Twanna A. Hines @ FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com | sex. dating. relationships.

Manly Monday: The Man Who Went To Paris, With Love

How could I NOT make the dude from Google’s Parisian Love Super Bowl commercial today’s Manly Monday?!?! Wait. Okay. Back up. Maybe I should start by explaining, yes, I watched “the football.” As many of you know, I’m not a sports fan … unless we’re talking about soccer. Nevertheless, I agreed to party with Gene and Peter. Game, schmame. I wanted to watch the commercials & kick back a few beers with my two guy friends. I was happy the Saints won. Sad there were so many ad guys angry about vagina out there. And delighted the Google commercial was so heartwarming. For me, “Parisian Love” struck a chord because reminded me how life is much more about happenstance than it is about sticking to very carefully laid plans. Start off heading in one direction, follow wherever the “search” may lead. Simple. Beautiful. Kudos, Google. Did the rest of you watch the Superbowl, too?

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Reminder: Match.com got down with the Funky Brown. Don’t forget to enter the free giveaway.

February 8th, 2010 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [4] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Free Giveaway: Valentine’s Day Love Kit (Deadline: 2/10)

Who doesn’t love free stuff? Thanks to Match.com, I’m able to hook up a Funky Brown Chick reader with “The Love Kit.” The package will likely include lip balm to make your mouth even more kissable, a copy of Whitney Casey’s 256-page guide The Man Plan, yummy dark chocolates, a Match.com membership discount coupon, a free 1-month online movie rental subscription and other undisclosed goodies. Also, if the reader is female, you’ll get a manicure set. If the winner is a guy, you’ll receive a shaving kit — but only if you promise you won’t use the razor to remove chest hair. Keep that part hairy. We like it.

How do you enter to win? It’s easy. Whether or you’re married, single or other, I want to know what you’re doing for Valentine’s Day. So, tell me! There are three ways to let me know (and, thereby enter to win the free Match.com goody bag). Here’s how: (1) Leave a comment on www.funkybrownchick.com; (2) tell me on Facebook; or (3) reply on Twitter – @funkybrownchick – with the hashtag #MatchKit. No need to do all three — e.g. don’t respond on the FBC and Facebook and Twitter. Pick one method, whichever method is easiest for you. Deadline is midnight (New York time) on Wednesday, 2/10.

Since I’m asking about your plans, it only seems fair to tell you about mine. For Valentine’s Day 2010, I’ll spend the afternoon making long distance telephone calls to my family back in Illinois. During the evening, I’ll be at The Grown and Sexy Valentine Party, a private gathering of friends and lovers with champagne, cupcakes and chocolate served. In other words, this year, I’m taking timing out to appreciate the love I have in life (friends & family) instead of focusing on what I don’t have at the moment (a boyfriend). Yep. That’s the plan. Now, let me what you’re doing.

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Full Disclosure: I don’t receive compensation or kickbacks from Match.com. I’m not promoting this giveaway because I’m on anyone’s payroll; I’m promoting it because I was approached, and I thought the opportunity to give Funky Brown Chick readers free stuff sounded delightful.

February 7th, 2010 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [13] folks got down with the Funky Brown

“Why Aren’t I F*cking A Robot?”

If you like the Colbert video above (h/t Feministing), check out the following post from the Funky Brown Chick archives: Guys and Dolls: A Real Documentary about Life-Size Sex Toys.

February 2nd, 2010 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [5] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Manly Monday Poll: Should Men Wax Their Chest Hair?

If you’ve been to Funky Brown Chick before, you know we kick the week off with Manly Monday — joyful celebrations of a particular man and/or a testosterone-filled idea. In recent weeks, we’ve talked about Tiger Woods, penis size and men who fake orgasms. Inspired by a Chicago friend (Nestor Brûlée), today’s manly topic is: chest hair removal. I don’t know if Nestor’s torso sprouts fur because, unfortunately, I’ve never seen him naked. We only discussed chest hair after I shared a 90s Marky Mark Calvin Klein commercial featuring Mark Walhberg’s (huge package and) smooth, hairless pecs on my Facebook. “Waxed chests,” Nestor commented, “yea or nay?”

As I’ve said plenty o’ times: There’s absolutely nothing wrong with loving a hairy man. Actually, all things being equal, I’m usually more likely to be sexually sparked by guys with hairy arms, legs and chests. I like strong, dark features. Seriously, ask me about my “thing” for the 70s porn stud look. My vote: DON’T wax it. Of course my body is, for the most part, totally hairless. So, maybe that makes me a hypocrite. In any case, feel free to use the comments section to tell men what you think: “Should guys wax or laser their chest hair?”

February 1st, 2010 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [14] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Things I Forget When I’m F*cking White Dudes

Sometimes, when I’m blowing a white guy, you know, for the entire time his dick is in my mouth, I totally forget he’s white!!!! ;) Kidding of course — about forgetting, not about going down on white guys. I actually do that. It’s fun. Anyway. An oldie but goodie from fellow New Yorker Elon James White’s This Week in Blackness. He’s funny! :) And, ooh, ooh, ooh, two thumbs up for the Big Bird jacket.

