Twanna A. Hines @ FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com | sex. dating. relationships.

I’m baaaaaack ;)

Hey guys. Okay. I’m baaaack. I haven’t updated in a while because I’ve been busy tweaking the site for (yet another) redesign. I’ve had Funky Brown Chick for many many years, and this is something like the 15th iteration. In case any of you are interested to see how the site has changed over the years, I might upload and post a few old screen captures to my Flickr. As usual, I stuck with a pink template. I think it’s a pretty color, so I splashed it all over my site. So, yeah, welcome to the newer, pinker blog. ;)

You’ll notice a few changes. The most recent version of the site had something like 20+ static pages — i.e. audio, video, TV, bio, press, articles, archives, etc., etc. (The number of posts hasn’t changed — approximately 850+ and counting!_ To streamline and clean up the static pages, I’ve reduced the number to 7. If you’d still like to see my press clips or read magazine and newspaper articles I’ve written, see my online home for various creative projects: TwannaHines.com.

I design, code and back up my site 100% by myself.  I’m sooooo not a designer. So, additional updates are coming but it might time a little while. For example, I need to better-integrate the color themes for the google ads, insert ads on single pages, increase the size of my logo, pimp out my footer with Flickr RSS and make other changes. I know HOW to do that stuff. Finding TIME to do it is a different story. The only thing I’m getting totally stuck on at the moment is the comments.php stuff. I STILL have to figure out how to get the threaded comments up and running. So, if you’ve got php skills, live in Manhattan and are familiar with Matt Mullenweg’s baby, email me so we can set up a 20-minute “Twanna needs comments php help” crash session. I’ll even buy you a beer.

I want to know what you think about the site and, of course, I want the site to work for you guys. Give me feedback!! :) Is there anything that was on the old site that’s no longer available on the new design and you’d like to have it back? Is there something I’ve never had on my site that you’d like to see present? Is there anything on the new design that you think is particular fun and/or more interesting than the old one? Leave your thoughts in the comments section. Thanks!!

Technorati Tags: funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, pink, redesign, Twanna A. Hines

May 14th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [15] folks got down with the Funky Brown

I Got Shot in New York

I shot myself four times this week during target practice. Granted, I was aiming at my face — using a camera, not a gun. Here’s the story … I’m not sure how much I can divulge about the project, but an LA production company asked me to film myself and send in the tapes for a network TV program. I love the sociology of relationships, and I’m happy to do anything that helps me and/or others understand them better. If I get picked to be on the show, great. If not, I’ll be fine; I’ll simply add the experience to the List of Incredible Opportunities I’ve Had while in New York City. Something else will come along.

NYC. As most of you already know, I’m a Midwesterner at heart. But, I don’t really have a “hometown.” Though I was raised in Mississippi, I was born in Illinois and lived there again from elementary school until university. I’ve also lived in Los Angeles, Florida, Europe and elsehwere. I’ve chosen to live in NY — for nearly five years … the longest I’ve lived in any city as an adult — because I feel like I fit in here. The place is packed with transplants, immigrants and other people just like me — folks who abandoned hometowns and homelands in places that never quite seemed like “home.” There’s quote about how much NYC needs the newbies equally as much as the natives, but I can’t remember the exact text or the quote.

It’s weird. I’m certainly not a tourist. Yet, I’m still more likely to tell people “I live in New York” rather than “I’m a New Yorker.” I feel like I can’t really “claim” NY the same way natives can. For me, recently getting “shot” / “filmed” on the Lower East Side involved a Canon GL1; native NYers remember when people REALLY got shot in LES. Having lived in NYC before it was cool to do so, they remember when crack was the only thing spreading faster than AIDS, Times Square looked like this, subways like this and the outer boroughs like this.

Quite frankly, if 2000s New York was like 1980s New York, I probably wouldn’t live here. Remember? I’m from rural Illinois. The shallows waters of gentrification — safe neighborhoods, clean parks / green space and grocery stores that offer organic options — suit me just fine. For me, it’s only a problem when those tiny droplets of dew build up to a full blown gentrification tsunami. Then again, I wonder: Do I contribute to that by hanging out at Union Square, shopping at Whole Foods and picking up random stuff at Duane Reade? Maybe. Maybe not.

Anyway. Speaking of these “Whose New York Is It Anyway?” discussions, I want to say a very public THANK YOU to the folks over at WNYC for inviting me to breakfast, a tour [video!] of their new and the conversation with Rosie Perez about NYC’s changing neighborhoods.

