Twanna A. Hines @ FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com | sex. dating. relationships.

On Video: 2010 NYC Sex Bloggers Calendar Launch Party

(I’ve got a few pictures uploaded to Flickr. More coming soon.)

November 7th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | leave a comment

This Is Why We Love and Cheat

“Romantic love is a drive. In fact, I think it’s more powerful than the sex drive. You know, if you ask someone to go to bed with you and they say “no thank you” you certainly don’t kill yourself or slip into a depression. But, certainly, around the world, people who are rejected in love with kill for it. People live for love, kill for love and will die for it.”

Helen Fisher, author of The First Sex, Why We Love and Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray

Heads up: The video clip above is 20+ minutes. It’s a bit long, but it’s thought-provoking and worth watching. I’m much more drawn to these kinds of discussions than the fluffy “Top 10 Ways To Turn Your Man on TONIGHT!!!!” stuff.

November 4th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [2] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Getting to The Finish Line: How to Write a Book

It’s National Novel Writing Month. Basically, a bunch of people will to start writing November 1 and continue for 50,000 words / 175-pages until November 30. It probably sounds harder than it is because, believe it or not, quite a few people have done it. How to Knit a Love Song, Flying Changes: A Novel, Wish You Were Here and other books are reportedly successful NaNoWriMo projects. I’m not participating this year because I’m smack at the tail end of my finishing up my memoir and I don’t want to get distracted by starting another project. And, since, we’re on the topic of writing in general, here’s the latest update about the book … I’ve written 79,609 words. I have three chapters to finish re-editing. For now, I aim to wrap it up by late December / early January. On Twitter, Affable Alpha asked me, “Is it preferable to write the entire novel before submitting it? I feel like doing so would be a waste of time [...] I was thinking of writing a synopsis for every chapter of the novel and then submit it to the literary agent or publisher.” Ah, the ongoing “proposal” vs “full manuscript” debate. I chose the latter route to:

1. Follow advice. One of my writing mentors successfully wrote and sold 7 books in the past 7 years. Each time, she handed in a full manuscript instead of a proposal. It worked for her, and she suggests her students do the same.
2. Reduce stress. I’ve written articles, penned columns and contributed chapters to others’ anthologies. But, this is my first full memoir. As I mentioned in my last update, it’s nice to take as long as I need to grow, learn and finish it — without the added stress of looming deadlines from editors. That will come later :)
3. Get it out of the way. As more than one published authors reminded me: “It’s not like finishing the proposal means you don’t have to write the book. You’ve gotta write it anyway, so may as well do it now.”
4. Understand the Project. For me, the biggest benefit of writing the full thing is that I’ve come to understand my project MUCH better. When I started, I didn’t have a clear sense of what I was doing with it. I knew I was writing a memoir, but the outline was pretty vague. I’m much more focused now that I’ve written the first full draft.

That said, quite frankly, I don’t think there’s one “right” way to write a book. Jean-Dominique Bauby supposedly finished The Diving Bell and the Butterfly by blinking the whole thing out one letter at a time over the course of a year or so. NaNoWriMo are sprinting through it all in a month. Cliff Chase, one of my favorite people from my time spent working as a peon at Newsweek, told me he dedicated many many years to finishing Winkie. (The book Writing a book is like completing marathon. Both require a tremendous amount of motivation, effort and time. But, the purpose isn’t to “win.” It’s about finishing it at your own pace to accomplish whatever personal goal(s) you’ve set for yourself. So, I guess the question: “How should I write a book?” is: Follow whichever way works for you and stick with it the best you can until you finish.

———

Credit paid: Marathon image is by Randy Lemoine

November 3rd, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [3] folks got down with the Funky Brown

In Pictures: 2009 Halloween Brunch Party

Shout out and extra special thanks to everyone at Cafe 50 West for being so kind to our crazy group.

