during the daytime?” Schultzy says as he flashes a grin. I smile back because he’s right. We usually meet up & catch up over evening drinks or bump into each other at random parties. I used to think I was in lust/love with him. But, I now know I don’t want to fuck with him, I want to be him. So, I tell him, “I want your life” as I shovel food in my mouth. “How are our lives any different?” he asks as he balances food on his fork. “You’re doing well in your career. You’re going after what you want. You’re happy, too. Seriously, besides my relationship, how am I any different from you?” he asks. I tell him that relationships are like multipliers. It’s the thing you add to your life that affects everything else. Finances are better when two people split the bills. Vacations are sweeter when sharing the hotel bed with a plaything. Stress is tempered when you can bitch about it to a caring ear. Sex is (often) better when it’s with a real penis, not a vibrator. Leaving the dildo behind, Schultz gets it.

I understand men. He understands them better. He pauses and sips his drink before saying it: “Do you think guys are intimidated by you?” Schultzy tells me he could see how my larger-than-life personality possibly attracts men then scares them off. “But, don’t change,” he says. “You’re perfect as you are. I think it’s just a matter of finding the right guy who’s strong and secure enough to handle you.” I know what he’s talking about, and I’ve heard this before. I’m extroverted, driven in my career and I write about sex & dating. Some guys aren’t down with any of that. But, gender politics and other bullshit aside, I still want a date. That might sound lame or needy, but I can’t help the way I feel.

Schultzy and I eventually end our lunch. Hours later, he sends me an email.

FROM: <xxx@xxx.com>
TO: Twanna <funkybrownchick@yahoo.com>
DATE: Thu, May 22, 2008 at 7:40 PM
SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Re: Lunch at Django?

Damn sexy lunch, thanks for gracing me with your presence…until we lunch again…

I take what I said earlier back. Maybe I do wanna fuck Schultzy. ;) What??? I’m kidding. Kidding!! On a more serious note, I am sooooooo ridiculously grateful and thankful for the friends I’ve made in New York. Now, let’s get off of my life for a moment and talk about dating in general. Schultzy and I automatically assume that some men are intimidated by outgoing women. Tell me: Do you agree? If so, which women intimidate men the most and/or which men are the most likely to be intimidated by women? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section below.

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Photo credit: Image of boxing gloves by Jean Scheijen. Maastricht, The Netherlands.

Technorati Tags: dating, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, Gordon Whistance, relationships, sex, Sexy Schultzy, Twanna A. Hines

{ 33 folks got down with the Funky Brown }