January 28th, 2010 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [12] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Mostly Sunny, Then Cloudy with Scattered Sprinkles

Finally, sunshine! It’s been raining in New York for the past few days. I miss summer. Last week, via Twitter, I stumbled across a tweet referencing Funky Brown Chick. Although the site attached to Molly Muffin’s Twitter looks like a spamblog, they linked to the YouTube clip below. It was nice to see a video shot during a time when I traipsed around Midtown with bare arms, only concerning myself with hanging out in the sunshine with my friend Rachel. Sprinkles fell from my cupcake, not the sky. The official start of Spring 2010 is March 20th. Can’t get here fast enough.

On a different note, I haven’t updated in a while because I’ve been going out a bunch. When the sun is hidden behind grey clouds and the mercury level on the thermostat drops, my natural tendency is to eat comfort food and hibernate in my apartment. This year, I’m determined to brave the cold and stay active during winter months. So, as always, in between Funky Brown Chick posts, you can keep up with me on Twitter and Foursquare.

January 26th, 2010 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [7] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Go, Twanna! It’s Your Birthday. (No, Really, It Is.)

On a good day, upwards of 3,000+ people visit this site. Funky Brown Chick isn’t huge. It isn’t extremely tiny either. But, enough about me and my site. A bit on Haiti. I’ve given up on closely following the news about the series of earthquakes and aftershocks; It’s too heartbreaking to repeatedly look at the pictures and watch videos. That said, that doesn’t mean I’m not interested in (or haven’t donated to) the Haitian people’s struggle. And, sooooo, because today is a special day, here’s my birthday request: If you are able and you feel moved to do so, please make a donation to YELE, Red Cross, Partners in Health or one of the other humanitarian organizations. If every FBC reader gave only $1 today, collectively, that would be a nice little chunk. But, here’s the thing … I’m kind of “over” fashionably loudmouthed Haiti supporters. So, whether or not you choose to give today, feel free to make it your own little secret if you’d like :)

I have a story for you. By now, you’ve probably heard the U.S. has a black president, right? :) During the 2008 election campaign, A Peach-Skinned Guy Friend Who Shall Remain Nameless (APSGWSRN) gave me shit because I didn’t originally contribute to APSGWSRN’s fundraiser or go to a lot of the events he arranged.

HIM: “I really expected you to be there. Obama would be our first African-American president. This would be really historic.”

By way of context/background … APSGWSRN comes from privilege. Elite boarding school. Ivy League. Etc. I was proud of his volunteering/service to Obama. That said, I didn’t appreciate him spoon-feeding me guilt about not being as (visibly) active as he was. Just because I didn’t specifically contribute to APSGWSRN’s cause doesn’t mean I didn’t contribute to the cause. Plus, I thought, but didn’t say, “By the way, where were you in 2004?” Because, you know what? Even back then, Obama was still black. And, he was running for a seat in a U.S. Senate that hadn’t seen anyone who looked like him since 1999 when Carol Moseley Braun was there. However, in 2004, Obama wasn’t fashionable. Many people outside of Illinois hadn’t heard his name — nor could they pronounce it. And, it wasn’t hip to say “I volunteered for Obama” because, quite frankly, who cared. Yet, had Obama not won the Illinois seat, he wouldn’t be APSGWSRN’s president right now.

Same with Haiti. The country was poor and in need of help before the earthquake … and still needs help. Sometimes, it’s not about putting your money where your mouth is. It’s about shutting your mouth, and putting your money where your heart is.

January 20th, 2010 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [10] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Martin Scorsese, Lies and Sex Tapes

Hope you all enjoyed a lovely MLK holiday! (I went to WNYC’s MLK: Generations Speak.) Speaking of Things That Happened During the Weekend, did you catch the Golden Globe Awards? Hollywood Foreign Press gave a lifetime achievement nod (the Cecil B. DeMille Award) to Martin Scorsese. Robert De Niro in presenting the honor: “Marty sleeps, drinks and eats film. I hear there are videos on the Internet of Marty having sex with film.” Ah, sex tapes. How àpropos! Recently, over Sunday night nibbles with three pals, I asked: “Have any of you ever taken nude photos of yourself or made a sex tape?” To my surprise, all three said “no.” I believe them … I just felt a little awkward being alone in the group. Granted, I’ve never made a full blown sex tape; that said, I’ve watched plenty & I’ve slapped my nude-but-not-visible videos on YouTube as well as bra/boobie shots. Plus, if you read Funky Brown Chick during the early years, you know I used to regularly post pics of my bare brown flesh in undies. I don’t think there’s anything inherently shameful, naughty or indecent about nude bodies.

On a related note, watch the above “Lemme See (Your Dick Pics) video by Carolyn Castiglia, Shawn Hollenbach and Soce The Elemental Wizard. (Pssst! You might recognize the latter from Jen Kwok’s Date An Asian Man.) Okay, so, curious to know how many people have privately taken dick pics / boob shots or other bare flashes, via my Twitter, I asked the internet: “What percentage of people have made sex tapes or taken nude photos?” One of the immediate replies: “I don’t know numbers, but I think it’s a much bigger % than people would expect.” I agree. So, now I’ll ask you: Have you taken nude pics of yourself or any of your lovers? Have you ever made a sex tape? The comments section awaits your stories.

January 19th, 2010 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [6] folks got down with the Funky Brown