The live show taped yesterday morning, with: Rosie; Bob Tierney, Landmark Preservation Commission Chair; Nelson George, novelist, Exec Producer for series at VH1 and BET; Damaris Reyes, Exec Director of GOLES (Good Old Lower East Side); Marci Reaven, Exec Director of City Lore as well as Director of Place Matters and other participants. If you wanna hear what everyone talked about, segment airs on WNYC 93.9 FM at 7:00am next Saturday (May 16) and on WNYC AM 820 at 9:00pm next Sunday (May 17).

Okay, so, I know many of you out there live here in New York, but a lot of you DON’T. Curious to find out: “How many of you live in the same town you grew up in? If you’ve remained, why do you love it? If you’ve left, what made you leave?” Feel free to use the comment section to share your thoughts.

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Photo credit: Scott Ellison Smith

Technorati Tags: 1980s, AIDS, BET, Bob Tierney, Canon GL1, City Lore, crack, Damaris Reyes, gentrification, GOLES, Good Old Lower East Side, Greene Space, Illinois, Landmark Preservation Commission, Lower East Side, Manhattan, Marci Reaven, Nelson George, New York City, NYC, Place Matters, public radio, Rosie Perez, sociology, VH1, WNYC

May 8th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [11] folks got down with the Funky Brown

10 Sexiest Women Over 50

Lots of stuff going on, but I’m not comfortable writing publicly about any of it just yet. In the meantime, if you need a Funky Brown Chick fix for today, peruse my archive for topics that might interest you. For example, if you’re into GILFs, I’ve written a bit about older women and younger men. Also, over at Nerve, Brian Fairbanks published 10 Sexiest Women Over 50. Check it out if you haven’t already seen it. It’s up in two pieces — part one and part two.

“With the release of two more Michelle Obama-led magazine covers this month, we started to wonder that, if forty is fabulous, what happened to adoration for fifty-year-old women? Seriously, besides this month’s [Essence], which features 45-year-old Obama and her 71-year-old mother, when was the last time you saw a fifty-plus woman on the cover of an American magazine? (AARP doesn’t count, damn it.)”

Read more [...]

Technorati Tags: cougar, cougars, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, gilf, gilfs, older women, sex, Twanna A. Hines, younger men

May 1st, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [9] folks got down with the Funky Brown

In Pictures: Friday, April 24, 2009

File this one under friendship. Last week, my friend Maria Jose came in town for a visit. Tiny little globe. We met in grad school in Florida. She is originally from Argentina and, at the time, I’d recently returned to the US after living in London (though I’m originally from Illinois). It was soooooo nice to catch up with her. Hadn’t seen her in 3 years. I miss her already.

Technorati Tags: Argentina, Florida, friends, friendship, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, Twanna A. Hines

April 29th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [6] folks got down with the Funky Brown

How to Date a Black Woman

Whenever men who aren’t black ask me, “What’s it like to date a black woman?” I respond by joking, “I wouldn’t know. I’ve never dated one. Ask a lesbian.” ;) For a while now, I’ve promised you guys a “How to Pick Up Black Chicks” post or something like that. I almost did it last August but, hey, life happens in the 24+ hours between my posts. So, when I sat down to write it the next morning, I got distracted and wrote about something else. I was going to do the post last week but, as you may have noticed, I didn’t. Voila, finally, the wait is over. I was determined to NOT update my site until I could deliver the promised list of DOs and DON’Ts that follows below. (NOTE: Because there is no “Manly Monday” today, we’ll have a “Testicle Tuesday” tomorrow.) Alright. Here we go. 5 Tips for Picking Up Black Chicks:

DO make it simple. If you’ve never dated a black woman before and you’d like to ask someone out, simply say something like: “Hey, are you free on Friday? Maybe we could be grab coffee or drinks or something?” Yep, my sweeties, it’s that easy. If you still need help, watch VideoJug’s How to Ask a Woman Out on A Date.

DON’T overcompensate. Rattling off endorsements like “I’ve always luuuuuved looking at black women” or “Black women have more flava” will only make you look like an ass. On a related note, under absolutely NO circumstances should you bust out in a spontaneous freestyle rap to prove how “down” you are. [le sigh ... if I had a dollar for every time ... ]

DO be truthful. Should the topic come up, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying, “I’ve never been on a date with a black woman before because ___.” Chances are pretty good your date will respect your honesty. By the way, on a related note, don’t lie. No one likes to be led on. So, if you don’t really want to DATE a black woman but you’d just like to FUCK one, there are plenty of places and opportunities to do that. Place a Craigslist add. Look into raceplay communities.

