“The Museum of Modern Art (MoMA) was founded in 1929 and is often recognized as the most influential museum of modern art in the world.” Hot damn, I love this place! When I moved to New York four years ago, I always went to MoMA, saw off-Broadway shows and did other stuff tourists do more than locals.

Last week, in an attempt to take advantage of my city more, I saw the Marlene Dumas: Measuring Your Own Grave exhibition with Rachel, Sara and Sara’s boyfriend. If you’re simply interested in Dumas’ stuff, you can read about her online at London’s Saatchi Gallery. If you live in New York, it’s worth the trip to MoMA. (Psssst, I hear the Met’s Art and Love in Renaissance Italy exhibition is good, too. It’s on ’till February 16th.)

Technorati Tags: art, Art and Love in Renaissance Italy, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, Hines, Marlene Dumas, MoMA, Saatchi Gallery, Twanna

Love is in the air. Elsewhere. I live in New York City where “air” is urine-scented steam rising from manholes. That said, I’ve decided to write about “love” and (separately) “marriage” today. Let’s talk about five future brides, shall we? I stumble across Essence magazine’s Will You Marry Me? contest. “We offered 5 men the chance to propose,” the mag explains. Vote. The most popular couple wins $50,000. The female contestants? Proper black girls. Straightened hair. Polished. Appropriate. All very beautiful. I’m rooting for this woman. Recently diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, she: genuinely looks cute and happy with her dude; wears excellent sexy summer dresses; makes funny faces at cameras; and gets freaky-deaky(?) in hot tubs. I love it! What’s more? When her boyfriend proposes, the chick gets so nervous she acts downright quirky. Nervously flipping through a magazine, she darts her eyes around the room then says: “Huh? What the?” Video: 02:44. That’s awesome!

I imagine I’d react the exact same — if I believed in getting wed. Nope, kiddies. It’s just not for me; I don’t see the point of marriage. Few would tolerate its failure rate elsewhere. Imagine 50% of MTA trains crashed during rush hour, 50% of planes fell from the sky or 50% of NYC taxicab drivers knifed their passengers. If any of this occurred, alarms would sound. Clearly, something isn’t working. Right? Not the case with marriage. “It works, dammit! IT WORKS!!! For everyone!!! You’ve just gotta believe in it hard enough.” The assumption? Divorce is failure; however, sleeping next to someone in the same bed without fucking them for months, hell, even YEARS at a time is “success.” Being an adult, walking away from an agreement that once worked very well but no longer fits either party, is “quitting.” Sticking together through the bitter end — and, I mean BITTER fights, namecalling, cheating, loneliness, family feuds, unwanted children, etc. — is “commitment.” Let’s not pretend all marriages are perfect, shall we?

Racialicious gives it to you straight, “plenty of black people - I’d say most - are really committed to the idea of two parents and a stable marriage.” Nuh-uh. Not me. :) Don’t get me wrong. I’m not ANTI marriage, mind you. (Ditto for gay marriage. Whoever wants to marry should be able to marry.) For some, it works. When proposing to the awesome contestant I mention earlier in this post, her guy says, “You once asked me if I could meet anyone, who would it be. The answer is, and always will be, our children.” See? Beautiful. That’s love. I sincerely wish them the best in marriage. For me, for now, I’m okay being single and childfree. How about you? I check the demographic stats on my blog. Interestingly, most of you (54%) are men. Sexy white folks, gorgeous black people, Asian hotties and other lovely readers like getting down with the funky brown. Married, single and divorced people read this site. This blog is most interesting when people respectively disagree; so, tell me your answer to this question: Marriage. Is it worth it?

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Credit paid: Image pf hands is by Kostya Kisleyko.

Technorati Tags: divorce, ESSENCE magazine, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, gay marriage, Hines, marriage, Twanna, Will You Marry Me?

Oh, the pressure. The pressure!! If this is your first time getting down with the funky brown, Manly Mondays are weekly celebrations of everything wonderful about M-E-N. Sometimes we drool over a particular guy; however, more often than not, we gab about general testosterone-related subjects of the day. I wasn’t sure who should be the first Manly Monday pick for 2009. Barack Obama would be an obvious choice, but I’m saving that delicious nibble of a man until inauguration because I’m going to DC for the festivities. In the spirit of “closing” last year, here’s a round up of some of my — and, based on comments, your — favorite 2008 Manly Monday picks. Enjoy!

The Brown Chick Who Sometimes Dates White Dudes
I like my milk like I like my men. White with no fat.

Are Good Guys Drawn to Bad Girls?
Is it true that good guys are drawn to “bad girl” girlfriends, but they settle down with women they think would make “good girl” wives? (For the flipside, is it true that good girls are drawn to “bad boy” boyfriends, but they settle down with men they think would make “good” husbands?) BONUS: For my views on the “good girl” vs. “bad girl” bullshit, read: Twanna, The Madonna Whore.

How to Hide an Erection
Funny, informational video that provides excellent tips for concealing unexpected boners.

Manly, Hot, Asian-American Men
“[S]tatistics show that ‘Asian man/black woman’ is the least common of all interracial combinations, representing less than 0.01 percent of all marriages in the United States — a total of just 6,000 couples across the entire country.” Change starts at home; I’m ready to be part of the solution.

