A man in Japan, Taichi Takashita, wants to marry a cartoon. “I am no longer interested in three dimensions,” he explains. “I would even like to become a resident of the two-dimensional world.” Read the full story. It’s easy to write off this “news” as nonsense, but I can totally see where this is headed. Follow me for second. Taichi doesn’t feel at home in the 3-D world, right? He’s not alone. The dudes with the real dolls, those lovely plastic fuckers, would probably like to marry their “chicks” too. Okay, so, remember how I said Kim Cattrall (Sex and the City’s Samantha Jones) was the original real doll because she was in that 1980s movie Mannequin? Apparently EVERYTHING comes from the 80s — even toon love.

Here’s a question for you: WHO should or should not be allowed to get married? Should the the dude in Japan be allowed to make his caricature caring official? Here’s my opinion if you care to know it: marriage is the (completely unnecessary) legal union of two (or more) consenting adults of sound mind. That 16-year-old British chick who wed in a “big ol’ white rhinestoned bra with flank-baring bodice“? I think she’s too young to be considered an adult. (Whether or not she’s of sound mind isn’t for me to judge.) Taichi and his cartoon? If he likes to get down with girls who are bad and drawn that way, that’s fine. But, the object of his desire can’t consent. So, no, I don’t think he should be allowed to marry. That’s my $0.02. Please us the comment section to share yours.

Technorati Tags: 1980s, A-ha, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, gay marriage, marriage, Missy Quinn, real dolls, sex dolls, single life, Taichi Takashita, Take On Me, Twanna, Twanna A. Hines, Twanna Hines

Given our recent discussion (see: Monday’s comments section) about single life, I thought I’d share a New York Times article excerpt with y’all:

[A] new Web site, SingleEdition.com, wants nothing more than to embrace [singles]. And unlike dating sites that treat being single as a predicament, this one celebrates flying solo, and offers shopping, financial and other advice to help them do so with pride.

“If you Google the term ‘single,’ all that comes up is dating, dating, dating,” said Sherri Langburt, a founder of SingleEdition.com. “But what we’re saying is there’s a whole other realm of things that go on for a single person that are not dating.”

Articles on the site give advice on how to entertain in small apartments (have cheese- or chocolate-tasting parties instead of sit-down meals), how to cook for one (try freezing homemade soup in ice trays to simplify defrosting single portions) and how to select gifts for other singles (perhaps an audio book or a G.P.S. device to help a solo driver).

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Swing over to SingleEdition.com for all kinds of great info about you own personal table for one. Ah, the singles life. I have my ups and down. I make mistakes. I sometimes feel lonely. I date men I probably shouldn’t, and I think I self-sabotage relationships without even knowing that I’m doing until months (sometimes years) later. That said, I still wouldn’t trade my single and dating life for anyone else’s. So, if you like SingleEdition.com, check out my Q&A interview. Yep, they got down with the funky brown!!!! Read: Chocolate, wine tasting and museum visits. No wonder Twanna has fallen in love with single living! And, speaking of chocolate, tonight I’ve been invited to a special chocolate tasting down by Wall Street. Yum! Wanna come? I’ll Twitter the details. Follow along with me.

Technorati Tags: New York, New York Times, Sherri Langburt, Single Edition, single life, single women, singles, singles in NYC

I got “engaged” in Austin last week. I’ll call my “fiance” Sweet-Faced, Bearded Kid. We met while sipping free beers at SXSW. Small talk ensued, and Facebook came up. “Everyone puts their relationship status on there,” he said while stroking his full beard. “Hell,” I told Sweet-Faced, Bearded Kid, “you could go back to your hotel room and update your profile to say: ‘I just got married to funkybrownchick.’ It would be ‘true’ just because it was on Facebook. That’s how powerful that site has become.” He slid his glasses further up his face, flashed his sexy dimples with a smile and said, “I’m gonna do that.” Oh, how this fit cougar loves spry cubs. “Yes,” I winked at him. “You should do that.” And so he did. We made it Facebook official:

SWEET-FACED, BEARDED KID is listed as engaged to FUNKYBROWNCHICK.