DO have an open mind. People are such unique and interesting creatures. We all come from different ethnicities, economic classes, educational backgrounds, religions (or not) and regions of the globe. And, of course, we’re all raised by totally different, crazy families. As a result, we each have very specific ideas about how the world works. When dating someone from a background other than your own, be prepared to brush up against ideas that may or may not run counter to your beliefs. In that case, resist the urge to think your way is automatically “right” and theirs is “different” (read: “wrong”). You might learn something new.

DO treat your date like a DATE. Duh, right? As a general rule of thumb, ask yourself: When someone goes on a date with you, who do they expect to show up? Tip: If you answered “you” instead of “your ethnicity” you’re right. I could be completely loony and totally off base with this, but I think most people want to be cherished / loved / cared for / desired / etc. for who THEY are. So, it’s kind of impossible for me to provide an exhaustive list of what works for every black woman because each of us is very different. YOUR date will have her own unique interests, likes, dislikes, values and expectations. Spend a little time getting to know her. Act like it’s a, you know, DATE. ;)

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Photo credit: Image appears on Interracial Cupid

Technorati Tags: couples, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, interracial dating, race play, relationships, sex, single black women, Twanna A. Hines

April 20th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [26] folks got down with the Funky Brown

TVLAND: Are You Going to Watch The Cougar @ 10pm Tonight?

That show “The Cougar” begins 4/15 with Vivica Fox (pictured) hosting. I’ve gotta hand it to TV Land. They’ve done a great job cranking out programs that create buzz. Correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t TV Land the channel that reran old shows like Andy Griffith and Leave It to Beaver? Kudos to them for successfully wiping dust off their brand, transitioning from Mr. Ed the talking horse to slutty hookups with midlife crisis reunionees. But, back to The Cougar. TV Land has a Facebook page and a related slideshow of celebrity cougars. They also presumably played a hand at getting Vivica A. Fox (the host) and Stacey Anderson (the cougar) on yesterday’s Rachael Ray. AND, that chick Stacey is pimping out her gig on Twitter. So, of course, the Twitfolk have already created the hashtag #thecougar. Yep. Older women are the rage. C’est la vie. Speaking of the lovely French … they’ve dated older women since, like, forever. Or, have they?! Hmmm … Damn! I feel like I HAVE TO watch The Cougar — just to see what, if any, train wreck(s) occur. You remember Age of Love, right? Older women / younger men pairings are everywhere. Here a cougar, there a cougar, everywhere a cougar cougar. So, tell me, are you going to watch the show?

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By the way … putting my social media consultant hat on for a second … Fucking hell! Can we hang a fail stamp on TV Land’s autostart videos? :( Silly idea: FORCE site visitors to watch your stuff; blast unexpected videos that shock the shit out of them and alert the visitors’ coworkers they’re playing on the internet at work. Smarter idea: Enable embedding and other social media features that: (1) help your clips go viral and (2) allow the user to choose when and at what volume level they’ll play the clip and (3) give your fans the option to “subscribe” to the videos for further updates.

Technorati Tags: cougar, cougars, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, midlife crisis, older women, Rachael Ray, Stacey Anderson, TV Land, Vivica Fox, younger men

April 15th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [28] folks got down with the Funky Brown

How To Relax Using Deep Breathing

Technorati Tags: funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, how to relax, Twanna A. Hines

April 12th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [1] comment so far

Someone Like You: Sex, Love & The Movies

Thumbs up for romantic comedies. I haven’t seen Duplicity yet, but I really really really want to. Who doesn’t love Clive Owen?! Plus, I’m kind of a sap for romantic comedies in general and Julia Roberts movies in particular. Speaking of “married men” (yesterday’s Funky Brown Chick post) and Julia Roberts, Netflix or rent Closer and My Best Friend’s Wedding if you haven’t already seen them. Good stuff. On a completely different note, I could be wrong but — based on her choices of leading men — I get the impression Julia Roberts is down with the brown. Remember Steven Soderbergh’s Full Frontal with JR and Blair Underwood? And, what was the one with Denzel Washington? GO JULIA!!! Wait, shit, where was I? Oh, yes. Right. Ahem. Okay. Moving right along …

Romantic comedies. I recently found out Someone Like You is available to watch streaming RIGHT NOW for 100% zero pennies (i.e. “free”). If you can’t see it below, drop by Hulu for the full feature length film.

Technorati Tags: Ashley Dupre, black men, Blair Underwood, Clive Owen, Denzel Washington, Duplicity, film, Full Frontal, funky brown chick, Hugh Jackman, Hulu, interracial, Julia Roberts, movies, Someone Like You, Steven Soderbergh, streaming, Twanna A. Hines

March 24th, 2009 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [6] folks got down with the Funky Brown