November 1st, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [7] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Voyeurism and The Proust Questionnaire

Since I’ve started cooking in my home again, I’ve become kind of obsessed with planning dinner parties, salons and other events. I connect to people more deeply when I have them tucked inside my home for a few hours. I get to bypass the surface of “How are you doing?” to ask (and answer) “How are you REALLY doing?” Abiola coined them “Sinner’s Dinner” and I’ve adopted the name. Not sure when my next one will be and who I’ll invite to attend, but I’m thinking of asking guests to answer “The Proust Questionnaire” at the dinner table. It’s not just about discovering someone’s favorite color. The questions and answers actually give you a voyeuristic peak into the lives of others. By the way, most people are familiar The Proust Questionnaire because Inside the Actor’s Studio brought it back into fashion. In case you’re interested, here are some my answers:

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Living my life as I see fit. Pursuing my passions. Hanging out with good friends. Drinking nice wine. Seeing beautiful sunsets. Dipping my toes in warm ocean water on sandy beaches. Practicing my faith in a place of worship that doesn’t judge me. Being loved. Being free.

What is your greatest fear?

Dying alone.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

Strength. But, it’s weird; I have a love / hate relationship with this trait. Hear me out …

Ages ago, on This American Life, I listened to Genevieve Jurgensen talk about the death of her two young daughters. After their funeral, she said someone told her: “You will see, you can get used to anything.” She responded. “It is certainly the most simple, true, brutal perceptive thing that anyone said to me at the time. You could interpret it as either a message of hope, or of a crushing contempt of human nature.”

I never know how to react when people tell me they think I’m “strong” or “independent” or whatever. On one hand, it’s a certainly compliment. On the other hand, it’s frustrating because resilience, by definition, is the capacity to withstand and rebound from catastrophe, pain and loss. Hence, the more resilient anyone is, theoretically, the more “practice” they’ve had at sharpening this skill/trait. I remember talking to one of my church’s ministers about how difficult life was for me at a certain point a few years back, and he told me: “Life can be unbearably hard at times.” Yes, it’s true. I know. And, if strength is the product of surviving adversity, sometimes I wish I wasn’t as strong because that would’ve meant I hadn’t experienced as much adversity.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Stubbornness. Bigotry. Closed-mindedness. Ignorance. Pick any; they’re all one in the same.

Which living person do you most admire?

Whoopi Goldberg, Halle Berry, Oprah, Barack Obama, Cher, Madonna, Eminem, Jay-Z, Sean Combs, Zoe Margolis, Abiola Abrams, Rachel Kramer Bussel, my family and others — both known and unknown, famous and obscure — who’ve made their way forward and are doing things they love on their own terms.

What is your current state of mind?

Conflicted about living in New York beyond the next 3 – 5 years. Resolved about my dating life. Happy that I’m living, clothed, fed, sheltered and moving toward being debt free.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Chastity. Seriously, fuck that.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

That I (and women in general) have to do our hair, wear make up and do other seemingly purposeless and annoying things to look “polished.” I know women who won’t leave this house without makeup. Obviously, I’m doing it wrong because I rarely wear the stuff & regularly post pictures online sans makeup and sans curled hair. :)

What is the quality you most like in a man?

Honesty.

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Self esteem. Women who have healthy levels of self esteem are generally less bitchy and annoying to deal with than those who don’t.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

I say “or something like that” and “right” and “like” and other stuff a lot. I blame my days living in California :)

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

There’s not one “who” because I think everyone has several “great loves” throughout their lives. If I had to answer “what” is my greatest love, I would say happiness. I like being happy.

When and where were you happiest?

Adulthood.

Which talent would you most like to have?

I’d like to have a better singing voice.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Happiness and positivity. Neither came easily, I work at both.

If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

A butterfly. They’re really pretty. I like looking at them. So, yeah, either that or a chocolate cupcake. Or, maybe, a stone.

Where would you most like to live?

At the moment, I’m okay in New York. When I look into the future, I think I’d eventually like to save more money, plan for early retirement, buy property, have a bigass dog for a pet, grow a garden, etc. It’s not impossible to do these things in New York, but it’s certainly harder to achieve that stuff here than it is in other places. Five years into the future, I will have lived in NYC for a decade. That’s a good run. Not sure where I’d go after that. Maybe I’ll stay here. Maybe I won’t. Maybe I return abroad. Maybe I won’t. Who knows.