People who know me well know that I’m childfree and pro-single. So, my friends were kinda unsettled about the quote quote engagement. “Whaa??” my friend Julie asked. My writing group pal Joe mentioned: “I saw on your Facebook page that you’re engaged. Is this true or are you simply engaging?” Apparently, Sweet-Faced Bearded Kid’s amigos were equally suspicious. “Dude, you’re killing me,” one of his buds scribbled on his Facebook wall. “It’s like the Eiger getting married. And the Eiger DOESN’T get married.” Needless to say, funkybrownchick doesn’t get betrothed either. We aren’t really saddling up — only on Facebook, for one hot moment. ;)

Since it wouldn’t be prudent to plaster Sweet-Faced, Bearded Kid’s photo on my blog sans permission, I can’t really make him today’s Manly Monday pick. Instead, we’ll tackle a testosterone-specific question. Given that hetero guys propose to women more often than vice versa, what’s the best way for a man to propose? Askmen.com’s peculiar article titled The Perfect Proposal includes suggestions like: post the proposal on a billboard, flee to Niagara Falls, ask a radio announcer to do a special dedication, and/or pop the question while you’re, um, you know, poppin’ her. “Imagine your woman climaxing physically and emotionally. She is not likely to forget that day anytime soon.” Their readers’ responses?

• Matt: Dude..I wouldn’t wish these ideas on my worst enemy…
• MK: I wouldn’t say that they’re “bad” ideas, but for the most part they’re not good either.
• Sergeant’s Little Princess: I seriously do not suggest doing the majority of these. Some of them are ok, but most are downright horrible.
• sara: wow def the wrong advice to give guys…all these ideas are terrible …
• ashley: ummm when I read this I thought it as a joke. No really…. these are horrible ideas. No offense but I mean are you serious? It reminds me kind of that episode of the fresh prince of Bel Air when that guy tries to propose to hillary when he sky dived and accidently died. But the whole thing was a joke? I think this is really silly. come on…
• skrooyu: you are all idiots. I’m emberassed to have looked at this website. Do you all realize how dumb you are, or is that also beyond all contemplation?

Anywho. Interestingly enough, About.com has pretty good suggestions. (For the record, no, I’m not being paid to mention their site.) Explain why you want to marry her, they suggest. “Don’t just utter those 4 little words, tell her why she’s the one for you, what marriage means to you, and what your hopes for the future are.” Sounds like solid advice for the marriage-minded. Other About.com tips? Don’t “hide the engagement ring in food” or “propose at a sports game” but do “make it intimate and personal thing … you’ve only got one engagement moment.” So, now it’s your turn dear readers. Feel free to share any tips, suggestions, advice or great proposal stories in the comments section.

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Photo credit: Ring pic is by Jenny Rollo. Sydney, NSW, Australia

Technorati Tags: childfree, dating blog, engagements, funkybrownchick, how to propose, single life, singles, SXSW

I’d never met anyone who had actually stoned someone until I met A.J. Jacobs. Rewind a week or so. I’m at an Upright Citizen’s Brigade event presented by former Daily Show and Colbert Report executive producer Ben Karlin. Actress/comedian/Brooklynite Kristen Schaal hosts. Fountains of Wayne supply the live tunes. About half way into the night, this cute little Jewish writer with a head topped with dark wavy curls walks up to the stage and immediately puts the audience “there.” We’re in the story, laughing along and rooting for him. From Things I’ve Learned From Women Who’ve Dumped Me, he reads a passage about a dirty girl who captured his heart ages ago. If I remember the pages correctly, the diva had outrageous hair and wore animal print clothing. She sounded like the kind of woman I’d chase if I were a lesbian (or a man). I like bad girls. In any case, A.J. continues reading about the chick and you *totally* relate to the story because you’ve either lived it or know someone who has. He’s the sweet, unassuming and grounded guy. Kind of like calming waters, right? She’s a firecracker looking for a match to ignite her. The attraction was probably mutual, instant and doomed from the start. “So, that’s what happened?” you might be wondering. “She dumped him, so he fucking stoned her?” Uh-uh. Wrong hardcover. Jacobs also wrote The Year of Living Biblically. A “reverent agnostic,” he grew his beard, stoned a man and performed other religious feats.

I tracked him down at a recent event and kindly asked him to sign my copy of his book. As he obliged, I crimped my fingers against either sides of his face below the eyes. He blushed at the cheek pinch, and I’m pretty convinced the man thinks I’m a certifiable nutcase now. In any case, A.J. Jacobs is this week’s Manly Monday Testicle-Driven Tuesday pick. “Hey,” you ask, “in the beginning of this post, you mentioned he had a girl with leopard-print duds. Whatever happened to her?” Dunno. They parted ways. But not to worry; Jacobs eventually found his life partner. They live together in Manhattan where Jacobs recently spent ninety-three minutes wearing a “polka-dotted breast-feeding pillow” to feed one of his three sons soy-spike formula.

Here’s a question for this lovely Tuesday: Is it true that good guys are drawn to “bad girl” girlfriend, but they settle down with women they think would make “good girl” wives? (For the flipside, is it true that good girls are drawn to “bad boy” boyfriends, but they settle down with men they think would make “good” husbands?) Feel free to use the comments section below to share your opinion.

