Good Sex Is Still Just Sex

 Sex  12 Responses »
Dec 292011
 

It’s been months since I’ve had contact with or enjoyed the New York dude’s penis. I miss it very much. But, not enough to have it again. Ah, if only the guy attached to it was a better person for me :(  Usually, when I don’t update my site for several weeks, I’m either enjoying a private love affair about which I don’t want to write, or I’m busy working. For much of the Autumn / Winter, I was doing both. For more regular updates, find me on Facebook and Twitter.

Back to the guy.

I love friendships with men because they give me: (1) a guy’s perspective on things and (2) a stable selection of fuck buddies whenever I need one. In conversation with a guy friend / fuck buddy I’ve known for a couple years, I confessed, “I stayed in my most recent relationship, even though I had doubts about him since the beginning, because I was lonely and the sex was good.” The guy friend reminded me, “Well, if you’re looking for good sex …” We joked around a bit. Eventually, he slipped back into supportive friend mode — returning to what I said about staying with the guy I dated. “Those two things aren’t a good reason for staying in a relationship.” He paused. “You knew that, of course.”

I did. I still do.

Sex Shop Kino

I’m not sure what’s in store for my sex & dating life in 2012. But I — like many of you who are single out there — truly believe somewhere, somewhere, I will find someone to love me for who I am. Again. I’ve had great relationships in the past, mostly pre-New York. I have no reason to believe I won’t have them again. I deserve it. So, I leave you today with this parting thought from my pal Natalie Lue‘s relationships site: “Every time you say YES to an unhealthy situation, or continue to participate in it once it becomes apparent that it’s not what you thought it was or could be and is in fact unhealthy, you’re saying NO to a healthy relationship and essentially making yourself *unavailable*.”

Here’s to being more available in 2012.

Boobs, Blood and Bonding

 Relationships  4 Responses »
Aug 292011
 

I survived what New Yorkers have called “Minor Inconvenience Irene.” Hardwood floors lining my apartment didn’t flow water nor did wind hurl elderly maple branches through my car’s rear window. A bloody right shin was my only hurricane-inspired personal injury — a result of a botched singlefoot, livingroom-to-kitchen sprint to grab frozen cookie dough from the freezer. Hardly a tragedy.

Irenejury

In fact, I spent a pleasurable weekend in Brooklyn at a small, extended Hurricane Party — one dude, three girls. No sex. No juicy masturbation stories. No boobgrabs. Just plain, old-fashioned quality time with friends. Sitting next to each other on the floor, we enjoyed Scrabble, Spades (I had several Aâ™ s — sometimes in the same hand!), salmon burgers,  Kosher chocolate cake from a local Jewish bakery with a Rabbinically supervised kitchen,  Tarot cards, and shots upon shots of whiskey / picklebacks.

One of my favorite parts of the weekend? Semi-sober, we watched Manchester United kill Arsenal 8:2  at one of Brooklyn’s finest soccer bars, Woodwork. It was great because exactly none of these particular friends were soccer fans. They tagged along because the venue served food, and they knew I wanted to see the game. Aww, buddies! It was like an old-school 24+ hour slumber party (plus, you know, soccer). I think my soul really needed it.

I often yearn for a sense of “belonging” in New York. Without current property, family, or a steady relationship here, I don’t necessarily feel anchored. When a friend recently asked, “What’s keeping you here?,” my answer was “nothing.” So, while I’m in New York — whether for the next 24 months or 24 years — I enjoy the hell out of it. I go out. A lot. But, I’m also learning to enjoy time at home. It’s hard to strike the right a balance and, sometimes, I feel lonely — especially when faced with the prospect of mid-hurricane solitude in a tiny box apartment without power. To quote the 90s film SINGLES, “People need people [...] It has nothing to do with sex. OK, maybe 40 percent. 60 percent. Forget it.”  :)

To the three platonic friends who shared low-key but quality time with me this weekend, Thank You.

How to Give Yourself an Orgasm

 Sex  5 Responses »
Aug 172011
 

“Unlike sex, when it comes to credit cards, I don’t remember my first.” That’s the opener to Rachel’s piece It Happened to Me: I Declared Bankruptcy. Speaking of firsts, in case you missed it, from the show Fourplay TV, here’s a clip about the first time I came. It includes tips for female vaginal orgasms. Hint: Buy a sex toy.

Orgasm

If that fails, the delicious cocktail The Orgasm, is quite delicious, too! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orgasm_%28cocktail%29

FourPlay: Orgasm In A Box (For Her)

 Relationships  19 Responses »
Mar 012011
 

Fourplay: Diana Falzone, Twanna Hines, Jen Kwok and Sara Benincasa

From Left to Right: Diana Falzone, me, Jen Kwok and Sara Benincasa. 4 women. 4 women. To use an analogy, think of it this way … The show I mentioned yesterday, The Late Sex Show with Twanna Hines, is late-night TV meets sex education (with a solo instructor). FourPlay is “The View” for sex toys.

