Steve Harvey

WTF? OMG! Single Black Women Are Gonna Die Alone

Apr 122010

Shall we chat about that ever-shrinking, teeny pool of eligible black men available to successful black women? :) Have you seen the news headlines? ABC news: Why Can’t a Successful Black Woman Find a Man? The Washington Post: Single Black Women Being Urged to Date Outside Race (read: because there aren’t enough good black men). The New York Times says Black Women See Fewer Black Men at the Altar. The Economist writes about Sex and the single black woman. And, Nightline did a full segment on it. THE WRITING IS ON THE WALL, PEOPLE!!!! Successful, single black women are on the fasttrack to spinsterhood. We’ll soon all die alone among legions of house casts lapping up Fancy Feasts of our dead flesh. Or, um, something like that. YeahÂ ;)

I’m interested in these headlines because, of course, I’m a single black woman. Needless to say, NO ONE wants to believe they’re going to die unloved and alone. So, though I’ve been reading this stuff, I don’t get totally freaked out because: I haven’t always been single; intuitively, I know I won’t be on my own forever; I’d like to cohabit (not marry) anyway; and, I’m okay being solo for the moment. That aside, I don’t think the authors of these articles have me in mind anyway. Because, afterall, I’m not a black woman who limits my dating pool exclusively to black men. There are tons of sexy & eligible black, Latino, white, Desi and Asian dudes. Mmmmm, yeah, don’t EVEN get me started on how much I drool over Jon Yongfook. Remember, he was a Testicle Tuesday pick about 16 months ago? Hot. Someone move that boy to New York!!! Anywho. Where was I? Oh, yes. Single black women.

A few of you — male & female, black, white and other — emailed me to ask what I think about the recent media coverage re: Said Plight of Black Women. I’m working on a piece about it. In the meantime, instead of summarizing those thoughts here, you can read what IÂ — along with a fabulous group of women including Latoya Peterson, Abiola Abrams and Sista Toldjah – said when asked: What the hell is up with all these articles about successful, manless black women?! Read Jezebel‘s Steve Harvey Joins Lori Gottlieb, Tells Women To Just Settle Already.

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Single Ladies image by Daniela Moreno for Felipe Beiza.

Do I Sound Black?

News and Politics 27 Responses »

Mar 062009

A couple months ago, a fellow brown-skinned black woman in media casually told me black people don’t have sex. Well, technically, she said: “Your site’s not really a site about black issues.” I write about sex, dating, relationships and other stuff. My recent posts cover topics like to breed or not to breed, birth control and recommendations for top-selling dating books (including Steve Harvey’s Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man). So, if talking about that stuff means my site’s “not black” that’s like saying “black sites” and “sex sites” are mutually exclusive — i.e. black people don’t have sex. No one told my vagina the news!! :)

It’s been said, “[b]lack is not just a skin color; it’s a quality of voice.” Tony Award-winning performer Sarah Jones and linguist John McWhorter talk about this topic further on PRI & WNYC’s “Studio 360 with Kurt Andersen” clip below. (Produced by Studio 360′s Derek John.)

Audio URL: http://audio.wnyc.org/studio/studio102408c.mp3

Nearly four years ago, I launched my site and named it Funky Brown Chick. I might move to a different city, switch up my profession or make other changes in my life, but three things will always stay the same. I’m always going to be funky. Before I was born, the word for people who looked like me morphed from “colored” to “black.” Lately, it’s African American. And, it likely the name will change again. Nevertheless, I’m always going to have brown skin. And, I’m always going to be “chicky.” I’ve been a funky brown chick since birth. I’ll still be a funky brown chick in the future.

No one needs to tell me I’m black because I already know that. So, here’s a wacky concept: It’s quite possible the sound of one’s voice — just as their chosen profession (e.g. sex/relationship writing) — doesn’t always clue you in about the person’s internal views about self-identity. Here’s an even MORE insane thought: Why don’t we agree all people are allowed to speak, write about topics, think and act as they please — no matter what they look like. I know, I know. It’s a downright kooky idea. Just saying.

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Hear my voice: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0l9Z0f4fqI