Top 10 Hottest DILFs (Dads I’d Like To Fuck)
Men with children have never been hot … until now.

A Guy’s Perspective on Thr33somes
ROYAL YOUNG: While discussing fine wines with Twanna at an East Village loft after party for a reading at Gramercy Park National Arts Club, she told me she had just had a thr33some. “I’m writing about my thr33some!” I exclaimed. Being a dude, I was eager to hear it from a ladies’ perspective, especially since the two ladies involved in mine had jilted me.

Penises: Cut vs. Uncut
Light-hearted discussion about the relative merits of circumcision.

Who’s Responsible for Orgasms? Men or Women?
When two people are in bed together, are both entitled to an orgasm if each desires (and is able to have) one?

How to Buy Men’s Sex Toys
Learn more about (or purchase) the toys.

H-A-W-T!!!! Jon Yongfook
Fuck. Look at him. God, he’s gorgeous, isn’t he? In his own words, Yongfook hails from “Her Majesties United Kingdom of Great Britain Scones Tea Cricket Beer.” Beauty *and* a sense of humor?!?! Somebody dip this man in honey and bring him to me so I can lick him!!

Men Who Like BBW Sex
I think a blogger named Mollena hit the nail on the head when she said: “I do not think that there is a correlation between sexual activity and weight.”

Does Size Matter?
I could espouse the joys of being with a big guy. At the same time, I’ve certainly had thrilling “Os” with little guys who really knew how to work their magic and please women. Does size matter? Or, is technique more important?

Technorati Tags: Hines, Manly Monday, Twanna

Almost seven years ago, I moved to Chicago. Having U-Hauled my stuff from Florida, I’d just been dumped without reason by a man I thought loved me more than anyone had previously. He told me there wasn’t another woman and I hadn’t done anything wrong. As Woody Allen has said, “the heart wants what it wants.” His didn’t want me. Since I couldn’t blame him for his desires (or lack thereof), I blamed me. What did I do to make myself so incredibly unlovable ?, I wondered. I was hurt, depressed, unemployed and crashing at an old college friends’ place — a gainfully employed corporate banker who offered me her guest room then later, unexpectedly, asked me to pad her wallet with back-rent when I moved out.

Struggling with a heart broken by my ex, a job search failed and pain from a friend’s perceived betrayal, I wondered: What Should I Do with My Life? I schlepped to Borders Bookstore on Chicago’s Michigan Avenue and bought hottie Po Bronson’s book by the same title: What Should I Do with My Life?: The True Story of People Who Answered the Ultimate Question. I’m not going to tell the tale of my three-year stint in the Second City and subsequent move to Manhattan — or the story of how I got over the boy — because that’s not the point of this blog post. Out with the old, in with the new. Happy New Year, it’s my fourth in New York. Around this time last year, I walked away from my full-time publishing gig in the financial district to dedicate myself to my own writing. As a result, I can honestly say 2008 was my first “good” year in NYC — on all fronts. (Psst! My last 2008 piece / first 2009 piece, I’m a Writer, Not A Child Pornographer, is now published at Huffington Post.)

I don’t remember the exact passage, but Po mentions very few people discover their “purpose” in life after hearing a commanding voice from the sky. I’ve fallen on my ass, made poor decisions, run up a lot of debt, second-guessed myself throughout various periods of my life. I’ve also succeeded. I try to make the best decisions I can with the information I have at a given time. And, I move forward on faith. My purpose, my goals for 2009 are to: (1) finish my book and (2) unclutter my life. I’ve already written 5.5 of my book’s 13 chapters, and I want to wrap the remaining 7.5 up by December 2009. Regarding clutter, I want to lose: weight I said I’d lose by the end of 2008 but didn’t, the mess in my apartment and any unnecessary drama and/or loose ends with exes. I’ve got a good feeling about 2009. I hope you do, too. For fun, listen to oldie-but-goody NPR podcast interview with Po Bronson. Read Marci Alboher’s archive of her New York Times Shifting Careers blog or her book One Person/Multiple Careers: A New Model for Work/Life Success. Sincerest wishes that this year brings you peace, prosperity and any insights needed to make changes and accomplishments in your life — if that’s what your heart desires.

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Technorati Tags: funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, Hines, Marci Alboher, New Year's Resolutions, One Person/Multiple Careers, Po Bronson, Shifting Careers, Twanna, What Should I Do With My Life, work life balance

For the record. I’m not a Celine fan. At all. But, even I can admit she totally owns this song. Kills it! Beautiful. Merry Christmas to my readers who believe and to those who just enjoy the holiday. Hope you’re happy, safe and looking forward to an exciting year. I’ll keep updating the blog as usual in the week ahead; however, for today, I’ll just leave you with this song.