From the website: “FourPlay is an engaging new web series that hits the sweet spot with four unique women taking you deep inside the world of sex toys and gadgets. Each episode of FourPlay features stimulating conversation, passionate opinions and hands-on reviews that inform while they entertain. Aimed at women who want reliable guidance and advice on a topic too often swept under the rug, FourPlay is ‘The View’ for sex toys.”

Fourplay: Twanna A. Hines

“Do You Like To Watch?”

 Passions  12 Responses »
Mar 012011
 

MaskWhen the New York Times called independent television “a colorful circus parade of often self-indulgent, occasionally incomprehensible entertainment,” I knew I belonged there ;) First, let me back up a bit. To those of you who saw the cryptic password-protected post on my site the other day, ugh, sorry about that! When I temporarily uploaded files to FUNKY BROWN CHICK®, I didn’t know e-subscribers would be sent the private post. So, although I’m not making the official announcement until next month, it probably makes sense to explain what’s going on … I have a new television show. And a web series. The Late Sex Show with Twanna Hines and FourPlay.

Premiering Spring 2011, The Late Sex Show with Twanna Hines (or LATE SEX WITH TWANNA for short) is a late-night television series airing Fridays at 2:00 a.m. ET on MNN — the independent television network that serves up Democracy Now!, GritTV, GayUSA and others.

The tagline: Do you like to watch? It’s been more than a year in the making. As a creative person, New York is a hard city if you’re single, paying your way and aren’t propped up by benefactors (i.e. parents, lovers, spouses, etc.) who take care of your bills. I’ve been doing it for nearly six years. And, I’m so inspired by people like Baratunde, Rach, Dacia and others who successfully blend full-time employment with various creative endeavors. Baratunde is a comedian and political commentator who — along with sharing the good news about his TV show throughout India and Eastern Europe — is the fulltime Director of Digital for The Onion. Rach works fulltime as Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations AND she edits smart books about sex AND she runs a cupcake blog that’s been mentioned in the New York Times AND she does way too many other things to count. Ditto for Dacia. She’s a fulltime International Women’s Health Coalition employee who also consults for the Global Network of Sex Work Projects and leads annual media training workshops with Sex Work Awareness.

I don’t think being well rounded requires being distracted from earning a decent living. On the contrary, I genuinely believe following our passions feeds our souls — which, in the long run, makes us happier people at work, in friendships and within relationships. I remember the first time I dated a guy who asked about my hobbies and wanted to know what I did for fun. At the time, I felt awkward answering him because I wasn’t doing anything special with my time. It was college. I basically read Kant and drank booze. Granted, I still read and drink (not usually at the same time), but I do other things as well. For example, starting this Spring for exactly one precious night a week, I’ll appear on television screens across Manhattan to talk about sexual & reproductive health / rights. Expect it to be lighthearted, upbeat, educational and fun. I’ll keep you guys posted on the developments. Speaking of new things … I’m equally, if not more, excited to share the good news about FourPlay!!!!! Writing a post about it now & I’ll include one of the mini-episodes. Stay tuned!

Film Review: ORGASM INC by Liz Canner

 Culture  8 Responses »
Feb 162011
 

Hello, lovers! So much has happened since you and I last spoke. Most of it’s private, hence I was light on posting. If you crave heavier FUNKY BROWN CHICK® doses, you can usually find me online somewhere on any given day — whether uploading Facebook photos with JohnJude at Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week – New York 2011 or posting a YouTube video taking clothes off and putting them back on. Link up to stay in touch. To those of you who have already reached out and/or connected elsewhere, I see your mentions, likes, comments, retweets, emails, etc. Sincerest gratitude for your support.

In 2005, I started writing about sex and healthy relationships on FUNKY BROWN CHICK® because I wanted to create a space where anyone could feel free to share frank, intelligent, adult conversations. Marriage. Loneliness. Bisexual men. Male genital mutilation. Intersex children. Interracial dating. Any time anyone stumbles upon something I’ve written that inspires them or makes them think differently, that makes me happy. Over the past (nearly) six years, I’ve enjoyed crafting 1,000+ posts. And, I look forward to sharing even more in the days, weeks and years to come.

DoppelgängerSpeaking of coming, I recently saw Liz Canner’s film, ORGASM INC. Big pharma has been itching to get inside women’s panties for ages. Four years ago, I wrote about Procter & Gamble’s horny hustle. See:  Intrinsa Wants to Make Women Horny. A former porn editor for pill-pusher for Vivus, ORGASM INC director Canner shows various Female Sexual Dysfunction (FSD) “treatments” — including Intrinsa, surgically inserting crap against your spine, slashing ladybits and gulping experimental hormones. Though some of the movie’s graphics are a bit choppy and distracting, ORGASM INC still delivers an important, thought-provoking exploration of sex and medicine. See it.

I’m kind of a film nut, so I watch more movies than most. That said, I’ve not yet seen KING’S SPEECH, THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT or TRUE GRIT. If you’ve seen any of them, share your thoughts. Feel free to leave other movie suggestions — or your mini film review of ORGASM INC if you’ve already seen it — in the comments section.