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Photo credit: Images appear online at Simon & Schuster
Related link: My Life as a Hot Woman by A.J. Jacobs

Technorati Tags: AJ Jacobs, bad girls, dating blog, dirty girls, Esquire, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, single life, singles, The Know-it All, The Year of Living Bibically

So you like quickies, right? I’m walking out of my apartment, and I don’t have time to write a full post. Just wanted to respond to folks who emailed me asking about Time Out New York. Yes, I noticed the newest issue is the “Singles Issue.” Yes, I looked at Julia Allison’s cleavage splashed across the cover. And, yes, I’m going to write a commentary on the mag like I did the last time they did a singles issue. In the meantime, for those of you who haven’t already, be sure to pick up a copy of Time Out at your nearest newsstand or read it online. Great articles. Tons of good stuff about sex, dating, relationships, and the rest of the earth’s best goodies.

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Photo credit: Magazine cover image appears at TimeOut.com/newyork

Technorati Tags: Julia Allison, single life, singles, Time Out New York

Ooooh! I *LOVE* Time Out New York!!! They recently said, “In the Flesh erotic reading series at Happy Ending on Jan 17 will give you plenty of aural pleasure.” I’m reading there tonight. If you live in New York, come, come, come!!! Show starts at 8:00pm at Happy Ending, 302 Broome St. between Forsyth and Eldridge. I think I’m first after the break. Arrive early if you wanna grab a seat. The place always gets super-duper crowded. Rachel Kramer Bussel (Lusty Lady blog, editor of Best Sex Writing 2008, Hide and Seek, Sex and Candy) hosts. My fellow readers include:

• Dashiell, Fleshbot [NSFW]
• Nichelle Stephens, nichellenewsletter.typepad.com
• Martha Burzynski, Alice Ayers
• Allison Bojarski, crossfitnyc.com
• Lolita Wolf, lolitawolf.blogspot.com
• Jen Dziura, jenisfamous.com. RANDOM SIDENOTE: New York is such a small fucking town; I interviewed Jen D. for a Gen Art Pulse article a short while back. See “Lip-Smacking Good“

I’m a little nervous about tonight. Not sure why; I’m only sharing details about my sex life with coworkers, close friends, acquaintances and complete strangers. What’s there to be nervous about? ;) Not sure which piece to do for the show. My favorites are the goofy/funny ones. But, here’s the thing … Should I read a piece that’s “MORE funny and LESS sexy” or “LESS sexy and MORE funny”. It’s an erotic reading series so it makes sense to side with sexy. On the other hand, it’s at a bar and we’re all gonna be a little boozy. So, maybe funny makes sense. Hmmm … Funny or sexy? Feel free to use the comment section to place your votes and/or wish me luck!

Technorati Tags: Allison Bojarski, Dashiell, dating blog, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, In the Flesh Erotic Reading Series, Jen Dziura, Lolita Wolf, Martha Burzynski, Nichelle Stephens, single life, singles

I’ll admit it. I’ve faked it on more than one occasion. I used to fake it on a regular basis with one ex in particular. Hindsight is always 20/20. Thinking back now, my own pleasure — not my ex’s ego — should have been my primary concern . I was quite a bit younger back then than I am now. I didn’t know any better. I kind of just assumed that every woman faked orgasms at some point or another in the long run. There’s no way in hell I’d suffer through such an extended lack of pleasure now; I’m much more expressive about my needs. In any case, if you missed my post at Nerve the other day, you can still read what I wrote about orgasms by clicking here.

Technorati Tags: dating blog, faking orgasms, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, single life, singles

For a moment, imagine that websites can have sex with each other. If YouTube was to stick its penis into a dating column, together they would have a little baby called Blabbermash. Created by Michael Alvear — the sex & relationship columnist / author who co-hosts HBO’s The Sex Inspectors — Blabbermash is a site that allows users to post videos in which they “blabber” about their dating problems and give others dating & sex advice. Sounds brilliant, no? I had so much fun getting naked for my first YouTube video that I’ve decided to do it again. Here come the sex (talk) tapes!

Speaking of the internet, expect a new post from me over at Nerve magazine’s site sometime later today. I’ve been a bit busier than usual because I’ve taking this really great writing class here in the city. I’m extremely appreciative of all of the feedback that I’ve received from my instructor and classmates. Seriously. So far, the constructive criticism has been amazing! I have yet to receive any of the precious jewels that Robert Hinderliter received when he took a writing class (e.g. a fellow student once told him: “You have managed to coldly and persistently rape the English language for 17 pages. Congratulations.”) Yeah, I’m holding out for THAT literary shit. Hopefully, my fellow classmates won’t let me down.

Technorati Tags: dating blog, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, naked, sex tape, single life, singles, YouTube