Technorati Tags: Celine Dion, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, Hines, Merry Christmas, Oh Holy Night, Twanna, Twanna A. Hines

I fly to the land of subzero temperatures today. I’m excited to see my family in Chicago, but I’m honestly kind of afraid of freezing to death. New York City is cold, but it’s soooo not as cold as Chicago. Sigh. I’ve still gotta pack. I always wait ’till the last minute to do that stuff, heaping piles of unfolded clothes in a piece of wheeled black luggage then running out of the house like a crazed madwoman — forgetting at least 20% of the stuff I wanted to bring with me. I don’t stress about that stuff. I’ll be okay as long as I’ve got my ID, my flight details, access to cash and something to read of the plane (this trip, it’s Tobias Wolff’s memoir This Boy’s Life). I’ll update my blog again tomorrow after I’ve finished traveling. In the meantime, feel free to get down with the Funky Brown by reading a couple “Reader Favorite” posts and comments from my archives. In the past four years of writing this blog, I’ve learned a bit about you. Here’s a sample …

Random “Top 5″ List of Funky Brown Chick Reader Faves (based on my site’s stats, in no particular order):

1. Photos of the Brown-Skinned, Brown-Eyed Girl is your favorite static page on this site. More of you look at that page than you do my “About” page.) You don’t like my words, you just like my face!! Y’all are some superficial folks!! ;) To each his own; no judgments here. If you want to see more of my pics, check out my Flickr account. You can subscribe to my Flickr feed to get auto-alerts when I post new stuff there. (Of course, you can also subscribe to my blog too.)

2. Did you know I file all Funky Brown Chick posts under subcategories like Dating and Mating, Culture (Pop & Otherwise), Reader Appreciation Day, Sadness and Paul Walker? (Pssst, if you read my FAQ, you already know why Paulie gets his own category.) Interestingly, your favorite post in the BoyStories category is Le Matin après le Ménage à trois.

3. Your favorite post from the past 30 days is Are White Men Who Like Black Women More Attractive?

4. Your favorite post from the past 60 days is Top 10: Movies with Older Women & Younger Men Couples.

5. Ooooh, here’s the part where I get lazy / cheeky / curious … Instead of telling you what your favorites are based on numbers, stats, page views and all that stuff, I’d wanna hear your thoughts. Please use the comments section to tell me what YOU like about this blog. Do you want me to cover a particular topic more / talk about something less? Wondering what my opinion is about something? You miss videos like that stuff I posted on YouTube? Here’s your chance to tell me what you want to see on this site. Ready. Set. Go have your voice heard by clicking the “comments” link below. Seriously, I wanna hear your thoughts.

Technorati Tags: funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, Hines, Twanna

The festival of lights starts at sundown. To all good-looking Jewish boys everywhere, this funky brown chick salutes you and your hot, circumcised dicks.  ;)  Chag Sameach!

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Wanna support my blog without paying me a dime? Next time you shop on Amazon.com, please use this link. It won’t cost you anything extra. For every dollar you spend, Amazon will kick a few referral pennies my way. Wanna suggestion? Try: Boy Vey!: The Shiksa’s Guide to Dating Jewish Men.

Technorati Tags: Adam Sandler, Hanukkah Song, Happy Chanukah, Hines, jewish holidays, Twanna, Twanna A. Hines

In high school, I subscribed to House Beautiful via American Family Publishers because I hoped Ed McMahon would arrive at my front door with a life sized $1,000,000,000 check written out to Twanna A. Hines. It never happened BUT … I have proof people actually do win contests. I won a three-night and four-day complimentary all-inclusive spa vacation package to Red Mountain Spa from SingleEdition.com. It includes a 50-minute Swedish Massage, deluxe accommodation, roundtrip shuttle service from Las Vegas, three daily gourmet meals / healthy living classes and daily guided hiking. I’m gonna see Zion National Park and Bryce Canyon. That’s at least 20 different shades of awesome! See, folks? It pays to be single. ;)

I sooo can’t wait to schedule and take this trip sometime next year; I need it. Needless to say, I’ll take you along by posting real-time videos, blog posts and snapshots. I’m thinking of turning it into a writing retreat: just me & my laptop, cranking out pages of the book. And, of course, HUGE hat tip to the folks at Red Mountain Spa and SingleEdition.com. Check out both of those sites. You never know … YOU might win something, too! Speaking of single stuff, I notice Single Edition just posted the Top 15 Comebacks to “Why are you still single”? on Facebook. Here’s the list:

1. What? And spoil my great sex life?
2. Why aren’t you dating/divorced yet?
3. It gives my mother/father something to live for.
4. I already have enough laundry to do, thank you.
5. Is this a proposal?
6. Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating.
7. I’m waiting for you to get divorced so I can marry your wife/husband.
8. It didn’t seem worth a blood test.
9. The mail order bride/groom hasn’t arrived from Russia yet.
10. “I’m not done boozing and whoring”
11. Because having both a husband and a child would be redundant.
12. I’d have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund.
13. I’m waiting for your son/daughter to turn 18.
14. Why settle for just one.
15. So I don’t have to cheat on my left hand.

Single people, if you often get asked “Why are you still single?” go to Facebook & and add a comeback to the list.

Technorati Tags: Bryce Canyon, contest, Ed McMahon, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, Hines, Red Mountain Spa, Single Edition, Twanna, Twanna A. Hines, winner, Zion National Park