Movie Review: Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis Are Frenemies with Benefits In BLACK SWAN

 Culture  27 Responses »
Dec 062010
 

Black Swan

First, an update. I’m ridiculously grateful. In recent weeks, new creative opportunities came my way — hence, the light blogging as I got everything sorted out. Expect exciting announcements in early 2011. In the meantime, on with our regularly scheduled program at FUNKY BROWN CHICK®. I recently saw director Darren Aronofsky’s flick BLACK SWAN starring Natalie Portman. If you’ve not yet seen it, here’s the trailer. As others have noted, it’s basically an arthouse version of Showgirls — but better. Waaaaay better. The film’s plot cleverly mirrors the ballet’s storyline. Nina (Natalie Portman) is a frigid ballerina in Manhattan who dances the lead role in Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake. Her rival, Lily (Mila Kunis), vies to take her spot. Porny/Showgirls infusions include a Natalie Portman who CANNOT STOP MASTURBATING. Plus, there’s a girl-on-girl action shot when the Baywatch chick (Kunis) goes down on Nina. Current.com calls them frenemies with benefits.

The script contains several winning quotes. When Nina (Portman) replaces Beth (Winona Ryder) as head dancer and pilfers her dressing room, Ryder — previously arrested for shoplifting at Saks Fifth Avenue — indignantly lips the line: You stole my stuff?! Another great one? The sexy Thomas Leroy (Vincent Cassel), points to uptight Nina and asks a male ballerina, Would you fuck that girl? When he doesn’t answer, Thomas’ heavy French accents drips: Exactly. No one would. Speaking of Vincent Cassels — because BLACK SWAN convinced me I soooo need to look at his face more often — I recently streamed IRREVERSIBLE on Netflix. Um, big mistake. That movie was so gratuitously and destructively violent I actually watched YouTube clips of dolphins and a kitty & a furry little puppy licking each other to get it out of my head. Fuck, man. Seriously. It’s intense. In any case … Back to BLACK SWAN.

Seeing Nina and Lily’s relationship on the screen, I thought about how women interact in friendships compared to men. A frenemy, according to Wikipedia, is “an enemy disguised as a friend” or “a partner who is simultaneously a competitor and rival.” Jumping off the screen and going elsewhere in Hollywood, it’s been alleged Eva Longoria is divorcing Tony Parker due to his sexting relationship with Erin Barry –wife of Tony’s former NBA teammate. That sucks because Eva & Erin were girlfriends, and Tony & Brent were dude friends. Here’s a photo of the smiling foursome paling around before all this shit went down. My thoughts? (1) I read too much celebrity gossip news. (2) Question: Are women more likely to be competitive with each other than men are — à la Natalie Portman & Mila Kunis in BLACK SWAN? Or, does competition among women simply manifest itself differently? Let’s chew on that in the comments section.

The Onion’s Article about New Yorkers

 New York Stories  15 Responses »
Sep 072010
 

I try to live each year in Manhattan as if it’s my last one here. Because, one day, it will be. On my Facebook, I shared The Onion article 8.4 Million New Yorkers Suddenly Realize New York City A Horrible Place To Live, and I’ve also seen it spreading online faster than herpes. It’s a satirical piece, but I think it struck a chord with many of the other 117,000+ people who shared the link on Facebook. From the piece: “I always had this perverted sense of pride because I was managing to scrape by here,” said Brooklyn resident Andrew McQuade, who, after watching two subway rats gnawing on a third bloody rat carcass, finally determined that New York City was a giant sprawling cancer. “Well, fuck that. I don’t need to pay $2,000 a month to share a doghouse-sized apartment with some random Craigslist dipshit to prove my worth. I want to live like a goddamn human being.”

I adore this city. I do. Seriously, there are millions of reasons to love New York. At the same time, I miss some of the “quality of life” things this city doesn’t offer very well: quick access to nature, healthy outdoor air quality, large living spaces, opportunities to see the people I care about on a more regular basis, the ability to save tremendous amounts of cash instead of flushing it down the drain for rent, etc., etc. Funny enough, people say my ambivalence about living here — instead of a newbie’s affection for it — makes me a real New Yorker. It’s kind of like how all those French people who complain about Paris are still Parisians.

Hot Chick

For now, I’m soaking up the best of NYC. I spent my sixth New York Labor Day Weekend sitting in the city’s best parks, dropping by world-class cultural attractions, brunching with friends and enjoying much needed time off. I went with David to the Metropolitan Opera to watch a 2010 Summer HD Festival free screening of La Boeheme. (If you’re in the city and free tonight, they’re showing Carmen.) Friday, I went to Brooklyn with Rach, Shoshi and Stacie for Desiree’s homemade cheese biscuits, heirloom salad and mussels. Pear martinis flowed freely and, during some point that evening, I did a dramatic rendition of Beyoncé’s performance in Obsessed. Saturday and Sunday was for brunching with Karlyn, John, Matt and Julia as well as hanging in Central Park. Will I still live here when I’m a 40, 60 or even 70-year-old woman (rocking legs like Tina Turner, I hope). Who knows. Anyway. Just a random rant I wanted to get off my chest. Hope you all enjoyed pleasant Labor Day weekends. More soon.

————-
Image credit: Erin Pettigrew

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