What is your favorite occupation?

In the past it was international affairs / international education. Now, it’s writing.

What do you most value in your friends?

Loyalty. Integrity. Honesty.

Who are your favorite writers?

Too many to list!!! Langston Hughes, Anne Frank, Gabriel García Márquez, Kafka, Hans Massaquoi …

What is it that you most dislike?

Shitty people.

What is your greatest regret?

I don’t have regrets, per se. I have tons of mistakes that I’ve learned from, and I try to apply that knowledge whenever I’m in similar situations. For example, I used to live in London by myself. I left because I was scared and didn’t know if things would work out in the long run. In New York, when things didn’t work out in the beginning, I stayed because I already knew what it was like to run away.

How would you like to die?

Without pain, in my sleep while dreaming about my loved ones.

What is your motto?

Life is short. Enjoy it.

October 27th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [15] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Manly Monday: Barack Obama, Nobel Laureate

Saturday, on Facebook I stumbled across the clip below and shared it on my Wall. If you watch Rachel Maddow, you’ve probably already seen this “That’s not the way the Nobel prize always works” video because it’s almost two weeks old. Of course I heard about Obama’s Nobel laureate status, but I hadn’t seen Maddow’s clip. Politics aside (i.e. whether or not you think Obama was a good pick), if you’re interested in learning more about the Nobel prizes and “Le marchand de la mort,” see Wikipedia, Biography, Time or pick up a paperback book on Alfred Nobel’s life. Interesting guy. I wrote about Nobel a couple years ago. Head’s up, the clip below is 11 minutes long, but it’s worth watching the whole thing.

October 26th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [5] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Taking Care of Business (and Self)

As a kid running outside playing chase, double dutch or other games with my friends, whenever I needed to stop for a bit — to pee, tie my shoe or whatever — I’d hold up my hands in a “T” and say “TIME OUT!” As an adult, I still do this. I don’t do the T-sign anymore, but I take breaks. No need to get into the specifics about all of the stuff that’s been eating my time lately; everyone’s busy and I’m sure many of you can relate to periods in your life where you’ve had to juggle a shitload of stuff simultaneously.

In any case, I’m coming off of a “time out.” Last week, I didn’t update the blog as much as I usually do and I scaled back on a bunch of other stuff. Instead, I caught up on the phone with Abiola, Rachel and other friends I hadn’t spoken to in a while; met up with Wilma & her son Denware (two FBC readers visiting NY from The Netherlands); went to see Paranormal Activity with Bro and Elsie; checked out other fun stuff in the city; and tended to personal matters. Also, today, I scheduled down time to take care of random business & enjoy an extended weekend.

I’m grateful anyone reads this site at all, and I feel bad when I don’t stick to my typical schedule of posting new content. That said, this time, I really needed a break. So, no apologies — just heartfelt thanks for your patience and understanding. Now, on with the show. I’ll post a new Manly Monday in a second but, this week, I can’t promise I’ll update every day. So, if you’d like a more regular Funky Brown Chick fix, there’s always Twitter.

October 26th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [6] folks got down with the Funky Brown

It’s going to be a sunny 71° F in NYC today.

Ooh la la!! Señor Weather Man says it’s gonna be unseasonable warm in New York. Nice!! I don’t like winter weather. I get moody and depressed when it’s cold, damp, dark and rainy. So, today’s forecast sounds like a PERFECT day. I’ll put up a full post later. In the meantime, I’m too busy doing the happy dance about the wonderfully warm weather. I officially designate James Brown’s “Make It Funky” as our humpday’s theme music. ♫♪♪♫♪♫♪♫ Ooooh, synergy: Funky Brown loves James Brown!! :)

If you could pick a “Theme Song” for today, what would YOU choose?

October 21st, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [6] folks got down with the Funky Brown