Here we go again. When I write about judging myself about weight gain, people assume I’m automatically going to judge them, too. The vibe seems to be like, “If she thinks she’s fat, does she think the same about me?” I’ve actually had people tell me (via via) that the stuff I write about weight can be very hurtful. That, of course, confuses me. I’d have to double check to be sure, but I think I’ve only ever said I like the gym, I want to weigh less and I think BDD falls along a continuum. Wait. Let me stick with that last point there …

For those who missed that blog post, the BDD stuff drew blood!!!  :(  People who suffer from hardcore BDD got pissed off and started spreading shit about me in that community! I’m soooooo not joking. Seriously. After a while, a bunch of random people started searching for my site by googling funkybrownchick + BDD. It’s odd how blogging works. The things I worry will be controversial (Anal Is The New Oral) don’t make anyone blink, and stuff I couldn’t imagine anyone would freak out about REALLY sets people off. As with many forums that: (1) are left open indefinitely and (2) include participants who can’t separate themselves from the issue: the comments devolved into personal attacks. I think Bro said it best: “Remember, when you talk about BDD, you’re dealing with people who literally hate themselves. What else did you expect them to say?” Bro’s right. Besides, I’m old enough to know when to leave other people’s issues just as they are: other people’s issues. So, I deleted the nastiest comments of the bunch. But, enough about that and back to the topic of today’s post.

Last week, I stepped on a white bathroom scale at my friend’s house and discovered that I weigh 136 pounds. I’m small-framed and only 5′5″ tall (5′7″ with heels). I prefer to stay within the 118 - 125 range, and I’ve never weighed this much in my life. I’m sure endless alcohol drinking and cupcake munching haven’t helped my situation. But, whatever. I’m getting back on track. Eating healthier foods. Buying fewer cupcakes. Passing on beer and opting for wine. Working out more. I’ve got a gym membership again, and I’m looking forward to sweating my way back to 125 before the year’s end. I even bought a new scale for my bathroom!

For me, getting down to 125 shouldn’t be hard; I’m neurotic about weight so I burn calories like a motherfucker. My problem will be staying in the 120s and resisting the urge to drop lower. Just like gamblers don’t know when to cash in their chips and take their money home, people with weight issues often don’t know when to say when.

We’ll see how this goes.

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